Taking Jana (Paradise South #2)

by Rissa Brahm

  CHAPTER 51

  After the police had taken Antonio and Jana’s statements, Johnnie had been taken in, the coke party in the back had been handled, and of course, Brandon and Erin had been loaded into ambulances. Antonio offered to take her back up to Fort Lee to wait out the surgery with her mother. Jana, shaking as if naked and stranded in the Arctic, insisted they go back to his place.

  The image of Johnnie’s crazed eyes wouldn’t leave her. And the thought of life without Antonio had been more than she could bear. No, she couldn’t be with anyone right now other than her guardian angel.

  Antonio hadn’t let go of her hand for even an instant. Again, he knew just what she needed, totally in tune, in sync. It was more confirmation to Jana that she’d never had it so right. They were so damn right it hurt.

  But right now, his hand wasn’t enough. Jana needed to be with Antonio in the deepest sense, as close as she could physically, emotionally, and spiritually be to her lover, and more officially now, her guardian angel. And if she had the choice, she wouldn’t ever let him go.

  *

  She pushed him onto his couch, not waiting for them to reach the bedroom. “Do you think,” she began through her kisses to his neck, chin, and cheek, “that I’m horrible for wanting you when I should be rushing up to Fort Lee?”

  He slid his hands up to her hips, sat her on his lap, and kissed her mouth without yield until he apparently needed air.

  “Was that your answer?”

  He smiled. “Yes. But for translation’s sake, since you did just go through a traumatic event, you, Jana Park, are the most wonderful woman—person—I’ve ever met. And if you didn’t want to be with me right now after what just happened in that hellhole, and instead chose to be waiting at the hospital with your self-deluded mother for your self-absorbed father to come out of surgery, I’d be worried. Really worried…for me.”

  He smiled then kissed her again and pulled her core into his already bulging center.

  “And, Jana, seriously, it’s going to take time for you to learn to live…for yourself. Truly for yourself. You need to learn how to be selfish. And I won’t rush you, I’ll never rush you. But I’ll sure as hell remind you”—he lifted her shirt up and over her head and then moved the cup of her black bra down to brush her breast with his sensual lips, kissing her all around her already-tensed nipple—“that you deserve every damn ounce of happiness. I won’t ever let you forget that.”

  He then tipped her dark cherry nipple with his tongue and pulled away. “We have a lot of damn pleasure to catch up on in life, you and I,” he said before opening his mouth again to encompass her entire breast, circling her nipple with his wet, tickling tongue, sending spikes of electricity down to her core.

  He paused then. His eyes met hers and his head tilted slightly. “I need you to know, Jana, that I will never let anyone hurt you. Not ever.”

  “I know,” she whispered.

  “And so you also know then, that I’m insanely in love with you?”

  Her eyelids fell as her chest filled.

  In love.

  She felt lost and found all at once.

  Antonio’s love.

  Even as he held her there, letting his words resonate, she felt the truth of his words. She sensed a never-used chamber of her heart fly open as if she never needed to take another breath, not a single next breath ever again. Hearing and feeling his declaration, his infinite adoration, was like nothing she’d dared to dream of before.

  “Look at me, princessa.”

  No, she didn’t want to, but she wanted nothing more. She yearned for the sight of him, for eternity, this man. But her emotion, her weakness, her fear…

  “Look at me, Jana, mi amor.”

  Her heart cried as she willed her lids to open to his adoring eyes. And God, his gaze was so intense, so raw, it made her quake then melt inside, molten lava reaching every part of her being. She couldn’t escape, and she didn’t want to escape. His eyes were absorbing her whole, his look pouring over her, a look as close to idolizing love as she could ever hope to imagine. Could ever hope to hold.

  *

  No more words were spoken. Antonio made love to her, such slow, deep love. All the pain and heartache that she’d been bombarded with over the last days and weeks and years was being lanced away, driven away with each and every powerful, electrically charged thrust.

  “That’s it, princess,” he whispered as she spasmed through a climax of life-changing proportions.

