by A. m Madden
“Not on a bus. In an apartment, in the city, doing normal things like watching TV or making dinner.”
His comment surprises me. “Really?”
“Yeah. I’ve never had that. I loved those few nights we stayed at your place, when we first started seeing each other. I can’t wait to do that again.”
Turning towards him, I stroke his face. “God, I love you.”
“Me too.” He bends to give me a kiss.
“Wait, in the city? We aren’t going to live in Hoboken?”
“Uh…no.”
Feigning anger, I ask, “What’s wrong with Hoboken?”
“It’s not the city. I’ll pick the location, you can pick the apartment.”
“You’re breaking up with Hunter?”
“Uh, yeah…” Kissing me chastely, he adds, “The minute we pull into New York, we are apartment hunting.”
“My dad will not be happy if I move to New York or if I live with you in sin.”
Jack pins me on my back with my wrists in his hands. “Well, then I’ll have to make an honest woman of you before then.” He kisses me deeply. “After I defile you.”
“Defile away.”
“Hmmm…what should I do to you today?” He skims his nose down mine, and then pulls my bottom lip in between his teeth. It’s almost like his mouth is a jumper cable and I’m the battery. Instantly, I’m charged and ready to go. Rolling my hips against his in hopes he takes it fast this time, he looks into my eyes and shakes his head.
Nodding I respond with a “Yes.”
“What has happened to you? Where did my shy girlfriend go?”
“I killed her. It was a very violent death, poor thing. She didn’t have a chance.”
“I would have sent flowers.” He laces our fingers together, keeping our hands over my head.
I impatiently shift so he is right where I need him to be. Smiling he says, “Ok, your wish is my command.” He bends to kiss me, deeply. It’s my favorite slow, dry, deliberate kiss that I adore. My fingers grip his tightly, as he nearly gets me there with just his kiss.
I pull away and he looks down at me confused. “Did I ever tell you that I practically had an orgasm at your birthday party when you kissed me that night? It was just like it was now. Drives me crazy. So please, hurry.”
“No, you never told me that.” Looking into my eyes, without warning, he slips inside of me. “Fast enough?”
Nodding, I bite my lip from the fullness I feel, my muscles instantly contracting around him. “Yes. Now move, please.”
“So bossy.” He resumes his kissing, right where he left off. I bring my knees up in an attempt to get him deeper. The craving I have to consume him whole is unbearable. Jack pulls out almost completely, then slides back in torturously slow. His fingers are tightly gripping mine. He removes one of his hands, skimming it along the side of my body, resting it on the back of my thigh. He hitches my leg over his shoulder, simultaneously increasing his rhythm by moving in and out in the most delicious way. My free hand finds his hair, giving me something to latch on to as I shudder beneath him.
He drops his forehead to mine, staring into my eyes with such intensity that I know he’s close. A few seconds later, he slows his pace, his moan and his eyes shutting, both indicators he is there.
Smiling at him, I’m in awe of this man. How did I get him? How does he feel the same about me?
As he opens his eyes, he smirks adorably. “Am I amusing you?”
“No. I can watch you have an orgasm all day. In fact, can I record it on my phone so I can watch it when we are apart?”
“If I can record you.” He grins. “Let’s make a sex tape.”
“Sure. Tomorrow.”
“Really?”
“No.”
“Buzz kill.” He pulls out, moving to lie on his side next to me. “I adore you, Leila Marino. I can’t wait to make you my wife. I can’t wait until we belong to each other completely.”
“I can’t wait for that too.”
“Leila Lair.”
My heart flips at the sound of that, but I tease, “It sounds like a porn star.”
“Leila Lair does Jack.” He purses his lips and says, “It kinda does.”
“We’ll be Mr. & Mrs. Marino.”
“Uh, no.”
“You wouldn’t take my name?”
He shakes his head. “Nope.”
“Old fashioned, are you?”
“Not at all. But you taking my name would make me extremely happy. The Lair’s. Leila and Jack Lair. It works.”
