A Suitable Lie

by Michael J Malone

  ‘We need you to focus, Andy,’ Bairden said. ‘Your mother and Pat need you to be strong for them…’ At these words my throat clenched. I didn’t have strength for myself. ‘And we’ll need your help in finding Ryan. How well do you know this man?’

  ‘Not that well.’

  I told him how he was the first person Anna met when she moved to Ayr. How he had beaten Sheila. ‘You know about the cigarette doubts,’ I finished. My breathing had returned close to normal and I realised his question had been a tactic to calm me down a little and return my focus.

  Crack up later. Save your boy first.

  He had the decency to look a little ashamed at that. He stared out of the window and then briefly returned his gaze to meet mine, as if making a decision. ‘We knew it wasn’t Jim, by the way.’

  ‘You what?’

  ‘His confession was all over the place.’

  ‘What the…?’

  Jim, what the hell were you playing at?

  ‘You guys must be really close,’ Bairden said. I could only nod. ‘I mean, I love my brothers, but I wouldn’t cop a murder for them.’ He looked at me. ‘What’s the deal then?’

  I exhaled. Fought to take this in and add it to the teetering pile of thoughts in my head. A column of calamity. ‘Fucked if I know,’ I eventually answered. ‘He hasn’t been himself of late. It’s like he’s depressed or something.’

  ‘Your brother thought you did it, Andy.’

  ‘Fucking idiot.’ I sat back in my seat, crossed my arms and then reached up with my right hand and held my palm against my forehead, as if the heat from that might stop the stir of emotion. ‘I’d never kill Anna. I couldn’t harm a hair on her head.’

  ‘Yeah, well. If you’d seen the number of battered wives I have…’

  ‘Any battered husbands?’ I asked.

  ‘More than a few.’

  ‘Do you get as hot under the collar about them?’

  He shot me a look. Tried to work out where I was coming from and decided not to go there. ‘Anyway. We realised quickly that he was off beam and thought we’d keep him in – helping us with our enquiries, to put pressure on you.’

  I tried to read his tone.

  ‘Is that you apologising?’

  ‘It is what it is.’

  We fell into silence. I resented his use of cliché. What the hell did it even mean?

  My mother’s house hove into view and I placed my hand over the seatbelt release so I could exit the car as quickly as possible.

  I looked in the car mirror and saw that Detective Holton was behind my car. A marked police car was behind him.

  As soon as Bairden brought the car to a halt, I was out of the car and on the pavement. I ran to the front door and was met by my sobbing mother and son.

  ‘I should go in first…’ Bairden shouted at me. I sent him a silent, yeah right.

  Mum’s face was a welter of anger and physical pain. She was furious that someone would do this to her family and completely unmindful of the swelling at the right side of her face.

  I gathered Pat to me and his small body shook with the force of emotion. ‘I’m sorry, Dad,’ he said. ‘I couldn’t stop him.’

  ‘Hey,’ I replied. ‘Don’t think any of this is on you, son. Okay?’ He was pressing his head into my hip, so I put my hand on his head and shifted it so that he had to look up at me. ‘Okay?’

  He nodded. I looked to my mum.

  ‘You neither. This is not on you.’ I held a hand out to her and lightly touched the side of her face. ‘He hurt you.’ Another mark on the post. I found a grim certainty. Clenched my teeth against it. I only hoped I found him before the police did, because there would be a reckoning.

  ‘It’s nothing,’ Mum said. ‘Just a bump.’ She smiled. It was weak and jagged with disappointment that she hadn’t managed to stop Hunter.

  Bairden arrived at my back and said. ‘We should all go inside.’ And I realised we were still standing in the hallway.

  In the living room, I sat on the sofa with Mum and Pat on either side. The room then filled with police officers, which I found simultaneously reassuring and frustrating. Who was out there looking for this guy?

  Bairden walked over to the mantelpiece and picked up a photograph. He held it up and looked at mum and me. ‘Is this a recent photo?’

  We both nodded.

  ‘Do you mind if we take it?’

  ‘Take what you need, officer,’ Mum said.

  He handed it to one of the uniformed officers, a young man who didn’t look old enough to shave. The young man left without a word.

