The Scars Between Us

by Schiller, MK

  “Yes, Aiden. Fuck me, Aiden. Fuck me hard.”

  This isn’t romantic. It’s not what Emma deserves, but it is who I am. I thank God she understands, which is odd for me in general but even stranger in this specific setting. But I say a silent prayer just the same because in her eyes I see no judgment, no fear, no reprimand. Only lust. I’m sure my face mirrors hers.

  We lose ourselves. She starts to shake, signaling she is close, which is great because I can no longer dam up my own natural conclusion. It’s a tidal wave threatening to spill forth no matter how much I want to hold it back. The only thing stopping it is how badly I need to see Emma in that state of bliss, knowing it was me who got her there. As soon as she comes undone, I thrust once more. Hell, I fucking propel inside her, holding her close.

  We stay in the position for a while, getting our breath under control. I help her down and we dress. She knots the ripped fabric of her shirt. She looks at me oddly when I wrap the condom in a leaf and take it with me.

  “What? I don’t litter.”

  She gives me a half smile. When we get back to the car, I throw the condom in a plastic bag. Reaching behind me, I unzip my duffle and pull out one of my shirts for her. She slips it over her torn shirt without protest. It’s huge on her, and really her bag is closer, but I love seeing her wear my shirts. We drive as if nothing happened. I pull over at the gas station flanking the freeway to throw away the condom and fetch us a few drinks. I top off the car since we’re here and squeegee the dead bugs from the windshield, looking at Emma through the window. She’s in deep thought and I wish I could peek inside her head.

  When I get in, she thanks me for the water before taking a long swig.

  “Emma?” I want to ask her if she’s okay. I know she didn’t ask me to stop in any way, but I was rough with her all the same. Now I just want to take her in my arms and hold her.

  “Is today still the twenty-third?”

  “Yeah,” I say, rubbing the back of my neck. She’s thinking about bus schedules again. I almost don’t want to ask, but my curiosity and fear won’t let it rest. “Why do you want to know?”

  Her long exhale lifts a strand of her hair over her forehead. “I was pretty sure you fucked me into next week.”

  Relief courses through me. I laugh and kiss the underside of her wrist. “I got carried away. Are you okay?”

  “Oh yeah, never better.” She gives me a huge, satisfied smile, which I feel in my heart. “What about you?”

  “Pretty fan-fucking-tastic, Cooper. You were right.”

  “Right about what?”

  “Trees are fucking amazing.”

  Chapter Thirty

  Emma

  New Mexico is gorgeous dessert and rolling skies. It’s like you can see to the edge of the earth. I soak it all in, staring at the signs advertising saddle shops and Native American museums. Aiden is wearing his aviator sunglasses, and his thick dark hair is on the messy side. His spectacular beauty rivals the scenery. “Are we on Route Sixty-Six?”

  Aiden nods. “What’s left of it.”

  I am on the first expressway ever built. There is a sense of history and wonder with each passing mile. “Are we going to drive straight through?”

  “Thought we’d drive to Dallas before we stop.” He turns to me and removes the sunglasses. “Why? You have something else in mind?”

  I try to imitate the sexy smirk he is giving me, but I fail. “Well, possibly. I know you probably want to get this over with.”

  “Yeah, I do, but I don’t. Cooper, I’m having a great time. This in-between is the nicest I’ve ever had.”

  “Me too, Aiden.”

  “You want to stop?”

  I hold up the brochure crumpled in my pocket, the one I picked up at a rest stop. “Seriously, you want to stay there?”

  “When else can you stay in a real teepee?”

  “It’s not a real teepee. Just a motel that looks like one.”

  “I know it’s kitschy, but it’s a pretty cool historical landmark, and it’s about twenty miles down the road, just off the exit.”

  He strokes my wrist, which is driving me wild. “Well, you look so excited, how can I say no? I can do kitschy for you, Cooper.”

