Leaving Yesterday

by Zoe Dawson

  She clenched her arms around his shoulders, her face against his warm chest, and Trace held her just as tight.

  It was a long time before Rafferty could ease her hold. She felt as if she’d been wrung out. But there was something she had to say that might offer him some peace, might change his thinking a little. “I know it’s been difficult for you,” she whispered unevenly. “But if things hadn’t happened this way, you wouldn’t have the kind of relationship you have with your family. It’s beautiful, Trace, and I’m envious.”

  She felt his chest expand sharply, then he hugged her so hard that she couldn’t breathe, and she hugged him back, knowing that if Trace Black had ever needed anyone, he needed her right then. She held him until she felt the awful tension ease, then she shifted her head, smoothing her hand up his neck. He needed her. It hit her like a ton of bricks, and she finally got what Sean had been saying. It felt amazing to be needed like that. And she couldn’t give that to Sean because deep down inside her, she never really trusted him, hadn’t really, deeply loved him. After sharing what she had shared with Trace, that was quite clear to her.

  His cellphone rang and he dug into his pocket to pull it out. Answering, he had a short conversation, and it was clear their alone time was over.

  “I have an emergency job.”

  “What kind of job?”

  His mouth kicked up at the interest in her voice. “Ignition coils.”

  “And you can fix that?”

  “I can.”

  “Sure as shootin’?”

  He laughed. “Yes, ma’am,” he drawled.

  When they got back to the garage, Trace dug right in to the job, and Rafferty donned a pair of overalls and learned more about the innards of a car than she had ever wanted to know. She also broke a nail without care setting in the part.

  They were filthy by the time they were done, but she didn’t care. It would be fun getting in the shower with him and cleaning up.

  “You have a smudge on your nose,” he said. “It looks adorable on you.”

  She reached up and slid her dirty index finger over the tip of his nose. “There. Now we’re even.”

  He grabbed her around her back and jerked her against him. Rafferty felt the need in him, wishing she could change things. He stopped breathing and went still. She took his face between her hands, then stretched up and gave him a soft kiss.

  A shudder coursed through him as he drew a ragged breath, catching her by the back of the head, his jaw flexing beneath her hand as he responded. He moved his mouth slowly against hers, tasting her, savoring her, drawing her breath from her and leaving her weak.

  It went on and on and on as she flattened her hand against his chest. Trace tensed and dragged his mouth away from hers. “Ah, Rafferty,” he whispered unevenly, “I shouldn’t even be touching you, I’m so damned filthy.” His heart was slamming in his chest, and his breathing was harsh and uneven, but he gathered her against him once again. And without giving her time to catch her breath, he dropped his mouth over hers for another long kiss.

  “We should get cleaned up.”

  “Lead the way. I’ll wash your back if you wash mine.”

  Suddenly she heard “Rafferty?” in a gruff, shocked voice that could only belong to one man. She broke away from Trace and whirled toward the entrance to the waiting room. His face blank in shock, his mouth agape.

  “Daddy?” she gasped.

  Chapter 21

  The Hamilton jet touched down at LAX, but Rafferty didn’t move. Once her father had gotten there and separated her from Trace, he proceeded to read her the riot act. Because of her irresponsibility, they had lost the prime piece of land to Michael Cavanaugh, no less. He was disgusted and shocked at her lack of professionalism when he’d sent her there to procure that land. Didn’t she understand that Cavanaugh was a barracuda and didn’t give a fig what would happen to any of the people or towns around where he was going to expand his ski resort?

  She held her ground, telling him there was a reason she couldn’t sign off on buying the land. When he asked her what it was, she just didn’t have an answer. He was still fuming about the land and about Trace. He couldn’t believe that she was kissing a man at his place of business, filthy from actually getting under the hood of a car.

