Outcast

by Adrienne Kress

And then I felt a light touch on my back, so faint I almost thought I’d imagined it. Whatever it was, there was no way I could interact with another human being, talk to anyone, do anything other than hold onto Gabe.

  “What?” I asked loudly. “What the hell do you want?”

  There was no answer, just the touch again. It was so slight and yet obviously insistent. With all the willpower I could muster I released my grip on Gabe and turned.

  Standing before me was that little girl in the yellow dress. The one who I always saw over at Etta Mae’s. Kneeling on the ground as I was, we were at eye-level with each other.

  “What is it?” I asked softly, utterly confused to see her here.

  The little girl pointed into the sky. I looked up. And watched as it was torn apart by a bright white burst of light.

  50.

  All there was was white. There was nothing else, no fete, no town, no people. Just bright light that radiated through me, over me, beyond me. All there was was white and, at the same time, a million different colors. Then it was gone. Like the string of a kite being pulled out of your grasp and into the sky.

  I held my head in my hands and keeled over, my forehead touching the ground.

  “Riley, are you okay?” asked Gabe.

  “Did you see that?” I asked.

  “Did I see what?”

  I guess not, then.

  The screaming started up again then, and I raised my head to see what was going on. I saw expressions of horror on the faces of the Alexander brothers and Lacy. I turned to follow their gaze and was grateful I’d been sitting down, otherwise I was certain I’d have fallen from the shock.

  Everyone was staring at the Ferris wheel, which looked like it was on fire. But it wasn’t. You could tell that it wasn’t. After a moment the shapes became visible, and I knew instantly what they were, though I’d never seen them before. Standing on seven passenger seats were seven massive figures. Human in shape, their faces seemed to be human too, though it was hard to tell at that distance. Each had wings, spread open and wide, and though each figure looked the same, they also didn’t. They were striking to see. They were beautiful. But it wasn’t something I concluded in looking at them. It was something I knew deep down inside. Beauty in this case was not in the eye of the beholder. Beauty was a universal truth.

  I didn’t need to ask if Gabe could see this. He was staring at them too, just like everyone else in our town was staring. The screaming and panic had died down now. All there was was quiet, as we waited for the next thing to happen.

  “Stand Riley Carver,” said a voice that was melodic and low.

  “Did you hear that?” I asked Gabe, and he nodded. Then I realized that he’d always been able to see my guardian too, so maybe he wasn’t the right person to ask. I turned to look at Lacy.

  “You should probably do it,” she said when our eyes met.

  That answered that. I turned back around and with Gabe’s help stood up. The little girl in the yellow dress took my hand.

  I sensed a shift. Though none of the beings moved, I knew their focus was entirely on me now.

  “You are one of the Nephilim,” said the voice again. This time it felt like a single voice and not an entire chorus.

  “Yes,” I said. I wondered if they could hear my reply. It hardly traveled further than my own lips.

  “We did not know you were here. We have not been to this place in many years.”

  “I know.” I felt a little braver, the words were a little stronger. “How did you find out I was here?”

  “A guardian told us.”

  I remembered what my guardian had told me about the Circle. About it summoning the guardians to their side. It didn’t make sense. “Well, I certainly didn’t send my guardian to you, and if you forgot about me, how could you summon it?”

  “We did not summon your guardian. But we were sent a guardian. Not yours. A guardian belonging to a fallen angel.”

  “My father?” I asked immediately. “Can you tell me where he is?” My heart was pounding now.

  “He is not your father.”

  I felt a great disappointment, but I knew this wasn’t the time to solve my Daddy problem. “Who was it then?”

  “His name is Charoum. And you are holding his guardian by your hand.”

  I looked down at the little girl in the yellow dress. So did Gabe. As usual, the little girl smiled up at me. I glanced over my shoulder at Lacy and the Alexander brothers and saw their confused expressions.

  Of course.

  They couldn’t see her. Only Gabe and I could. It was then that I understood all the strange looks over at Etta Mae’s, the suspicion, the special attention just for me. “Mr. Clayton.”

  “He is Charoum, a fallen angel who has tried over the years to regain favor. He sent his guardian to tell us of your existence. As a gift.”

  “Oh.” He knew. The second I waved at the little girl in the yellow dress, he’d realized I could see her, he’d known. He didn’t know what I was probably at first, but as we continued training, as I built an army, came over every day and discussed strategy at the house…he’d figured it out.

  “To learn of your existence was a huge gift. There is nothing more rare than to learn of a new Naphil. And now that we are here we also see what is happening. We did not know an army of our own slaves was gathering to fight us. We remember now that we lost some once upon a time, but they were easily replaced and so not thought on again. But we see what is happening here clearly, and now we must prevent it. It is not the way of things.”

  “Maybe the way of things shouldn’t be the way of things,” I said instantly, and I saw Gabe look over at me. But I didn’t care. I wasn’t about to start censoring myself now.

  There was a brief pause, and I think I’d surprised the Circle. Then it responded: “It is how it has always been. We have come for their leader, Gabe McClure, who must be dispensed with but first punished. He must be made an example of.”

