On This Day

by Melody Carlson

  She turns to look, then just shakes her head. “For someone who’s determined to save her marriage, you sure like to look around, Suzette.”

  I laugh. “No harm in looking. And, hey, if it’s okay for Jim, maybe it’s okay for me, too. Maybe that would level the playing field a little.”

  She frowns. “Seriously, Suzette, you mean you’d consider having an affair just because Jim has? How’s that going to help?”

  “I don’t know. But it might be fun.”

  She finishes her iced tea and sets the glass down. “Well, it’s about ten minutes until the dinner, and I want to freshen up a bit and get a shawl from my room. It gets chilly at night up here.”

  “Up here in the sticks, you mean.” Then I drink the last bit of wine and consider ordering another.

  She puts some money on the table, then looks at me. “You coming?”

  I shake my head. “No, I think I’ll wait here for Jim.”

  She looks slightly concerned now. “Are you sure?”

  “Don’t be such a worrywart, Elizabeth. It’ll make you old beyond your years.”

  “Well, I hate to leave you here by yourself.”

  I laugh, then nod over toward the musicians. “Hey, I’m not by myself. Don’t worry. I’ll be just fine.”

  She doesn’t look quite convinced.

  “Go on,” I tell her, waving my hand. “I’ll see you at dinner.”

  “Ten minutes,” she says, as if she’s my mother.

  I give her my best placating smile. “Ten minutes,” I echo.

  Finally she’s gone, and I do order another drink. I’m tempted to get a Cosmo this time, but since Jim may return any minute, I decide to play it safe and order another Chardonnay. Maybe he’ll think I’m still on my first one.

  But ten minutes come and go, and Jim does not show up. I sign the bill and take one last look at the musician. It looks like he plays keyboard since he’s getting it all set up.

  “You guys doing music tonight?” I ask.

  “Yeah. We’ll be playing from eight until closing,” says the keyboard guy.

  I give him my best smile. “Maybe we’ll check it out,” I say. “After we’re done with this wedding business.”

  “You here with the wedding?” he says.

  I roll my eyes and sigh. “Yes. And I swear it’s been the longest day of my life. It’s like the never-ending wedding.”

  “Well, come on back here when you’re done,” he says with a wink. “Maybe we can help you relax a little. Kick back, you know.”

  I nod. “Sounds great.” One way or another, maybe I will come back here tonight. If it’s with Jim, we can do as he says—just kick back and relax. And if I’m alone, well, who knows what might happen!

  Chapter 33

  MARGARET

  Jeannette told me that this place has an elevator, but it’s down at the far end of the lodge and a bit of a walk for my old legs. So I’ve been taking the stairs instead. It’s only one flight, but this time, I feel as if I can barely lift; one foot and then the next. I cling to the railing, willing myself to pull up with each step, but I might as well be climbing a mountain.

  By the time I reach the landing, I am completely winded. Thankfully, no one’s around to see me puffing like I’ve just run a three-mile footrace. I pause and pretend to be looking at the lobby below as I attempt to catch my breath. Then holding to the chair rail along the hallway, I slowly make my way to my room, unlock the door, and go straight to the bed, where I immediately collapse. I have never felt older than I do right now. Old and feeble and very, very tired.

  I let my hand rest on my chest for a moment, feeling for my heartbeat, which, unless I’m imagining things, seems a bit wild and irregular.

  “Without heart surgery,” my doctor warned after my last hospital stay, “you may not last six months, Margaret. You may not even last six weeks.”

  But that was nearly twelve weeks ago, and here I am, still going. Oh, I realize I’m not going very fast. In fact, I’m not going anywhere at the moment. I’m not even sure I can get up now. I look at the clock by my bedside and see that it’s still a few minutes before dinner. Perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to take a quick nap. Or maybe even a long one. With all those guests down there, I can’t imagine that anyone would miss me.

  Although I really would like to make it back down there to the dinner, and I certainly don’t want anyone to worry about me, I know my only option right now is to rest. Hopefully I’ll get my second wind. I remember that I promised my Eric a dance. Oh my, how I would love to see Jennifer and Michael taking that first waltz! Such a lovely couple.

