Christmas at Bay Tree Cottage

by Linn B. Halton

  ‘Maya, can you come down for a moment?’

  You would think a herd of elephants was descending the stairs, but it’s only one little girl who appears moments later.

  ‘That was Grandma and Granddad James on the phone. They’re coming to dinner and they’ll be here in about an hour.’

  ‘Are they bringing my present?’

  I look at Maya, feeling rather shocked and more than a little disappointed. It’s been quite a while since we’ve had any contact with Niall’s parents and this must mean they’re finally ready to reach out to us.

  ‘Maya! That’s not very nice. Christmas isn’t just about presents; it’s about spending time with family and friends.’

  Maya’s face puckers up a little and a pink flush spreads across her cheeks.

  ‘Sorry, Mum. It’s just that we haven’t seen them in ages.’

  ‘Well, I don’t think they’re popping in just to deliver presents; they want to spend a little time with us. Daddy would like that and it’s our job to make it a happy visit.’

  She mulls over my words and then says, ‘Okay, Mum,’ before heading back upstairs.

  You can’t tell a six-year-old what not to say, it wouldn’t be fair, but since Niall’s death each visit with his parents has been a painful experience. Without him there’s no bridge between us, although it’s clear that they don’t want to lose touch. But they are coming to see Maya, whereas I’m just a reminder that their son is no longer here. There’s nothing I can do about that and I understand that for them it’s very hard to know what to say. The only thing we now have in common is Maya and they have no idea what is happening in our day-to-day lives. It’s a barrier that isn’t intentional, but is still very real.

  The doorbell kicks into life and a glance at the clock confirms that it’s probably Luke.

  ‘Hi, had a good day?’

  Luke shrugs as he kicks off his boots.

  ‘If you call getting cold and damp while digging out a drain a good day, then I suppose it was.’ He laughs and when I don’t join in he looks straight up at me.

  ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘Day from hell for me, too. I have the in-laws coming over in an hour for dinner. An ad-hoc visit. You can tell it’s Christmas.’ Ouch. That was a bit heavy and even Luke does a double-take.

  ‘Awkward. Is it best I head off home and leave you to it?’

  It would probably be easier, but my hopes are pinned on getting this cottage into shape before Christmas and I shake my head.

  ‘No. It’s fine. This is our reality at the moment and there’s no point in putting on an act. I expect they’ll leave shortly after we’ve eaten, so it’s just a meal and a chance for them to catch up with their granddaughter. It might help having another person around the table.’

  ‘You aren’t close?’

  ‘I think it’s more that the person who linked us is no longer here. I’m not their flesh and blood, but Maya – well, that’s a different matter.’

  ‘Sorry, that can’t be easy for them, or for you. I’m not the best conversationalist, to be honest.’

  He looks as if he’d rather turn around and head out the door.

  ‘If I get stuck you could talk about the work you’re doing here. Who knows, they might know someone who needs a builder.’

  ‘If that’s supposed to be an incentive, you’re wide of the mark. However, I am hungry so I guess if that’s the price I have to pay, consider it done.’

  ‘You are a saviour! Now if we can just be ready to jump in if Maya starts talking about anything … um … you know, sensitive, then I think that’s everything covered. I’m away to cook.’

  Chapter 27

  Elana

  Building Bridges

  When Philip and Carol arrive we hug rather awkwardly and I usher them into the sitting room. Luke is on his knees easing a piece of board into the corner with the help of a rubber mallet.

  ‘This is Luke. Luke, Philip and Carol. Maya, Grandma and Granddad are here – we’re in the sitting room,’ I call out to her as we walk past the staircase.

  As usual, movement in Maya’s bedroom sounds as if half of her class is running around.

  ‘Good to see the work is progressing,’ Philip nods at Luke as we walk past him.

  ‘We’ll soon be dust-free. Ah, here she is!’

  Maya appears carrying an envelope and stands in the doorway, looking at each of us in turn.

  ‘How you’ve grown. Come and give Grandma a hug.’ Carol holds out her arms, but Maya doesn’t move. In fairness to her it’s been quite a while since she’s seen her and no doubt she’s picking up on the fact that I don’t feel comfortable, either.