  She wanted to tell him to lighten up. That she’d gotten her hands plenty dirty in getting him what he wanted. That’s when it hit her. Everything had been laid out for her. Just like her job, where she went in and did the old song and dance, set up the deals, and then left the actual construction and fallout to other people.

  She was his hit man, like Sean had said. Before he could unbuckle his seatbelt, she put a hand on his arm. “Daddy, what did you think about Sean?”

  “What?” he snapped, still angry, evidently caught off guard by her question. Ross Hamilton did not like to be blindsided.

  “Sean. What did you really think about him?”

  His face softened and his anger diminished. “He was an excellent match for you.”

  “Why?”

  “He was everything you were looking for.”

  “No,” she said, shaking her head. “I think he was everything you were looking for.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “You’ve had a plan and I’ve followed it. Business school, law degree. You made it all very easy for me.”

  “You wanted those things,” he said, slightly probing. “You wanted to work with me.”

  “Yes, that’s all true.”

  “Then tell me what’s on your mind.” His voice softened.

  “I didn’t know any better. I didn’t know what was possible. I had blinders on.”

  “Rafferty, we have a meeting that you’ve neglected for almost a week, and I’m getting the feeling that you’ve experienced some changes in thinking. We can talk about this when you get home. It’s important we take care of this meeting.”

  “Just one more question.”

  “All right,” he said, unbuckling and standing, smoothing out his very expensive suit. All Rafferty could think about was how good Trace had looked in his unsnapped jeans and bare chest.

  “What did you think of Trace Black?”

  “Who?”

  “The mechanic I was kissing when you walked into the garage.”

  He looked like he’d rather be discussing anything but this. He cleared his throat. “Clearly a man who knows what your worth is.”

  She nodded, expecting his answer, realizing that she couldn’t hold it against him. He didn’t really know Sean, and he certainly didn’t know Trace. But the differences were glaringly harsh.

  She followed him out of the plane and to their meeting, doing her part. Three days of being locked up in an office building. No sweet kids, no beautiful mountains or gorgeous rainbows, no rushing water, no shabby town, no beekeeper, and no family drama except her own. No devastatingly handsome man whom she had quite thoroughly lost her heart to with no way to get it back. There was no way she wanted to continue to do what she was doing. Now that her eyes had been opened, she could see herself in that inn, remodeling it, making it her own. Finally, finally making something hers.

  Leaving yesterday was easy now that she had the kind of future she could shape with her own hands. There was nothing she wanted more. She apologized to her father, realizing that she had been unprofessional, but rethinking her whole life had been rather distracting.

  When they got back on and headed to Montana, her father grabbed her arm. “I will see you back in the city.”

  She kissed his cheek, not making any commitments.

  She picked up her rental and drove back to Laurel Falls and it felt so good, so right.

  As she drove up to the garage, she saw the mayor, Trinity Gill, standing outside and Trace’s jaw was rigid. Her car was out of the bay, apparently the part had arrived and it was now fixed.

  She got out and they turned at the sound of her door closing. Trinity watched her with a kind of excitement in her eyes
. Trace, on the other hand, watched her with an iciness that made her blood freeze.

  “Is it true?” Trinity asked.

  “Is what true?” Rafferty said.

  “Are you here to scout land for a resort?”

  She swallowed hard, her eyes went immediately to Trace. She should have told him when she had the chance. “I admit I overheard you talking to Mr. Chambers. I Googled you and saw that you were your father’s development VP. I thought to myself,” she said conversationally, “that means she’s in charge of finding places to put resorts. Am I right?”

  Rafferty, her insides dropping away to nothing, stared back, feeling suddenly trapped. She made a motion with her hand in supplication, then nervously clasped her purse strap. “Trace, I can explain.”

  “I’m sure you can,” he interjected flatly. He stared at her for a second longer, his expression cold. “I just don’t have any interest in hearing it.” He walked up to her, his stride purposeful. Grabbing her wrist, he slapped her keys into her palm along with the bill. “Your car is fixed. You’re free to go.”