  ‘He’s going to take it to the CCTV Centre so we can get the team looking for him.’ Bairden looked at his wristwatch. ‘There’s a shift change due in five minutes. The shift due on have all started early and the shift due to finish are going to stay on till we’ve found Ryan. All of them will be issued with a copy of the photograph, okay?’ His eyebrows were almost at his hairline in his effort to demonstrate how earnest he was.

  Mum moved closer to me and reached for my hand. She gripped it and said. ‘We will find him, Andy. We will.’

  I felt myself smile at her, desperate to agree with her notion of hope, but frightened to allow myself to go there.

  ‘Mrs Boyd, if you could carefully repeat what you told the officer on the switchboard?’ Holton asked. He took a seat on one of the armchairs. Bairden moved to stand by his side, feet spread as if he was ready to spring into action the moment Mum stopped speaking.

  ‘The door went and I thought it was Jean next door. Every now and again she pops in for a cuppa, you know? Only it was that guy…’ She stopped speaking. Held a hand to her mouth, before gathering her courage. ‘He pushed past me, shouting Ryan’s name.’ She gasped at a breath. ‘The wee soul was in the living room. He came out, wondering who was shouting his name. He grabbed him by the arm. I reached for the other one and we began to pull against each other.’ She looked at me as if frightened at what she had to say next.

  ‘Go on, Mum.’

  ‘He pushed me away. I fell and…’ she touched her head where she had been hurt ‘… and he said that he didn’t want to hurt me. That he only came for what was rightfully his.’ She paused as if collecting enough strength to continue. Her right hand was at her throat. Fear feathered in the dark of her eyes. ‘He said if you tried to find them the boy would go the same way as his mother. He’d killed once already, it didn’t matter if he did it again.’

  ‘He said those exact words?’ asked Bairden.

  Mum nodded and the detectives exchanged a look.

  ‘Rightfully his?’ Bairden said. ‘What did he mean?’

  Mum was still shaking her head. ‘I was screaming at him. Bloody nutter. Ryan’s a Boyd it shines out of him.’ She looked round the room as if expecting everyone in it to back her up. ‘He said it was practically the last thing Anna said to him before she died. Said she rubbed his nose in it.’ She looked at me. ‘The man you hate more than any other bringing up your son.’

  27

  Mum asked everyone if they wanted a tea or a coffee. It was less a request than a command. She needed to be doing something. And if she couldn’t go out into the street and start looking she’d fall back onto routine.

  Everyone gave her their order. She responded to each with a grim nod.

  ‘Give you a help, Mum?’ I asked.

  ‘Sure, son.’

  I got up, Pat came with me and the three of us walked into the kitchen.

  ‘Why don’t you go up to your room, Pat,’ I said, fretting at the need in his face.

  ‘The boy needs to be with his dad, Andy,’ Mum said with a soft smile.

  ‘Course you do, son.’ I sat down on one of the kitchen chairs and pulled him on to my lap, regretting my impulse to remove him from my line of sight. Once in position, he rested his head on my shoulder as if trying to draw strength from me.

  ‘Hey, buddy,’ I said. ‘Everything will be fine. Ryan will be back here before you know it.’ Sent
that prayer to whatever God was in situ.

  Mum busied herself with the kettle and the cups, repeating the drinks orders like it might save her sanity. To the music of spoon on clay, I stroked the silk of Pat’s hair and tried to make reassuring noises. Both of his mums dead and now his brother missing. How would his young mind translate all of this?

  Hunter, you will pay for this, I promise you.

  I heard the reassuring sound of water being poured into mugs and looked over at Mum. She stopped what she was doing when she sensed my focus on her.

  ‘Sorry to ask this son, but is there any chance that Ryan is this man’s son?’

  ‘Mum,’ I warned, looking pointedly at Pat.

  ‘He’s gone through a lot, Andy. This is no time to pile secrets on to this mess as well.’

  ‘Ryan is my son. You just need to look at him,’ I said. My assertion was weakened by the fact that Ryan looked nothing like me and was one hundred per cent his mother’s son. ‘Anyway, what does that lunatic want with a child?’

  I saw Anna in front of Hunter, eyes blazing, words wounding, fists a blur. For her to use this against him there must have been an outside chance for it to have happened.

