Miss Potterton's Birthday Tea

by Amanda Prowse

  ‘She’s quite hard work, but you’ll soon get used to her.’

  ‘I can handle meself.’ She smiled. ‘How’s Lynne?’

  ‘Good. Yeah, good. We’re off to Tenerife week after next, for a bit of a break. So she’s looking forward to that.’

  ‘Oh, lovely!’ Tina folded her arms across her chest.

  ‘You been?’

  ‘No!’ She batted her hand at him. ‘I’ve never been abroad. Haven’t been on holiday since before Marley was born!’

  ‘What? You’d love it, girl!’

  ‘Oh, no doubt. Trust me, the reason I don’t go is not because I have an aversion to drinking pina coladas in the sun!’

  ‘Nah, course not. Anyway, I’ll text you the details later. Her name is Cordelia Potterton.’

  ‘Well, that’s a name and an ’arf. Is it Mrs?’

  ‘No. She’s a “Miss”.’

  7

  The clock on the radio chimed seven. Miss Potterton looked at the gold watch that now hung loosely from her tiny wrist.

  ‘Seven o’clock,’ she announced, tapping the face, happy that the two tallied.

  Greta Garbo jumped up and sat on her lap in the lamplight.

  ‘Hello, girl. Where have you been? Roaming the streets and up to no good, no doubt. You lucky old thing.’ She chuckled and when her laugh turned into a wheeze, she sipped at her glass of water that sat on a lace doily within reach on the sideboard.

  ‘I had a lovely chat with Tom today. Too little time, as ever, but I get dreadfully stiff sitting on that blasted chair in the middle of the grass. I’m sure I make quite an exhibition. I said how I’d sorted the stamp books out and that I’d sent a couple off to the Postal Museum in Bath. I do hope they can make good use of them. Tom will be delighted by that.’

  She paused and stroked the top of Greta Garbo’s head absentmindedly, her memories coming thick and fast.

  ‘We had the most wonderful weekend there, in Bath. I think it was 1955, and I remember the sun shone – it really was the most glorious weather. I can see us now, like it was yesterday. We picnicked on the grass in the Royal Crescent. Gosh, do you know, Greta, I think we spent the entire day with shoes kicked off, sleeves rolled, just lying on that tartan blanket, holding hands and gazing up at the clouds. Not a care in the world, and no one paid us the slightest attention. I don’t think I have ever been happier.’

  Garbo licked her mistress’s hand and stared at her intently, as if listening to every word.

  ‘We took a stroll around Royal Victoria Park and there was a most impressive display of yellow roses. Tom picked me one and I pressed it, kept it by my bedside for years. I still have it. And I remember Tom saying, “Can we just stay here forever and ever…”’ Miss Potterton sniffed her tears and fished for the white lace handkerchief that nestled up her sleeve. ‘And by golly I wanted to. I really did.’

  The telephone handset on the arm of her chair rang.

  She sat up straight and coughed, answering slowly and deliberately. ‘589 8181.’ She did this, gave her telephone number just as she always had, from the day they were first connected, way back between the wars. Their original number had been a mere three digits.

  ‘Evening, Miss P, hope I’m not interrupting you. It’s Len. Leonard.’ Len spoke loudly and slowly, as if she was a little hard of hearing, which she was.

  ‘Good evening, Leonard.’

  There was a second of silence as Len hesitated, expecting a bit more of a greeting. ‘Reason for my call is that I had a word with my neighbour, as I suggested when I dropped you home earlier, and she’d be more than happy to come and clean for you, or at least give it a go. I told her you’d like her tomorrow and she’ll be with you about ten.’

  ‘At ten, Leonard. Not about ten, otherwise it’s jolly hard to keep track. Makes it confusing when you’re chasing the odd minute here and there.’

  ‘Righto, ten it is. Good night, Miss P.’

  ‘Good night, Leonard.’ She ended the call.

  ‘No, don’t thank me. My pleasure,’ Len muttered as he replaced the receiver. He lay on the sofa staring at the phone, then smiled at his wife, Lynne, who was reading a guidebook to the Canary Islands.

  ‘What you on about, talking to yourself?’ Lynne looked up.

  ‘Nothing, love.’ And he settled back for a nap.