  “Antonio,” she murmured, panting from the tidal wave she’d somehow managed to live through. “Feel my heart. Can you feel it?” She’d never felt such jackhammering joy pulsing through her before.

  He placed his palm flat on her chest. “Jesus, Jana.” He looked proud, concerned, and glad all in a single look.

  She threw the blanket from her seething body, sat up to take his face in her hands, and kissed him desperately, longing for their connection to be always tangible, palpable, constant.

  He took her hands from his cheeks and brought them to his chest, to his heart. “I want this with you always, Jana. You and me, always.” He kissed her cheek and pulled her into him, holding her close and tight, his firm embrace making her know safety, security, and yes, his love. Love. That she’d definitely never known before Antonio.

  *

  When they were done and spent, he carried her to the shower and washed her down, soaping her from head to toe, shampooing her hair, loving her clean.

  “What’s this, princess?” he asked, eyeing something on her upper arm. “Did he fucking hurt you, touch you? You said he didn’t.”

  She saw the tiny dark blue mark he’d noticed and shook her head. She knew Johnnie’d grabbed her by the wrist and left no mark, but this type of bruise was different anyway. It was a pinching bruise, one she recognized from her many others, those that had appeared on her hands and arms without her remembering when. “I did this, babe. When I get anxious, nervous, scared. I haven’t done it in so long. Not since…not since…meeting you, getting to know you,” she said, loving the realization. “It’s a trick, pain for pain.”

  “No more pain,” he said, kissing her bruise better. Then kissing her elbow, her wrist, her palm, and each finger.

  “I could get used to this kind of medical attention, Mr. Ruiz.”

  “You better get used to this my warrior princess. You’d better.”

  She smiled at him as she grabbed the body bar from his hand. “Turn around.”

  He lifted his brows but did as he was told.

  She lathered her hands up and loved him clean right back. Soaping his wide, strong shoulders, his iron-hard back, his tight muscular behind and down his legs. It made her swim inside to take care of him like he did her.

  Yeah, she could see a future with him. She definitely could. Her dreamed-for symbiosis.

  “What you said before. Me too.” She turned him around to face her and kissed his mouth sweetly. “I want us, always, Antonio. There’s nothing in the world I want more.”

  CHAPTER 52

  When she got to the hospital, her mother came running at her. She’d never seen the woman move that quickly in her life.

  In frantic Korean, “Ja-Na, you didn’t answer. Again, you didn’t answer your phone!”

  She remembered her phone was in shards outside in the parking lot. “What, Ma? What happened?”

  Antonio’s hand was at the cusp of her back. She inhaled, so conscious of her lungs filling that she got caught there, unable to let go of the breath.

  “He’s in a coma. He’s on life support, Ja-Na,” her mother sobbed. Jana’s shoulders dropped drastically as her breath finally found its way out.

  “Jana, what’s going on?” Antonio whispered at her shoulder.

  She shook her head slowly and whispered to Antonio her father’s status.

  They walked her distraught mother to the row of faded pastel chairs to wait. It would be another hour at least before the doctor would be out to speak to them. And J
ana didn’t push like she might have before. Now she just wanted to let things move by their natural course. She didn’t have to be the safety net anymore. That wasn’t her place, shouldn’t ever have been, and she’d be sure it never would be again.

  After some minutes, exhaustion hit her, and Jana dozed off on Antonio’s shoulder.

  But rest was not in the cards it seemed, as her mother’s phone buzzed her awake. Her mother was asleep on her shoulder, so Jana grabbed the damn thing to stop the awful noise. She glanced at the screen. Her brother. She silenced it and let her head fall back onto Antonio’s shoulder.

  “The longest day of my entire life,” she said in disbelief.

  “Yeah. Mine too.” Antonio placed his hand on top of hers. “Rest as best you can. I’ll wake you when there’s news.”

  “Thanks, babe. I’ll try.”

  *

  A whole hour had passed when a nurse finally came out to tell them it would be an extra thirty minutes or so before Dr. Brighton would be out.

  “More waiting?” her mother whined in her half-sleep.

  Jana could handle the waiting. But being able to take her mother was another story. “I’m going to the office to finalize the billing situation. Be right back.” She got up from the horrendous chair and stretched out the immense kink in her lower back.

