I Love This Bar

by Carolyn Brown

  She pulled in the parking lot beside Chigger's truck.

  "I'm starvin' to death. You'd think all that breakfast Jim Bob brought me would be enough to last a week instead of just a few hours. But then last night was a busy night," Chigger said as they walked side-by-side into the restaurant. "I found out how much I liked sex when I was fifteen. How about you?"

  "I don't kiss and tell," Daisy said.

  "Well, bless your little southern heart. How's a girl supposed to know without tastin' the goods if her friends don't tell her whether or not it's a good place to eat?" Chigger asked.

  "Guess she has to pay the price for the buffet and try out the food for herself," Daisy said as the cool air hit them inside the restaurant.

  The restaurant had started more than thirty years before in Thurber's old drugstore, but it burned in the early nineties. The owners then rebuilt it in the north end of the old Texas & Pacific Mercantile building. The place was made with original Thurber bricks in the late 1800s and had sold everything from cribs to coffins to the company miners back when Thurber was a flourishing town. The restaurant got its name from the 128-foot tall power plant smokestack that once provided Thurber with electricity. Memorabilia of the days when Thurber was a booming town decorated the walls. An old upright piano graced one corner. An oak freezer that required ice blocks sat beside the doors into the kitchen. T-shirts in every color were stacked up in a glass case with the Smokehouse logo on them.

  Daisy had been intrigued with the place the first time she ate there, but nowadays she was more interested in the food than the memorabilia. Besides, the day was a bittersweet one. The last time she'd eaten at the Smokestack was with Ruby the day before she was killed on that damned motorcycle of hers. Daisy had told her that she was too old to be out riding a motorcycle. Ruby had declared that the best way to die was to run the cycle all day and drop dead of a heart attack when she parked it.

  "What are you thinkin' about? That cowboy I've promised to keep my hands off of?" Chigger asked.

  "Ruby Lee," Daisy said.

  Chigger nodded seriously. "Miss her, do you?"

  "She was like a mother to me. Took me in when I was down and out," Daisy said.

  "You were the daughter she never had. It was a two-way street. You was good for her," Chigger said seriously.

  "Thanks," Daisy murmured.

  The waitress appeared with a notepad and waited. Chigger handed her the menu and said, "I'll have the chicken fried steak, the big portion, with a baked potato, sour cream, butter, cheese, and bacon, and honey mustard dressing on my salad. Sweet tea and save us a couple of pieces of coconut pie."

  Daisy shut the menu and handed it to the waitress. "Same for me, only ranch dressing."

  "Now let's talk about that cowboy, Jarod," Chigger said.

  "Let's don't," Daisy said.

  Chigger eyed her carefully. "Woman don't talk about a man, something is the matter. Either he's butt ugly, son-of-a-bitch mean, or else they got a thing for him. I been watchin' you for a helluva long time. Either you are damn careful about your men or you dance to a different drummer. I never seen you leave with one or flirt."

  Daisy threw up her hands defensively. "Hey, I'm straight! I like men," Daisy said.

  "Well, I'm damn glad to hear it. I was worried about you. Now what's so different about this Jarod McElroy? You don't light up over Billy Bob."

  "Why do you go home all the time with Jim Bob?" She didn't know why Billy Bob didn't set her hormones to singing or why that dark-haired cowboy sent her into a gushy mess of hot flashes.

  "Jim Bob is a sweetheart and he's in love with me. I'm going to marry that lonesome old red-haired cowboy one of these days. I just want to get all my wild oats sowed first. Once I say 'I do' I'll have to be good and only sleep with him. I'm not ready to do that just yet."

  "Why?" Daisy asked.

  "Way I figure it is this. I started having sex when I was fifteen. If I have it twenty-one years before I get married, it's kind of like growing up and coming of age. That's next year. I won't be so old, not really. I reckon that'll give me five or six years to have a bunch of little mean red-haired boys for Jim Bob and make him real happy."