“Hmm. We’ll see.”
“On what?”
“How big the ring is.”
Chapter 9 - Jack
“Why am I in trouble this time?” I ask over the phone, as Leila gets dressed a few feet away.
“Am I on speaker?” Jen asks.
“Yes.”
“I needed to talk to you two.” Jen doesn’t beat around the bush. “Rock MY World’s website is reporting, Jessa Perez is pregnant and scorned by Jack Lair, front-man for up-and-coming rock band Devil’s Lair.”
My heart halts in my chest. “What?” I ask panicked.
Jen continues. “There is a whole write up, a picture of her, of you and Leila from our website. It’s pretty bad. She is playing the role perfectly.”
“Fuck…!”
We can’t catch a fucking break. I am so angry I want to hit something.
Rock MY World is an entertainment show that caters to the rock and roll world. It can be watched on cable television, but their claim to fame is their website. They are known to stalk rock stars, getting all sorts of gossip and compromising photos of them at their most vulnerable.
“Jack, this is not good.” For the first time since meeting Jen, I can hear the disappointment in her voice.
“Jen, Leila and I are the only ones who know about the baby. I don’t know if it’s mine. She could be lying.”
“The article says it’s yours.” Leila and I stare at each other. She looks pale.
“Jack, you should have told me. This changes a lot. Krista and I are flying to the label. I’ll call you when we get there. I don’t know what she wants, but we need to spin this just the right way. We need to prepare a statement. I’m not going to lie, this can be a fucking disaster.”
Leila gives me a knowing look as she sits heavily in a chair. She was so right.
“You need to mention there is a possibility it’s not mine.” I pathetically cling to that chance.
“I will. I’m not sure that will help. I suggest you tell the guys. You owe it to them to tell them yourself.”
“I know, ” I say, while scrubbing my hand over my face. Goddamn her.
“Then call Jessa. Try to figure out what angle she’s going for. It will help us predict which route she is taking. I’ll call you once I speak to Krista.”
“Okay.” Jen ends the call and I look over at Leila. Her hands are buried in her hair and she is staring into space.
“I’m sorry, baby.”
She looks up sadly. “I’ve had plenty of warning, plenty of time to think about this, but it’s still hard to hear.”
“I’m sorry you have to deal with this. It’s breaking my heart that you are involved in this mess.” The hurt, mixing with the pure hatred I feel towards Jessa right now, is making for a dangerous situation. “I do need to tell them, now, before they see it.”
“I dread this.”
“I know. Let’s get this over with.”
A few torturously long silent minutes later, we board the bus. Hunter and Scott are arguing as Trey sits in the passenger seat looking like he wants to kill them.
Expelling a burst of air, Leila visibly relaxes once the bus door closes behind us.
Hunter looks up briefly. “Leila, you alright?”
She shakes her head and sits heavily at the table.
“What’s wrong?” Scott asks.
“Um…I just got reamed out by Jen.”
“Leila, we need you to keep his ass in line. He
’s acting like a lovesick idiot. He’s not thinking with the right head right now.”
“Hunt, back off.”
“You were an hour late yesterday, and you…”
“I said back off.”
“Why?” Hunter shows his annoyance.
I stall, trying to figure out how I can tell them. He loses his patience and asks again. “Jack, what the fuck is going on?”
Wordlessly, I open the laptop and load up Rock MY World’s webpage. “I need you all to see something.” Standing, I first pass the laptop to Trey. He’ll be the easiest to deal with. Trey wordlessly reads the article, handing it back to me. I then give it to Scott.
Scott looks stunned. “Is this for real?”
“Afraid so.”
He passes it to Hunter. After reading it, his expression turns furious. “You’re fucking kidding me! Tell me this is a joke.”
“It’s not a joke.”
Hunter stands, looking from me to Leila and back. “When did you find this out?”
“Opening night.”
“Fuck, Jack! Didn’t I tell you to stay away from her? Didn’t I tell you to grow up and stop thinking with your dick?”