  “You sure? It’s so late. Why not do that in the morning?” Antonio asked.

  “I told them I’d be back to clear things up, some crazy error on the account, and really, it’s a good distraction for me right now.” She threw her chin toward her mother, who’d begun to fall onto Antonio’s shoulder now.

  “It’s okay,” he whispered. “She can lean on me.” He smiled while Jin continued her snooze. Jana took a mental picture before leaving the waiting room.

  God, he really was amazing.

  *

  “Hi again. Back to see if my dad’s account had been figured out? The whole zero balance thing?” Jana said with a tight-lipped smile. If only she was the type of person to accept such an error, a boon as some would consider it, however immoral. She wouldn’t stoop to the low level that so many people in her life had found.

  “I do have the file here…but it looks like Ms. Buchard wasn’t able to address your question before leaving this evening. Heck, you can take a look at it yourself, though. If you’d like.” The young desk clerk handed Jana the folder with a sympathetic glint in her eyes.

  “You are tremendous, thanks so much.” She took the file to a chair against the wall and let it fall open on her lap. Staring up at her was the billing statement dated that day with a hand written check paper-clipped to the sheet. On the top left of the check showed its maker: A.R. Limousine Service. Just like the business card. The check was for a hundred and ninety thousand dollars and change.

  She shut her eyes tight. A kick to the head might have felt better.

  Damn it, Antonio. What had he done?

  He’d ruined everything is what. Because whatever direction her life and her relationship with Antonio was taking, it wasn’t going to be without trust between them, nor was she going to let her pride, what little of it she had left, go to the wayside.

  *

  “Ma…hey, Mom! Sorry, wake up…I need Antonio for a second.”

  “Who?”

  “Mom, the man you are leaning on, my…Antonio. Just stay here; I’ll be right back.” She motioned for Antonio to follow her. To speak in private. To ask him what the fuck he was thinking, paying down the bill after she’d already flat-out refused the offer.

  But her mother’s purse rang again, and at the same time, the unit’s doors burst open. Dr. Andrew Brighton was standing at the entrance with news.

  “It’s Dae Han,” her mother said looking at the cell, the haze of sleep still apparent.

  “Ignore it, Ma. Doctor…Andrew, what’s my dad’s status?”

  “You both can come see him. It’s important to see him now, though. Jana, he may not make it through the night.”

  Her mother burst out crying, gripping Jana’s arm for dear life. “It’s best to stay as calm and as unemotional as you can, or, I’m afraid, we can’t let you go in, Mrs. Park.” But her sobbing only worsened.

  “I’ll stay with her, Jana. You go,” Antonio offered.

  She was ready to tear his head off for what he’d done, going behind her back and against her wishes, dipping into his savings! An inner growl built in her chest, but she had no other choice at the moment but to keep quiet and accept his offer to stay with her mother.

  Because she needed to see her father or it would haunt her, maybe forever.

  She nodded to Antonio with a pencil line smile and followed the doctor to her father.

  *

  A frail remnant of her father, of Chang Park, lay in front of her eyes.

  “Daddy.”

  She sat next to him. She didn’t take his hand because she thought the deep-seated hate within her would overwhelm her still deeper, undeniable love for the man, and it might stop his heart before the self-inflicted heart disease did. Death by hate, by daughter. Oh God.

  His eyelids fluttered lightly, as if in a dream. Maybe he was in a dream. And maybe he wasn’t frowning or disappointed or struggling in that dream. Maybe he had everything he really wanted there in dreamland.

  But damn it, what he was supposed to have wanted was happiness and goodness and safety for his little girl. Every father was supposed to want that!

  “How could you have known, Daddy, and let me dance? And for so long! All the while, bleeding me, berating me, hating me! Daddy, how could you love me so little?”

  And then she wept soundless tears. It was the best chance she had to unload her sorrow, with her father in a deep dream state, a coma.

