“I've always been your girl, Tommy, always.”
I had gotten into trouble for hurting the boy. The school called my parents and told them I couldn't go back to school for three days. All because I was protecting Bethie. I was worried what would happen when I got home. It was a long bus ride, for sure. When Bethie and I got off the bus, our dads and moms were waiting on us. Bethie reached out and intertwined her fingers with mine. I was so nervous. I was afraid I was gonna get a whooping for hurting the boy.
“Heard there was some trouble at school today, son,” my dad said to me. I'd always called my dad, Sarge, I guess that's because it's what I've heard most people call him.
“Yeah, Sarge. Some boy was hurting Bethie,” I replied.
“He hurt Bethie?”
“Yes, sir.”
Both our moms started looking at Bethie to see if she was hurt anywhere.
“See, Mama, I still have a red spot on my arm,” Bethie said as she showed the place on her arm.
Our moms frowned at seeing the spot and Bethie's mom Julie reached out and rubbed her fingers back and forth across the area. Both our dads growled. I think they were mad at seeing that red place.
“What happened, Tommy?” Gunny asked me.
“Bethie needed to go to the restroom before she came out for recess. I told her I would wait for her by the doors, but these boys kicked a ball and it came towards me and I ran to get it and throw it back to them. Next thing I know, Bethie is yelling at some boy to let her go. I turned around and ran to her and that boy. He had his hand holding Bethie's arm really hard.”
I gulped a little bit; I was so afraid I had let our dads down.
“Then I jerked the boy's hand off her and told him to let her go, that she was my girl and he better not ever touch her again. He told me that Bethie was gonna be his girl. So, I punched him in the face and pushed him down and told him she was my girl, mine, and I would hurt him worse if he ever touched her again. Are you mad at me?”
I looked up at them and they had this kinda mean look on their faces. Bethie squeezed my hand really hard.
“Daddy, Tommy saved me from that boy. He was hurting me, and Tommy made him quit. Daddy, Tommy is my boyfriend.”
Our dads had turned and looked at each other. I heard our moms laughing quietly.
My dad told Gunny, “Damn, Brother. Not sure what to say about that.”
“Well,” Gunny said, “I never wanted her to ever have a boyfriend. But, if she has to have one, I'd rather it be Tommy.”
I looked up at both men, “Am I in trouble for hurting that boy?”
They squatted down to look me in the face.
“Son, you aren't in trouble. You were taking care of Bethie. That's what a man does. He takes care of his girl,” Sarge said as he reached up and squeezed my shoulder.
“Tommy, I'm proud of you for protecting Bethie. If you’re claiming her as your girl, you should always take care of her and never let anything bad happen to her. You understand me?” Gunny sounded real serious.
I looked at Gunny and swallowed kinda hard, “Yes, sir. I will always take care of Bethie. I love her. No one's gonna hurt her again. I promise.”
“I love Tommy too, Daddy,” Bethie told her dad. “He's my best friend. I've always loved him, Daddy.”
Gunny reached out and grabbed Bethie in a hug, then he and dad stood up, looked at each other, and shook their heads.
I looked up at Bethie's dad, “Gunny?”
“Yeah, son.”
“I'm really worried about Bethie going to school without me there to watch over her. I'm scared that boy might try to hurt her again.”
Gunny looked like he was thinking about what I said.
“So, Tommy, what are you wanting us to do?”
“Can Bethie stay home the days I have to stay home? That way I'd know no one else could hurt her.”
Gunny looked over at Bethie's mom and she nodded at Gunny.
“Yeah, Tommy. We will let Bethie stay home the three days you have to be out of school.”
“Thank you, Gunny.”
He smiled at me and ruffled my hair, “No problem, son.”
I was so happy that I didn't get in trouble and that Bethie could stay home with me. I’d worried about that the whole bus ride home. Later when Bethie and I were playing outside, she ran up to me and kissed me on the mouth.
“Thank you for saving me, Tommy. Will you always take care of me?”
“I won't let anyone hurt you again, Bethie. I promise I won't.” Then, I leaned down and kissed her on the mouth too. It felt kinda good when she had kissed me, so I wanted another kiss.
