"Well how many do you want?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest with an infuriating smirk on his handsome face.
"Two?" I asked.
He shook his head. "Four."
"Lino!" I laughed, giving him wide eyes. The man was infuriating, impossible. There was no way I would survive four little Lino's running around, even if my heart clenched at the thought of little boys that looked like him. They'd drive me crazy. "That's too many. I can't be a mom of four. Before today I wasn't even positive I wanted to be a mom of one."
His laughter bounced around the kitchen, and he stepped over to wrap me up in his arms. "Look at our family, Little Dove. Look at how they worship Luna. I promise you; we will not be alone. Fuck, Emilio can drive you and the kids to Matteo's house every day. We both know Ivory would love it and Don would lose his damn mind with happiness. He adores you; he loves me. He's going to worship our kids the same way he does Luna. Our babies will have my family, they'll have Yavin and your mom. They'll be loved, Samara. We have enough love to give."
I tucked myself against his chest, the words echoing in my head with a sudden clarity that made my heart hurt. "Okay, but on one condition."
"Anything for you, Little Dove."
"I want to adopt, at least one." He stared down at me, his body stilling and his jaw clenching. "I was lucky. I had mom after dad took off. You weren't so lucky," I stuttered. "I want to take in a little boy or a little girl who needs us. If we have all this love to give, then I want to give it to a child that's never known love."
He smiled finally, touching his forehead to mine. "Like you did with me, when you were too young to even know what you did." I sighed in relief, feeling that it wasn't anger that made his body tense. "Just when I think your heart can't get any bigger, you go and shock me."
"Is that a yes?" I whispered.
"Yeah, Little Dove. That's a yes. Anything for you," he echoed his earlier words, and I smiled up at him, feeling whole and happy.
I never wanted the feeling to end.
Thirty-Eight
Samara
Jasper's behavior felt off. There was something in the way the man came in late every morning, when I knew he wasn't spending his time out clubbing. That wasn't him, and the fact that he couldn't go anywhere without cameras following him made him even more private with his life.
Women had let him down, used him for his money. The few who seemed genuinely interested in him hadn't been able to handle the stresses of his life. There was no chance he'd be out trolling for women, not given his distrust of them in general.
He reminded me of me in a lot of ways. Women only hurt you, men only hurt you. So why bother?
Looking back at the mindset now, given the happiness I'd found with Lino, I felt the need to try to convince Jasper that not all women would hurt him. That there would one day be one who would love him for him and see that he was worth all the trials and tribulations that went along with dating a man in the spotlight. But there was no point, I knew. He wouldn't hear it, not until he was ready to hear it.
And he wasn't.
I sat at my desk, staring at Jasper's door in thought and wondering how I could help someone who didn't want my help. I didn't truthfully know anyone I could set him up with. Sadie was dating someone she knew from the gym, and it made me sad to acknowledge that I had no other single friends to speak of. With Ivory and Chiara both married, that exhausted the new family I'd started forming.
When the door opened, I turned to it with a polite smile, though there was a bit of dread mixed in with it. Jasper had no standing appointments for the rest of the day, and it felt like the only ones who popped in were the ones I really didn't feel like dealing with. My eyes landed on the middle-aged woman from the club, the employee who had been catty, but surprised by Lino's marriage. With a sigh, I stood behind my desk as she approached with an overly bright smile. "Ms. Romano. Can I help you with something?"
"Samara," she said, seeming to pointedly choose to ignore my last name, like she couldn't quite stomach the thought of calling me a Bellandi. I wondered briefly if Emilio had seen her, if Lino already knew about her impromptu visit.
I couldn't imagine he would appreciate it.
She eyed me thoroughly, releasing a deep sigh. Like she was my friend. "I wondered if we might speak without Lino for a few moments. I know it's inappropriate to ambush you at work like this, but I didn't see any other way to get to you. Emilio is always with you."
