My heart tells me I just want him all over me, it’s sad but that is my deep dark secret, I am marrying one man and secretly lusting after another.
The truth of the matter is everyone knows, my girlfriends all know what I did and I have to say they see how it happened, even Ian knows, and he put it past us, so we are getting married because he doesn’t mind that I fucked around on him. Is that big of him? Or is it foolish of him? Or am I over thinking all of this? Come on Macy, you had a great morning with your fiancé don’t let this whole tie incident be more than it is.
I whip my tears and head to the shower maybe it is just sexual frustration. Maybe Erika should had gotten me the vibrator as she had suggested? The depressing part is Ian still doesn’t get me all wet for him. I wonder if he notices. I shower and I dress in black slacks, my white oxford shirt my Chanel Mary-Jane’s and hang my black sweater over my shoulders.
Chapter 31
Who Can I Turn To
Driving myself to work for me is therapy it gives me a few moments of self-gratification, I turn up the tunes as they lighten my less than cherry disposition, I begin to feel venerated that I live in this great city surrounded by all my friends and family, some too close for comfort and some not worth mentioning.
I have a wonderful job that I love and I thank God for all of it as I count my many many blessings. I make it to the valet at The Ritz, I greet Lawrence with a warm smile and a hefty gratuity as I have been lacking in my token gestures of appreciation these days. His returning smile validates that he is pleased with my gratuitous display of appreciation for all that he does for me in seeing to my transportation needs, and I hope it squares us as well in lieu of my absence of perquisite which is a direct result no doubt due to my drought in common sense these days. I make it to the store just as Oliver is carrying us in coffee.
“Looks like I made it here just in time” he sees the pale look on my face and my attire, I am covered from head to toe not my usual Business as Usual persona
“Oh you are a lifesaver” I take the coffee from him as he opens the door we sit in the lounge area of our store and relax, its Monday we hardly get business this early so it’s a good time to sit and catch up with my dear friend and confidant.
“So Aria did you have a good weekend?” I sense the innuendo in his voice, and I know he has been waiting patiently to finally have the much long overdue talk with me that has been pending all week. I sip my coffee and it is delicious, it is a meal in a cup filling, satisfying and warms me from within. I hold onto it for dear life as I now have to face Oliver Barry, although he is not as intrusive or upsetting as Erika can be. He has been known to be quite pushy and unpleasantly blunt at times but even when he is being brutal he is always indiscreet. I love him because as you all know I have a slew of watchful eyes, and protective arms, that covet over me, I don’t fight it anymore, I just accept it and deal as best I can.
“Yes I did how about you Oliver dear?” I am trying to keep it simple but he is anything but simple.
“My weekend was good, relaxing, who did you spend this weekend with?” oh he is trying to be funny, the clever little boy wonder that he is. I take a drink of my delicious coffee as I answer him sternly.
“Um my fiancé of course and the girls had a tea for me yesterday at the Ritz.” There that sounds about right.
“So everything is ok?” I look at him and I can’t lie to Oliver, it is a waste of his times his intelligence as well as my sanity as he sees right through me.
“I’m marrying Ian on Saturday as scheduled” I give him Ian’s words exactly, I figure if I keep saying them they will kick in and I will start believing them myself.
“It sounds like a merger instead of a marriage” ouch that hurt way to go Oliver pitching the disdain laced with a pinch of condescension for added flair.
“Business as Usual” I give him my sarcastic best as I sip my hazelnut coffee with a double shot of espresso.
“Cut the crap Aria what happened?”
“Well Oliver after the fashion show I went home to tell Ian and he said he already knew!”
“He already knew you were having an affair with your ex?” hold it one second what did he just say with suck mocking undertones?
“Wait a minute how did you know I was having an affair with my ex?” I sip my coffee and narrow my eyes at him as I throw the ball back in his court.
“Aria, Aria, Aria, do you want me to spell it out for you?”
“Yes I think I am going to need verbal confirmation on my behavior.”
“Well for starters, you were M.I.A. all last weekend, your fiancé was out of town, Monday you were simply glowing when you came to work, Tuesday you were three hours late for work, and Thursday when the Adonis came to see you I can see why you have been having illicit sex with said ex! I rest my case” he sips his coffee as the steam curls up and around his darling face. I look at him and can’t help but smile, yeah that about sums it up.
“Am I that obvious” I’m a bit of a forgone conclusion and I hate it, but I am not good at hiding anything except my feelings for Tristan, and even that didn’t last very long.
“Well I knew something was going on, I just didn’t put the whole picture together until he walked in wearing a tux, I knew you were in way over your head” oh he knows me oh so well.
“Oliver the worst part is Ian hired a private investigator to follow me and that is how he found out! He says he forgives me for mywedding affair and I should forgive him for the private detective and his words were ‘we are getting married Saturday as scheduled’”
“Whoa let me get this straight, you had an affair for days with your ex and he forgives you because he hired a private investigator to follow you?”