  He turned on his heel and left her standing with Trinity, who realized what she had done. Instantly contrite, she tried to speak, but Rafferty went past her, her eyes on the empty doorway Trace had gone through.

  Upset with herself, the situation, and his reaction, her whole system fizzling with dread, she ran for the front door, but it was locked. Panicked, she ran around to the back and breathed a sigh of relief to find it open.

  He whirled on her as the door closed behind her, her legs almost too shaky to hold her. “I was going to tell you. Right now as a matter of fact.”

  Feeling her throat close up, she took a step forward, but he held up his hand. His hair gleaming like mahogany in the overhead light, Trace took out a spark plug and put in a new one. He didn’t even look at her.

  Desperation gripping her, Rafferty stared at him, needing some response from him. Something. “Trace, please,” she pleaded. “Everything came together on the plane. I was fighting it because I didn’t understand. This place, you, the inn. My destiny. I swear. I was going to tell you.”

  Twisting at the waist, Trace reached for another spark plug. “How convenient. It’s no coincidence that I’m on the town council, or Eden. Were you cozying up to Moose and Henry, too?”

  “What? No. This was never about getting votes. I don’t handle…”

  He finally looked up at her, his face cast in harsh lines, his expression glacial. She knew his past; his mistrust was evident. “Just drop the act, Rafferty. You don’t have to listen to any more of my boring past.”

  “Don’t do this, Trace,” she whispered urgently. Starting to tremble, she hugged herself. “I can’t drop it.”

  It was as if those few words uncorked the temper that had been simmering just beneath that icy exterior. Anger flared in his eyes, the muscles of his neck suddenly taut. “I trusted you! I’ve never trusted a woman like that! My family loves you! But, I guess the joke’s on us. Trust is the way you get in, then get what you want. This was all about furthering your interests.” He slammed the old spark plug down.

  “That’s so absolutely true. It’s exactly what I do. I come in and gain people’s trust. But, Trace, that’s not what happened here. We had a plan to buy some land to put a hotel on. That’s true, but it didn’t have to do with Laurel Falls. I didn’t tell you the whole truth and I should have. I should have confided in you because you make me feel like the most important person in the world. I realized I have been running from my life, running from a life that I just went along with, a life that holds no joy now. Now that I’ve met you, I can’t go back. I used to think that I was on my own path, but I wasn’t. I was just going along. I don’t want to go along anymore.”

  An unnerving cold started deep inside her, and Rafferty stared at him, trying to deny that it was over, a sickening feeling spreading, the realization at what she had lost almost overwhelming.

  His hand on his hip, Trace clenched his jaw and stared at the wall, visibly trying to check his fury. He didn’t say anything for the longest time, then he looked at her, his expression cold and controlled, his voice even colder.

  He walked past her to the door and opened it. A gust of icy air chilled her to the bones. Winter was on the way, snow in the air. “Go home, Rafferty. Just…go home.”

  Rafferty numbly walked through, and it closed the moment she was clear with a horrible slam. Her whole body trembling, she broke and ran. Stopping briefly to pack and get her luggage, thank Eden while fending off her questions, and say goodbye to an upset Anzu, she stoically held off her tears. She wished like hell she could have seen Cadie, Reese, and Harley, said goodbye, but she didn’t dare go near his family right now.

  She should have trusted him. Should have put her fears and doubts away and shared everything she felt. He’d opened up and she hadn’t. That wasn’t a coincidence. She couldn’t help but remember Sean’s words as she finally let all her pain and sorrow go. You’re always so careful, holding back. Always doing some deal for your dad. You’re his closer, his hit woman. Scalding tears poured down her face on her way out of town.

  Chapter 22

  Cadie knocked on Brooks’s door and when his mother answered, she smiled. “I’m looking for Brooks.”

  “Oh, he’s around the back in the big gray barn. Just go on through.”

