Never Hold Back (First Responders #2)

by JA Essen

  My girl.

  I still question our situation daily. I like her a lot and would take a bullet for her, but I don’t know that I’m ready to open my heart up completely and take that chance again. Beth really messed me up. We were together from sophomore year and into our freshman year of college. The fading memory of her riding her college professor on our bed slips back into my mind, somewhat less vividly now.

  Raven, Rachel, and Macy; together for forty-eight hours, with nothing to do but drink and gossip. Grinding my teeth back and forth, I can only imagine what kind of fallout I’m going to have to deal with when I get to see Rachel. Did I do anything that embarrassing as a kid growing up? Surely not. Nothing is coming to mind right now.

  With my phone in hand, I contemplate sending a text their way, but between the hour at hand, and the fact that they said absolutely no interruptions unless the world was coming to an end, I press the button on the side, sending the screen back to black.

  Staring out the windshield, I bring the phone screen back to life and flip through the recent pictures on it. Selfies from Deep Sea Tasting Room, tossing back glasses of wine, an afternoon surfing at the beach, a few sext shots that I should probably delete, pictures from Christmas two days ago, but the most recent is my favorite. It’s just a shot I took last night before she left for their girl time. The sun has already dipped below the horizon, streaking the sky in purples, oranges, and pinks, and the frame is zoomed in on a profile shot of Rachel’s face, the wind blowing her hair back, looking like she doesn’t have a care in the world.

  What I wouldn’t give for that type of peace of mind. Between the job at hand, working so hard for the promotion and not yet receiving it, and not knowing what we truly are, my head is anything but peaceful.

  Am I ready to take that leap again? Put myself out there on the ledge, take a step, and see whether or not I fall. I don’t know. I just. Don’t. Know.

  RACHEL

  “Oh my God, Raven! When you said you were bringing out the big guns, you weren’t kidding, were you?” My jaw hits the floor when Raven shows us the framed picture from their childhood.

  Zander is eleven years old and Raven is seven, and they are having a tea party. YES, a full-on, little white cups, stuffed teddy bears sitting at the table, tea party. But that’s not even the half of it. Zander has on a purple feather boa, sparkly silver princess tiara, and even let Raven paint his nails and put makeup on him, although it looks more like an abstract art painting.

  “This is one of my favorite childhood memories. Zander was always willing to play with me since Mom worked two jobs to make sure we had the best chance in life.” Her eyes lift to the ceiling and she smiles, mouthing a thank you. “I’ve held on to it for that reason, and also, so I can embarrass the hell out of him at his wedding.”

  “You wouldn’t dare!” Macy says shocked.

  With the most sinister, little-sister-she-devil expression on her face, Raven simply responds, “Guess you’ll just have to wait and find out, won’t you?”

  Turning to me, she continues, “Speaking of which, I don’t know if you realize it, but since leaving Montana, Zander hasn’t spent more than three weeks with a woman. Ya’ll are going on what, like five months now?”

  “Yeah, if you count since the first time we met.”

  “Well, like you’ve said, he started checking in on you weekly, right?”

  I nod my head in agreeance.

  “Then that is where I would say it all starts. You must have triggered something inside him from that very first look. So, do you think it’s getting to that kind of serious yet?”

  Shrugging my shoulders, I let out a deep breath. “There are some days that I could see us spending the rest of our lives together, and then others, he just seems so closed off and distant that I don’t even know why I bother. Hot one minute and cold the next type of deal.”

  Raven affirms my feelings. “That’s his barrier of protection he puts up, not letting anyone get to close. He’s even done it to me for years, not sharing what is going on and how he really feels. Just keep moving forward, I think it will crumble one day soon.”

  “Speaking of the barrier,” I drain the bottle of wine as Macy returns with another, “who hurt him like that?”

  “I’m going to need a full glass for this story,” she motions for Macy to pop the cork and pour. “Shortly after our mom passed away, during his freshman year in college, he came home to the apartment he and Beth were sharing to the unfathomable. She was in their bed, riding her English college professor, getting her ass spanked from what he’s told me.