  Daisy shook her head. "That's a cockamamie way to rationalize something as important as marriage."

  "How'd you rationalize it then?" Chigger asked.

  "Become friends. Fall in love. Marry. Have kids. Traditional, I suppose." First it was friends, so that nipped the whole process in the bud. Jarod would never be friends with a barmaid, so the fall in love part was a moot point.

  The waitress brought their tea and salads. Daisy didn't realize how hungry she was until she started to eat. The salad and toasted garlic bread tasted wonderful.

  "I reckon each person has to find their own way around the L and M words. You do it your way and I'll do it mine. If you find out you don't want that cowboy, honey, you will be upfront and honest with me. I'd like to have a taste of that tall drink of water before I settle down with Jim Bob, but only if you decide you don't want him. I won't get in your way," Chigger said.

  "Who says I want him?" Daisy asked.

  "Your eyes say it all. I'd like to strip him down and have him for supper and maybe again for breakfast, but I'll be good. At least until after you meet Momma."

  "Chigger, you are thirty-five years old. I wasn't that afraid of my mother or Ruby Lee either and I was only twenty-one when Ruby Lee hired me. I had you figured you'd take on a rattlesnake bare-handed," Daisy said.

  "Rattlesnakes ain't nearly as mean as Momma. Don't use your southern manners when it's time to leave. Don't you dare say something like come on up and see me sometime. She'll bug the hell out of me to go with me on Friday night."

  "What about if she asks me what kind of work I do?"

  Chigger got serious. "Here's the story I told her. I met you one day when you came to town to get your hair done. You are married to a rancher and you got two of the cutest little girls. You introduced me to Jim Bob who is a good, God fearin' man and sometimes he comes over to your house and we play Monopoly. We don't play cards because that's a sin right next to covetin' your neighbor's ass. Which I never understood anyway. I mean, if your neighbor ain't married and he's got a fine ass, why can't you covet it?"

  Daisy giggled.

  "And your husband's name is Jarod."

  "Good God Almighty," Daisy sputtered.

  "I just thought of that this morning. Pretty good touch, ain't it? Far as she knows, I spent the night at your ranch last night like I do lots of Fridays, and since you need to come to town to buy some vet supplies today I suggested you run in and meet Momma. I told her that you couldn't stay long. Runnin' a dairy farm takes a lot of time," Chigger said.

  Daisy's Irish temper flared. "You planned this whole thing?"

  "Been plannin' it for months. Good story, ain't it? And if you don't play along with it, I'm going to have wild passionate sex with your cowboy tonight."

  "That's blackmail and he's not my cowboy," Daisy said.

  "Call it whatever you want. You'll have plenty on me to do some blackmailin' after today, believe me."

  Daisy raised a perfectly arched eyebrow. "Oh?"

  "Oh, yes. And I'll even sweep up the floor again if you play nicely."

  "This is worth more than sweeping up the bar and a chicken-fried steak," Daisy grumbled.

  Chigger shrugged. "I'm sure it is, but then what are friends for?"

  "We're not friends. We are business partners," Daisy said.

  "Honey, that's the best kind of friends," Chigger said.

  By the time they finished lunch and Daisy drove twenty miles to Stephenville and pulled her car into the driveway of the white frame house where Chigger's mother lived, she was ready to strangle the woman.

  Chigger twisted her hands nervously as they walked up on the porch. "You remember the whole story?"

  "I got it and I'll improvise if I don't," Daisy said.

  Mrs. Jones met them at the door. "Y'all get yourse
lves on in here. I made a pecan pie and sweet tea. Come on in the kitchen and sit up to the table. I just been dying to meet you, Daisy. Willa Mae talks so much about you and your ranch and two sweet little girls. I pictured you a little taller. Guess that's because you are a vet. How does a little old thing like you vaccinate cows? Well, I been tellin' her to bring you around for months. It was a shame the way her other friend got killed. That Ruby was a saint if I ever knowed one. But at least she didn't have children like you do. I'm glad to see my girl take up with someone nearer to her own age, but Willa Mae always has had a soft spot for the elderly. Now tell me about yourself, Daisy. How long have you been a rancher's wife?"

