Outcast

by Adrienne Kress

  “Exactly.”

  We stopped talking for a second. You could hear the guys on the opposite end of the lawn laughing about something.

  “So,” she said.

  “So.”

  “So what, you want to be friends?”

  “Would make things easier,” I said. “I’ve got a lot on my mind, without having to deal with stupid girl issues.”

  “Okay, sure. Yeah. Let’s be friends. But only here,” she added as an afterthought.

  “Don’t worry, Lacy,” I said. “In public we can still dislike each other. I mean, I’ve got my own image to maintain.”

  Lacy laughed, and I felt a huge weight off my shoulders.

  And that was how we actually started to like each other. I didn’t go so far as to attend her pageant. It would have been strange with all her friends around. But she did show me her talent routine, and I helped her practice answering questions. She even showed me how to walk, but I just felt stupid. Curtis did go, however, and reported back all the strangeness that was such an event. Not strange, though, was that she won the competition. Evidently that was a huger deal than I’d thought, because the mayor and Pastor Warren organized a special presentation of the key to the city on the steps of the town hall, and she had her picture taken with both of them for the local paper. She had to go to Baton Rouge for a parade, which was a little frustrating as it was over the weekend, and she’d already missed so much practice recently. But when she got back, she doubled her efforts.

  Her biggest effort, and most helpful contribution, had been her and the Alexander brothers fetching the clay pigeon throwing machine from the club. They told us the story, how everyone had stared as they drove up in the old pickup truck. Lacy had had it all arranged ahead of time, the guys just had to go out back to get it. But the four of them walking through the club had been a serious disturbance. John had described it as a blanket of silence falling on everything. With broad smiles they’d nodded at the patrons in the restaurant, who, as he said, “Were frozen mid-bite, their forks just hovering over their plates, bits of food falling off.” Lacy had loved every moment. Especially the look of sheer horror when she and Curtis passed by, his arm draped over her shoulder. It looked like Lacy was turning into quite the little rebel.

  Of course, we were still going to school during all of this. Helping Gabe study for the SATs, even though he claimed he wasn’t interested in going to college, actually was really helpful for my PSAT scores. I’d been working extra hard to make up for my poor showing the year before, and I was really proud of the results. Top of my class, or nearly, in every subject, even gym since I’d found this new confidence thanks to my shooting skills. In fact, I discovered I was pretty good at sports if I just applied that same kind of centered focus I used when I was aiming at target practice. Even in the wrestling unit that Hannah had dominated since middle school, I actually managed to score the highest marks.

  “You’re a fighting machine!” Gabe had said afterward.

  “There’s no stopping me.”

  Then there was Gabe’s graduation, which probably was the most emotional event for us. Well, at least me and Gabe. I think junior prom, which I did not attend, was the highlight of Lacy’s year—yes, she was crowned prom queen and took Curtis as her date. Don’t know which was more impressive to the kids that night—her win or the university man on her arm.

  But Gabe’s graduation was extra special. He’d never thought he’d ever be in such a ceremony. Considering he’d dropped out, it was pretty obvious that he’d never thought he’d actually get a diploma. Still, here he was now, standing at the edge of the small stage in his cap and gown, waiting for his name to be called. He looked so cute—not hot cute, but adorable cute—nervously playing with the edge of his robe, staring straight ahead at Principal Johnson. By this time, Gabe was a fixture in the school as if he’d been through all the grades with us. When his name was called, no one seemed to notice that his only family was me and my parents. Everyone was too busy cheering for him, the girls especially. When Mrs. Johnson handed him his diploma, I saw him look out into the crowd, searching for something. Then he caught my eye and waved the diploma in the air, “Hey, sweetheart, how do you like them apples!” I waved and whooped in return.

  Afterward we went to Le Chevre, the only real sit-down restaurant in town, with my parents to celebrate. Gabe kept the cap and robe on the entire time. On the way home, he offered to give me a ride on his bike, but I wasn’t quite ready for that yet. He never stopped offering, but I just wasn’t brave enough. So we went home separately and met on the front porch on the bench, my parents inside watching some TV.

  “Had a good day?” I asked.

  “Absolutely ace,” he replied.

  “That a good thing?”

  “The best.”

  We sat in silence for a while, staring out into the dark of the front yard, down the driveway.

  “Hey,” he said suddenly, turning to face me, “it’s been a while since you mentioned seeing that weird white ghost thing. Has it been around at all?”

  Instantly my heart was in my throat. “Why’re you asking?”

  “Just staring into the dark made me remember. Can’t believe I forgot.”

  I sighed. He had no idea what a loaded question that was. The fact was I was actually feeling a bit resentful toward the strange ghost thingy these days. Since the conversation about the Thralls, it had appeared only once more outside my window a week later. But it had vanished the second I’d come downstairs to speak with it. After that, well, I hadn’t seen it since, and now it had been close to four months since it had told me about the “obvious question”. Since then it had decided it wasn’t in the mood to chat with me. Sure I’d been a bit focused on other things lately, leading an army and training and stuff. But still, every once in a while, lying in bed at night planning the next day’s practice session, suddenly the ghost thingy would pop into my mind. I wondered why it didn’t want to have a conversation with me anymore. I wondered what the answer to the “obvious question” was. I felt…well, it was stupid, but I felt a bit like it had deserted me. I also wondered if I’d…well, if I’d done something wrong.

