My Boyfriend is a Monster

by Coates, J. H.

  Going to touch it Todd suddenly held back. It was if he was afraid to touch the book in the fear that it might somehow crumble into a pile of dust. Against all fear he gently grabbed onto it and held it in front of him. “It truly is, awesome,” he said looking up at Nathan.

  “Couldn’t have said it any better,” Nathan agreed.

  Opening the book gingerly he slowly let his eyes soak in the words printed so long ago on pages so amazingly old. He gently turned page after page until he got to the beginning of his favorite story. PART 1, THE OLD BUCANEER, CHAPTER 1 The Old Sea Dog at the “Admiral Benbow”, was there in all it’s calling to adventure glory. Todd became instantly infatuated with it. “I must have it.” Not realizing or caring that he might have a copy at home and if not, ample resources to get a regular retail copy.

  Nathan smiled and took the book out of his hands as if he was afraid when he told Todd no, he would make a run for the door.

  “But I have money,” Todd said sadly as he let go. Determination soon took over. “I’ll give you a thousand dollars.”

  “It’s worth at least thirty,” Nathan said putting the book back on the holder. He walked over to the counter and grabbed the glass box. When he turned around to place the box over the book he still half expected to see Todd running out the door with the book tucked under his arms. He laughed at the thought of giving the police a description of Todd and what he was wearing. At least they would have picked him up fairly quickly.

  “Wow,” Todd said humbled. Watching his new infatuation being imprisoned once again behind a glass wall of tyranny he mulled over the price. “Don’t think Martin would quite understand.”

  “I also have the original leather dust jacket for it.”

  Todd’s eyes lit up but then dulled again. “No, still would kill me,” he said putting his finger tips on the glass as if to say good bye to a lover in jail. Pretending to cry he turned away in true soap opera fashion.

  “I do apologize Mr. Jacobson,” Nathan said politely, as if reverting into a cold hearted store owner, and Todd a customer with not enough money.

  Todd turned around in soap opera disgust and changed the subject. “Please . . . just Todd. I am under no illusion that time ticks away sir, does not mean I can’t ignore it.”

  “Sorry, Todd,” Nathan said amused.

  “Actually Mr. . .” Todd paused for a moment about to call Nathan, Mr. Caesar. He looked at Nathan for help.

  “Just Nathan,” he kindly instructed.

  “Of course, just Nathan, I was actually here because when you came into my store the other day and asked my Lily out on a date – without asking my permission by the way. My partner was trying to ask you something as you were leaving.”

  Trying to convey the same seriousness Todd was he found it extremely hard with him dressed the way he was. “My apologies Todd, both for not asking your permission and for walking out so suddenly,” he said. He then addressed the first concern. “I’m sure from my own observations that Lily is like family?”

  “Oh yes Nathan, indeed.”

  “An older sister perhaps,” he said raising his eyebrow.

  Giggling like a school girl he waved his hand at Nathan blushing. “I like you just Nathan, your fun,” Todd said swatting him across the arm. “He was actually trying to invite you to our home this evening?”

  “Oh, I don’t -”

  “Give you a chance to see Lily. With whom I ran by before coming here,” Todd assured. “She was quite excited,” he said leeringly.

  “Really?” he asked intrigued.

  “Well there was a lot of on the fence and off the fence. Back on - then hiding. Then off again before she told me to go and ask. And then ran into her bedroom screaming and slammed the door.” They were both quite for a moment. “Anyhoo, a couple other store owners will be there, nothing big.”

  “Maybe,” Nathan muddled timidly.

  “Fantastic,” Todd said walking to another wall of books.

  The little bell over the door rang and Todd turned back noticing. “Love it.”

  Two women walked through the door immediately noticing Nathan with a customer and quickly turned away to a corner. One was dark skinned and appeared very elegant. Her clothes were tight and revealed her toned body without showing any skin. Her hair was long and golden as it flowed out from under her black fedora. It glimmered with the light since there was just as long silver strands woven within it. The other woman was much heavier and plainer in appearance. She didn’t wear any make up or have any silver in her dark and scruffy hair that was tied with a red scrunchie. Her flannel jacket almost covered her very authentic looking 1979 AC/DC Highway to Hell tee shirt. Her jeans weren’t stained but worn and her demeanor did not scream out approachable. They whispered and looked at Nathan then turned away and whispered some more.