  There was no way I was letting that happen, thank you very much. “No.”

  “He does not belong to you, Riley Carver. He belongs to us.”

  Belong to me. They weren’t the first to tell me that. But then I realized…all that talk about Nephilim and my power of choice…

  “No. You’re wrong. He does belong to me. I choose him. I choose him for me. And I choose to help him.”

  “Riley Carver, you know not what you do.”

  “I know exactly what I’m doing.”

  “There will be chaos. This is not the way of things. Chaos in our world brings great pain to yours.”

  I shook my head: don’t you dare threaten me. “You call it chaos, I call it change. And great change is worth the pain. You just can’t use humans as your playthings. You can’t just own us and use us. You just can’t.”

  “We see the greater story.”

  “Bullshit. If you saw the greater story, you’d have seen this coming. But you didn’t know of any of it until this little girl, guardian, came and told you.”

  “Give us Gabe McClure.”

  “No.”

  There was another silence. A longer one now.

  “Riley, you don’t have to do this,” Gabe whispered, but I didn’t pay attention. Of course, I had to do this. Of all the things I had to do, this was the most important.

  The Circle spoke again. “If you give us Gabe McClure, we shall remedy the wrongs he has done to your town.” They said it like a great decision had been made.

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “For seven years he has led the Taking. For six years you have lost the people of your town. We shall return them all. And those that lie lifeless by your side shall live once more.”

  My heart sank. Of all the things the Circle could have offered…“I…”

  “One life for dozens.”

  “I…can’t…” I turned for the first time to look at the folks from the town who were all, understan
dably, staring at me now. I knew what their decision would be. Who was Gabe to them but some stranger?

  “You must,” declared the Circle.

  “I won’t!”

  “You will.” But it wasn’t the Circle who said it. It was Gabe.

  I turned to him. “No, you can’t give in to them. You can’t.” Panic now, horror. Don’t do this to me, Gabe. Please, please don’t.

  “Riley,” said Gabe reaching for me. I released my very tight grip on the little girl in yellow’s hand and took his instead. “This is about so much more than just me. It ain’t right to sacrifice all those lives just for my sake. And they make a point. I’m the reason for all of it. Why shouldn’t I be punished?”

  Why shouldn’t you? It was so obvious. “Because even though the way you were doing it was wrong, it was still the right idea. Fighting back was the right idea. And now I’ll help you, and we’ll do it right.”

  Gabe shook his head. “Riley, I don’t remember any of that. I’m just a guy. A guy in a time that ain’t his, no family…”

  “I’m your family. My parents are your family.”

  “Riley,” he took my other hand in his, looked at me hard in the eyes, “I have to go.”

  No, no, you can’t. “Don’t leave me.”

  “This is so much bigger than the two of us.”

  “I know.” I knew it. I wasn’t stupid. But why wasn’t I ever allowed to just have something for me? Just once? “I’m being selfish, but I don’t care. I chose you, Gabe. You belong to me.” He did. It wasn’t a metaphor or anything, not the way these angels ran things.

  “I chose you too. But you don’t belong to me, and I don’t belong to you. We are ourselves. The best thing about choosing is we get to decide. We get to be free.”

  “Technically, though, you do belong to me now. I’ve got powers.”

  “And you just said that it ain’t right to use people, to own them. You’ve got to let me go. You’ve got to trust me. Y’all never really did trust me.”

  “I trust you. I just…”

  “I know.” He stepped toward me. “Let me go.”

  I wanted to tell him that I couldn’t, I just couldn’t. It would hurt too much. If I let you go, Gabe, then they will kill you. If I let you go…But I didn’t say of any of it. “You can go,” I said instead, the words catching in my throat. “I no longer choose you. You are free to do as you please.”

  Gabe smiled at me softly and brought a hand up to my cheek. I nodded. Then he turned to the Circle. “Y’all get that?”

  “We did. Come with us now, Gabe McClure.”

  “Give me a second. Y’all are immortal right? It ain’t like we’re wasting your time.” He turned back to me. “I love you, Riley Carver,” he said. “And I ain’t never said that to no one before.”

  I smiled. It was easy now. No internal debate. I knew exactly how I felt about him in return. “I love you too, Gabe McClure. And I’ve said that to my parents, but this is different.”

  Gabe laughed. “You don’t always have to be so honest.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  I wrapped my arms around his neck, and I felt his around my waist. I looked into his eyes, and for the first time I knew exactly what he was thinking, because I was thinking it too.

  “No tears,” he said.

  “Wanna bet?” I replied as I felt one trickle down my cheek.

  He leaned his forehead against mine, and I could feel his warm breath against my cheek. Then we kissed. For the last time. To describe a kiss that was such a kiss would only be to diminish everything about it. The only thing to say about it is that it was.

  I didn’t want to let him go, but I had to. Of course I had to. This was the hardest thing I’d ever done in my life, and I’d done some really hard stuff over the last year. But I did. I let my hands fall to my side, and Gabe’s gently slipped off my waist. It felt cold where his touch had been, colder even than how I felt with my guardian.