  The motel is about a dozen individual stand-alone rooms that have been around since the sixties when Route 66 was hopping. Classic cars line the entrance. Aiden salivates over them. I’m happy there is something he’ll enjoy about this stay. Thank goodness, they have a vacancy. The room itself is all angled inside just like a teepee. It has a television and a king-size bed, but it also has a lot of character.

  “Why don’t you hang out and check out the cars. I’ll go out and grab us dinner,” I offer.

  “You sure? ’Cause we can go out?”

  “Let’s just get a pizza tonight.”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  The wait at the pizza place takes forever, and everything smells so damn good, I thought I might jump behind the counter and steal a pepperoni. You wouldn’t expect New Mexico to have good pizza, but this is one of those Mom-and-Pop deals where they throw the dough in the air and make their own sauce.

  I let myself back in the room. I can hear the shower going. The room isn’t small, but it’s cozy. There isn’t a desk or table. We’ll have to eat on the bed. Aiden comes out with a towel draped low on his hips, showing off the beautiful, cut lines that form a V right below his torso. A drop of water drips down his chest.

  The pizza looks so damn good, but he looks even yummier. He’s fresh soap and damp hair and sleek muscle. He gifts me with a salacious smile.

  “Hey, how was your shower?” I ask.

  “I was going to wait for you, Cooper, so we could take one together, but that wasn’t possible.”

  “Why?”

  “Have you seen the bathroom?” He gestures toward it. I laugh my ass off at the tiny shower made even smaller by the sharp angles of the room. I don’t even think I will be comfortable in there. Aiden places his hand around my waist. “It’s not funny. I could only wash half my body at a time.”

  “Well, you got the job done.”

  He kisses my neck. My stomach grumbles, reminding me there is an extra-large pizza and two bottles of chilled Old Horseshoe root beer waiting for us. I pat his chest. “We need to eat. I need some serous nourishment. I’ve been looking forward to this pizza forever.”

  “You just got it twenty minutes ago.”

  “Yeah, well, my definition of forever is a little exaggerated, but the man at the front desk told me it was the very best. I believe him.”

  “You make a point, and I’m starving, too.”

  He changes into sweats and a faded, dark green T-shirt. I turn on the television and flip through channels to distract myself.

  “Hey, they have Animal Planet here.”

  “Cool, let’s watch.”

  The pizza is one of those out-of-body food experiences I’ll be thinking about years later. The crust is buttery and crispy, the cheese has the perfect amount of gooeyness, and the sweet and spicy sauce tastes like someone went in their backyard and picked the tomatoes by hand.

  “This is…” Aiden closes his eyes after the first bite. “Damn.”

  “Right?”

  Sitting across from each other with the box in the center of the bed, watching a program about the incredible honey badger, feels so normal. I need a little normal because everything has changed so fast. This is really nice. We finish the whole pizza. I wish I could say Aiden ate most of it, but I match him slice for slice. My only regret is that I didn’t get two extra-larges.

  “Good pick, Cooper.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Never realized how badass the honey badger is.”

  I throw out the pizza box and jump on the bed. “They are the best. If I could pick a spirit animal it would be the honey badger.”

  “Are you fucking with me?”

  “Nope. What spirit animal do you most aspire to be?”

  “King of the
jungle of course. The fearless lion.” He roars. It’s loud and primal and I’m so freaking turned on by it. “I’m sorry, lover, but I’ll be kicking your ass all over the jungle.”

  I laugh, throwing my arms around him. “Ha, I’d make you my honey badger’s bitch.”

  “You think so, huh?”

  “Bees can sting them and they’re like, “thanks for the honey.” Porcupines can stick them, they don’t even care. They end up picking their teeth with the quills. They eat fucking king cobras. Smack the shit of crocodiles. Attack rhinos. And guess what, baby?” I run my hand down his chest. “They can devour a lion.”

  “Is that a fact?” he asks, flipping us over.

  “Oh yeah, they’re tenacious, fierce, and ferocious.” I growl to provide my point. “When a predator tries to attack them, they just twist their bodies, getting out of the grip.” I try to roll away but he keeps me in place.