  Folk had warned me Anna was having an affair.

  A memory of her at the birthing suite when Ryan was born, asserting that the child was late while the nurses tried to say he was early. It had bypassed me at the time. What had been going on in her head then? Was there something about the dates that might actually put Ryan’s parentage into question?

  ‘And what have you ever done to him to make him hate you so much?’ Mum asked, interrupting my thoughts.

  I shrugged. ‘He was just one of those kids that were on the periphery at school. Didn’t join in. Maybe he saw me – good at sport and relaxed with girls – and his dislike started there?’

  Then there was Anna. And I even became friends with his ex-wife, Sheila, after they split up. Perhaps, in his mind I got the women, the happy family life, and he was on his own with his version of the truth. Twisting my perceived good fortune into a reason to hate.

  ‘You know, until the man explains himself – if he’s able to – this is all just guesswork,’ I said.

  Bairden walked in. ‘Sorry to interrupt.’ He looked at the row of mugs and smiled. ‘Just to let you know that Jim has been released.’

  Mum put a hand on the worktop to steady herself and allowed a small smile. ‘Good. What will happen to him?’

  ‘It’s up to the Procurator Fiscal.’ Bairden made a face of apology. ‘He might be charged with wasting police time. Or even perverting the course of justice.’

  ‘Really?’ Mum blanched.

  ‘Worst-case scenario?’ I asked.

  ‘I’d rather not speculate,’ he said. ‘Let’s wait until we get Ryan back and worry about it then.’

  ‘I should go get him.’ I eased Pat off my knee and got to my feet.

  Bairden held a hand out. ‘His flat is easy walking distance from the police station, aye?’

  I nodded.

  ‘Word we got was that he was going to go there and sit under the shower for a few hours.’

  I managed a smile at that. Sounded like Jim. He was so fastidious the thought of being in the same clothes for too long and in a jail cell would have him wanting to scour his skin.

  The house phone rang. Mum jumped to her feet, a weak smile of anticipation on her face. ‘That will be Jim.’ She all but ran into the hall.

  ‘Did Uncle Jim get out of prison then?’ asked Pat and it seemed to be from a need to hear some good news on repeat.

  ‘He did, son.’ I patted his head and winked. ‘Let me hear what Gran says, eh?’ I walked to the door and looked at Mum, who had the receiver to her ear.

  ‘Jim, son,’ she said, her face pink with relief. ‘But you’re okay? You sure you’re okay?’ She listened for a moment, turned to me and nodded. ‘He wants to speak to you.’ She held the phone out to me.

  I was by her side in three strides.

  ‘Hey, bro. It’s me.’

  ‘I know it’s you, ya chump. I heard about Ryan. Fuck. What’s happening? We need to find this bastard and get him back.’ His voice filled my ear and everything seemed to settle just a little. It had always been Jim and me against the world; whenever he was nearby I could face almost anything. It was just a shame I forgot that while I was with Anna.

  ‘The police have got everyone on overtime and they’ve got the CCTV team on it as well.’ As I said this I forced enthusiasm into my tone. For Bairden’s benefit. Just the slightest encouragement from Jim and I’d be out there, ignoring the police advice to stay away and driving down every street in the town.

  ‘Aye,’ barked Jim. ‘That’s the police. What are we doing? I can’t just stay here scratching my arse.’

  ‘The police are here at the moment, Jim.’ I warned. ‘They’re doing everything they can.’

  ‘Course they are. That’s great. But they’re not family.’

  I heard some static from a police radio in the living room and held the phone away from my head, the better to hear what was going on.

  Bairden appeared at my side. ‘A CCTV operator has seen a boy of Ryan’s description in the High Street. He’s with a solitary male. Slim. Early thirties.’ Hunter. Has to be. ‘They think he has gone into the Early Learning Centre.’

  Ryan’s favourite toyshop. How did Hunter know that?

  ‘I have to go to him,’ I said to Bairden.

  ‘I understand,’ he said. ‘But please don’t. Let the police do their job. We have a much better chance of a positive outcome if you stay out of the way, Andy.’

  ‘But he’s my son,’ I pleaded. I had to do something.