  She was still shaken with all that had happened with Rafferty. Finding out she was scouting land to put a resort on was both exciting and sad. Her brother was heartbroken. She knew because she was quite aware how it looked and how it felt.

  She thought he was acting dumb. It was clear they cared a great deal for each other, and Cadie was thoroughly convinced that Rafferty would never have manipulated Trace in any way. She knew why he wasn’t trusting Rafferty. It was all too clear. He really needed to let go of his past.

  He tried to hide it, but there were times when he looked so fractured.

  With his mood iffy, she’d tried to toe the line and had done what was expected of her. Harley, on the other hand, wasn’t doing well. He missed Rafferty and his episodes got worse. Trace was still taking care of him at night, but his exhaustion was getting to him. She was worried he would break under the pressure.

  It was too bad he was so stubborn. She didn’t dare bring up that she’d gotten into Saveur Culinary in New York City. She had a few months before her first tuition payment was due. He wasn’t going to be happy about it, but even if she had to take out a student loan, she was going.

  She hadn’t heard one word from Brooks since the night they had made love. The bittersweet wonder of it still had the power to affect her, and she stopped walking as her emotions overcame her stoic, forced calm. She clenched fists and pushed back all the longing, hopes, and dreams associated with him. At first she wanted to give him his space, then it started to hurt like hell that he was avoiding her again. She thought she was prepared for it, but she just wasn’t. She wasn’t that tough.

  She found him just like his mom said, in the barn. He was cleaning out stalls and he didn’t hear her, he had earbuds in.

  She walked up to him and touched his shoulder. He jumped and pulled the buds out when he saw it was her.

  “Cadie.”

  At lease he didn’t sound detached and distant. That would have made it ten times worse. “Hi, Brooks. Don’t get nervous. I’m not here to talk about why you haven’t called me. I get the message. I’m here to tell you I think you have what my brother has. PTSD. I think you should try to get some help for it before you turn to some other means to cope, whether it be alcohol or drugs. That would kill me to see that happen to you.”

  He looked away, his face closing down. “I already went to counseling and it didn’t help.”

  “I’m saying specifically PTSD. Let them know what your symptoms are. Be honest and open up about what happened to you.”

  His mouth tightened, but he didn’t answer. She tried. There wasn’t anything else she could do, and her hope that
they could be together was over now. Too bad her heart wasn’t quite as on board as her head.

  She turned to go and got as far as the door. His hand on her arm halted her.

  “I’m sorry, Cadie. What you did for me…I’ll never forget it. But I’m so messed up. I don’t want you to have to deal with it. Ah, hell…please understand.”

  She blinked away the tears. “I’ll try, not promising anything. Bye, Brooks.”

  His voice sounded strangled. She’d see him at school, but it was time for her to let go of their friendship, let go of her hope, let go of yesterday. The ball was in his court, and she vowed she’d only hit it back if he hit it to her. She could only take so much pressure on her heart. “Bye, sweet Cadie.”

  She forced herself to walk back to the car and drive away. When she allowed herself to look in the rearview mirror, he was standing in the driveway, watching her go.

  —

  Anzu didn’t care what anyone said. Rafferty was a great person. She totally understood why she hadn’t said anything about scouting land. Why get everyone in an uproar if the whole hotel/resort thing fell apart? Trace was being a jerk and he’d hurt her. Rafferty may have thought she hid that, but both her and her mother were quite aware she’d had her heart broken that night.

  All she knew was that, other than her mother and the Blacks, Rafferty had made a definitive difference in her life. So completely. She had taken her advice and it had worked out. She was now close to several people in her art class, was now illustrating for the school paper, and was close friends with Cadie.

  She knew everything that had happened to her friend, and she hurt for her to know that she was right now talking to Brooks.

  When her cell rang, Cadie said, “It’s done. I let him know.”

  “What did he say?”

  “Mostly that he was sorry.” Her voice caught and Anzu hurt for her.