  “Well, you are definitely tenacious, fierce, and ferocious. But tonight, my little honey badger, you’re gonna concede the lion is the king of the jungle.” He bites my shoulder.

  “Let the battle begin.”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Aiden

  We’ve been walking for two hours. She’s tired and so am I, but neither of us complains. I hope to God I can make the walk back…without her. I stare at the brick building, hoping it lives up to its promises.

  “Stay, Sassy.” She sits, while I jump the fence and undo the gate.

  I call her to me. It’s early, but Harlan is already passed out. If I’m lucky I’ll beat the morning light. I’ll tell him she ran away. He’ll blame me, because it’s always my fault, but I’ll gladly take that beating.

  I undo her leash and pet her. She hovers close to me, licking my face.

  “It’s okay, girl. This here,” I say, pointing to the building, “it’s a no-kill shelter. They won’t hurt you here. No one will hurt you anymore.”

  I pull out the plastic bag from my pocket. “I got a treat for you.” I hold up the steak, but she doesn’t go for it. It holds no interest for her, even though I know she is starving.

  Do not cry.

  Do not cry.

  Do not cry.

  You are fucking fifteen years old.

  I stand to leave and she follows me.

  “Stay, Sassy.” But for once she doesn’t heed me. It’s like she knows I’m abandoning her.

  “Stay!”

  I keep walking and she runs right alongside me.

  “Damn, stupid dog, stay!”

  I lose it a little because she is my only friend. My best friend. And I’m leaving her.

  I bend and pet her again. “Listen to me. I won’t let him hurt you anymore…or me. I don’t know where I’ll end up, which means I don’t know where you’ll end up. I can’t risk it. So you stay here. You have a good chance here. If you stay with me they might put you in the pound and those dogs…” I can’t finish the sentence. “You don’t want to be one of those dogs.” I kiss her head. “Stay here, girl. Be your normal smart and sassy self. Some great family will fall in love with you at first sight. You won’t have to protect anyone or get your ass handed to you every time you do.”

  I stand and gesture toward the front of the building where I left the steak. Her tail drops and then her head. She gives me that big long stare which speaks volumes about how much she really understands about the world.

  I walk out and lock the chain-link gate once more. I lean my head against it, lightheaded from the lack of water, the long walk, and saying good-bye to my best friend. Sassy doesn’t bark as I leave. I would say she whined, but it wasn’t the ordinary whine she made when she had to go to the bathroom or was hurt. No, Sassy cried, the sound piercing through the dark quiet night. That cry will always haunt me.

  “I will always love you, Sassy.”

  ...

  Sun filters through the dark. I blink awake. Emma is packing up our stuff.

  “Morning,” she says.

  “How long have you been up?”

  “A while. I did our laundry.”

  “Why didn’t you wake me?” I stare at the clock. It’s close to checkout time.

  She folds one of my shirts. “You looked tired, Aiden.” She sits at the edge of the bed and strokes my cheek. “You had another nightmare last night.”

  I stand from the bed and stretch. What I really need is a good run to still all the rushing thoughts in my head.

  “Do you want to tell me about it?”

  “I don’t remember.”

  It’s clear Emma can tell I’m lying, but what really kills me is how hurt she is by it. But she accepts my answer.

  “We better get moving,” I say. I scrub my face and brush my teeth. I rub my jaw where a fresh growth of stubble covers it. There is no time to shave.

  We head out on old I-40, each lost in our own thoughts. Emma glances at me occasionally. She is worried about me. She is sad because today she has to bury her mother. Despite all those things, she is strong. Not just strong…stoic.

  “I was dreaming about my dog.” I laugh because it sounds ridiculous.

  “Theo?”

  “My first dog.”

  “Sassy?”

  “Yes. I don’t know why I still think about her.”

  “Probably because you love her.”

  I nod and we go silent for ten miles at least. “I wonder if she ever found a place to call home.”