I smiled at the memory. “From that day on, pretty lady, you were mine.”
As soon as we graduated high school, we got married. We had five years together, five glorious, wonderful years. We lived, laughed, and loved. Fuck, how we had loved. Neither of us having had another partner, left us like babes in the woods. We had fumbled around learning about sex, neither of us really knowing what to do. However, over the years, we refined our skills. But even from the beginning, I was always satisfied with our sex life. I prayed Beth had been satisfied as well.
We had Beau during our second year of marriage. Thank God for both our moms and the Old Ladies of the club, because we didn't have a clue what we were doing. We learned on a wing and a prayer. Damn, once he started walking, then the fun really began. From the time he took his first step, he had one speed. FAST. And the shit he had done and faces he had made, had kept us rolling in laughter. We were having the time of our lives.
Then Beth got pregnant with our second child, a girl. She had been so fucking beautiful carrying our baby. She glowed. There were times when she was doing something, all I could do was stand and stare at her, her beauty having struck me senseless. She fucking took my breath away.
Her raven colored hair gleamed with a shine that was almost blue. Her baby blue eyes shone so bright; I swear you could see them a mile away. Her skin was white as porcelain and so fucking soft that at times I would catch myself just stroking her skin because I loved how it felt. Her lips were a cherry red, made for kissing deeply, wildly and passionately. She was this delicate creature who was strong as fuck. And I was so damn thankful that she loved me. I never knew what she saw in me, but hadn't given a damn as long as she was mine.
Everything was going perfectly with the pregnancy. Beth never got sick, didn't put on too much weight, craved salads, which was insane because she hated salads. She took care of herself. We walked every day, holding hands and talking about anything and everything. It was a magical time.
She was eight and a half months pregnant when the deputy sheriff drove into the yard of the MC. She had gone to town for something, for what I don't even know. Usually she would stop by the MC's garage where I worked and let me know if she was going somewhere, but for some reason she hadn't that day. For years afterwards, I'd thought if only she had then the time frame would have been different and she would still be with me today.
I hadn't been at the Clubhouse long and had been surprised that Beth wasn't there. Usually she and Beau met me there every day after work and we would visit with everyone before we went home. When I didn't see her or Beau there, I just thought she had kept him home for some reason. What I didn’t know was that Beau had been with our moms watching TV.
The deputy told the Prospect manning the gate that he needed to speak to me. After being told that the law was outside and asking for me, I went outside and walked over to the officer. I couldn't think of any reason why he would want to speak with me. I hadn't done anything to be in trouble over. I didn't have a clue he was about to destroy my whole world. It's a day that I will never forget, even if I live to be one hundred.
“Can I help you, sir?” I asked the officer.
“Are you Thomas Alan Brown, husband to Beth Lillian Brown.”
“I am. Is something wrong, officer?”
“Mr. Brown, I regret to inform you that your wife was involved
in a car crash roughly two hours ago. Her car was totaled, and she didn't make it.”
I staggered back like I was drunk. What the fuck was he saying?
“What?” was all I could get out.
“Son, I really hate to give you this news. Your wife is dead. By the time she was cut out of the wreckage, there was nothing that could be done for your wife and unborn child.”
“No,” I whispered, staring at the officer. “No, God, No.” But I saw the truth written across his face.
“I'm sorry, son, I truly am,” the deputy said to me.
I dropped to my knees and threw my head back and screamed, “Noooooooooooo.” Then I just lost it and started sobbing uncontrollably.
I hadn't even realized that anyone else had come outside with me. I felt arms go around me and my dad held me and rocked me back and forth saying, “I'm so fucking sorry, Dog. So sorry.”
I heard Gunny scream in horror and disbelief, echoed by Julie's scream of pain. I don't remember much after that. It's like my mind just checked out, kinda like my heart had done, except it had been ripped from my fucking chest to leave me this shredded shell of a man.
“Fuck, Beth, when the officer told me you were gone, I thought my world had ended. And it almost did. I almost ate a bullet a couple hours after I was told the news. But then, your mom brought Beau to me.”
I didn't fucking know where I was until Beau crawled up in my lap.
