It's fucking sad when our loved ones die too early. It rips hearts wide open with a wound that never truly heals.
~*~
Ava
I glanced around the cemetery as I made my way toward Brian and Mason's graves. I haven't been back since the day they died. I had run for my life instead, just like Brian had told me to do. But now, I am back. No more running.
Across the graveyard on the far side of the cemetery, I saw a man who appeared to be totally engrossed in talking to the headstone in front of him. He was the only one other than me here. As I stared hard at him, I paused. Something about him seemed so familiar. I shook my head, clearing my thoughts, there was no way I could know who he was.
No one knew I was back in town. Hell, no one even knew what had happened to me. I didn't even know if anyone I knew still lived here. I prayed I didn't run into anyone who knew me. I needed the anonymity of hiding in plain sight. I had virtually vanished for the past seven years. During that time, I had totally changed my appearance and pretty much who I was as a person. I was no longer the sweet kindergarten teacher who was married with a young son.
Now, I was a tattooed bartender who rode a Harley and didn't take shit off anyone. I also carried two pistols. One holstered on my waist, the other holstered around my ankle where the pants leg of my jeans could hide it. I didn't go anywhere that I wasn't carrying. Anywhere. And if I was told I couldn't take a weapon into an establishment, I didn't go in. It was that simple.
As I stopped in front of my husband and son's graves, emotion threatened to overwhelm me. I knew it would be hard coming back, but oh god, I hadn't realized it would be this hard. I had finally accepted their deaths; it had been fucking hard as hell to do. But somehow, I had done it.
“Hey, Bri. I know you told me to run and never come back, but I can't keep running. Our conversation we had during our ride has played over and over in my head the last seven years.”
“Brian, I know something’s bothering you. Please tell me what's wrong,” I said to my husband as I stared at him, ignoring the scenery passing us by.
He sighed deeply, as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders. I could see the struggle on his face, as if he was contemplating not telling me what was wrong.
“Bri, if this is something that affects us as a family, I want to know what it is.”
He shook his head and sighed again, “Ava, I overheard something at work which I wasn't meant to hear.”
“Are they letting you go from the firm?”
“No babe, nothing like that. Last Wednesday when I worked late, I had gone to Mr. Jerik's office to put some documents on his desk that he had asked me to have ready for him the next morning. When I stepped back into the hallway, I overheard Mr. Miller on the phone. He was talking about a shipment of drugs that was supposed to be coming in. At first, I thought I had heard wrong, but then he verified the number of kilos of meth that was coming in to be distributed. I thought I had been quiet when I went back to my office, but now I'm pretty sure he heard me.”
“Oh my God, he's dealing drugs? How many kilos? Why do you think he heard you?”
“Well, I don't work with Mr. Miller at all. Yet every day since then, he has called me to his office under one pretense or another. He's asked stupid shit about Mr. Jerik's case. It's like he's trying to see how I am going to react to being around him or something.”
“How have you reacted?”
“I'm not gonna lie, Ava. I've been nervous as hell around him. I've tried not to show it, but I'm sure he can tell it.”
“How many kilos did he say, Brian?”
“He verified ten kilos with the promise of doubling that on the next order. Ten kilos are worth like ten million dollars, Ava. We're talking serious money here.”
“Oh, god. What are we going to do? You can't keep working there, Brian.”
“If I leave now, Ava, he will know for sure I overheard him talking.”
“So, what are we going to do?”
“I don't know, babe. I have been racking my brain and I honestly don't know what to do.”
“Could you go to Mr. Jerik?”
“Yeah, babe. I could. The only problem is I truthfully don't know who I can trust.”
“You don't think you can trust one of the senior attorneys and owner of the law firm?”
“Babe, if you'd have asked me before last Wednesday, I would have said all the lawyers who worked in the firm were trustworthy people. Now, I don't know who I can trust.”
“You've got to go to the police,” I told Brian. I was wringing my hands, worried deeply about the safety of my husband.
“I've got to think long and hard on this, Ava. I have to know that the person I take this to isn't someone who is dirty. I can't chance you or Mason being put into danger.”
“That conversation is the reason you and Mason are dead, Bri. And it's time for the man that robbed me of your lives to pay. You wouldn't know me now. I'm not the same sweet next-door girl type that I once was. Hell, you would probably hate who I am now and how I look. But, I did what you told me to Bri. Do you remember the conversation we had in the car right before you were gone?”
“Ava, baby. I don't have much time. Listen to me. Run and get as far away from here as you can and never come back. Go and do anything and everything you might have wanted to do. Live baby, live for me and Mason.”
A sob escaped my throat. I had looked back once at Mason and couldn't make myself look again. He was gone, it was obvious in the way his head laid. His sweet blue eyes had been open and staring sightlessly. My son was gone, and I couldn't think of it right now. Brian had a tree limb sticking through his abdomen and blood was pouring out. I had lost Mason and was losing Brian. I was struggling with reality; my brain was trying to shut down. All I wanted to do was deny to myself what I was seeing, if I did that long enough, maybe it would be true.
“Ava,” Brian whispered out on a gasp. “I love you, baby. I'm sorry.”
