by A. m Madden
“So what do you want to do? Check out the sites? Have sex for the next four hours? Play scrabble?”
“Scrabble sounds fun.” His pout causes me to giggle. “I wanted to make some phone calls. I need to call my dad, Evan, and Lori. I want them to hear it from me and not from some blogger’s website.”
“Do you want me to sit with you?”
“No, I need to do this alone.”
“Does that mean you are kicking me out?”
“Yes, you’ll only distract me.”
Sighing he looks up, pretending to ponder this request. “Fine, but only until you hang up. Then all bets are off.”
“Deal.”
“I actually wanted to make a few calls as well. I owe a call to Mom and Lizzy. You sure you want to do this alone?”
“Yep…wish me luck.”
“Good luck. Love you.” Kissing me, he scoots out of the booth and heads for the back bedroom.
With shaky fingers, I hit my dad’s number.
“Baby girl, how are you?”
“Hi, Dad. I’m really good. How are you?”
“Fine. Busy at work, blah, blah. Where are you?”
“We just got to Pittsburgh. We have a few hours before we are due to rehearse.” An awkward silence falls.
“Lei? You ok?”
“Um…yea. Dad I’m calling to tell you something.”
“Oh my God! What’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong. Just the opposite.” More silence, but this time my dad patiently waits. “Um…jeez this is hard…um…ok…I’ll just say it…I’m…I’m… seeing someone.”
“Holy crap, Lei. You almost gave me a heart attack. I couldn’t imagine what you were trying to tell me. Is it Jack?”
Gasping, I can’t believe he guesses correctly so fast.
“What? You don’t think I saw the signs? Hopeless romantic here, remember?”
“Yeah, thanks for that gene.”
“Sweetie, you need to own it. So Jack, huh? When did you two finally figure it out?”
“Um, after my farewell party.”
“Are you happy?”
“So much.”
“Then I’m happy. He’s a good man. Is he around?”
Uh oh. “Dad…”
“Relax…I just want to give him my blessing.”
“Dad, he’s not asking for my hand in marriage.” Little does he know.
“Yet…”
“Dad.”
“Do you love him?”
“Yes.”
“Does he…”
“Yes,” I interrupt his next question.
“Good. Then let me talk to him.”
“He’s on the phone with his parents. Can he talk to you later?”
“Sure, sweetheart.”
“Ok. I have to call Evan now. Everything ok with you guys?”
My dad pauses for a second. “Um, yea…it’s getting there. Don’t you worry about us, we’ll be fine.”
“How’s Barb?”
“Good. She’s handling it like a champ. She sends her love. I gotta go babe, I have another call. You have that boyfriend of yours call me later, ok?”
He suddenly rushes me off the phone as if the topic of Barb has him uncomfortable. I worry he is keeping something from me about her recovery. “Sure…call me when you have time to talk. I love you, Daddy.”
“Me too, baby girl, so much. Be careful.”
Sighing with relief, I don’t understand why I was so scared to tell him. Stupidly, I thought calling Dad would be the harder call. I now have to call my brother. And my gut tells me it may not go as smoothly as my conversation with Dad went.
“Hey Sis…how are you?”
“Hi Ev, I’m good. Miss you.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“How’s your mom?”
“Good. She is remaining positive and has a really good attitude. It’s like she is so relaxed and happy now, even with battling cancer. Very strange.”
“That’s great. Attitude is everything during recovery. Keep me posted.”
“Definitely.”
“You guys ready for that charity concert you’re doing?”
“So ready. It’s in two weeks.”
“I wish I could see it.”
“I know. Lori is having her friend video tape it, so she can put it on our website. You can see it there.”
“I meant in person.”
“I know. So many times I would turn towards your spot on stage to throw you a look, only to remember you aren’t there.”
“You’re killing me, Ev.”
“I’m sorry.” He sighs into the phone. “Sal added karaoke night.”
“Wait, what?”
“I know. It was all Lori. She said she needed a night for us to be seen. She rallied for
Fridays, but he told her she was nuts. So they settled for Thursdays. She switched her shift with a Day-Timer so she can be with us. She really is perfect for this, Lei.”
“I knew she would be.”
“You were right. So, is touring with a famous rock band all it’s cracked up to be?”
Taking a few seconds to choose my words, I admit, “It’s even better.”
“Better? That’s cool. Your fans are loving you.”
“Some.”
“Most. Don’t worry about those idiots.”
“You were worried about those idiots last time we talked. Why the change in attitude?”
“Jack’s right. They are jealous. The legitimate fans are loving you.”
“So I keep hearing.” Evan and I discuss our friends, like we do each and every time we speak on the phone. He fills me in on their latest shenanigans. I’m pathetically making small talk, going as far as asking what color are Joe’s girlfriend’s eyes.
“Why do you care?” Evan calls me out on my stupid line of questioning.
“Um…”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Bull crap.”
“Um… I just spoke to my dad. I wanted to let him know my news. I want to let you know as well.”
“You pregnant?”
“Evan! Jeez. No, I’m not pregnant.”