  Todd brought a handful of books to the front and then stepped back taking in the counter. “This counter is beautiful, don’t tell me,” he said looking for the answer.

  “The oak is from Ireland. And the glass is from Egypt, a gift from my father,” Nathan told him.

  Todd just shook his head as Nathan went through the books and rang in the costs on the antique cash register. Noticing the register Todd decided not to say anything but sighed in its exquisiteness. Nathan grabbed a bag for the books and Todd could tell even they were specialty made. “Oh my God just Nathan, are you kidding me,” he barked getting his wallet.

  “That’ll be -”

  “I can read you son of a bitch,” Todd finished with a laugh.

  As Nathan gathered the change from the register Todd noticed the two women in the corner eyeing Nathan. “I don’t want to alarm you honey, but those two lesbians don’t seem to like you.”

  Nathan smiled at his concern. “There not lesbians, there sisters.”

  “Well I know ones a sister, but. . .” he trailed off realizing what Nathan meant. “You mean your sisters,” Todd corrected looking back at them. Looking back and forth Todd was second guessing. “Really?”

  “Yes . . . adopted.”

  “Nooo,” Todd said sarcastically rolling his eyes.

  He put down his money and grabbed his books. “Bring them along. The one is gorgeous chic. The other one,” Todd said leaning in. “Well, maybe we can have an arm wrestling competition.”

  Nathan laughed. “She’d probably like that.”

  “Although, I don’t think there will be anyone at the party who could beat her,” Todd said giving Nathan his sly smile and winked. Heading for the door he reminded him. “Tonight around eight then.” Opening the door and hearing the doorbell ring he yelled out, “I love it.”

  Waiting until the door closed the two women made their way to the counter. The stunning one of the two looked as if she was floating while the other had to turn at certain times so she didn’t plow over the shelves.

  The golden haired women pointed to the ground in front of her and demanded. “Come out here right now.” Her eyes burned with seriousness as her finger did not twitch. Nathan came around the counter looking like a small child about to be punished. Standing in front of her he would not raise his head to look her in the eyes. “How long have you been here?” she asked but Nathan remained silent. “I haven’t seen you for how many years?” she asked again but still Nathan remained mute. “Is this how you treat your sister?” This time Nathan raised his head and gave her a sad pout. Her stern face stood fast for a few moments but finally it cracked and she melted. Smiling at her she took that as her invitation and began peppering him with kisses and lipstick residue all over his face. He half tried to stop her but she loved him so much he half let her.

  “Okay,” Nathan said finally holding her at bay.

  Grabbing his hands she held out his arms and took a good look at him. “Look at you, still the most handsome,” she said proudly.

  He squeezed her arms. “And you, still the most beautiful.”

  She pulled him in close and hugged him tightly. “I missed you Nathanial,
” she said suddenly fighting back tears.

  “I missed you too Serenity,” he said squeezing her tighter.

  Leaning back Serenity started to laugh while wiping at her eyes. Suddenly the bigger lady pushed her out of the way and grabbed Nathan by the shoulders.

  “Come here you little bitch,” she said wrapping her massive arms around him. He squeezed her tight but she squeezed him tighter causing him to gasp for air. The heavy set woman lifted him off his feet with her hug and swayed him back and forth like a little girl would her teddy bear. Finally letting him go he took in a long deep breath. “I really missed you fucker,” she said with almost tears in her eyes.

  “I missed you too Mag’s,” he said getting color back into his face.

  Then the woman that he called Mag’s who was so happy to see him tugged him towards her and punched him in the stomach so hard that it lifted him off the ground. He landed on his feet but bent over and instantly out of breath. Looking up at his assailant unable to breath he was able to muster out a whimpering, “You bitch.”