  ‘What’s that in your hand, Maya?’ I give her a smile, hoping to coax her into action, while indicating for our guests to take a seat.

  ‘It’s a Christmas card I made.’

  She begins to look a little tearful, her gaze flickering back and forth between us all.

  ‘I think Grandma would love to take a look. Why don’t you show her?’

  Finally she moves forward slowly, until she’s standing in front of Carol with her hand extended.

  Carol is amazing, making a big deal of opening the envelope and showing genuine delight as she shares the card with Philip.

  ‘And such a beautifully drawn Christmas tree – we have an artist in the family!’

  Maya glows under her praise, eventually happy to sit between them both. As soon as she looks settled I excuse myself to check on dinner.

  Luke looks up as I walk out of the room, pulling the door behind me. ‘How’s it going? Maya was a bit agitated, I had to encourage her in,’ he confirms. I’d suspected as much.

  ‘Oh, I did wonder – for a brief moment I thought she was going to turn and run. Thank you! I’ll set the table and then start dishing up.’

  ‘I’ll go and wash my hands. Are you sure you want me at the table, I mean, I won’t be offended and I could make myself scare for a bit.’

  ‘Are you bailing on me? Some friend you’ve turned out to be!’

  He smirks. ‘Okay, you win. Let me just sweep up some of these offcuts first.’

  I take a deep breath and get busy. It’s only pasta with chicken, but that’s all I had that would stretch to feed five people. Actually, it’s a bit daunting as it’s a long time since I cooked for anyone, other than Luke, and he seems to eat anything.

  When I pop my head around the sitting-room door, Maya is reading one of her favourite stories out aloud. She’s showing off a little, as she usually runs her finger along underneath the words so she doesn’t lose her place. Of course, it’s all new to Niall’s parents and they are looking at her in awe.

  ‘Sorry to interrupt, but dinner’s served.’

  ‘It’s pasta, my favourite,’ says Maya. She clasps Carol’s hand, who beams as they make their way into the dining area. Philip stands and indicates for me to go ahead of him. He’s such a gentleman and a little stab of pain makes my heart constrict. I feel guilty because I’m not totally at ease with them and they aren’t totally at ease with me. It’s no one’s fault as we’ve never fallen out, but there are so many things that have been left unsaid.

  ‘Thank you, Philip. I’m so glad you are able to stay for dinner.’

  ‘Not at all, thank you for the kind invitation. I’ll be honest with you,’ he hangs back a little and I follow his lead, ‘we weren’t sure whether it was the right thing to come over, or not. We don’t want you to feel we’re intruding, or causing any upset, but we’ve missed you both.’

  His words touch my heart and a sense of regret washes over me.

  ‘Ah, Philip, you are welcome any time. Please don’t wait for an invitation. These days it’s just work, school runs and trying to keep up with everything. I feel awful so much time has passed and it wasn’t intentional, just life getting in the way.’

  ‘Glad to hear it, just wanted to check. If it’s hard for us, it’s even harder for you.’ The look on his face is one of stoic acceptan
ce. I reach out to place my hand on his arm, unable to trust myself to speak.

  Maya and Luke are in deep discussion with Carol, telling the story about the chimney.

  ‘Luke says it’s perfectly safe, but we can’t light the fire yet.’

  ‘Well, that’s a relief,’ Carol replies, in all seriousness. ‘We can’t take any risks when it comes to Christmas Eve.’

  As Philip and I take our seats, Maya says, ‘Grandma, did you know I’m getting a piano?’

  Luke has to hide a smile, as I jump straight in and explain that it might not be a big piano this year, as Santa thinks Maya needs to practise on a keyboard first.

  Surprisingly, the conversation flows well as everyone chips in with their own favourite childhood anecdote. Then Philip compliments Luke on the great job he’s doing with the flooring. That sparks a conversation about how difficult it is to find a reliable builder and Luke seems genuinely pleased when Philip asks for a card.