  We stared at each other. There was nothing else to do. Nothing else to say. It was over. The goodbye was over. We were over. This whole year was over.

  He pushed a final stray hair behind my ear and then turned and walked toward the Ferris wheel.

  “Thank you, Riley Carver,” said the Circle.

  I didn’t say anything back.

  Gabe started to glow, and he stared down at himself in surprise. Then he looked up at me and grinned that grin of his. “Neat-o, huh, sweetheart?” he said, and winked.

  And then he vanished.

  And he was gone.

  Like he’d never been.

  51.

  Many things happened in the moment that followed. The Circle vanished in that same brightness that evidently only I could see. Then the fallen creature in front of me became human, just like that. Became Georgia Banks, as a matter of fact. She moaned slightly, opened her eyes and stared up at me in utter confusion. She looked in great pain, and Lacy was instantly down at her side to take care of her.

  There were flashes then, several dozen, and where there had once been only a few fallen creatures lying dead on the ground, there were now around forty people, all returning to consciousness, all in pain and confused. The crowd went into rescue mode, and soon folks were running about trying to take care of them all. Family members were trying to find their lost loved ones.

  I was still in a haze, so it took me a moment to realize that one of those people somewhere on the ground was Chris. His family was at home, of course, like last year. I knew they hadn’t come to the Taking, no matter what kind of fear they’d had of Pastor Warren. Poor Pastor Warren, I realized suddenly, but I didn’t feel very bad for him. Just some small pity at how pathetic he seemed now. To the entire town, I had no doubt.

  I had to find Chris. He would be so scared, so alone. Besides, looking for him was a bit of distraction from what had just happened. A very, very small distraction. It was hard to get around with so many people moving about in the dark. Then I heard someone call, “Riley!” and I followed the voice until I saw Father Peter standing over an unconscious Chris.

  We looked at each other.

  “I’ll get a doctor,” he said.

  I nodded. There was nothing to say, not at least in this moment. Instead, I bent down beside Chris and carefully cradled his head in my lap. To touch him again, to run my fingers through his hair, it was an overwhelming feeling. Coupled with the feeling of just having lost Gabe, it was almost too much to handle.

  You can give me your emotions if you wish.

  “No, thank you,” I replied as my guardian materialized at my side once more.

  But you are in so much pain.

  “I need to feel this. I want to feel this.”

  Why?

  “If I don’t feel this, it’s like it didn’t matter, like he didn’t matter.”

  I do not understand.

  “That’s okay. You don’t have to.”

  Is there anything I should do?

  “No.”

  I shall watch, then.

  “If you’d like to.”

  I shall watch.

  There was some very small comfort having my guardian’s glowing presence at my side, and I appreciated the company. I liked that it was learning, making offers now and not just waiting for me to ask the question. Maybe this strange relationship wasn’t going to be quite as terrible as I’d thought. It cared.

  I stroked Chris’s hair and looked down at him. Was he ready to wake yet? Should I wake him? I wanted to, but was that just me being selfish? Again.

  Before I could make the decision, his head moved slightly, and then a small sound escaped his lips.

  “Chris?” I asked quietly.

  There was movement behind his eyelids, and then they slowly opened. He stared up at me, and the feeling I felt, seeing those hazel green eyes stare into mine again after so very long was so strong that for a moment I almost changed my mind and asked my guardian for help.
/>   “Riley?” His voice was hoarse, but it was his voice. Chris’s voice. I’d forgotten that voice.

  “Hey, you.”

  “Where am I? What’s going on?” he asked turning his head slightly to look around.

  “Stay still,” I replied. “You’ve gone through a lot.”

  “Have I?”

  “Yes, you have.”

  He looked confused and unhappy. “Riley, what’s happened?”

  “You were taken. Two years ago. But it’s okay, because you’re back now. Everything’s going to be okay.”

  “I was taken?”

  “Yes.”

  “Two years ago?”

  “Yes.”

  “Two whole years have passed?”

  “Yes.”

  He looked really upset, and I tried to calm him down by touching his forehead with my cool palm. “It’s okay. It’s really okay.”

  “But I missed two whole years.”

  And I know someone else who missed fifty. “It’ll be okay. I’ll fill you in on everything. Your family is going to be so excited you’re back.”

  “Yeah? They missed me?”

  “Of course.”

  “Did you miss me?”

  Did I miss you? Did I miss you, Chris? It goes deep. It stays with you. Even when you’re not thinking about it. Even when there’s someone else.

  “Every single day.”

  Chris calmed down when I said that. His body relaxed, and his head sank more heavily into my hands.

  “You should rest. Close your eyes,” I said. “They’ll send a doctor or someone over soon.”

  “Okay, but keep talking, alright? Your voice makes me feel calm.”

  “I’ll try, but I don’t know what to say.” I didn’t really want to start on everything that had happened since he’d gone.

  “Say whatever you want. Sing a song if you have to.”

  I had to laugh. The only one who liked my songs. Well…the only other one. “You sure you want to go through that?”

  “Aw, you’ve got an okay voice, Riley.”

  “Alright. Close your eyes Chris.”

  He did, and I continued to stroke his hair.