  “Didn’t you give her to a good family?”

  I had told Emma I gave her away, but it wasn’t exactly the whole truth. “I left her in the fenced yard of this dog shelter. I don’t know if she ever got adopted. I kind of abandoned her.”

  “Aiden, you didn’t. I’m sure she found a good home…a safe home.” She reaches for hand and squeezes it. “I’m thinking what a compassionate boy you were and what a strong man you are. Even when you were going through so much, you still thought of her. I know you needed her, but you cared about her enough to let her go. That’s love any way you slice it.”

  The sincerity in her voice dissipates some of the guilt. She has no idea how much I appreciate what she says. I can’t express it without sounding like a babbling fool so I kiss the underside of her wrist. I hope the gesture conveys all the things I cannot voice. The things she deserves to hear.

  “It had to be getting really bad for you to make the decision.”

  I’ve disconnected and fragmented my life as if each phase belongs to a different person, a different version of me. Some versions I’m proud of and others I’d rather not think about. But everything I’ve been through is connected. I should have known better than to try to give Emma a piece here and there. She sees me in a way I don’t deserve.

  “It was real bad.”

  She waits for me, but I cannot give her any more.

  “Aiden, will you tell me about the freedom scar?”

  “Emma…”

  She bites the edge of her thumbnail. “I’m sorry. It’s hard for you to talk about, and I don’t want to make you go to dark places, but my imagination is working on its own. I’m imagining why the slash mark means freedom.”

  “I know the plan was to go straight through today, since we stayed in New Mexico yesterday. But how about if we stop in Dallas for the night. It’s only two hours from Linx. We can rest up and leave early.”

  She nods, allowing me to change the subject. Emma, don’t you see? The dark is part of me. It lives and breathes inside of me. You’re not leading me to dark places. I am already there. And now, so are you.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Emma

  The hotel in Dallas is luxury all the way. The lobby is marble floors and ornate chandeliers and bellhops dressed in regal uniforms. I look out of place in my tattered jeans and T-shirt. Aiden is wearing casual clothes, too, but he fits in. I pull him aside and tell him it’s too expensive, but insists he’s got it covered. He saunters to the front desk, the admiring gaze of every female in the place following him.

  The room,
like the rest of the hotel, is gorgeous. It has ornate mahogany furniture and shimmery damask wallpaper. Aiden barely looks around before depositing our stuff on the bed.

  “Want to go eat?” he asks.

  “We just ate an hour ago.”

  “What’s your point?” He smiles his mischievous smile, making my knees wobble. “That was a snack. C’mon Cooper, I’m in the mood for some real Texas barbeque.”

  I smell the restaurant from the parking lot. Although I’m not hungry, my mouth waters just the same.

  “I would say this is going to be a good meal, but that would be an understatement,” Aiden says.

  “What? No barbeque in Butte Falls?”

  “Not like this. You haven’t eaten barbeque until you’ve had Southern barbeque.”

  Our waiter tells us they make the best ribs so Aiden orders a few slabs. They arrive on a huge silver tray flanked by corn on the cob, and cornbread baked right in a frying pan.

  I dig into the bread and actually moan. It makes me moan! It’s got real corn in it and bacon, lots of bacon.

  “Damn, Cooper, you know how much your little moan turns me on? You’re gonna have to stifle it, though, ’cause I’ve got a lot of eating to do, and you’re distracting me from it.”

  I would laugh except I only wanted to use my mouth to eat.

  He closes his eyes when he takes his first bite. “Mmmm.”

  “And here I thought you hated Texas.”

  He shakes his head. “Girl, I’m Texas through and through.”

  “You sure are, cowboy.”

  He smiles, licking his lips. “I like Texas just fine. I fucking love the food. It’s Linx I hate.”

  I nod, forking a rib and depositing it on my plate. It’s slathered with a sweet and spicy sauce. He laughs at me when I try to cut my meat.

  “I know you’re a fine lady, Emma, but for fuck’s sake, use your hands. Act like a native.”