  Serenity couldn’t tell if he was crying or laughing as he fell to his hands and knees. But she was sure he was still struggling for air. The bigger women wiped a tear from her eye and shook her head as she eyed Nathan up. She positioned herself just off to his side while he was still on all fours, still trying to breathe. Taking a step back she paused for a moment as Nathan turned towards her.

  Seeing that she was setting up to kick a field goal, fear took over his face as laughter took over his voice. Raising his arm and holding up his hand flat, for the international sign for “Stop” did not work. “Mag’s, wait,” was all he was able to get through the laughter.

  “Teach you to steal my whisky you cocksucker,” she mumbled. Putting her large frame in motion (not unlike a charging bull) Maggie took several lumbering steps until she got into quick groove. Nathan still had his hand extended like he was still hoping the large woman would stop, she did not. Only inches away she extended her leg, catching him directly in the same spot she punched him and letting out a very loud and deep grunt, Nathan went sailing up into the air. He flew over several book shelves until finally crashing into a large one against the back wall. Laughing in pain he dropped to the floor as books and broken lumber followed, burying him.

  Serenity couldn’t help but smile at her sister’s beat down of their little brother. Suddenly sensing a man and a women heading towards the door she blurred to it, locked it and unplugged the sign. They looked offended and walk away. Returning to the squabble she declared with a smile. “Okay Maggie, I think that’s enough.”

  “I think so too,” can be heard in the distance, under a pile of books and broken shelving.

  “You shut your whisky stealing fucking mouth!” Maggie yelled back.

  “You know better than to steal Maggie’s whisky Nathanial,” Serenity said standing beside her sister who was still visibly upset.

  Deciding to just stay under the debris for the time being and pretends he cannot hear them. “What?”

  Getting angrier Maggie takes a couple of steps towards the pile of rubble. Hearing her heavy steps make it quake. Detecting muffled laughs Serenity almost preys her sister does not as she covers her mouth to stop her own. Mag’s steps back in frustration then shouts angrily. “Don’t pretend you can’t hear us you fucking asshole.” Turning to her sister Maggie gives her a look to take over and get their brother out of the pile.

  “Get out from under there Nathanial,” Serenity instructs.

  “Truce,” Nathan called out.

  Serenity looks at Maggie who just stares at the pile of rubble. Trying to get her attention Serenity pushes her. Not getting a response she pushes a little harder. “Maggie?”

  Pausing for another moment she decides to agree and repeats with an addition. “Fucking truce.”

  The pile of wood and books starts to move as Nathan slowly and timidly rises from the rubble. He tries to stay as serious as he can without laughing as the wood and books slide off of him. Not wanting to set her sister off Serenity avoids eye contact with her little brother afraid it might set off the laughter. They both know setting their plus size sister off could actually result in the destruction of the entire city block, it has happened before. Nathan, with all of his power gives her his saddest little brother, “I’m Sorry” look.

  “How can you be mad at that face?” Serenity asked.

  Swaying back and forth trying to be the bigger person she starts to surrender. “Could use a bit more pounding,” she said half-heartedly.

  Looking at his hand he offers it outward. “I got a splinter.”

  Still looking unsure like a stray dog Serenity points out all the stuff she did thus far. “You punched him. You kicked him. You even broke some of his little books.”

  Already calm Maggie shrugs and smiles. “Okay, no more beatings.” She slaps Nathan on the shoulder and then turns to her sister. “And how the fuck, do you break a book? You rip a book or burn it. You can even wreck it. But you can’t break it.”

  “I’m sorry,” Serenity said. Turning to Nathan she rolls her eyes. “Ms. Intellect over here.”

  Not wanting to set Maggie off again by thinking he was siding with Serenity and making fun of her he offered her a tepid smile.

  “You’re a fucking wizard,” Maggie said to her sister.

  “Yeah, because that makes sense,” Serenity replied.

  “You make sense. Fucking bitch,” Maggie mumbled realizing she lost the battle of wits.