I nodded, feeling like I'd swallowed glass as I gestured to the seats in the waiting area. "Why don't we take a seat?"
"Thank you." She perched on the edge of a chair, and I took the one across from her for a bit of distance. Where she looked perfect and poised, I leaned back to get comfortable, though I crossed my legs despite the relaxed position. "I just wanted to be sure you're aware of what you've married into. The Bellandi's are—"
"I know what the Bellandi's are and what they do. I believe I told you at the party that my brother is among their ranks. I've known Lino since he was just a boy. Did you know that?" I asked, tracing the birthmark in my palm with my fingers the way Lino might have in this situation. The familiar touch comforted me, gave me the feeling that he was there with me for the conversation I truly wanted no part in.
"With all respect, being the little sister of a friend of the family doesn't mean you know anything about the Bellandi's."
"You misunderstand me. Yavin didn't introduce me to Lino, it was the other way around. Lino has been my friend for longer than he's been Yavin's. I may not know every move that he makes or every decision he's ever made, but I suspect no wife does. That isn't my place in his life," I stated. "It never has been, and a ring on my finger won't change that."
"And what exactly is it that you think your place is?" she asked, a little smirk curving her lips.
"I've always been Lino's solace from that part of his life. The place he went to feel human again after something made him feel like a monster. His comfort," I answered. "The only thing that has changed is now he takes solace in me in a greater variety of ways."
"That's cute, but it won't last. He won't divorce you, obviously. You know that, but a man like Angelino doesn't stay faithful to one woman. There have been countless women who tried, and I have no doubt they were a little more creative than you in that department. He's a Bellandi, and they always wander from their wives. Lino planned to avoid that entirely, claiming he would never marry," she sighed.
"Obviously something changed," I argued.
"Yes, he needed to protect you from your first husband." She grinned at me, like she'd already won the battle I hadn't wanted to fight.
“Is there a purpose to you being here? Aside from an attempt to stir up drama. I mean, I realize that you clearly think very little of how much Lino cares for me, but regardless of what you think he isn’t a man who would marry someone he doesn’t want. I am important to him in ways you can’t even begin to imagine.” As I spoke the words, I realized how true they were. Lino had alternatives to dealing with Connor, with Yavin being part of the family I shouldn’t have needed the Bellandi name to protect me. Not when Yavin could have done it nearly as effectively.
"And yet, if it hadn't been for that, who knows if he ever would have changed your relationship. I doubt it, because even he knows that he gets bored easily. If he truly found solace in you, he wouldn't have wanted to give that up for a few weeks of sex, months perhaps. Though it would be a record if it lasted that long."
My fingers dug into my palms, and I wanted nothing more than to slap her, but I refrained in the interest of keeping my face casual and bored even while I vibrated with fury. I’d spent enough time questioning our relationship; I didn’t need others to do it for me, but she continued as if my opinion on the matter was entirely secondary.
"You'll serve a purpose of course. At least you'll be able to give him legitimate heirs. His father has pressured him for more years than I can count to marry for that reason. Before you know it, you'
ll be staying home with the children Angelino declares he wants. It will be sudden, because Lino doesn't have a patient bone in his body. You're married, so why not?" She stood, brushing her hands down her pencil skirt as she looked down at me with sympathy in her eyes.
"You're wrong," I accused, but the seed had already planted in my head. I’d hoped that Lino’s sudden interest in children had come to pass for the same reason mine had, but it seemed convenient when his father and this bitch kept throwing the need for them in my face.
Men only hurt you.
Why would I have thought Lino could be any different?
"So he's told you he loves you then?" She raised an eyebrow at me sardonically, and I had to turn my head away as I considered her words. "He's very good at making you feel it without ever saying it. Any number of women will tell you that when the time comes and you declare your love for him, he'll tell you that you misunderstood his intentions. That he doesn't love you. That everything he made you feel was nothing but a twist of your imagination. He's a good time boy, Samara. I know you're already married, so the damage is done to some respect. But there's no reason you can't move forward understanding exactly what kind of marriage you'll have. It will hurt less in the end. I hope, one day, you can look back and understand I came here to save you future pain." She nodded at me, turning to stride for the door.