  Through her tears, she saw his hand move, only a fraction, though. It could have been her imagination. But she ventured a look at his face, and his eyes were wide open with fear. He tried to make a sound, but the intubation tube wouldn’t let him. The pools of glistening tears in his life-weary eyes were unmistakable. Then a softening, an almost apologetic and pained expression wiped over Chang Park’s face. His hand twitched. Did he want her to hold it?

  She softly covered his hand with her own, no longer scared that her rage-fueled hatred would stop her father’s heart from beating in his chest. Because obvious regret oozed from the man’s eyes. He’d missed out, messed up, let her down––and he knew it. He’d ignored the love of a daughter, his daughter, and now knowing that was enough justice, enough payback for Jana. And whatever the night held for her father, she felt peace. Having seen the man’s iron heart pierced with emotion, that maybe somewhere in there he’d loved her and knew his failings, she found closure.

  CHAPTER 53

  The look Jana gave him had slashed his heart, slashed his damn heart to shreds.

  Antonio knew she must have found out about the money. Damn it! She was worse than Celeste, with her damn pride.

  Whether Jana hated that he’d dipped into his savings or she was worried that he’d hold it over her head as she’d been taught to watch for, he’d stand by his act. He knew why he’d done it. And he’d damn well do it again and again. He loved her. And he hated her to be in pain.

  He couldn’t see Jana and him as anything but a unit, one heart, the way he and Michelle were supposed to have been.

  But Jana was his true match, his only match. He knew. He also knew he could make her happy. He’d take her home with him to Vallarta if she could just get over the bounds he’d overstepped. He prayed she would see the intentions behind him signing that check. She had to see that his intentions were pure.

  His phone buzzed again. It was the fourth call from Jake, but he looked at Jana’s mother on his shoulder and hit ignore again. He’d left a message for Jake at the crime scene earlier, and that would have to be enough for now. He was taking care of his family, and nothing else mattered. Even if Jana hated him right now, he would be here for her.

  *

  Back in the w
aiting room, Jana helped her mother up so she could walk her down to her father’s room.

  She smiled politely at Antonio. “Thanks for staying with her. I’ll be fine here…why don’t you go? Get some sleep—”

  “No, I’m staying here with—”

  “No, Antonio. Really, you should leave.” Voiced with a very deliberate harshness. “Oh, and here.” She gave him ten jagged-edged pieces of his check and pressed the small pile hard into his hand, like a stamp of shame. “Thanks anyway.”

  And she sensed his dismay as she put her back toward him and continued walking her mother into the unit. But she couldn’t care. Or at least, she shouldn’t care, not for another man trying to put her under his thumb. Like Johnnie had tried, and Dane and her damn father had done to her mother and to her. And like she’d seen so many men do to so many women in her life. Char, Amber, Laynie, and on and on. She just couldn’t go there. She had to close this chapter and get back to her life, her work, her calling. As a medical professional. Saving lives.

  Saving lives where? Her ER had closed its doors on her. She’d been replaced. Just like that.

  Her beloved and esteemed ER wasn’t what she thought it was, Antonio wasn’t who she thought he was. Everything and everyone, all just illusory.

  So then, who and what the hell was real and good and true? If anything at all?

  CHAPTER 54

  The unit door slammed shut, jolting her out of her thoughts.

  A new stoic emptiness had infiltrated her every cell with every next heartbeat. She willed a deep breath as if she were outside herself, like it was a mechanical function she had to consciously instruct her lungs to perform. And in the same robotic mode, she shifted her body, her head, and her tired, tainted eyes to focus on her wilted mother beside her.

  “Remember, Mom, you can’t stay in there long. And please, keep calm. He needs peace.”

  She felt sad for her mom as the woman shuffled her way toward her dad’s room. Yes, even through Jana’s curtain of detachment, or maybe because of that screen, Jana found pity for the woman. And now knowing that her father had a deeply buried spark of feeling in the center of his severely damaged heart, she also understood that her mother was just a scared little girl, completely reliant on the man. Jin Park must have been terrified, because if Chang, the woman’s husband of thirty-something years, didn’t make it through the night, the only people Jin could look to for support were a deadbeat son or a daughter who Jin full-well knew she didn’t deserve.