  “He saw red and threw the guy, literally threw, the skinny bastard out of the apartment with nothing but his keys. Zander started gathering a few things up and she started in with the ‘I’m so sorry, it was a one-time thing’ bullshit. They’d been together since their sophomore year in high school and he was saving for an engagement ring at that point.”

  Sloshing down a gulp of wine, she finishes her story, “A few days later, I got a call from him. He’d packed up all his things while she was in class, loaded up his truck, paid out the remaining two months on the apartment lease, and left town. He said he wasn’t sure where he was going to end up, but was heading southwest and would call me when he decided.

  “About ten days later, he called from Cali and said since the road dead ended at the beach, it looked like this was where he was staying. It didn’t take but a little over a week to get hired on with the SBPD after a glowing recommendation from his captain back home, who just happened to be the one man that Mom had finally started to let into her life. He felt it was the least he could do for Zander.”

  Raven’s eyes gloss up a little as all the past floods in on her. Wiping away the near tears, she changes direction, “So, I’m starving. What’s a chick gotta do to get fed around here?”

  The mood instantly becomes livelier, and I grab my phone and one-touch dial the pizza shop. While we wait for delivery, Macy dishes over her and Seth’s trip to Vegas and how she just knew he was going to ask her to marry him when he presented her with a velvet box after snatching her up in the middle of the night. They spent a few days there, gambling, taking in the sights, hanging out at the pool, and fucking… a lot.

  When the doorbell rings, Raven grabs the wad of cash from my hand and says, “Come on both of you, I’m going to show you how we tip the poor pizza drivers when it’s freezing in Montana.”

  Opening the front door, sure enough it’s a young guy delivering, probably still a senior in high school, based on the class ring on his finger. After paying and thanking him for the pizza, Macy and I look at each other regarding what Raven had said. Not two seconds later, just before he makes it to the car, Raven hollers out, “Hey cutie!” As he turns around, she grabs the bottom of her PJ top, lifts it sky high, and flashes him what I have to admit are a really great set of tits.

  The poor guy trips over his own feet and lands with a shoulder into the side of his car. Raven drops her top and closes the front door as the three of us die in laughter.

  “Fuck that was mean, Raven.” Macy pushes her in the shoulder.

  “Mean hell, he’ll be telling all the guys at work and rubbing one out to these girls later.”

  “You don’t have an ounce of shame in you, do you, Raven?” I ask quite seriously.

  “Fuck no. Where’s the fun in that?” She smiles that sinister grin of hers.

  After dinner, Macy talks more about her and Seth and how she thinks that one day, probably not as far off as she thinks, he will pop the question. Raven dishes a little more on Zander and how she can tell that there’s definitely more there between us than he’s willing to admit to himself.

  “Just keep doing what you’re doing, Rachel. He’ll open up eventually. Don’t try and push it, let it flow at its own pace. I can tell you’re something pretty special and that my brother cares for you quite a bit,” she smiles at me with a look that says ‘this is funny, but I’m dead serious’, “but if you do an
ything to hurt him, I’ll cut-a-bitch.”

  I don’t know if Raven is kidding or not. With her lack of censure, probably not.

  Eight

  Zander

  End Of May

  “Aren’t you ready to go yet?” I holler back into the house as I lug yet another fully packed piece of luggage out the front door. “I’m pretty sure you’ve packed everything you own into these bags.”

  “Oh hush, I’ll be out in a minute,” comes muted from down the hallway leading to Rachel’s room.

  Two weeks ago, I gave her a copy of the confirmation email for our trip to Cabo. Five uninterrupted days of bliss in paradise with the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. I booked us a one-bedroom, beach-front suite just to the west of El Arco; all-inclusive of course.

  With the last of her bags loaded up into the bed of the truck, I walk back through the front doors of her home and make my familiar right turn. Passing into her room, I watch with a lustful gaze as she slips a t-shirt over her head, sans bra. “I don’t know why you bothered packing all that stuff. You’re not going to have much time with your clothes on anyways.”