  8

  Tina knocked on the door and stood up straight, smoothing her dark, unruly hair back into its ponytail. She made sure to smile. If Miss Potterton was anything like her elderly nan, a smiling face would help put her at her ease.

  It felt like an age before the shadowy figure finally made it to the door; then another few minutes passed as she fumbled with the bolts.

  ‘Hello!’ Tina leant forward, in case Miss Potterton was hard of hearing. ‘I’m Tina! A friend of Len’s. He said you would like me to clean for you?’ Her smile didn’t waver.

  ‘You’re early.’ Miss Potterton narrowed her gaze.

  ‘Yes! I don’t like to be late, so I tend to go the other way. Sorry.’ She wasn’t sure if this required an apology but figured there was no harm in offering one.

  ‘How old are you?’

  Tina felt her cheeks blush. ‘I’m thirty-four.’

  ‘You look younger,’ Miss Potterton replied, in a way that left Tina unsure as to whether that was a good thing or not.

  ‘You’re not one of those ghastly women who lie about their age to suit the circumstances, are you? Adding some years in their extreme youth and then removing them later on? I think that’s the absolute height of vanity!’

  ‘No, no. I’ve just got good genes.’ Tina was confused by the woman’s behaviour.

  ‘Lucky you.’ Her reply was curt.

  ‘How old are you?’ Tina stood as tall as she possibly could.

  ‘What?’

  ‘I was wondering how old you are, if we’re going down that route.’

  Miss Potterton opened the door a little wider. ‘I am ninety-three,’ she offered matter-of-factly, in a tone that, unusually, was not intended to elicit either wonder or praise.

  ‘You look younger.’ Tina spoke the truth.

  ‘Good genes,’ Miss Potterton replied.

  The two women stared at each other, each wondering what the next move might be.

  ‘You’re very skinny.’ Miss Potterton appraised her tiny form.

  Tina laughed. This felt like a wind-up. She half expected Digsy and Marley to come jumping out of a bush and high-five the posh old lady.

  ‘Yes I am, always have been, but it’s not through lack of trying. I eat like a horse, and if you’re worried about my ability to do the job, don’t be. I have three other permanent clients and can get first-class references. I think I’m skinny cos I’m always on the go. You know, if I’m not working, then I’m cleaning up at home or racing round the supermarket.’

  ‘You have a family?’

  ‘Well, yes, just one boy. My son. He’s eighteen.’

  ‘Good Lord! And you are only thirty-four?’

  ‘Yes.’ Tina held Miss Potterton’s stare, unwilling at this juncture in her life to be judged by her or anyone, especially for a predicament she had found herself in nearly two decades ago. The happiest, best predicament of all. ‘What about you? Any family?’

  ‘All dead.’ She said this without sentiment. ‘Bar a nephew and his frightful child – I forget her name, something ridiculous – and an equally frightful wife. A social climber with a meanness of spirit, the worst kind. The sort of woman who would find it hard to take joy in other people’s good fortune.’

  They hovered for a second. Tina wondered who exactly this lady had lost. Parents? Definitely. Husband, kids? Possibly. ‘Shall I come in then?’

  ‘Yes. Do.’ Miss Potterton turned her back.

  Tina followed her inside and up the hallway.

  ‘Wow!’ She let her eyes rove over the walls, which were packed with gilt-framed oil paintings, black and white photographs of people and places, and even a tapestry of a gr
and-looking palace on the edge of an inviting beach, complete with palm trees.

  The parquet floor was barely visible beneath a vast mahogany bureau stuffed with letters, magazines, balls of string and a dusty, pot-bound cheese plant. A brass umbrella-stand bulged with ivory-topped umbrellas, a couple of parasols with aged fabric shades and a clutch of walking sticks with a variety of handles.

  No shortage of things to dust, is there? Tina noted, but she caught herself just in time and refrained from sharing this with her new boss.

  The sitting room was just as full. French windows at the back of the room opened out onto a pretty walled courtyard, where tubs, pots, milk churns and any number of other receptacles fought for space. Some of them held flourishing ivy plants that climbed and clung, their variegated tendrils reaching this way and that towards the light. But there was plenty of room for some more cheerful plants, Tina found herself thinking. A chance to experiment with some of those flowering shrubs she was always admiring at the superstore, perhaps.

