“I'm just as much at fault as you are, but, Dog, I...” her voice trailed off.
I looked at her face and saw she was closing herself off from me.
“Babe, don't. Don't shut yourself off. Talk to me.”
I watched as a tear rolled from her eye down into her hair. Jesus. Fuck. What was causing her to cry?
“Babe, you're killing me here. Tell me what's wrong.” I fucking hated tears on a woman, but on Ava it felt like someone was ripping out my insides.
“Dog, we have to be careful. I don't think I want more kids,” she whispered as more tears rolled down her face. “I couldn't bear to lose another child.”
I felt a crushing weight slam into my chest. I wanted children with Ava. I wanted to watch her belly swell with my child growing inside her. I wanted to put my hand on her stomach and feel our baby moving around. But as much as I wanted this, and fuck did I want this, I knew that I wanted Ava more.
“Babe, not gonna lie to you. Thought I was too old to have more kids until I met you. And while I’d love to have kids with you, if you decide that's not what you want, then I'll be fine with it. I just know that I want and need you, Ava. Just having you in my life makes me a damn lucky man and I am so thankful you came back into my life. It was fucking empty and lonely until you showed up.”
I watched as her eyes examined mine, searching for the truth of my words.
“Fuck, babe, know it's been faster than a fucking speeding bullet, but, Ava, I'm falling in love with you. You're already buried deep inside my heart, babe.”
“I feel the same way, Dog. And it fucking scares me to death. What if something happens to you? I couldn't handle it,” she whispered.
“I know how you feel, Ava. I've been doing this lonely thing for the past twenty years and fuck, babe, that shit ain't all it's cracked up to be. Living on the edge of life is pretty much not living at all. I didn't even realize I was doing that until you walked through my office door. It's like I felt my heartbeat for the first time since Beth died.”
I ran my fingers across her face, wiping her tears off.
“And, babe, need you to hear me. Don't be thinking that you are a substitute for Beth. You aren't. I loved Beth with the love of a boy who became a man. I fucking love you with a man's love. A man who has seen and experienced too much shit in his life.
“I would never belittle what I felt for Beth, but, Ava, my feelings for you are so much more fucking powerful. I understand your fear of losing me because I feel that way about you. Babe, we can't quit living life. I know, because when you do, then you're only existing and, trust me, after having you come into my life, I don't ever want to go back to how I was without you.”
On a choked breath, she cried out, “Oh God, I feel the same way. I loved Brian and mourned his death, but it didn't hit me anywhere as hard as losing Mason. What I feel for you, it's invaded my whole body down into my soul. I want this with you for however long you want it with me.”
“I want it for life, Ava. I will not ever want anyone else again besides you. So, babe, you willing to stay with this old man for life?” I asked, mentally holding my breath.
“Yeah, Dog. I want that too. I want to make love with you, take bike rides with you, laugh with you, grow old with you. I want it all,” she said as she reached up and pulled my head down to hers for a kiss.
I felt like I had been given the world, and I fucking swore I would do whatever was in my power to keep her happy for the rest of our lives.
~***~
Chapter 18
Life is a journey for all of us. We all face trials. We all have ups and downs. All of us are human. But we are also the masters of our fate. We are the ones who decide how we are going to react to life.
~Elizabeth Smart~
Casper
August 28th, 1998
I wiped down the bar as I saw the Brothers come out from Church. For some reason or another, this was the first time I've actually seen them all together. So I watched as they all walked down the hallway and into the Great Room. Ghost and I were slowly settling in. It was hard at first. The constant action wasn't there, and earlier I had begun to wonder if we had made a mistake by prospecting.
But then we had started reconnaissance work on the judge and lawyer and that, at least, gave me a semblance of doing something with my training. However, it almost seemed like they knew we were on to them. We hadn’t managed to get a damn thing on them during the last three months.