“Yes that’s about it.”
“So where does this leave you Aria?”
“Sexually frustrated and I’m at the corner of hell and misery? He nearly chokes on his coffee.
“Really the sex was that great?” just the thought of Tristan sexing me is arousing.
“Yes beyond my comprehension at first, then earth shaking, and now mind altering, but mostly illicit!” I drink my coffee hoping and praying it was vodka now.
“So Ian knows this?” he is shocked and amazed that this is coming from the little catholic school girl’s mouth, but I have to say that he has brought up a point that is very intriguing.
“No not really, I have decided not to deal with the sex issue and just get married as scheduled.” I sip my coffee and when the words come out of my mouth I know not what I say because it’s not how I feel.
“Aria what do you really want to do? This is me! Tell me!” he is comforting with his words and his body language always shows me that he is concerned for me. I must be honest with him I mean who can I turn to…
“Oliver, what can I do? I have promised myself to Ian?” As I show him my finger to remind him that I am wearing his ring.
“Aria your first love returns for you and you rebuke him because he didn’t show up first?”
“Who’s side are you on anyway?” Jeez I guess this was a question that needed to be asked but HEY!
“Yours, my dear” he cups my chin. I give him my smile that is etched with worry and gloom.
“So here I am” I have made my decision and I need them on my side to convince me that this is going to work.
“My dear sweet girl I believe that a relationship should fit like that wedding dress you made, if it doesn’t it’s a disaster.”
“Oliver you’re tearing me apart at the seams”
“Touché”
“Aria you baffle me. Mending clothing and hemming hearts?”
“Oliver, dear, dear, Oliver”
I hug him as I look at my dress in the corner, the dress is the only perfect fit I got going for me.
“Oliver are you ok here if I get out of here early and go take care of something?”
“Sure go see your fiancé” he knows me, I have to right the wrong I did with Ian. I smile at him and
we finish our coffee.
“You know me all too well Oliver” we go over what needs to be done today I get the ties made, he finishes the suits that need to be shipped, and I pack everything up, we are busy today with work, not with customers and I am grateful for the distraction, it keeps me from my wayward thoughts that have been getting me into trouble for the past week.
While working on a tie for a client for his daughter’s wedding inspiration hits me on how I can reconnect with Ian and make up for being a ninny to him this morning, he expects me in bed waiting for him at six thirty this evening well I have a better idea.
Ian loves surprises, not the balloons in your face with tons of people around but little things that mean so much to him, maybe it’s because his parents who were always too busy for him lavished him with the best of everything except their time. To this day things or objects don’t mean anything to Ian as much as me giving him my time, as a matter a fact if you ask him what to send him he always tells me send me your best wishes, he would be someplace working in a far off city, in a quant remote town or village and he would always send me a purse, buy me a bracelet or pick me up a bottle of perfume and every time I wanted to return the gesture his words were always just send me your best wishes.
Chapter 32
TEACH ME TONIGHT
Inspiration hit me, I have always wanted to sit in on one of Ian’s lectures but never had the opportunity to do it, so now I am making the time to do it, I love him and I want to sit there and be amazed by my man in his own element.
I pull up his schedule on my android phone and I see his last class is European history starting in the main lecture hall, at five o’clock pm I can just make it with the traffic if I hurry. I freshen up my makeup and hair brush my teeth and I am so excited about what is about to happen.
I want to go to his class, slip into the backdrop among the sea of his students and let him find me in the audience. I am so excited about my little venture I wonder how long it will take Ian to find me? Ian has always said he knows whenever I am around, he is programed to find me, oh my dear sweet fiancé, he is going to be so happy that I made this grand gesture because I am giving him something more precious than anything in the world. I will be giving him my time and my attention which I guess all men need these days as we are all over extended, over exerted, and over taken by events that we don’t see the forest for the trees.
I say good bye to Oliver who has his glasses on the tip of his nose, I sneak up behind him and kiss him on his head as he sits at his sewing machine covered in threads, as he sews yet another masterpiece.
“Have a good night my dear”
“Love you Oliver do the same, and thank you for always caring about me”
“Aria more than happy to watch over you and see that you are safe” his words warm my heart he maybe scolding like a father but he is loyal as can be, that is why I never get mad when he show me he cares, it all comes from a good place.
I call the valet station and have Lawrence pull my car around my makeup is flawless my lips are pressed as I head to the Ritz to retrieve my Cadillac from the valet station. Just as promised Lawrence has her waiting as I reach the blue awning of The Ritz, I fist him a modest tip for his swift attention to my needs and I am off.
I head out through downtown traffic and hit the MLK exit off of I-90 East and head towards Case Western Reserve campus, after being there for the faculty dinner I know where his building in that all his classes are held in. I park accordingly in the student parking lot that is adjacent to the lecture hall. The campus looks like what you imagine college life to be, old buildings that are centuries old ornate with towers, and steeples that sore into the skyline. I am also impressed by the lavish and lush gardens as well as the beautifully manicured grounds. The buildings lined with cobbled walkways. Case is a marvel of higher learning, I have to say education at its best, the campus is a mecca, I always find myself walking along the quad and looking up just taking it all in.