Chuckling, he says, “I’m kidding.”
“Not funny.”
“I thought it was.” Evan laughs into the phone. “So spill it. What do you need to say?”
“Um…” Awkwardly I once again fumble for the right words. Why is this so hard for me to admit?
“Leila?”
“Jack-and-I-are-together,” I blurt out.
A few seconds of silence from his end, then he says, “Stop. Repeat it slower.”
Releasing a burst of air from my lungs, I repeat my news halfheartedly. “Jack…and…I…are…together.”
“I thought that’s what you said. When did this happen?”
Oh no…
“Ev…please don’t be mad.”
“Why would I be mad?”
“It started the night of my farewell party.”
More silence…
Nerves take hold and prompt my frantic pacing back and forth in the bus, waiting for Evan to speak. “Ev…”
“What?” he says with a ton of attitude.
Sighing, I scramble my brain for something adequate to say. I come up empty.
Evan finally speaks. “Wow! Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks, unable to hide the hurt he feels in his voice. “Ok, so I suspected. But I’ve waited and waited for you to confirm or deny my suspicions. I’ve given you more than one opportunity to do that. And you said nothing.”
“Evan…you had a lot going on with your mom and my dad. I didn’t want to worry you.”
“Why would I be worried? Because he is walking sex? Your words, not mine! Or because you work for him? Or because you are trapped on a bus with him for months and you have nowhere to run if it doesn’t work out? Or maybe because I’ve heard he has quite a reputation and he’s not a one-woman man? Are any of these possibly the reasons you think I would worry?”<
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“Ev…”
“Leila…I’m not your father. But I am your brother and your best friend, and I have the right to worry about you. Are you sure you want this?”
“Yes.”
Now it’s Evan’s turn to sigh heavily. “You said it was a crush.”
“It’s more.”
“And what about all his conquests?”
“Evan. He’s not like that anymore.”
“I can’t believe you just said that.”
“Well, he’s not.” While Evan remains silent on his end, I take the opportunity to convince him that Jack is my soul mate. “We’re good together. We didn’t just jump into this. We got to know each other first. He’s a good man. He’s kind and considerate. Evan, he loves me and I love him.” Tears well up as I sit on the phone, miles away from my best friend, enduring the torturous silence he’s determined to unleash on me. I sit heavily on the couch, waiting for him to speak.
“Are you happy?” he finally asks quietly.
“Very much so.”
Jack walks out from the back bedroom to witness me swiping away my tears. His face crumples with concern as he squats before me. Taking my hand, he squeezes until I make eye contact with him.
“Ev…are you there?”
“I’m here.”
Jack motions for the phone. I shake my head because I’m not sure Evan would want to talk to Jack right now.
“Listen, I told my dad. He was happy for me. Besides you two, Jack’s family and our band, no one else knows yet. But something happened in Boston, and you may start seeing things on the Internet. I wanted to tell you myself.” When Evan doesn’t respond, I add, “Call me back when you’re ready to talk about it.”
“Is he there now?” he asks, ignoring my comments.
“Yes,” I respond while looking at Jack.
“Let me talk to him.”
“Evan…”
“Lei…let me talk to him.” Wordlessly, I hand the phone to Jack.
“Hey, Evan…yes, I understand…” Jack sits next to me while Evan rants on the other end. He wraps his arm around my shoulders, and then kisses the top of my head, patiently waiting for Evan to finish his tirade.
“Yes, I got it…crystal clear…I love her Evan…” There’s another long pause before Jack adds, “Yes…it’s not like that anymore…you need to trust me…I intend to…sure, hold on.”
Jack smiles as he hands me the phone. “Hey…”
“Hey…I’m sorry I acted like an idiot. I just worry about you.”
“I know.”
“And I love you. Don’t keep anything from me, ok?”
“Ok.”
“Good. I’m happy you’re happy. And he knows he’ll have to retrieve my shoe from his ass if he hurts you.”
“Great…”
“Bye, Lei.”
“Bye, Ev.”
Turning towards Jack, I shrug sheepishly. “Well, that went well.”
“Babe, you had to expect that. He cares about you.”
“I’m sorry he grilled you.”
Jack laughs and says, “No worries.”
“How did it go with your mom and Lizzy?”
“They are thrilled.” He turns serious, and then asks, “What about your dad?”
“He was happy, I think. Strange. You must have charmed the pants off him. He wants to talk to you also, but I’m sure he won’t be as crude as Evan was.”
Jack laughs again. “That was the first time someone threatened to shove their foot and ankle up my ass.” His phone buzzes with a new text. Frowning as he reads it, he quickly glances up at me.
“Who is it?”
Jack hesitates before answering. “Um, it’s a text from Jessa. She had the tests done yesterday and says the results should arrive in a few weeks.”
My heart drops at the sound of Jessa’s name. I stand to put distance between us, but Jack takes my hand in both of his, stopping me in my tracks. “Hey...”
“Does she have a DNA sample from you?” I can’t believe I just blurted that out. I wanted to talk to him about this, but I’m not prepared to do it yet, and definitely not while I’m in an emotional state.