  I close my eyes, and I will myself to relax. But this crazy heart of mine just keeps on thumpity-thump-thumping as if it has a rhythm all its own. And somehow it doesn’t feel quite right. I decide to sit up and see if it gets any better. But on it goes, making these odd little jumps and thumps, and I am getting seriously concerned that I may be having a heart attack.

  I reach for the phone and pick up the receiver. But then I realize how an emergency of this sort would put a serious damper on the rest of the wedding festivities tonight. Imagine the sirens, the paramedics, and all the fuss over an old thing like me. No, it’s just not worth the trouble.

  So I set the receiver back and tell myself it’s nothing—only my imagination and a bit more exercise than I’m accustomed to. Even so, I feel anxious as I lie back down, and I do wonder if this might be the big one. Perhaps I’m about to join my dear Calvin after all. And, really, what would be the harm in that?

  Well, except for my poor family. I can’t imagine their distress if they were to find me up here …dead. Perhaps it wouldn’t be until morning. By then the newlyweds would be long gone, and I wouldn’t have spoiled everything. But my poor Eric would be devastated. He’d probably even blame himself.

  I notice the hotel stationery by the phone and decide I should write a brief note. Just to assure them, if I should die, that I am truly at peace, that I am home with the Lord and my dear Calvin. And that they should not worry or even feel bad for me.

  And so in my unsteady hand (I used to write so beautifully), I carefully pen a letter I hope will reassure them in the event of my demise. Of course, even as I do this, I tell myself it’s unlikely that I’m really dying.

  I finally finish the note, seal it in an envelope, and lie back down on the bed for just a brief rest. Just five minutes of shuteye, and then I will go downstairs and join my loved ones for the rest of the party. My heart is still fluttering a bit, and I know what my doctor will say when I get home. That is, if I get home, and to be perfectly honest, I’m not entirely sure that will happen. I’m not even sure I care. Although I will worry about my cat. I hope my neighbor will decide to adopt her. Or perhaps Jenny will after she returns from her honeymoon, since she’s always liked Libby and will now have a home of her own. Dear Lord, please watch over my cat.

  Even if I do make it home, I have no desire to undergo heart surgery. Why should I bother with such challenges at my advanced age? Why not just let things progress naturally? What do I have to live for at this stage, anyway? I’ve stayed around long enough to see my youngest grandchild wed. What more does life have to offer an old bird like me?

  I suppose it would be nice to see Jenny’s children. But she said that they don’t plan to start their family for about five years. And I know this heart of mine cannot possibly last that long. Don’t even know if it can last the night.

  It’s in the good Lord’s hands, I finally tell myself as I drift off to sleep. He can decide what’s best for me. Whether it’s tonight or next week or next month, I will trust his perfect timing for my life and for my death. He knows what’s best, and I am in his hands.

  Chapter 34

  ELIZABETH

  As I exit the bar, I spot Ingrid coming up the stairs. She’s walking slowly, looking down, so I know she doesn’t see me. I wait for her to reach the landing before I say hello.

  “Oh!” she says, starded to see me there.r />
  “How’s it going?” I ask.

  She sighs, then shakes her head. “I’m not quite sure.”

  “I noticed you and Jason down by the lake …”

  “Yeah, I’m sure we were a hard act to miss. Could you hear me yelling at him?”

  I make a weak smile. “Sort of. Do you need to talk?”

  “I don’t know …” She searches my face. “I know I need to pull myself together for the rest of the evening.”

  “Come to my room with me,” I tell her. “I’m just going for my shawl. It’s not long before dinner, but maybe you can unload on me.”

  “Im kind of in a state of shock,” she says as we walk down the hallway. “I mean, I guess I should be relieved, but I feel totally stunned.”

  I pause to unlock the door and say, “Uh-huh,” to show her I’m still listening.

  “Jason broke off our engagement.”

  I turn to look at her, drop my key back in my purse, then reach out and give her a big hug. “Oh, I’m so sorry, sweetheart. That must’ve been shocking!”