  “Haven’t seen it in months,” I answered. It was the truth. Gabe didn’t need to know that I was disappointed in that fact.

  “That thing ain’t right, sweetheart.”

  I wondered if Gabe was interested now in knowing what I knew about him and his once upon a time being a Thrall, slave-thing. Should I tell him? Even though he’d already said he didn’t want to know? I didn’t know the answer to that question, so instead I said, “I know. But I can’t do anything about it either. No sense freaking out about it.”

  “Yeah. I suppose.”

  He didn’t seem happy with leaving it at that, though. Tell him, I thought. Tell him.

  “But it’s sweet of you to care,” I said softly.

  “’Course I care,” he said, and then his focus changed, like he was thinking his way through a tough problem.

  “Is everything alright?”

  “Riley,” he said carefully, “I’d like to ask you on a date.”

  And then all my concern about the ghost thingy went right out the window. Replaced with: Oh no.

  “Now, before you say no,” he added quickly, “let me say some stuff. First off, I get the Chris problem, and I’m not asking you to forget about him. I just want you to try going on a date with me. If it’s too much, that’s cool, we don’t have to do it again. Second, I know I’ve dated a lot of girls, and I know you know I think it’s fun but that’s all. And they were pretty okay with just fun too. But I don’t want to have fun with you. I mean, I do,” he said and grinned. “But this ain’t just a little fun thing I thought just now, I mean. I’ve been thinking about this a long time. And, sweetheart, you know you caught my eye the very first day we met.”

  Oh no.

  “So I think we should go on a date. My treat. Been starting to make dece
nt cash at the garage, and I’ve upped my hours now that summer’s starting, and I figure I’ll have enough soon for a nice dinner for two. And that’s what I think.”

  He had no idea how fast my heart was racing, how badly I just wanted to shout yes and at the same time absolutely had to say no. All he could see was stubborn Riley staring back at him indignantly. He had no idea how this date idea terrified me way more than the strange ghostly figure that stood sometimes outside my bedroom window. More than the idea of leading a small army at the Taking just two months away.

  Riley Carver doesn’t date. She doesn’t get asked on dates, but if she ever did get asked she would most certainly say no.

  Why? Why would she say no?

  Because I really really like him, and if we go on this date he’ll realize what a huge mistake he made, and not only will he never want to date me again, but it will ruin our friendship.

  “Uh…Riley?”

  “Yes.”

  “You look weird.”

  “No, I mean, yes, yes I’ll go on a date with you.”

  Gabe smiled. “Awesome.”

  35.

  Now, see, we didn’t actually get to go on a date until a good month and a bit after graduation. Training had taken a turn for the worse now that we were aiming at moving targets. Of course, I turned out to be just as awesome at that as I was with shooting at non-moving targets, but the others…not as much. Wild Frank was just plain dangerous the way he just shot wildly in the air, and Lacy was back to being really hard on herself every time she made a mistake. Even the Alexander brothers were having trouble with it. Lunches at Etta Mae’s had become a lot more subdued, and I had the feeling people weren’t as keen on meeting up for practice now that it had become more like work and less like fun.

  At least we got to practice more frequently now that school was over. Of course, this also meant we had to be extra careful, now that we were mysteriously absent from our usual lives more frequently. Lacy especially had to worry and was under some obvious strain now that her parents had decided to attend Commune every Wednesday and forced her to come along. Commune, from what Lacy described, had grown into a huge affair since the last time I’d attended. I wasn’t surprised. With the way some people spoke now in the town, using some of the same lingo I’d heard that night at the Commune in their everyday conversations, it was pretty obvious there was at least one person per family in town in attendance. Pastor Warren didn’t float every time, but he often did. Lacy said that when he would, everyone would collapse to the ground and bow low in honor of the angels. I said it sounded more like they were bowing low to him. Lacy said, “Damn right they are. And you know he loves it. He says he’s all “reveling in the Glory,” but the only Glory I can see is the one he’s created for himself.”

  “Wires and stuff…” I muttered.

  “Yeah, probably,” replied Lacy.

  “Anyone actually looked into it?”

  “Like who? The only people who’d be interested are the ones wasting every free moment missing targets,” replied Lacy, her voice lined with bitterness.

  She was right. We couldn’t do everything. We just didn’t have the time to investigate Pastor Warren’s bullshit. And saving people at the Taking seemed way more important.

  Anyway, it was also tough for all of us to meet at the same time, and since I was the leader and the best shot and teacher, I had to be there for every practice session, even when most everyone else could only make it half the time. Gabe came with me, though, and at first I’d kinda wished he wouldn’t. Ever since he’d asked me out I’d felt stupidly uncomfortable around him again, like back in the fall when we’d first been getting to know each other. But as the time passed, and the idea of a date seemed more and more just that and less something that would actually happen, I became more and more comfortable with him again.

  And then.