  Rachel whirls around on her heel, spooked by my voice, “You scared the shit out of me, and why are you looking at me like that?”

  My eyes are still raking over her frame, “You know exactly why.”

  Pulling her top back up and giving me a playful eyeful she continues, “I swear, I can pretty much get whatever I want or make you do whatever I want with these, can’t I?”

  My head nods like a little puppy dog of its own accord. I take a step toward Rachel and she immediately drops her top. “Nope. Not right now. I think I’m good to go now.”

  She settles into my side, interlacing our fingers, and we walk out to the truck like we’ve been together for years; like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

  Leaving her little corner of the world, we begin to drive south. Passing the exit for the Santa Barbara Airport, she snaps her head back, “Hey, babe, you just passed the exit for the airfield.”

  “No, I didn’t.” I smirk as I wait for the oncoming discussion.

  “Zander, I’m telling you, that was the turn off for the airfield where Dad’s hangar is.”

  Bracing myself for the little hurricane that is about to storm inside my Ram, I start, “We’re not taking your dad’s plane. I have us booked for a flight out of Los Angeles this afternoon.”

  “You did what?” Her voice is about twenty decibels louder and an octave above normal. “Zander, that’s not funny. Now turn around.”

  I depress the accelerator a bit, picking up about five more miles an hour.

  Her jaw drops to the seat. “You’re not kidding, are you?”

  “Nope. I’ve told you before, I have trouble with the level you’re accustomed to living at. There’s no way I’m going to fly on some little private jet. That just ain’t me. I’ve got two coach tickets on United with our names on them.”

  The windshield nearly shatters from the shrill pitch that spews forth from her next. “Coach!” Rachel’s eyes bug out and her lips draw taut as she slowly cranes her head in my direction. “You had better be kidding, Zander Brooks.” If looks could kill, we’d be plowing through the median right now, my lifeless corpse hunched over the steering wheel.

  “We take off in four hours.” I’m dead-starring the traffic in front of me, afraid to even glance at her.

  Rachel crosses her arms on her chest, slumps down into the seatback, and begins to sulk. Whew! I totally thought for a moment she might tell me to turn the truck around and take her back home.

  “Baby, you’ve got to understand. I’m my own man, and I make my own way. I can’t and won’t take anything from your family that I haven’t one-hundred percent earned. This is me. This is who I am. It’s how I was raised, and I figured for sure that after ten months together, you’d already figured it out. Sorry if I haven’t been completely clear.” I allow myself a quick glance towards her.

  Rolling her eyes she starts in, “No, you’ve been completely clear, believe me. I’d just hoped that maybe this time, you might give in. Airfare isn’t cheap.” The ‘yes’ even I know this implied by her tone doesn’t go unnoticed. “Daddy has always told me to not waste an opportunity, and that includes the generosity of others. After all, wealth is the ability to fully experience life.” She cocks her eyebrow at me with this.

  “That sounds pretty deep for this conversation. Who said that?”

  “Henry David Thoreau. It’s Daddy’s favorite quote and why he’s worked so hard.”

  Well I can definitely respect that sentiment. After all, I may not ever accumulate even a fraction of the wealth they have, but I have every intention to be able to live my life, not just survive it.

  The rest of the drive down is relatively uneventful, a small two car collision the only slow down we run into. Checking into the airport is a new experience for Rachel. Once we have our boarding passes and are through the security checkpoint, her eyes light up when she sees the LAX shopping mall. We have about forty five minutes still to blow before they will start calling for seats, so we wander through a few of the higher end shops.

  Bvlgari leaves her unimpressed with their current jewelry collection, but the Michael Kors location garners some love from her with a new three hundred and fifty dollar purse, if you can call that little thing a purse. The next stop puts a smile on my face. ‘Victoria’s Secret’. Our time is running out so she picks up a few new, barely existent material thongs and some body spray.