  ‘From what your mum reported, your presence is likely to inflame Hunter. Best to stay away. You have another son. Being with him is you doing something.’

  ‘He’s right, son,’ said Mum as she put a hand on my shoulder. I nodded, but was thinking, to hell with this, I need to get out there. Then I remembered that Jim was still on the phone. I held it back up to my ear.

  ‘Jim?’ I said.

  Nothing. He was gone.

  28

  In the kitchen, I leaned against the sink and looked out of the window. Mum had a neat back garden, the grass clipped, a clothes pole posted at each corner and bordered on each side with hedges, shrubs and small flowering plants.

  I looked at the sky, at the clouds sliding past and the scraps of blue in between and thought that somewhere under that sky, not that far from here, my boy was walking with a man who had murder in his heart.

  ‘Can I suggest you sit with Pat, Andy?’ Bairden came up behind me. The rest of the police officers had left the house at the first sighting of Ryan. ‘He needs to be distracted somehow.’ Subtext: so do you.

  ‘So you’re our Family Liaison Officer?’ I asked him.

  He nodded.

  ‘Cos you’ve got the skills,’ I said, wanting to wound.

  ‘Andy,’ Mum said. ‘That’s enough. This is not a good situation for any one of us. Let the man do his job.’

  I straightened my back and crossed my arms, unwilling to acknowledge that my attitude was suspect. To hell with Bairden. If his feelings were injured he should get himself down to the job centre.

  My mind returned to Ryan. Those big, blue eyes of his were a demonstration of why Disney gave their cartoon animals that same feature. To most humans they were irresistible. Most humans.

  I saw Ryan. Trusting. His small hand in Hunter’s. Walking with the man, completely unaware of what was going on. Every adult he’d ever met had been a source of affection and fun. To Ryan, why would this guy be any different?

  I felt emotion build. Knuckled a tear from my eye.

  ‘Pat,’ I said, forcing light into my tone. ‘Fancy a kickabout in the garden? Maybe Detective Bairden would like to join in?’ I looked at the careful shine on his black brogues and took some satisfaction that between us we might dull that a little. To his credit, Bairden wa
s unfazed.

  ‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘Great idea.’

  We passed an utterly surreal thirty minutes in the garden, kicking the ball back and forward, each of us listless and distracted.

  ‘The Early Learning Centre?’ Bairden broke the silence.

  ‘Yeah, what about it?’ I asked.

  ‘I don’t have kids and I assumed, from the shop name, that it would be kind of a boring place for kids. You know, learning centre? Doesn’t say come in: you’ll have a blast.’ He shrugged. ‘How would Hunter know to take him there? The CCTV operator said that was the only shop they went in to.’

  ‘Maybe they walked near it and Ryan pulled Hunter in?’ I suggested.

  His radio buzzed and voices issued from it. We all stopped moving.

  ‘They’re not here, Detective Bairden,’ I heard a voice say.

  Bairden held his hand to his radio and spoke. ‘Any sign of them?’

  ‘Negative.’

  ‘Liaise with CCTV. See if they took up his tracks when he left the shop?’ He signed off the call, our eyes met and he sent me a determined look. We will get him. He beckoned to Pat to give him the ball. ‘If he’s buying toys, that’s a good sign, no?’ he asked me.

  ‘Sure. The psychopath is buying shit for my son.’

  Bairden opened his mouth as if to explain what he meant, but changed his mind and closed it again.

  We heard the house phone ring. Moments later Mum opened the kitchen window and called to me.

  ‘It’s for you, Andy. One of the guys from work.’

  ‘What do they want?’ I asked no one in particular. ‘You guys keep working at your skills,’ I winked at Pat and sent a smile of apology to Bairden. ‘I better go and see what can’t wait for Monday.’

  When I walked into the hall Mum handed me the phone and whispered, ‘It’s Jim.’ She then gave me a look of warning. ‘I don’t know what you two are up to, but if it gets any of my boys hurt I’ll bloody kill you.’

  I looked at her as I held the phone up to my ear. ‘Nothing to worry about, Mum.’

  ‘Yes?’ I said into the phone.

  ‘If you’d get yourself one of those mobile phones that would have made this a whole lot easier.’