“What?”
“Nothing. Forget it.”
“Lei, what did you ask me?”
Not able to take back my question, I ask again. “Jessa? Does she have a DNA sample?”
“I don’t think so. Why?”
“Did you research paternity testing at all?”
He looks confused. It slowly occurs to him what I’m getting at. “You think she’s lying?”
“No. But I did some research. She needs your DNA to perform the test. It’s also risky to the fetus to perform the test in utero. It’s something to think about.”
He sits quietly. It upsets me that he sat back, allowing this woman to dictate the chain of events in this nightmare. Jessa isn’t here to take my anger out on. So unintentionally, I focus my anger towards him.
Pulling my hand away, I utter, “Let’s not talk about this right now. I have some more phone calls to make.” I know it’s a shitty thing to do, but I can’t deal with the black cloud that discreetly hovers above us. I’m too tired.
“Ok…” He watches me, waiting for me to say something.
I can’t. I’m just not in the mood to pretend. Deep inside, I truly feel it is Jack’s baby. A small seed of doubt festers from the fact that Jessa has been very elusive regarding this paternity test. I don’t trust her. I think what upsets me is Jack seems to. I also feel the closer that we get to the truth, the more I panic. This is clearly my version of a panic attack.
“Do you want some space?”
Nodding, I pick up my phone and start to scroll through my contacts.
Jack stands before me, gently pulling the phone out of my hand.
“Lei…I love you.” He stares down at me, waiting for my response.
Gazing back into his eyes, I respond, “I know.”
My heart splinters a bit from the look in his eyes. He bends to kiss me and hands me back my phone before walking off the bus.
We promised each other to talk things out, and to not let this come between us. I feel awful, but I just can’t help it. Feeling emotionally drained, I walk to the bedroom, closing the door behind me. I just need to be alone for a while. I need to remember all the things I love about him, and not the one thing I hate…specifically his pregnant baggage.
Chapter 5 – Jack
I would much rather be next to her, talking her off her cliff, instead of leaving her alone with her thoughts. I get she needs to be alone, and I’ll give her the space she needs. I have no worries or doubts of her love for me. I know she’s told me she isn’t running, but I do worry that she’s keeping things from me. Like how she truly feels about Jessa’s situation, or if things do not turn out the way we want them to, does it scare her more to be with me than without?
Walking around to the front of the Rex Theater, I text Jessa.
where did you get my dna?
I don’t beat around the bush. I will kill this bitch if she is lying to me. I decide to hail a cab. I have no idea where I want to go, but I need time as well. Jessa’s text also mentioned Danny was at our opening show. A chill ran down my spine. Initially I disregarded the whole fuel line thing, but now I’m worried. It can’t be coincidence. As I left the bus, I asked Tom to watch Leila.
“Where to?”
“Where’s the nearest mall?”
“Ross Park, ten minutes.”
“Fine.”
Pulling my phone out, I decide to call Jen. “Hi, Jen.”
“Hi, Jack. What’s up?”
“Where’s my security?”
“Actually, I was going to call you today about that. The studio feels there really isn’t a specific threat to you.”
“That’s not acceptable. I think there already has been a specific threat to us.”
“Why, what’s wrong?”
“Jessa texted me. Turns out Danny was at opening night
.”
“So? A lot of people were at opening night.”
“The bus didn’t start after the show.”
“I know. It caused hours of delay. So?”
“Steve said it looked like something gnawed on the fuel line. I immediately thought of Danny, but then decided it was irrational. Now that I know he was at the show, it’s not so irrational anymore.”
Jen remains silent on her end of the line for a few seconds. “Ok…it does seem too big of a coincidence.”
“Can you let the studio know? I’ll call Dylan. I need you to keep on top of this for me. I haven’t asked for one Goddamn thing. I’m demanding security.”
“Ok, Jack. I’ll call Louis now. I’ll also call the arena and speak to their security. Maybe they have tapes of the back lots where the buses were parked. We’ll touch base after your show.
Hanging up, it’s hard not to notice Jen’s newfound level of compassion. She knows how pissed I was with her behavior and is trying to placate me. I have no problem using her guilt to my advantage. I’m not ashamed to admit that.
The cab lets me out at the mall, just as my phone buzzes with a call from Jessa.
“I assume you got my text?”
“Yes. That’s why I’m calling you.”
“Explain.”
“I got it from the condom we used that night.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
Hearing a sigh over the phone, she waits a few seconds before she continues. “Jack, do you remember what I said to you that night?”
“Nope. I try to ignore you as much as possible.”
“Lovely. Well after you screwed me without a condom, I called you an asshole and said you better not have gotten me pregnant.”
“I vaguely remember that.”
“Do you vaguely remember telling me there was no way my evil, overused womb could procreate?”
Laughing, the memory comes back to me. “Oh, yeah. I remember that.”
“And you remember me throwing you out?”
“Yep. I had to call Hunt to pick me up.” Hunter was furious with me for fucking her that night. I had to listen to him cursing me out the entire way home and first thing the next morning while fighting a raging hangover.