The longer we were here, the more the Brothers treated us like family and that is when I finally started feeling like we had made the right decision in staying. I think both Ghost and I were finally able to realize we didn't have to constantly be on hyper alert twenty-four/seven. Neither of us let our guard completely down, but the Brotherhood of the men, of having someone at your back, was giving us that feeling of being a part of something bigger, and that's what he and I needed.
As I heard calls for beer being hollered out, a man walking down the hallway stopped me dead in my tracks. Holy. Fuck. The man looked enough like my younger brother Zane to be his twin. I reached up and rubbed my eyes and looked again. Jesus. He was the spitting image of Zane and Dad, well Dad minus the long hair. As Reb walked up to the bar and asked for a beer, I pulled one out of the cooler and handed it to him.
“Reb, who's the man with the long, dark hair about to turn into the dining room entryway?” I asked.
Reb glanced over at who I was asking about, “That's Slade, have you not ever met him?”
I shook my head. Damn. His name was even Slade.
“Hey, Slade. Got a second? Want to introduce you to Casper.”
I watched as Slade checked his gait and turned toward Reb and nodded. Ghost was watching what was going on and came up behind me. He’d met my younger brother and dad before. I saw his eyes widen as the man approached.
“Brother, not sure how you've not been introduced to these two, because they've been here for the last three months or so. But this is Casper and Ghost.”
Slade smiled at us, “Nice to meet you. I’ve heard about you, sorry I haven't been down to introduce myself. I usually just go to work and straight home. Only come to the club for Church.”
I shook his hand as he offered his, “Casper, nice to meet you. Slade your MC handle?”
Ghost stuck his hand out and murmured, “Ghost.”
He laughed as he shook Ghost’s hand.
“Nah, it's my actual name. Everyone thought it was strange enough that I was never given a handle like most are.”
“Unusual name for sure,” I stated.
“That it is, I've only heard of one other being named it, my dad.”
I felt like I was being the butt of some joke. But I knew this wasn't my little brother. However, I knew I was staring at another brother.
I had to clear my throat to talk, “Oh yeah? Your dad's name is Slade?”
“Yeah, at least that's what my mom said his name is. Slade Wesley Dillin. I've never had the chance to meet him.” He shrugged, “But it's all good.”
I knew I shouldn't ask, but I fucking had to know. “That your full name as well?”
He looked at me curiously, but answered me, “Well, mine is Slade Wesley Dillin Cooper.”
I watched as Reb's eyes sharpened as he glanced between us. He knew that my last name was Dillin and I prayed he didn't say anything.
“Well, it is fucking nice to meet you. Maybe now I've met all the Brothers,” I forced out a laugh.
“Same here, nice to get the chance to finally meet you,” Ghost uttered.
Slade nodded. “I'm sure in the future you'll see more of me,” he said with a sad look on his face. “Well, I need to jet. I've got to get back to Mom.”
I watched as he walked away. My brother. I felt a pain inside for not having gotten the chance to know him as we were growing up. I loved my little brother, Zane. Family was important to me. My mom made sure that Zane and I weren't a part of her new family's life. So I didn't really know t
hem. Even when Zane and I had gone and stayed with her when Dad was stationed somewhere that we weren't allowed to go, she somehow managed to keep her children from her second marriage isolated from us.
“Something you need to tell me, Brother?” Reb inquired.
“For now, Reb, could you not say anything to anyone? I need to talk to my dad.”
He nodded at me, “Sure, Cas. But if you need me for anything, just let me know.”
“Thanks, appreciate it. Do you happen to know his mom's name?”
“Yeah, it's Audrey.”
That completely sealed it. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, Slade was my brother.
I coughed, “Do you know how old he is?”
“Yeah, he'll be twenty-nine this year.”
I nodded at him and uttered huskily, “Is there a reason he had to get back to his mom?”
I watched as the same sad look crossed Reb's face when Slade’s mom was mentioned. “Yeah, bro. His mom is dying of cervical cancer. Nothing they can do. She's already outlived the time that the docs gave her. Slade works some days, then goes straight home to take care of her, other days, she's so bad he stays with her.”