  Hustling to our gate, we see that they’ve already started boarding. I present our tickets to the attendant and she nods, “Yes sir, head right in.”

  Walking down the long corridor out to the plane, Rachel snugs in tighter on me, clutching her purse to her chest. As we are welcomed aboard by the flight staff they show us to our seats. Rachel’s eyes light up when they seat us in the very first row on the left side. “See,” I whisper through her hair from behind, and I can sense the goosebumps crawling up her body from my voice, “I’m not completely heartless.”

  Turning around, she takes my face between her hands and plants her lips across mine, slipping her tongue into my waiting mouth. I forgot she’d been nibbling on dark chocolate and as our tongues intermingle, I get to enjoy it as well. “Thank you,” she mouths as she peers into my eyes, finally ending the free show for all of First Class and those currently boarding.

  I place our carry-ons in the overhead bin and take my seat beside Rachel. “May I get you something to drink?” The female flight attendant coos, and I do my best to suppress a grin when I see Rachel eye-balling her.

  “Champagne for two, please.” I take Rachel’s hand and slip my fingers in between hers, laying my other on top and looking deep into her sparkling, albeit somewhat currently deadly, eyes.

  After our first glasses, the captain comes over the intercom, letting the staff know that it’s time to close and secure the doors, that we’re ready for taxi’ing. Liftoff is smooth and we’re on our way to Cabo.

  A turbulence free flight, impeccable landing by the pilots, and a fast baggage claim are the perfect beginning to our vacation. I just pray that the next part is on time. Exiting the airport, I see the sign, ‘Zander and Rachel’, in the hands of the limo driver just as I arranged for. “Shall we?” I motion for Rachel to enter through the open door.

  Climbing inside I let her know that it will be about a thirty minute ride to the hotel. “The bar is stocked and…”

  We haven’t even made it off the airport property and she’s settling in between my knees. “I just wanted to say ‘thank you’ if you don’t mind.” Her usual sparkly blue eyes are pools of deep sapphire lust as she slides the zipper on my shorts down and grabs them at the waist. I lift myself up and push the boxer briefs out of the way as she clears the khaki’s to my ankles. It’s very apparent this will not be one of those slow, seductive blowjobs she likes to tease me with when she sleeps over. Nope, spitting on my cock and stroking it tw
ice to spread it, Rachel opens her mouth wide and takes me to the very back of her throat on the first plunge.

  “Holy fuck, Rachel.” I grab a fistful of her platinum blonde hair and hold on for dear life as she attacks my cock with vigor. Zero gag reflex on this one is a true blessing.

  Popping her head off for only a moment, she narrows her eyes at me, “Now, fuck my mouth like I know you’re dying to fuck my tight little cunt.”

  Oh and did I mention, the filth that spills from her lips drives me absolutely fucking insane.

  Repositioning myself over her, with her head leaning back onto the seat, I line my cock up with her greedy mouth and slide it slowly down until her nose is resting against my skin, just below my belly button. Swallowing, she tightens down on my shaft and I can’t keep myself muted. “Oh, fuck,” I groan from behind gritted teeth. Placing my hands on the seatback, I begin my punishing pace, sending streams of saliva down her chin and onto her chest, only serving to turn me on even more. Reaching up, she grabs my balls and drags her nails across the sensitive skin underneath, sending me over the edge.

  She takes everything I have to give her, swallowing the entire load before she lets me pull myself back and clear of her throat. Rocking back onto my feet, she looks at me through heavy eyelashes while biting on her finger. “Do we have time for me?” she asks as she slides her hand down into her jean shorts.

  Like Flash Gordon, I flip her onto her knees and yank her shorts down, burying myself deep in her soaked pussy. Quick and dirty is all we have time for, so I give it all I’ve got, bringing her to climax in less than two minutes. Thank heavens too, for as we’re buttoning our final buttons, I feel the limo begin to slow and then stop, our beautiful hotel entrance waiting for us.