  Maya more or less chatters non-stop to Carol and it makes my heart sing to see them bonding again so easily after such an awkward start.

  When it’s time for them to leave, Maya is more than happy to accept their hugs and then I walk them out to the car. Carol takes my arm as I guide her up the incline, which has a few pot holes here and there.

  ‘Thank you, Elana. It wouldn’t have been as enjoyable if we’d popped in briefly. It’s a lesson learnt and in future we won’t leave it so long between visits. Maya is growing so quickly and you are doing an amazing job of raising her.’

  ‘Ah, that means a lot. I’m so glad you stayed for dinner too, it’s been fun and Maya needed to spend a little time with you.’

  ‘Well, we’ve had a lovely evening, my dear. And Luke is a nice man; it’s good to know you aren’t alone.’

  ‘Oh, but—’ Before I can explain the situation, Philip has taken over and is steering Carol into the passenger seat.

  As he slams the door shut, she gives me a small wave. Philip turns to face me.

  ‘I think tonight was important for all of us and thank you for making us feel that we’re still a part of your life. If ever Maya wants to come and stay for a night, we promise we’d spoil her without reservation.’ He smiles broadly and gives me one last hug. I stand, waving them off and trying very hard to stop my bottom lip from trembling as my eyes fill with tears.

  Diary Log – day 497. 13 days to Christmas. At last the distance that was opening up between Maya and me, and Niall’s parents is beginning to come full circle. Today we made progress and in my heart I never doubted that would happen. I just didn’t know how to begin the healing. It’s a relief, because we need them to be a part of our lives. I know I have to move on, for Maya’s sake, but I was worried it would distance them further from us. Now I don’t have any more excuses, do I?

  Chapter 28

  Luke

  Kids Are Harder to Read Than Adults

  I had a great evening at Elana’s last night, but I didn’t get much work done. That was okay, because I could see how nervous she was, but the visit from her in-laws went well. What I didn’t mention to Elana was what Maya told me while her mum was outside seeing them to their car.

  ‘Daddy is very happy tonight and he loved my card.’

  We continued clearing the plates from the table and I decided it was probably best I didn’t overreact to what she’d just said.

  ‘That’s nice, Maya. It was a lovely dinner, wasn’t it?’ It was probably just a kid thing and maybe she was simply saying what she was thinking he might say, but didn’t know how to express it.

  ‘He gave me a message for Mummy last night, but I’ve forgotten it. I was very sleepy.’

  I looked down at her face and she smiled up at me without any sign of concern whatsoever.

  ‘We all have dreams and sometimes it’s hard to remember what happens. It’s nothing to worry about.’

  ‘But this was important. Daddy has never given me a message before and I forgot to ask him to remind me what it was when he came to see Grandma.’

  She seemed very cross with herself, as if this wasn’t simply her imagination taking over. I was there the whole time and if anything weird had happened, I’m sure someone would have said something.

  ‘It’s nice to have memories, isn’t it?’ I’d told her, not wanting to make her feel awkward. But I also hadn’t wanted to encourage her to confuse thoughts and dreams with reality. That can’t be healthy, can it? Or do kids’ imaginations run riot at that age anyway, and it’s inevitable that at times fact and fantasy become mixed up?

  ‘Not when you can’t remember and it’s important, Luke.’ Maya stared at me as if I was missing the point. Was I being reprimanded?

  ‘Of course, sorry. I’m sure you’ll remember it. Maybe when you wake up in the morning it will pop into your head. You can tell Mummy, then.’

  She had tilted her head to one side, those big blue eyes of hers partly obscured by that mop of curls.

  ‘Did you know that you can’t give someone a present when they are in heaven, Luke?’

  Elana had walked back through the door at that moment and immediately whisked Maya away to help her get ready for bed. In a way I was rather relieved, because words had completely failed me.

  ***

  After a morning running around to pick up some new skirting board and caulk, I headed back to Bay Tree. Dad didn’t need me for anything in particular and I wanted to make up for the time lost last night. Working evenings is fine, but if I can have a whole afternoon outside on the circular saw that should allow me to get most of the remaining boards cut, ready to fit. I’d really like to get the open-plan area totally finished by Thursday lunchtime, then get the base coat on the walls so that Elana can paint on Friday. My weekend is going to be all about Joe.