“I fucked up. I don’t need you to remind me. It doesn’t affect you.”
“No? The fuck it doesn’t. And what about Leila? Does it affect her?”
Stepping closer to where Leila is sitting, I respond quietly, “Leave her out of this.”
“Jack, are you fucking crazy? This is not just about you and that manipulative tramp you knocked up. Do you think she is quietly going to go away? This will haunt you forever, thus haunting us too!”
I have nothing to say to Hunter. He is absolutely right. Sitting heavily, defeated and exhausted, I wait to accept whatever he is going to unleash on me.
“How do you know it’s yours?”
“I don’t. She was waiting for results of the paternity test. I guess she got them.”
“She never even told you the results yet? She just told her story?”
Nodding, I look over at Leila. She stares back, but I can’t tell what she’s feeling. Hunter follows my gaze and sits next to Leila. “How are you with all of this?”
“I’m not happy about it. I’ve been consumed with fear wondering how this will affect our success. But I’ll support Jack. We all need to support him.” She gives him a pointed look.
“What does she want, Jack?” Scott asks.
“I don’t know.”
“I can tell you what she wants…either you or money. Let’s hope it’s the money.” Hunter grumbles without apology. “Fuck, she finally got her hooks into you.”
“She has nothing in me. This doesn’t affect my future. I’m with Leila.”
“The woman is dangerous. You know that. You know she is like a fungus that won’t go away.”
Reaching for Leila’s hand, I mumble, “You really need to shut the fuck up, Hunt.”
Watching Leila with concern, Hunter’s facial expression softens for the first time. “I’m sorry. The last thing you need is me on your ass.”
“I get it, I do. I’m sorry I let you all down. Most importantly, I’m sorry I let Leila down. But it is what it is. I can’t change it or stop it. I’ll have to deal with it.”
We all sit quietly, lost in our own thoughts. Trey breaks the silence first. “Something’s up.” Every eye on the bus turns towards him. Even Steve is sneaking glances from the driver’s seat.
“Too much ceremony.”
What?
“Keep the noise down.” We all watch as Trey walks to the back of the bus and draws his privacy curtain.
“What the fuck is he talking about?” Hunter finally asks with a straight face. In spite of the situation, I can’t help but laugh.
“I have no fucking clue.” Sliding into the booth next to Leila, I take her hand and kiss her palm. “I love you.” I whisper quietly.
“Me too.”
“I have to make a phone call. I want to hear why she did this.”
“Ok.”
I place a soft kiss on her lips before walking to the bedroom without a word to anyone else.
Jessa answers on the last ring.
“What the fuck did you do?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Knock it off!”
“Jack, I honestly don’t know what you are talking about. If you called to give me crap, save it, I’m not in the mood.”
“I don’t give a crap if you’re not in the mood. Are you trying to tell me you didn’t tip off Rock MY World about your pregnancy?”
“What? Why would I do that?”
“Stop with the Goddamn games, Jessa.”
“Jack, I am trying to convince you I love you. Why would I go and purposely piss you off?”
What the hell?
“So if not you, then who?”
“I don’t know? I’ve told a few people. It could be anyone. Maybe it was Danny?”
“How does Danny know?”
“My brother maybe?”
“They still talk?”
“Yes.”
“And it’s true?”
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you call to tell me?” The fury rises again.
“I haven’t had a chance. I just found out.”
“And yet it’s plastered on the Internet already? Email me a copy of those results.” I hang up on her, not wanting to spend one more second listening to her voice.
I immediately get a text. “I’ll be in touch.”
I throw my phone against the wall and numbly watch as it crumbles in pieces to the ground.
Chapter 10 - Leila
Sleep, wake up, rehearse, perform, sleep, wake up, rehearse, perform.
Every day...since Denver, through Salt Lake, through Boise and through Spokane.