  Daisy shot Chigger a drop-dead look.

  Mrs. Jones didn't wait for an answer but kept right on talking. "Set down, now. We've got so much to talk about. I should've invited her brother's wives over to meet you, but they talk too much. Lawsy me, but I wouldn't get a word in edgewise if they was here. Women just go on and on. Guess it's their age. Willa Mae's brothers was twenty and twenty-one when I had her so they're most awful protective. Their wives are probably going though the change and that makes them get all flustered and talk too much. Willa Mae says that she's met a man. Jim Bob Walker. Is he a good man? I won't have her takin' up with a man who's a rabble rouser. No sir. He's got to be a God-fearin' man with upright morals. So you tell me the truth, now Daisy. Is this Jim Bob a good man?"

  Daisy shoved a fork full of pie in her mouth. She held up a hand and mumbled around the pie, "Wonderful pie."

  Mrs. Jones took off on another tangent. "My mother's recipe. Grind the pecans. When you leave them in halves it makes a nice lookin' pie but it's tough as leather. We was talkin' about Willa Mae's friend. Does he like pecan pie?"

  Daisy swallowed hard. "I think Jim Bob would love your pie. He's kind of shy but I bet maybe in a year or so we'll talk him into coming around to meet you."

  Chigger rolled her eyes.

  "A year! Lawsy me, girl, it better be before a year. You tell that boy that my Willa Mae is a good girl and she's awful shy too. Why, she ain't never even been out on a date if you don't count that boy that picked her up for the senior prom. He was just her friend and not a real date but he did bring her a corsage. I dried it upside down and put it away so she'd have it for her memory box. Woman needs those things when she gets old."

  "Yes, ma'am," Daisy said.

  "Did you go to the prom in Palo Pinto or over at Mineral Wells?" Mrs. Jones pried.

  "I grew up in Mena, Arkansas," Daisy said.

  "Well, imagine that. I reckon you met your husband, Jarod, up there?"

  "Actually I met him in Mingus," Daisy answered.

  "You'll have to tell me all about that next time you come visitin'. And bring him with you. What's his favorite pie? I'll have it ready. Maybe you could bring Jim Bob with you and we'll all have a game of Monopoly. Now wouldn't that be a fun evening?"

  "Momma, I've got to get to my appointments and Daisy has to buy groceries and get home. Jarod can only watch the girls so long and then he has to get the cows milked," Willa Mae said.

  "Well, I understand ranchin' and dairy work is time takin'. But you come on back around, Daisy. Any old time. I'm always here and I'm glad Willa Mae has struck up a friendship with a good woman like you." She talked all the way to the door and followed Daisy out onto the porch.

  Chigger walked her to the car. "Thank you. I owe you big time," she whispered.

  "Yep, you do. And you'd best never cross me or I'll stand up on the bar and tell this story right out loud."

  "That would be bitchy."

  "Yep, it would," Daisy said.

  "Honey, I done told you I won't seduce your man."

  "He's not my man. He's not my husband. And if you can seduce him, I wouldn't want him anyway," Daisy said.

  "Whew! You don't share worth a damn, do you?"

  Daisy started the engine. "No, I do not!"

  Chapter 3

  "Hey, hey, finally you open the doors and let us old cowboys in the joint. We been sittin' on the porch for half an hour," Jim Bob said when Daisy unlocked the front door of the Honky Tonk.

  "You probably spent the night there," she said.

  "Didn't think of that. I'll bring my tent next time and just camp out in the parking lot. Jim Bob, you bring the grill and we'll fix hamburgers. Hell, we might make enough to pay for Joe Bob's pool losses by selling your famous whiskey burgers," Billy Bob suggested as they trooped inside.