  ‘I wasn’t expecting to see you this early,’ Elana looks at me with surprise when she answers the door.

  ‘I’ll be working out here most of the time as I have a lot of boards to cut. Will the noise distract you?’

  ‘No, I’ll have my iPod going so I won’t hear a thing. If you need anything just let me know.’

  ‘Thanks.’ I hesitate, wondering if I should talk to her about Maya, then change my mind. It’s her working day, too, and I know how annoying it can be if you are trying to do something and keep getting interrupted. It crossed my mind that Maya may have remembered her dream and mentioned it to Elana, anyway. I’m sure she would have known exactly what to say, to put Maya at ease.

  My phone buzzes and, yanking it out, I see it’s a text, but the sender is unknown. When I tap on the screen and it opens, it’s from Lisa. Damn it, Greg. You should have asked before handing over my number.

  Hear you lost my number – shame on you! Looking forward to meeting up.

  She finishes with a smiley face.

  Life is so easy when you only have yourself to think about. It would be wrong of me to judge her simply because she hasn’t yet reached that point in her life. Maybe that’s commendable and it demonstrates that she’s the type of person who knows what she wants.

  Have I been reckless with my life so far? As I work away, tuning out from the task in hand, a whole range of thoughts flash through my head. Was there a point with Anita when I should have realised what was going to happen? I think back to the person she was when we first met – bubbly, happy and fun to be with. Now she’s often moody and resentful; not of Joe, exactly, but of me for putting her in this situation. How is any woman ever going to be able to step into the mess that is my life? What I admire most in other people is that ability to learn, change and grow. I’m not sure it’s something I’m capable of doing.

  As I stop to type a quick response, Elana appears with a mug of tea. I press send.

  ‘Sorry, meant to bring this out a while ago, but I was tied up. This weather is freakily mild, guess the warnings about snow on the way is a bit embarrassing for some forecaster wondering what’s going on. It’s hard to believe it’s only twelve days to Christmas.’


  ‘Mild is good, as long as the rain keeps off. There’s a lot to be done still. It’s sleepover weekend.’

  I didn’t think it was at all cold today, but Elana pulls the sleeves of her jumper down over her hands, hugging her arms close to her body. I forget that I’m used to working outside, so the temperature rarely bothers me.

  ‘Kids have good imaginations, don’t they?’ As I speak Elana looks at me, our eyes lock for a few seconds and I watch as a little smile creeps over her face.

  ‘Tell me about it! I can’t keep up with Maya sometimes.’

  ‘Did you ever read those letters Maya wrote to Santa?’

  Elana shakes her head. ‘It didn’t feel like it was the right thing to do. I just put them back. The first time we light the fire they will go up in smoke, as she intended. There’s still plenty of wintry nights ahead to have a few cosy times toasting our toes and reading. I’ve missed having that, too.’

  The phone in my pocket pings and I ignore it. Then it pings again. And seconds later, once more. Elana raises her eyebrows.

  ‘You’re popular today.’

  ‘My blind date. Well, that’s not quite true as I shared a taxi with her a while ago.’

  ‘Oh, I’ll leave you to it, then.’ Her smile is genuine as she turns to go back inside. I guess she thinks I took her advice seriously, and I suppose letting Greg talk me into this means I am making some sort of effort. However, I’m not the sort of man who spends his day texting back and forth for the fun of it, so I ignore the texts and get back to work. I don’t want to give Lisa the wrong impression about me and there’s no point in pretending I’m something I’m not. Or that I’m in the market for a meaningful relationship. A drink and a friendly chat I can do, but any more than that and I’m out the door.

  Chapter 29

  Luke

  Feeling in the Way

  When Eve drops Maya back after the school run, she rushes into the cottage in an excited mood.

  ‘Hi Luke. Mum, can Amelie come in to play? Please. Please.’