  And then it happened. We were into August, just a little over a week away from the Taking. It was like everything that we’d been struggling with suddenly decided to straighten itself out. Suddenly everyone was hitting moving targets. Even Wild Frank had realized that if he stopped waving his gun around and aimed, then he’d maybe hit a thing or two. We got so good that we started having little competitions, which I was never allowed to enter. I had no idea how it happened, maybe just muscle memory or something, but suddenly I had a team of crazy-good marksmen, who I imagined could give any professional sniper a run for his money.

  You’d think this would be a good thing. And it was, for our purposes. But it was also a bad thing because suddenly, for the first time, we were okay. We didn’t need to practice quite as often, and it was Curtis’s idea that maybe we take the day off.

  “Just one day, Riley,” he said, when I’d made to protest. “We need to recuperate. Re-charge the batteries.”

  “Could use some of that,” said John, and Daniel nodded.

  “I don’t think we should stop now, it’s too close…” I said.

  “It’s one day,” said Father Peter. “Curtis is right. And it isn’t just about us. You’ve been here every single day solid for two months.”

  “Everybody thinks that’s totally awesome, Riley. It’s almost inhuman,” said Lacy, adding her voice to the chorus. “But you need a break. Do it. For us.”

  I stared at them all with indignation. How could they say that? We needed every single moment to prepare. I’d told them what Gabe had looked like before, how fast he’d moved. How hard it would be to shoot a non-angel in flight. And still they thought it was cool to take some time off?

  Besides I didn’t need any time off. I felt good. I felt better than good. I felt energized, calm. More calm doing this than anything I’d ever done. It was the other stuff, the other…life…stuff that made me exhausted. This was more like meditation, emptying the mind…

  But I guess they didn’t all feel that way.

  “If that’s what you all want,” I said with a sigh, “fine, let’s take a day off. But just one day, okay?”

  There were big smiles when I finally agreed, and I realized that it didn’t matter how awesome I was feeling, they needed this. It’d been a little selfish not to realize it.

  We all started to pack up. As I was putting my mother’s shotgun back into the trunk of the car (I’d started bringing it only once in a while, so that she wouldn’t get suspicious), I heard Gabe’s voice in my ear.

  “About time you got some time off. So, you and me, tomorrow night?”

  Without looking up at him I closed the trunk and walked around to the door. “Sure, why not?” I said as calmly as possible.

  “Thought you might have been using all this training as a way to avoid it.”

  I laughed, a little too enthusiastically. “Of course not!”

  “Good.”

  I opened the door and got inside the car. “So, see you at home?”

  “I’m gonna hang out with John for a bit, work on the place, but I’ll be back in time for dinner.”

  “Cool,” I said and closed the door. My heart was going at such a rate I thought it might explode out of my chest.

  I drove a little faster than usual to get to the house as quickly as I could. I replaced the shotgun in the gun cabinet and locked it up and then ran upstairs to my room dialing as I did. There was only one person I could think of who could help me in my current state. I just hoped she wouldn’t make fun of me too bad.

  “Hello?”

  “Lacy, I need your help.”

  36.

  The general reaction to Riley going on a date was as big and ridiculous as I had imagined it was going to be. Lacy had squealed through the phone at a pitch probably only dogs could hear when I told her. My parents thought it was just the cutest thing ever, and I’m pretty sure I saw tears in my mother’s eyes.

  I couldn’t sleep all night and avoided Gabe as much as I could during the next day. It really sucked living with the guy you were going on a first date with. You
r first date ever with.

  Lacy arrived around 4:00 p.m. to help me get ready, and I was really glad she did. The idea of putting together an outfit for this was making me feel physically ill. Which didn’t make sense, since Gabe had seen me in just about everything I owned already and had still decided to ask me out. It wasn’t like I needed to impress him or anything. Still. I kind of wanted to.

  Lacy’d brought over several clothing bags worth of stuff, plus some makeup and hair product, and we set to work trying to find the perfect outfit.

  Of course, this was going to be tricky as we had very different body shapes. She was skinny all over, and I was, well, not.

  “I’m so jealous of your curves,” she said as she laid out some dresses on my bed.

  “Don’t be. They make you look fat even if you’re not.”

  “That’s just ’cause you don’t know how to dress them.” She took a step back to examine the different options, then grabbed a short purple dress with a little bow on the shoulder. “Try this.”

  I sighed, slipped out of the dress I was wearing, and put it on. It was tight across the shoulders and bust, a little baggy at the waist and tight again at the hips.

  “This is going great,” I said, and peeled it off quickly.

  “First try. Don’t be so impatient. This takes time,” she replied.

  Indeed it did. Lots and lots of time. I’m not sure exactly how many outfits Lacy had brought, but I’d seen her closet, and I imagined she’d brought most of it with her. It was exhausting putting on then taking off all the different options. I was reminded of why I hated shopping so much. The tiny fan in my room hardly helped keep the heat at bay, and I was turning into a sweaty mess. Maybe that’s why fashion models were so skinny. Who knew getting dressed could be such great exercise?

  “We’re running out of options,” I said as I took off a sleeveless white blouse and short black skirt.

  I knew Lacy understood that, but she just raised her hand to silence me.