While Brian had been speaking to me, I’d heard a commotion coming down the hillside. I was going to tell him to hold on, help was coming, but I never got the chance. With those words, he was gone. Taken from me like my son had been taken from me. I couldn't think about it right now. I refused to. I took one last look at Brian and turned my head.
Part of me prayed whoever was coming down the hill was the person who ran us off the road, checking to make sure we were all dead. They could kill me, and I wouldn't have to deal with the horror and pain I knew that was waiting for me. Another part of me hoped it was someone who could help me, so that one day, I could take out those that had taken so much from me. My husband and son deserved that much. So, did I.
“I know this isn't what you wanted, Bri. You didn't want me to come back. But I had to. For me, for my sanity. I need to know that he pays with his life. I hope you can forgive me for this. I love you, Brian. Always.”
Most of me wanted to die with them that day, but an angel of mercy in the form of a biker saved me. I had been in and out of it as he and several others got me out of the wreckage of the car. I'll never forget his bearded face, icy silver-colored eyes and his bald head. I followed his face with every movement he made. Even bent over looking at me, I could tell he was a huge man, not fat, but muscled and solid, and something inside me told me he was my lifeline. That he would keep me safe.
He talked to me the whole time. Telling me to hold on, that he would get me out and for me not to give up. After they managed to get the passenger side door opened, he unbuckled the seat belt and gently put one arm under my legs and another behind my back and lifted me out of the wreckage. He had already checked me over to make sure nothing was broken or that I wasn't impaled with anything. Then he struggled up the hillside with me, and when others asked him if he needed help, he kept telling them that he had me. He held me against his chest until the ambulance came to take me away.
As he laid me on the gurney, I reached up and touched his face with my fingers and whispered, “Than
k you.” I never saw him again. Now I had hopes to. Because, I was back for vengeance against the man who had stolen the lives of my husband and son from me. And some gut instinct told me he would be the man who could help me out.
Now, I had to figure out how to find him. Then make sure he was trustworthy and that he could indeed help me murder the man who had ended my life as I had known it. He was a biker, that's pretty much all I knew about him. That and I had seen the back of one of the men’s cuts. I was hoping the vague memory I had of the emblem in the center of the club’s colors would help me find him.
I knelt down and brushed my fingers across Mason's name on his gravestone. My sweet boy. God, how I missed him. He had been such a good baby and toddler. His nature was sweet and sunny. He rarely cried, instead, he ran around either smiling or laughing. He had fine light blonde hair and big baby blue eyes. And his smile, oh god when he smiled, it had this impish look to it. I missed his smile so much. I would give anything to see it again.
“Mason, Mommy's sorry she hasn't come to visit you before now. Mommy had to go away and try to learn to live again. But Mommy isn't going away again, sweet boy. The only way Mommy will go away now is if she comes to be with you and Daddy in Heaven.”
I'll never forget the moments leading up to our car ride as Mason ran towards me.
“Mommy, Mommy! Me has something for you,” Mason hollered to me as he ran across the yard holding a handful of buttercups.
I knelt down and waited for him to get to me.
“Oh, Mason. They're beautiful, baby boy. I love them.”
“I give to Mommy.” He then proceeded to give them to me one at a time.
After I had them all, I held out my hand to him, “Come help Mommy put them in water so they'll live longer.”
“K, Mommy. They're really pretty.”
“They sure are my beautiful boy. They are almost as pretty as you.”
“I not pretty. I's handsome. Daddy told me so.”
I laughed and looked at Brian. He shrugged and grinned at me.
“Well, Daddy is right, and Mommy is wrong. You are a very handsome little boy indeed.”
“Mason loves Mommy.”
“Mommy loves Mason too, very, very, very much.” He'd giggled at each spoken very, because I'd leaned down and kissed him on the nose at each one.
After putting the flowers in a jar full of water, we'd then left for a drive in the Ozarks, something Brian and I loved to do, and Mason enjoyed it as well. He loved to sing, so we'd play music and sing as we drove.
A sob broke from me, being physically here standing in front of their graves was ripping all the walls I had built up, completely down. After the first few months of crying over losing Brian and Mason, I had repressed almost all emotion that I had over losing them, I hadn't wanted to ever feel anything again.
“Mommy misses you so much, Mason. It's been so hard to keep going without you. I loved Daddy, Mason, but you sweet boy, you were what I lived for.”
Tears started running steadily down my face. I didn't bother to brush them off.
“Baby boy, Mommy read a saying by Voltaire, 'Tears are the silent language of grief'. It's so true, sweet boy. Mommy's tears for you will never run dry. Oh Mason, I want to hold you again, so much. To rock you back and forth in my arms. To sing sweet songs with you as you drift off to sleep.”
My sobs overtook me completely. God the pain. It was like someone was ripping my heart out of my chest.
I threw my head back and screamed, “Why, God, why.” My voice broke as I whispered, “He was just a baby. He couldn't have hurt anyone. He was so sweet, so innocent. Why him, God? Why him?”
I laid on top of Mason's grave and cried until I couldn't make a sound. My throat felt ripped and shredded by the tears I shed for my son. My heart was destroyed because the two people I loved the most in the world were gone forever.