The sound of her heels ticking against the floor drew me from my reflection, and I stood. I plastered on my best poker face, smiling at her blandly. "Have a nice day, Ms. Romano. Thank you for coming, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't interrupt my workday again. Surely in the future you can just call Lino and tell him you'd like to do lunch. I don't imagine he'd have an issue with you telling me these things, assuming they are true."
She scowled at me before she stepped through the door, and I knew I'd been at least somewhat successful in convincing her I was unbothered. Turning back to my desk, I debated the pile of work that waited for me, but I knew I would never in a million years be able to focus with the way my heart felt like it was in my stomach.
So stupid.
He really had never told me he loved me. I’d meant it when I told Linda that it felt like he communicated it without saying it, but if other women felt that way?
Was I really any different?
He'd never actually said the words, though it felt like he had to have said them with all the declarations he'd made about our future. How it was just him and I in our marriage. But maybe it was just his attempt to control me, since Bellandi women weren't allowed affairs in spite of their husbands.
I had the horrifying thought that if all Bellandi's had affairs, what did that mean for poor Ivory? But I brushed it off in the next second. I'd seen the way that Matteo looked at her like she hung the moon and stars herself. There was no way in Hell that man was anything less than faithful to his wife. He gave her the looks and the words to back up his actions.
Unlike Lino. I got heated stares, sure. But couldn't he give those to any attractive woman? Yavin said he’d seen Lino with many women, did he make them feel the same way I felt? Had I mistaken sex for love for the second time in my life, with a second husband?
A sob stuck in my throat, but I forced it down and stepped over to Jasper's closed door. With a little push, I opened the door and peeked my head in. "I'm going to go grab a snack from downstairs. Do you want anything?"
"No, I'm good. See you soon," he said, never even looking up from his computer. Totally engrossed in whatever he worked on, but also distracted by whatever secret he kept tight to his chest. For one single moment, I decided to be pleased that he couldn't bother to pay attention to me. If he had, he'd have seen the way my soul splintered, the way the need to run pulsed through me.
Men only hurt.
I wanted to go, but with the threat of Connor looming over me, I couldn’t just walk out the doors. I grabbed my phone off my desk, typing Yavin’s number in and waiting for him to answer. “I need you to pick me up from work. Now,” I said with a flinch. I didn’t often even attempt to tell Yavin what to do, so it wasn’t like me to snap at him the second he answered the phone.
“What’s wrong, Smalls?” he asked, and his voice was quiet. He knew. He knew as well as anyone would know that the only person who could make me splinter like this was Lino. He’d tried to warn me, and again I hadn’t listened.
“Pull up to the side door. I’ll meet you there,” I said, and I packed up my things and waited just a few minutes before my anxiety got the best of me.
Men only hurt.
The thought echoed in my head, feeling all the more painful because I'd thought that if nothing else, Lino would never hurt me with lies and dishonesty. He might have hurt me by not wanting me, but I couldn't exactly blame him just for not feeling the same way about me. Leading me to believe we had something more than a marriage that protected me if we didn't? That I could blame him for. Making me believe he wanted children with me and not just heirs to the Bellandi empire? That was an unforgivable sin against me.
I snagged my purse off the desk and strutted my way to the elevator, catching it on the way down. More and more people filled it as we descended during the late afternoon rush of people leaving last appointments for the day. Panic surged through me when I thought of having to sneak past Emilio, but his back was turned, and I managed to blend in with the crowd until I stepped out the side door. The need to get away from all things Lino put a tangible pressure on my chest.
Emilio never saw me standing just outside the side entrance, clinging to the building like it could save me from would-be abductors. By the time Yavin pulled up, I was a nervous mess. I had a few hours at best before they realized I was gone, and I felt horrible guilt for what it would mean for Jasper when I didn't come back.