  In the room itself, wide-armed leather chairs that would have looked more at home in a gentleman’s smoking room circa 1930 sat next to side tables that listed under heavy glass paperweights, a bronze statuette of a lion, and books. There were books everywhere! But no TV.

  As in the hallway, the walls here were so busy that only minute patches of the faded sepia water silk were visible. Tina’s eyes became fixed on a framed piece of antique Chinese calligraphy and then on a photo of two young women standing on an immaculate lawn waving Union flags. They were wearing Land Girl uniforms – sensible, dun-coloured corduroy breeches and pullovers – and smiling broadly.

  ‘Is that you?’ she asked, pointing at the taller of the women. ‘Doing your bit for the war effort? You and your sister?’

  ‘It is. Me... and my friend,’ came the clipped reply.

  Heavy, fringed, plum-coloured velvet drapes sat at the windows and over the French doors, sun faded at the edges where the fabric met the gold braid and twists of tassel. In front of the doors was a round dining table with six pale-wood, ladder-back chairs whose seats were made of intricately woven bamboo.

  ‘This is the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen!’ Tina turned a full three-sixty, looking up at the crystal-drop chandeliers that hung at either end of the room and the ornate plaster coving and ceiling roses. ‘It’s like a museum! It’s incredible!’

  Miss Potterton was clearly delighted by her reaction. ‘Well, yes, it’s quite a collection. Most of it was my father’s. It was spread over the whole house at one point, but it all got a bit too much, so the house was divided into flats and I live here in the basement. It’s the space I wanted. I couldn’t bear to have given up the courtyard.’

  ‘I can see why. It’s lovely! I love flowers and gardens. I don’t have one myself, but one day.’

  ‘It is particularly lovely in the summer. I take my breakfast out there and I do like to leave the doors open and feel the breeze. There’s something quite wonderful about the warm London air rushing in as night falls.’

  ‘I live in a flat too, but not like this. It’s in a block, an ugly square block of concrete, and I daren’t even leave my door unlocked, let alone open. It’s a bit rough.’ Tina laughed. ‘But it’s our little haven and that’s all that counts, right?’

  ‘We are not immune from crime here, you know.’ Miss Potterton nodded.

  ‘Do you have a panic alarm or MedicAlert or anything? My nan had one and it gave her peace of mind.’

  ‘Quite. No, I have something much better than that.’

  Tina tried to guess. ‘Oh, what, a dog?’

  ‘No. A gun,’ Miss Potterton said levelly.

  Tina laughed out loud.

  9

  The two women fell into a steady routine over the following months. Miss Potterton gave Tina a key so she could come and go as she liked, and Tina insisted that Miss Potterton keep her telephone number next to her big-buttoned phone in case of emergencies. Miss Potterton had pooh-poohed the very idea, but, later that evening, when she was alone, she held the slip of paper in her fingers and smiled, sleeping more soundly that night than she had in quite a while.

  Tina whipped the duster around the bookshelves, lifting the objets d’art one by one, wiping them with the soft cloth and replacing them.

  ‘Don’t drop anything,’ Miss Potterton called from her chair.

  ‘I’ll try not to.’ Tina smiled.

  ‘You are absurdly upbeat. Do you ever sit in a darkened room and howl?’ Miss Potterton enquired.

  ‘No, I haven’t done that for a long while. I’ve learnt to be happy.’

  ‘Oh God, you sound very much like someone who has found the love of Jesus. You’re not going to lecture me, are you?’

  Tina chuckled. ‘No. It’s much simpler than that. I was pushed around my whole life. My dad was a bit of a bully and Marley’s dad was a shit, really. Oh, sorry!’ She remembered who she was talking to, but Miss Potterton didn’t seem to notice. ‘One day, when my son was little, I was watching him playing and he picked up a dolly and shouted at it, “Get back in that kitchen, stupid girl!” And I realised that I had to set a different example for him, I had to be a better mum, a stronger mum, or he was going to turn out just like his dad and I was never going to get the respect I deserved and neither would any women that came into his life. So I learnt to respect myself and that made me happy.’

  ‘And what did the boy’s father think of this new-found confidence?’

  ‘Oh, he’d already left by then – not that he was ever really there permanently. His visits have always been sporadic and are only ever if he is passing, which usually means he needs something, usually money.’ She tutted. ‘But Marley speaks to his nan, Lavender, once a week. It’s a nice connection for him.’