“They live close?” I asked, my voice choked with emotion.
“Yeah, in one of the houses on the compound.”
“Thanks, man.”
He nodded to me and walked off. It was a good thing too, not sure if I could get a word out right now.
“Fuck, Casper. You gonna call your old man?” Ghost asked quietly.
“Yeah, Brother. As soon as I'm through here for the night,” I somehow managed to get out, my voice broken and jagged sounding.
For the rest of the evening, I felt shell shocked. I couldn't really tell you what went on. I fucking hoped I hadn’t screwed shit up, but no one said anything or looked at me strangely so maybe luck was on my side.
When demands at the bar slowed down and I could finally leave, I went straight out front. I walked back and forth for ten minutes or so, still trying to wrap my head around what I had learned tonight. Dad had told Zane and me about Audrey and how he had fallen in love with her, but that she had never called him after the week of spring break they shared together. He said it was probably a good thing, because a few weeks after he had gone back to his buddy’s place, my mom had called and informed him that she was pregnant with Zane.
Dad stayed for another year before my mom finally told him to leave. The way Dad talked, he had never touched my mom again after he had gone home. Said after Audrey, he had simply never desired Mom again. I could understand that. My mom was a total bitch and I hated being around her, so did Zane.
Finally, I pulled my phone out and dialed Dad.
“Cas, what's wrong?” Dad asked as soon as he answered the phone.
I groaned. I hadn't even looked at the time. I knew it was late, but fuck, it was after two in the morning eastern time.
“No, nothing’s wrong. But Dad, I, umm, fuck, Dad. I just met my little brother and I'm not sure what to do.”
“What the fuck are you talking about, Cas? You're not on anything are you?”
I barked out a laugh, “You know me better than that, Dad.”
“Then explain what you mean.”
With a lump in my throat, I explained what had happened earlier that night. Dead silence met me.
“Dad, you still there?” I asked because I honestly thought the call had dropped.
“She's dying?” he whispered.
“That's what I was told, Dad. Reb said she's already lived longer than they expected.”
“Christ.” I heard him murmur.
“Dad, you okay? What are you going to do? I don't know if I should talk to him or what?”
“No, son. Don't talk to him. This is something I need to do. I'll be there in a couple days,” he said. Then I heard him whisper, “Please, God, let her hang on until I can get there.”
I fucking thought I was going to cry. Here was my tough as nails dad, begging God to keep alive a woman he's been in love with for over half his life, so he could see her and talk to her. It didn't fucking matter that I'm a thirty-year-old man. Dad had taught us that it was okay for a man to cry. Said it didn't make a man less of a man, instead it showed that a man wasn't ashamed to show emotions for those he loved.
“All right, Dad. See you then.”
I heard my dad say, “Fuck,” as he hung up the phone. I knew Dad had been with other women over the years, but he hadn't ever had a steady girlfriend. When Zane and I asked him why he hadn't had someone else in his life, he'd simply said that he didn't feel like he had ever had closure with Audrey. That she still haunted his thoughts and plagued his mind and that the love he felt for her was still there.
I felt devastated for him. To finally find the whereabouts of his true love, then be kicked in the balls with the fact that she was dying and he wouldn't have much time with her. I just prayed that she would see him. I also prayed that Slade would let the three of us into his life. It would be hell being in the same MC as him and not be able to treat him like my little brother. If he wouldn’t let us in, I wasn’t sure if I could stay here and be this close to my brother and not be able to have a relationship with him.
A couple days didn't sound like a lot, until you learned that a couple days could be one too few.
~*~
Ava
As I grabbed the ice cream and strawberries out of the freezer, my mind drifted to the conversation Dog and I had earlier this morning. We both had been hot and sweaty after a round of very satisfying sex. Lately, I couldn't seem to get enough of the man, and I attacked him every chance I got. I smiled to myself as I recalled our words.