But I already knew an hour wouldn't be enough. An hour wouldn't be enough time to process my options and try to tame my heart back into the state where it didn't care. Where it didn't want.
Where it could use Lino, just the way he used me.
“What’s going on, Smalls?” Yavin whispered, reaching over to take my hand in his. I bit back a sob.
"I just need to get away for a little bit. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to think about it. Can you just take me to The Bird Lounge, please? I need to listen to music."
“Yeah. Yeah, I can take you there, Samara,” Yavin murmured, and he went quiet. Yavin was tumultuous and prone to fits, but he also knew when he could push the limits with me and when I was at my breaking point.
I had to hope I didn’t snap this time.
Thirty-Nine
Lino
The call from Emilio couldn't have come at a less convenient time. Training my new manager at Indulgence had hit critical importance. Enzo couldn't keep filling in and doing two jobs, but I also couldn't bring myself to leave Samara alone in bed at night and come to the club. It wasn't like I oversaw the nightly activities at the club anyway; I mostly worked in the office upstairs in case there was a situation that needed my attention.
Or unless something with the other side of the businesses demanded my attention. Like meetings with our gun or drug suppliers where Matteo wanted to present a united front. Those things I could and would still do, as was expected of me as one of Matteo's closest confidantes, but the mundane bullshit of running the club didn't need my attention.
My new manager was experienced and came highly recommended, it was just a new place and there were all sorts of standards involved with working for the Bellandi's. He needed to understand that when we said we'd bury him if he broke the confidentiality agreement, we meant it.
"Yeah?" I grunted as soon as the phone hit my ear.
"Mia Romano just went up to see Mrs. Bellandi about twenty minutes ago. She said you sent her, so I let her up. But now I'm thinking on it and wondering why you would send one of your father's good time girls to see your wife."
My body froze solid. The way Mia had assessed Samara at the club ran through my head, the catt
y way she'd tried to start shit about my marriage and fidelity. Like it was any of her business what I did with my wife or outside my marriage.
She'd been fishing for gossip, I knew. Looking for weaknesses that she could turn to my father and exploit.
I'd known better than to believe my father had truly given his blessing, but I never expected he might send a woman to do his dirty work. "Get up there now. I want to know what kind of toxic bullshit she's spinning." Samara had only just started to come around, started to believe that what we had was genuine. It had taken far too long to break down those walls she'd put up against me and all other men. I wouldn't fucking go so gently if she made me do it again.
"She just left," Emilio said. "I didn't think to stop her."
"Go to Samara then. Make sure she's okay. Call me when you have her. I want to know what that woman said to her," I snarled, turning to watch the door. I knew Mia wasn't due to work for hours yet, but it didn't stop me from wishing she was there so I could get my own answers.
"Yes, boss," Emilio grunted in my ear and the phone disconnected.
I kept it in my hand, drumming my fingers against the back of the case.
Unease slithered up my spine, the unquestionable sense that something was wrong.
But all I could do was wait.
"Is everything okay?" the new manager, Armando, asked with a glance at my phone.
"No." It was all the answer I gave, and he didn't push for me to give him more information as my head bartender ran him through the inventory while I watched, marking down the number of bottles of each kind of alcohol and matching it up with the records the bartenders kept.
I felt nauseous.
When my phone rang, I put it to my ear. "Samara?"
"She's gone, Sir. Rowe says she told him she was going to grab a snack from the third floor, but they haven’t seen her." My ears rang with fury, knowing the timing was too suspect for it to be a coincidence that she wasn’t where she’d said she would be. Whatever Mia had told her, it couldn't have been true, and if her lies cost me the love of my life I’d kill her myself. There was nothing I'd done to make Samara try to leave me.
Forgivable Sins: A Dark Mafia Romance (Bellandi Crime Syndicate Book 2) Page 27