“Daddy sad?”
I shook my head and looked around; I was sitting in a chair in the Great Room of the Clubhouse. I looked down at my son and hugged him tight to me.
I tried to talk but couldn't get anything out. I coughed and cleared my throat.
“Yeah, buddy. Daddy's sad.”
“What's wrong, Daddy?”
God. Damn. How the fuck do I tell my three-year-old son his mom is gone?
“Well, buddy. Daddy got some really bad news.” I started crying, I couldn't fucking help it.
“Daddy's crying. What's making you cry, Daddy?”
I felt a hand squeeze my shoulder. I looked up to see my parents and Beth's parents standing beside me. It was Gunny's hand on me, trying to offer comfort, when I could clearly see how obviously devastated he was. Our parents’ faces were wrecked with sorrow.
I blew out a breath, “Well, buddy. Mommy got hurt really bad and the angels came and took her to Heaven.”
Beau sat on my lap and stared at my face. I knew he was seeing the devastation of grief upon it.
“What about baby Sissy, Daddy?”
I heard Beth's mother choke on a sob. Then I heard both her and my mom quietly crying.
“Well, buddy. God didn't want mommy to be lonely, so the angels took Sissy with Mommy so she would always have someone with her.”
“I stay here with Daddy?”
“Yeah, Beau. You'll stay here with Daddy.”
“K, Daddy,” he said to me, then he stuck his thumb in his mouth. All I could do was sit and hold him. It was only a couple minutes before he spoke to me again.
“Daddy?”
“Yeah, son?”
“How long is Mommy gonna be in Heaven?”
Christ. She's never coming back. My Beth was never coming back to me. A sob from deep within my soul ripped out of me.
“Buddy, Mommy is staying in Heaven forever.
“Daddy,” he said on a sob.
“What, son?”
“Really, really gonna miss Mommy.”
God. Fucking. Damn. I wanted to howl in anger, rage and despair.
“Yeah, me too, buddy. Daddy's really, really gonna miss Mommy too.”
Then I just sat and held my son while I cried. He wrapped his arms around my neck, put his head on my shoulder, and cried with me. I hoped he wouldn't remember much of this, at least I prayed to God he wouldn't.
The next several days went by in a blur. I honestly don't remember the funeral other than standing in front of Beth's casket knowing that my whole world was about to be lowered into the ground. Besides being there for Beau, I pretty much checked out for the next month or so. It was a conversation that I overheard that snapped me back into the living.
“Sarge, wanna find that man that killed my baby, then I wanna kill the motherfucker.”
“I agree, Brother, but let's see what kind of man he is. We don't want to take a father away from his family.”
“Why the fuck not?” I roared, finally coming out of my stupor. “He fucking took my family away from me. I want him to pay. Pay for killing Beth. Pay for destroying my whole world. My wife and child are gone. Dead. Never to return, Sarge. I want his fucking ass in the ground. I don't care who he leaves behind.”
Gunny was nodding at me. Sarge grimaced, then nodded at me too.
“Alright, son, let me find out all the information I can on him then we'll deal with him.”
“Beth, not sure what you would think about what I did. But I would make the same decision today that I made all those years ago. And I don't regret for one second taking his life. Not. One. Second. He was a worthless piece of human flesh. I did the world a favor when I removed him from it. When Sarge brought me the information, I knew it was the right thing to do.”
“Dog,” Sarge said as he sat down at the table with me. Gunny pulled a chair out and sat down as well.
It seemed I spent most of my time in the Great Room of the Clubhouse. I couldn't sleep in our room here or at our house. I wouldn't even go in either place to get clothes. My mom got everything for me. I knew I couldn't be alone. Not now, not yet. I still wasn't one hundred percent sure that I wouldn't eat a bullet if I was by myself. I had to be here for Beau, and if I took my own life, I knew I would be letting Beth down, and I didn't want to do that, Ever. Even if she was no longer here.
“Yeah, Sarge?”
I glanced at Sarge and Gunny. They had news. I could feel it. I could tell by Sarge's demeanor that I wasn't going to like it.
“Found out about the man.”