Four days total. The four days I was dreading, because we wouldn’t be getting a break, has turned into four days of torture. Four days, where the guys try to act as they normally do. Four days, where Jack and I haven’t had sex. Four days, of me pretending life is fucking fantastic on this tiny cramped bus. Four days may not seem like a long time, but to someone like me who loves her boyfriend with all her heart and hates seeing him so miserable, to someone like me who is addicted to him and every part of him, it’s a fucking eternity.
Since Jessa’s news broke, it has covered us all like a wet blanket. Before, what I most worried about was how it would harm our success. Well ironically, that was all unnecessary.
The irony of our situation is almost comical. In four days, our popularity has only increased. Jessa’s news really hasn’t damaged our fame. Our fans are still loyal. Others are curious about the bad boy rocker who got his ex pregnant before dumping her. Our songs are being downloaded daily. Our album is steadily climbing the charts. Our top three songs are being played on radio stations. Even my haters are sympathetic to the fact my boyfriend knocked up his ex.
Four days of irony.
The label is ecstatic. They are milking the attention to a fault. We should be off the wall excited right now. I’m sure on the inside the guys are. They are respectfully containing their excitement, always cognizant of Jack and my secret hell.
We aren’t fighting or bickering. In fact, Jack is still very attentive and affectionate. Our lovemaking has been replaced with holding, caressing, and lots of silence with a few sporadic words. At least the words are of love, of need and of support. I’ve tried to initiate intimacy. He said he needs time, so I don’t push. His words are the only indication I get as to the torment he is feeling.
“You deserve better.”
“I’m so sorry you have to go through this.”
“Damn her.”
“I need you.”
“I love you.”
“Don’t give up on me.”
His guilt controls everything in him, from his attitude towards our fame, to his once raging libido. It’s like an ice cold shower on our relationship. All I can do is to be supportive. I lov
e this man, and it’s all I can do right now to help him.
Jessa has been quiet. She emailed Jack the test results the next day. I called the DNA lab she used in New York City and confirmed it was a legit place. Part of me hoped she would be deranged enough to falsify the tests. No such luck. So now that we know it is Jack’s baby, I have replaced the what if’s with the what now’s.
Of the four days, I would say half the time I spent feeling our love is rock solid. I pictured us years from now, married with children. Then there is the other half I spent feeling vulnerable, exposed to Jessa and her conniving intentions. Not that I believe Jack would ever be with her over me, but what would she do to get me out of the picture?
The pregnancy is still an elusive thing to him right now. Once it becomes a tangible thing, a live baby, how will he feel? I fell in love with him because of his heart, his compassion, and his tenderness. The animosity he feels towards Jessa may all go to pot once his child is born. I would never keep Jack from his child. I’m banking that Jessa will use his child to her advantage.
I’ve avoided calls from home. I wasn’t getting off that easy with Dad or Evan. Not surprisingly, their phone calls were pure hell. Dad is no longer on Team Jack. He hounded me to rethink this whole tour and come home. I told him he was being ridiculous. He didn’t argue that point. I also said, he didn’t raise me to be a quitter and most importantly, I love Jack. I’m going nowhere. I defended Jack and threw in how unfair it was to judge him on one mistake. By the end of the call, Dad wasn’t threatening to come get me and said he would support me even though he wasn’t happy about it.
He called Jack as well. Jack took it like a man, letting my dad get it all out, responding respectfully with “Yes, sir.” “I understand.” “Yes, sir.” His last words to my dad were, “I love your daughter.”
Evan was even worse. First he unleashed all his harsh words and criticisms towards Jack like a semi-automatic. He said Lizzy stopped him from flying out to beat the shit out of Jack. The rest of the conversation consisted of me repeating myself over and over that I loved him more than anything and begging Evan not to bad mouth Jack to my dad. I then texted a thank you to Lizzy.
All my other friends were flooding my phone with texts and voicemails of concern and support. The last time I spoke to Lori, she assured me the gossip was all pretty much contained to our website, our bloggers’ websites, and a few entertainment websites. She said it hasn’t hit the national news or anything…yet.