I finally got up, bent over and kissed each stone, then I turned and walked off into the fading light. Only one thing now burned through my body.
Vengeance.
~*~
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.
~Washington Irving~
~***~
Chapter 1
Everyone and everything that shows up in our lives is a reflection of something that is happening inside us.
~Alan Cohen~
Mad Dog
May 23rd, 1998
Thank fuck, it was Fawn and Melanie cooking this morning. The other two club girls, Molly and Valerie, couldn't cook worth shit. If it wouldn't piss off Fawn and Mel, I would pair each of them with either Molly or Val for cooking duties, then maybe we would have a decent breakfast every day of the week instead of every other day. But since Fawn and Mel were best friends, they would revolt and then we'd be screwed every damn day of the week.
Hell, it was long past due and with as many members as we have in the club now, it was time to find a few more club girls. The girls were already spread thin as it was and soon we'd be patching in more Brothers. Shit, two more might not even be enough. Needed to think about that, there were only six rooms for club girls and there was no way in hell that I was gonna ask a girl to share.
They deserved the right to have their own private space. Each one pulled their own weight here, even if some weren't very good cooks. But they kept the fucking place clean, did all the shopping, unless it was something that really needed to be handled by an Old Lady, and they did anything else that might come up.
“Morning girls,” I commented as I grabbed a plate and went to get some scrambled eggs, bacon, biscuits and gravy.
“Morning, Prez,” Fawn said as she rubbed my back in passing on her way to the fridge.
Mel smiled, “Hey, Prez.” She slapped my ass as I walked by her.
“Watch it, girl,” I joked. “You might get more than you bargained for.”
“Promises, promises,” she shot back at me as she looked me up and down like I was about to be her meal.
My fucking cock didn't even twitch. I was starting to get a little worried. I hadn't even wanted to be with a club girl at all in the last three months. I sighed. I had an idea what was wrong, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to think about the reason. So, I switched gears and thought about how to make room for a couple more bedrooms downstairs. I didn't want any of the club girls upstairs at all, unless a Brother asked her to his room.
As I pondered on what to do about this, I made my way to the coffee pot, took one of the cups sitting out for use, poured me a cup, and found a seat at one of the tables in the dining room. It seemed like Mel, Fawn and I were the only ones up. Last night was Friday and the boys usually partied hard over the weekend, so I was sure a lot were sleeping off a night of drink and sex.
I glanced around as I heard someone coming into the kitchen by way of the back door of the Clubhouse. I smiled to myself as I watched Viper come into view. He made the same path I had just recently done and then headed my way. The only difference being the girls only murmured their good mornings, they didn't even attempt to touch him. He'd already made it clear to all the girls to keep their hands off, he wasn't interested.
Whether or not I wanted to think about why I hadn't wanted to be with one of the girls, the reason was walking toward me. Three and a half months ago, Viper and some of his Brothers had left the Spawns of Satan MC out of Kentucky and moved down to Arkansas. Angel's Rebellion MC had invited them to patch over and join our club. I had met Viper through my son, Beau, and we were fast becoming close friends.
While in the Army, Beau had been in the same unit as Rebel and Predator, Viper's sons. Through a lot of conversation and learning about each other, the boys had found out they had the MC life in common. Beau learned that Reb and Pred hated the SoSMC they were tied to, but they liked the idea of the brotherhood that an MC offered. Not long after
getting to know them, Beau asked if his friends could come visit on one of their leaves. I'd had no problem with that, especially since our MC needed new blood in it, and the only way of knowing if a man would be a good fit was to get to know him.
The first visit went very well, and the club invited them to come back when they had leave scheduled. Each visit with us had let us see the caliber of men they were, and I had been damned impressed with them. Someone had raised those boys right.
During their last visit before they mustered out of the Army, ARMC had invited them to prospect with us. They didn't give us an answer right off the bat. Both were reluctant to leave their pops, Viper, the VP of the SoSMC, alone to deal with Devil, the President of the club. They were deeply loyal to Viper. They said they needed to talk to their pops and see what he thought about them joining.
That would have been a confusing answer, but from their first visit, the boys had told me in confidence about all the trouble that had been going on for numerous years with the SoS. Apparently twenty years earlier, the President's son, Devil, had hated the fact that Viper made an Old Lady out of what he considered his personal property, Jennie. Devil hadn't ever made Jennie his Old Lady, instead he had kept her as his personal club whore. While within Devil’s clutches, Jennie had ended up giving birth to two of his sons, Rebel and Spawn.
When Devil decided he didn't want her anymore, he had dragged her into their clubhouse, thrown her down on the floor, said he didn't want her, and she was free for anyone to use. Viper had immediately claimed her as his Old Lady. Devil threw a fit over Viper claiming Jennie but since he didn't want to claim her for himself, his father, Satan, the President at the time, had upheld Viper's claim. A couple days after that happened, Devil had killed his father and Viper had recorded the whole conversation and subsequent murder of Satan.
Mad Dog (Angel’s Rebellion MC: #2) (Angel's Rebellion MC) Page 3