“Tell me.”
“That was his third offense driving drunk. He's hit another car before but luckily there wasn't anyone killed. He's walked on all charges.”
“How the fuck did he manage to do that?” I inquired of Sarge, staring at him in disbelief.
Sarge coughed and ran a hand across his face. I glanced at Gunny and he had his jaw locked tight. I could tell he was just barely holding himself in check.
“His father is a judge in Rogers.”
I stood up fast, knocking my chair down.
“Fuck that,” I snarled, fury racing through my body.
Sarge looked at me grimly, “Yeah, his fucking father keeps getting the tickets and charges thrown out. Apparently, the judge thinks his son can do no wrong. As soon as his son wrecks one car, the judge buys him another one. Old family money or some such shit. The man hasn't had to face any consequences at all for any of his actions in life. He's fucking thirty years old and the only thing he does is party, drink and do drugs.”
“He's mine and he dies tonight.”
“We got to be smart about this, Dog. If not, we'll be the first to be questioned when he comes up dead.”
I stood there running my hands through my hair. That made me think about how Beth always ran her fingers through it. My gut clenched hard. We needed to think of a way to kill this motherfucker without the police looking at us.
“Any ideas? Because I fucking want him gone, like now.”
“Yeah, son. I do. It's going to take about a week to get all the kinks worked out so it doesn’t come back on us. And it won’t come back on us, that I promise.”
“I want my hands on him, Sarge.”
“I hear you, Dog. And you will. It will be your kill.”
“Beth, I made sure that bastard would never rip anyone else's life in two like he had mine. I snapped his fucking neck. Then I made the murder look like an accident. I wanted to pound on the motherfucker over and over, but I couldn't do that. Sarge had a plan and it had to be stuck to, but at least
it was my kill. I hope you don't hate me for that Beth, I had to have justice for that bastard taking you and Angel away from me.”
I had been fucking devastated. I was twenty-three years old with a three-year-old son. If it hadn't been for Beau, I'm not sure if I would have survived. After the fucker was gone, I still walked around in a fog half the time. It took me several months to come completely back to the land of the living. My one constant was my connection with Beth. My son Beau.
I reached up and rubbed my heart, “Fuck, Beth. I know we had that morbid talk during our first year of marriage. How the fuck I let you talk me into watching A Star is Born, I'll never know. It's fucking ironic that you died the same way the character John did in the movie. You made me promise to find someone else if anything ever happened to you. I never have. No one has ever caught and held my attention. I've literally felt nothing for another woman. Ever.”
I leaned down and put a yellow rose on her grave. It was her favorite flower. She always told me not to buy her a dozen, she hated that they died. But one, she told me, one, she'd take one.
“I have to admit though, lately I’ve felt so lonely. Like life is passing me by. I don't know, maybe I was meant to be alone.”
I looked at the top name carved into the headstone, Beth Lillian Brown, then at the words underneath it, Beloved Wife, Mother, and Daughter. “I love you pretty lady, I always will.”
I squatted down and brushed my fingers across my daughter's name which was under Beth's name. Angel Noelle Brown. We had buried them together in the same casket.
“Hey baby girl. Daddy loves you and he will always miss you. Take care of your mommy for me, okay? I'll see you one day, baby girl, then you and Daddy can play. How's that sound?”
I placed a bundle of lavender tied with twine next to the rose.
“Angel, I never got the chance to learn what your favorite flower was, but your mama sure loved the color purple and she loved the smell of lavender. So, baby girl, Daddy brought you those so you could have your very own flowers.”
I stood back up and brushed my hands off.
“I'm gonna go now, Beth. I want you to know, baby, that I will always love you. Forever and a day.”
I turned and made my way back to my truck. It was a nice crisp March day and I could have ridden my bike, but I hadn't wanted to crush the flowers. As I walked back through the rows of graves, I saw a woman in front of a grave across the cemetery. It appeared that I wasn't the only one who was visiting a loved one they had lost. The woman was kneeling and running her hand back and forth on the headstone, across what I would guess was a name.
Mad Dog (Angel’s Rebellion MC: #2) (Angel's Rebellion MC) Page 2