I find myself blending into the rush of students hurrying to class, I enter a huge oak arched door where Ian’s lecture hall is and no sooner am I hit with the smell of old English, as it envelopes the atmosphere, the dark wainscoting drapes the halls in regal and refinement. I laugh to myself as Ian was right he loves this place because it smells of old books, and yes he is right it smells of old books, it resembles an old library with soaring windows trimmed in dark wood and paned glass. The hard wood floors are old and creek as my heels make their way across them. Students scurry about in every direction as they pass me, I have to say this building does remind me of the library that Ian and I use to do our homework in back in high school. I have not been in a library in probably twenty years or so, and Ian has scolded me about it, he always tells me to take advantage of your tax dollars at work, yes he means the public library, I gotta feeling he is planning a field trip for he and I pretty soon. to our neighborhood Carnegie west branch Library.
Oh cool here we are I turn a corner and find Professor Bollinger’s class I file in and blend with the rest of the paying participants.
The lecture hall is stadium seating and fills quickly with all his students, the old wooden desk are shaker style with an attached desktop that folds down to the right. There is a wall of windows to the left and the sun is shining through the paned glass. I think it’s nice he has a window in his classroom, the view over-looks the impressive quad. I’m intrigued by the whole college experience, and yes this is higher learning at its best, but don’t take my word for it I think it’s a must, everyone should attend.
I sit a few rows back on the left side, as the sun shines through the windows and over my shoulders. Ian walks in and I get butterflies in my stomach, he is adorable dressed like the handsome professor in his khaki trousers, blue oxford shirt and yellow and blue tie, that I didn’t tie for him this morning because I was reminded of Tristan, I sigh as I take him all in, his jacket is draped over his arm, he carries himself with poise and confidence, he does have a grace about himself that is quite fetching. I use to love to watch him play basketball for the very same reason. He is confident yet consolatory as he greets his students Ian is profound he knows he looks good, but it is the furthest thing from his mind, he is way beyond superficial displays of admiration. Ian is all about the beauty within, don’t get me wrong he has had his share of bimbos and Barbie dolls and he said you can fuck beautiful women all you want, but you still have to live with her personality. I don’t know why just thought of that, maybe it’s all the young women in here. I watch Ian and I have to say he wears humble quite well.
The handsome college professor doesn’t know I am here yet and my heart is pounding, I am nervous and excited, it’s like being a fly on the wall. I squirm inside and try not to be too conspicuous.
I can’t take my eyes off of him as he puts his coach Lexington briefcase on the walnut desk, his jacket on the back of the chair, a sense of pride comes over me. I made that suit for him as a present the first night he took me out to dinner about a month ago.
I feel seven shades of guilt, what a bad fiancée I was for freaking out like that this morning and not tying his tie for him, what am I five? As my niece says to me all the time ‘no actually I’m six’ is her reply.
I get comfortable in my desk which is basically a chair like in an auditorium bolted to the floor, cold hard and stained a dark walnut. I put my Chanel bag on my lap and I pull my black sweater close around my neck as I settle in and cross my ankles.
Ian grabs the chalk and writes something on the free standing black board that is smeared with a white haze from a previous whipping.
‘Henry VIII’ in big bold letters, he turns to his left as he ushers in the last few stragglers and then closes the door behind him. Hmm he sort of sashays when he walks, treading very lightly across the hard wood floor of Kimball lecture hall he is observant as he works the room, he is polished, poise and anyone can tell this is not his first rodeo, he steps lightly as he returns to the podium ready to begin.
I look around and catch little things like his students getting ready to take notes with everything from laptops to Ipads and still some go for the old stand by…a writing instrument of their choice such as a pen or pencil and a notebook filled with lined paper how twentieth century of them.
I smile as I bit my bottom lip I am nervous and I have built up anxiety about what happen this morning, and will he spot me sitting amongst the twenty something crowd of flip flops, t shirts, faded jeans and ear-buds laced youths. Shit I am definitely overdressed.
A thought these kids are probably wondering who the hell I am. I look studious with my sweater ties around my neck but the rock on my finger screams older women not young college co-ed.
Ian looks so adorable his tousled dark hair that makes him young and irresistible, those dark eye that pan the crowd of eager students. It is almost as if he senses me or maybe he smells my perfume and hello he has found me, the butterflies are now wow, hey did he just make my girly parts tingle? My heart is racing like it use to in high school when I saw him walk into the library I give him a small smile and a wink, as he pushes back his hair from his forehead and he narrows his eyes as if to say he has me cornered and I am his for the next fifty minutes or so.
I cock my head to one side as I cross my arms and let him know I am all his. He turns his attention and gazes to the center of the room and begins his class with a question.
A Wedding Affair (The Wedding Affair) Page 38