  ‘What does your son think of his father? Are they close?’

  ‘I keep a lot of it from him; he doesn’t know the half of it. And he’s a different kettle of fish, wants to study the body and things. He’s smart and who knows where that will take him?’

  ‘You are proud of him.’

  ‘I am.’ Tina nodded. ‘It’s his birthday in a couple of weeks and he just wants books!’

  ‘It’s mine in four and I want books too!’ Miss Potterton gave an uncharacteristic laugh.

  ‘Oh wow! Ninety-four! That’s quite an achievement. You should celebrate.’

  ‘Do you think so?’ Her tone was back to dismissive.

  ‘Yes! Absolutely. You could have a tea party. I’d be happy to do it for you. When’s the last time you had a birthday party?’

  ‘Oh, good God!’ She considered her answer. ‘I think it was probably about thirty years ago, maybe longer.’

  ‘What? That’s shocking!’

  ‘Not really. There are many more important things to be shocked about, like the amount of hunger in the world, and the number of wars currently being waged, that kind of thing.’ She picked up her magnifying glass and stared pointedly at the headlines in her copy of the Telegraph.

  ‘Well, yeah, I know, but still, you should have a tea party at least, it’d be lovely!’

  ‘I’ll think about it,’ Miss Potterton conceded.

  ‘Or maybe just go out for a nice meal. There are some lovely places around here. You could go to Gordon Ramsay’s.’

  ‘Don’t tell me you want to discuss fine-dining, Tina! Not given your penchant for family-sized buckets of nasty fried chicken. And you think all fish comes shaped as a finger.’ She breathed onto her magnifying glass and wiped it clean with the corner of her cardigan. ‘Besides, what would be the point of you going to eat chez Mr Ramsay when you’d struggle to find a babysitter for Marley?’

  ‘I wasn’t asking to come with you!’ Tina ignored the insults, and she wasn’t about to apologise to anyone for her love of fried food. She wiped her duster over the mahogany mask that hung on the wall. ‘And anyway, even if I did want to go out, he’s a big boy, as I said. Doesn’t need a babysitter. But if he did, I would leave him
with you. Wish I’d known you a long time ago!’ she sang.

  Miss Potterton lowered her magnifying class. The crossword could wait. ‘You’d... you’d have left him with me?’

  ‘Yes, of course! You’d get on like a house on fire. I’ll bring him to meet you one day. He’s good company, likes to nose through people’s book collections, and he’d weed your courtyard in exchange for biscuits.’

  Miss Potterton tensed her jaw. ‘Does he know you are thinking of bringing him to meet a cantankerous witch like me?’

  ‘Oh, Miss Potterton, you know I’d never say that!’

  ‘Well, bless you, dear.’ She coughed.

  ‘No, I mean “cantankerous” isn’t one of my words. I told him you were a miserable old cow.’

  Miss Potterton raised the Telegraph until her face was obscured, keen to hide the wide smile that had spread across her face. ‘Maybe it would be nice to have a party, but I’d have to give you strict instructions on food, etiquette, the guest list and so on. I can only imagine what would happen if it were all left to you. You’d probably just throw Mr Tyson-Blaine a packet of Garibaldis.’ She winced.

  ‘Ooh, I just might. And you can’t have a tea party without a plate full of Fondant Fancies – they are a must. Do you know them? Little square cakes that are either brown, yellow or pink, and so sweet, they make your toes curl!’

  ‘Oh, please, no! I could not entertain having such common, shop-bought confections on my antique table!’ She gave a shiver of revulsion.

  Tina smiled. ‘And I was thinking I’d get them party blowers that make a little trumpet noise, and some pointy hats on elastic. I’ll throw a few sausage rolls on a plate and maybe do cheese and pineapple on sticks.’ She winked.

  ‘Oh, dear God!’ Miss Potterton fanned herself with the newspaper.

  10

  Helen’s departure from the family home in Tunbridge Wells had left their solid Victorian villa feeling quite empty. It wasn’t just the gaps on the wall, until recently occupied by her favourite pictures, or the space on the worktop where the microwave used to live, or even the two empty wardrobes where the empty hangers now clanged together like wind chimes, whispering into the breeze, She’s gone! Run away with Julio and his penis... It wasn’t even the deafening silence. No, it was more than that. It was as if the heart had gone from the house.