  Daisy vowed she'd never smart off again.

  They hadn't been there ten minutes when a dozen of Ruby's old biker friends arrived. Daisy filled beer orders as the place went from quiet to the walls rattling when someone put coins into the jukebox. "Sweet Home Alabama" had folks on the dance floor and others wiggling their shoulders as they chalked up the cue sticks.

  Does Jarod shoot pool? Lord, I hope not. I'm lousy at it. I wouldn't give him a bit of competition. Damn it, I've got to stop thinking about him.

  "Hey, Daisy, fix us up two pitchers of hurricanes," Wilma yelled.

  "Soon as I finish drawing this beer," she yelled back.

  By the time she had that order filled and the money in the register, five young women came through the doors. They stopped when they saw Tinker and produced identification, then settled at a table in a corner. They were all dressed in cute little sundresses and sandals. They giggled for a few seconds before one of the bridesmaids came to the bar and ordered three pitchers of piña coladas and five empty glasses.

  "We serve everything in Mason jars. You want pints or quarts?" Daisy asked.

  "Better be pints. We don't want to get the bride drunk too fast," she laughed.

  "Bachelorette party?" Daisy asked.

  She nodded and took several bills from her tiny purse to pay for the order.

  Chigger arrived at nine in her tight skinny-legged jeans and bright pink stretch top that hugged every curve. Her blond hair was freshly done and her fingernails matched her pink shirt. She made her way to Jim Bob's table and pulled him out onto the dance floor.

  The bride and her ladies were finishing up their third pitcher an hour later when the front door opened and one hunky, handsome policeman strutted over to their table.

  "Hey," he raised his voice above the din of the jukebox playing "Hell Yeah" by Montgomery Gentry. "I hear there's a pretty woman in here who's going to be a bride come tomorrow afternoon at two o'clock."

  They all giggled and pointed at the petite little blonde who was definitely going to have a headache the next day when she walked down the aisle if she didn't slow down.

  Chigger claimed a barstool and watched the circus. "Hope she ain't got a big old fancy hairdo and a veil in mind for the weddin'. The way she's tossin' back those drinks she's going to have one hellacious headache tomorrow."

  "Maybe she needs them to marry the sorry sucker," Daisy said.

  "If that's the case I hope she takes off like Julia Roberts did in Runaway Bride. Ain't no man worth that and she's so damn young."

  "That's the truth," Daisy agreed.

  The policeman snapped velvet cuffs on her hands and led her to the door saying loudly that he was charging her with being too beautiful to be out in public. About the time he reached Tinker's chair he announced that he couldn't arrest a pretty little thing like her. He removed the cuffs and she ran back to her pack of giggling friends while he meandered over to the jukebox and plugged in "Redneck Woman" by Gretchen Wilson. By the time the words were out about never being the Barbie doll type, the policeman had jumped up on the girls' table and snapped off his uniform. He did a bump and grind in a skintight zebra print Speedo that had all the girls giggling and putting dollar bills in the waistband when he crawled across the table toward them.

  "Well, that's a first for the Honky Tonk," Daisy said.

  Chigger didn't answer. Her eyes were glazed over. Daisy could imagine Chigger's momma grabbing her chest and dropping dead with a heart attack if she ever saw that wanton look in her daughter
's eyes.

  "Shy, my ass," Daisy muttered.

  "What about your ass?" Billy Bob asked when the show was over and the policeman grabbed up his clothing and disappeared out the door.

  "Nothing you'd be interested in." Daisy filled another Mason jar with Coors Light and carried it to the far end.

  "Honey, I'm interested in everything about you," Billy Bob said in his most seductive low country drawl.

  Daisy pretended she didn't hear him and kept working.

  "He could have done it twice. Hell, I'd a paid him double the rate to come over here and do it on the bar in front of me," Chigger all but panted.