  Rubbing Nathan’s hair Serenity ignored her sister and began fawning over her little brother again. “You okay honey?”

  Nathan was perfectly fine, but it felt good letting his sister spoil him, it always did. Ignoring Maggie insinuating he was a baby by sticking her one thumb in her mouth and pretending to put the other up her ass, Nathan just let Serenity coddle him. “Guess so,” he moped. He healed quicker than most of his kind and thought the whole thing was funny and nostalgic, taking him back to when they were younger. They would always fight over this or that. Usually it was Louis and himself antagonizing their brother or all three of them pushing the wrong buttons with Maggie (Serenity being an Elemental and just being, well Serenity, made her a lot more dangerous to pick fights with). Whoever started what meant a lot of yelling, hurting and destruction, becoming apparently understandable why their Mother and Dad always lived in the middle of nowhere. A large sibling squabble could have leveled small cities.

  Looking around he supposed he got off pretty light. He was more powerful than all his siblings, put together. And even though it did hurt when she punched or punted him, he could never truly be hurt. Nathan was more concerned for his store. He didn’t want to see all his books and antique furniture completely destroyed, no matter how funny he found it.

  Suddenly sprouting a smile Maggie pulled him away from their sister and put him in a head lock. “I’m sorry, did we catch you on your period?” she laughed while digging her knuckles into the top of his head and rubbing as hard as she could. Nathan cried out in actual pain as her grip was quite entrenched.

  Serenity let her get a few good rubs in while Nathan squirmed to break free. Finally she intervened on his behalf. “Okay, let him go.”

  Maggie let him go as he backed away giving her a dirty look. Both sisters could not help but laugh at his hair as he began trying to fix it. Patting it down and making long brush strokes did not seem to help. It kept popping up in different places causing Maggie to laugh and point at each one. Getting agitated he pointed at her shoulder and gave her a look, like something gross was on it. When Maggie turned to look he blurred up to her throwing a quick jab and catching her directly in the jaw. Maggie stumbled backwards while laughing as she actually looked at him impressed. “Nice fucker,” she giggled rubbing her jaw. Nathan held his fists up ready to block whatever she was going to throw. “What did the five fingers say to the face?” she asked him.

  Nathan lowered his hands slightly and looked at her confused.


  Capitalizing on his confusion she stepped forward with lighting speed and brought her hand across his face. “SLAP!” she yelled as the impact caused him to spin around in a complete 360. Looking at her stunned she yelled in delight. “Watch more TV bitch.”

  Nathan could feel the sting and heat of her hand imprinted on his cheek. Laughing dazed and confused he pointed at her, signifying a job well done.

  “You owe your brother Bo a thanks too,” Maggie said slowly lowering her hands signifying a mutual surrender.

  Accepting the terms he caught back up to speed. “Bo?”

  “When I finally got my hands on Louis, he fucking sold you out before I even accused him of anything,” she informed him.

  Nathan chuckled. “Of course he did.”

  “He said that you threatened to beat on him if he didn’t bring my whisky with your books.”

  “You didn’t believe him?”

  “Yeah, I’m that stupid, ya - fucking dick muncher. I think I know when Louis is feeding me a line of shit. Which is any time he opens his fucking trap,” Maggie said holding out her arms with her palms up. “Besides, as I had Louis pinned on the ground pounding the holy shit out of him. Big ol’dumb fuck was standing beside us going over word for word what and how it all happened.” Then in her best Bo impression she illustrated further. “And then I said Maggie is gonna be mad. And then he said, F Maggie, I’m not afraid of that - then he used that word that means female dog. But he actually said that word and I said, don’t call her that,” she finished while shaking her head.

  “I hope you gave it to him good? Trying to blame me, son of a bitch,” Nathan said trying to picture it, in all its ground and pound glory.

  Finally Serenity couldn’t take it anymore. She grabbed Nathan and began patting down his hair. She could not get his hair to stay down so she started licking her hand and stroking it in place. He twisted and fussed giving little resistance while trying to look at Maggie, but it was nothing a quick shake could not calm.