“Fuck, babe. I think you're trying to kill me, not that I'm seriously complaining. But I fucking gotta admit, I agree with Viper on one issue.”
I snickered. “You're bringing your man crush into our bed now?” I asked cheekily.
“I'll make you think man crush. Fuck. Do not ever say that outside of this bedroom. The fucking guys will take that and run with it and I'll never fucking hear the end of it,” he growled. “I'll fucking show you man crush.”
I didn't even know the man could move that fast. One minute we were letting the breeze from the ceiling fan wash over us, the next he was balls deep in me again.
“Does this feel like a man crush to you?” he asked in his deep gravelly voice as his cock jumped inside me. I swear the man could give Sam Elliott a run for his money the way his words flowed out like warm whiskey.
I looked at him and said, “Well, I dunno. It's not very hard, is it?” Then I grinned at him evilly.
“Damn, woman. You're fucking asking for it, aren't you?”
I thrust up against him, “Asking for more than what, this little old thing?”
His eyes had narrowed, and he glared at me. “Haven't heard you complaining yet,” he said as he withdrew his cock from me. “But if it's not enough for you anymore, I guess I can go find someone else who might like it.”
It had been my turn to growl then.
“You fucking put your cock inside another woman and that's the last time you'll ever use it again, I promise,” I spit out.
He'd sighed and acted like he was getting up. He looked down at his cock and said, “Yeah, buddy. She fucking hurt your feelings. I totally get it. I'm sure there's someone out there who would appreciate you.”
He paused and acted like he was listening to his southern brain. “I know, buddy, she apparently thinks you're a little fellow. First time you've ever been accused of that. What's that?”
Again, he paused and tilted his head as if he was listening to his dick speaking to him. “Well, fuck, yeah, I agree with you. I think you've done a fantastic job lately. I don't have any complaints, but, sadly, it appears that the lady does.”
I was rolling on the bed laughing hysterically by now. I swear if the Brothers could see their big bad Prez talking to his cock, he'd never live it down.
“What's that you say? You think someone sh
ould apologize nicely, do you? What do you consider nice?”
He cocked his head like he was taking in every word his dick was 'saying' to him.
“You think someone should wrap their lips around you, is that what you said? Wait, what, is that not what you said?”
Silence.
“Oh, you said someone should ride you like the stallion you are. Well, buddy, not sure if anyone here is qualified enough to do the job.”
Oh, fuck no, he didn't just say that.
“Yeah, I know, buddy. It would have been nice if Ava could do it, but you're not enough for her so I don't think she would give you an adequate ride.”
He had fucking reversed the roles on me. Damn man. I swear I could never win with him. He was too fucking clever by far.
“Yeah, buddy, we'll go try to find someone if that's what you want,” he murmured.
As the words left his mouth, I pounced on him. I knocked him back down on the bed, slung my leg over him, raised up, grabbed his cock and slammed myself down on it. We both groaned loudly.
“Oh fuck,” I whimpered.
He felt so damn good inside me. I raised up until the only thing left inside me was just the head of his cock, then I slowly lowered myself back down. God, that felt so good that I did it again, then again. Next, I raised myself up and then lowered myself so that just the head was going in and out of me. The feeling was fucking amazing.
“Damn, Ava,” he groaned. “You're fucking killing me.”
I didn't pay any attention to him. My eyes were closed, and I was in my own little world, using his cock to stimulate my pussy. Up and down I went, ever so slowly. I ran my hands up and started pinching my nipples. I moaned. I hit bottom and ground myself against his pelvic bone. I gasped.
“Fuuuccck,” I cried out.
I lifted myself up till I was off and started over, but this time slow wasn't enough. I leaned over and placed my hands on his chest. Once I had traction, I started going faster. Up and down. I could feel my walls dragging the sides of his cock. It felt like he was growing inside me. I felt my legs start shaking as my pace increased. I needed more. I needed Dog to slam up inside me.
Mad Dog (Angel’s Rebellion MC: #2) (Angel's Rebellion MC) Page 27