  I hear her give a little sob, then mutter, “Yeah.”

  We step apart, and I lead her into the room. “Have a seat.”

  She flops down into the easy chair, her pale pink skirt billowing about her like a parachute. “It’s just so weird, Elizabeth. I’m not even sure what to think.”

  I hand her a tissue. “Seems a case of bad timing, if you ask me.”

  “Jason is involved with another girl—”

  “Men!” I pick up the soft cashmere shawl and drape it over my arm. “Who needs them, anyway?”

  “Huh?” she looks at me with surprise.

  I force a small laugh. “Well, they can be real jerks sometimes.”

  Now she sort of laughs. “Some of them. At least you have a good one, Elizabeth. And your sons both seem very decent.”

  “I don’t know.” I weigh my words now. “That Conner has broken a few hearts in his day.”

  She nods. “Well, no ones perfect, right?”

  “Right.”

  “But I never expected Jason to be the one to break up with me.”

  “Meaning you thought you’d break up with him?”

  Her cheeks seem to glow a darker shade of rose now. “Sort of …”

  “Oh, so you were thinking of breaking it off, but he beat you to it?”

  “Exactly.”

  Now I actually have to laugh. “Then, really, Ingrid, what’s the problem?”

  “It still hurt.”

  I nod. “Yes, I can see how it would. Especially on your best friend’s wedding day. Not exactly what you were hoping for, I’m sure.”

  She takes in a deep breath, then slowly lets it out. “But it is for the best.”

  “Yes. And as hard as it is, I’m sure you can put on your party face for just a couple more hours.”

  “I really was looking forward to the dinner—you know, relaxing a little after all the work I’ve put in these last few days. And I was even looking forward to dancing tonight too, just letting loose and having some fun.”

  “No reason you can’t still do that.”

  She seems to consider this. “No, I guess not.”

  “There are a few available men to dance with, even if Jenny’s brothers are married. I happen to know that at least one of my sons isn’t spoken for, and he’s not a bad dancer, either.”

  Ingrid glances down at her lap now, almost as if she’s avoiding my eyes. And I actually begin to wonder if she has some sort of interest in Patrick. She’s been around my boys for years. But who knows? I turn to the mirror and touch up my lipstick.

  “Patrick seems like a genuinely nice guy,” she finally says.

  I turn around and smile at her. “I’d have to agree with you on that.”

  “I mean, both your sons are nice.”

  I laugh. “Are you ready to go back down there now?”

  She stands and smoothes her skirt. “I think I am. Thanks for the pep talk.”

  “No problem.”

  “But what do I do?” she says suddenly as we’re walking down the hall.

  “About what?”

  “About Jason and me? I mean, do I tell anyone? Or do I act like everything’s just fine?”

  I consider this. “Well, you know Jenny will probably notice he’s not here. And she’ll probably ask about it.”

  “I know …”

  We pause at the top of the stairs. “You girls have been friends a long time, and Jenny’s good at sniffing out a lie.”

  “I know.”

  “So why not just tell her? But let her know that you’re okay and that you were about to break it off anyway.”

  “You think? I don’t want her worrying about me, not right before her honeymoon. You know how sympathetic she is.”

  “How about this?” I say suddenly. “Why don’t you tell her you’ve already got your eye on someone? You could even pretend it’s someone here at the wedding, perhaps one of the groomsmen. It could even be my Patrick. I’m sure he’d be happy to play along with you. Then Jenny would see you having a good time, and she wouldn’t think twice about silly old Jason.”

  “That’s a fantastic idea, Elizabeth. But I don’t want to impose on poor Patrick.”

  I pat her on the shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. He wouldn’t play along unless he was enjoying it too. Why don’t you let me put a little bug in his ear for you?”

  “Oh, you don’t have to—”

  “It would give this mother great pleasure,” I assure her.

  As we go down the stairs, I can tell by the spring in Ingrids step that my little plan appeals to her. I could be imagining things, but I think Ingrid and Patrick would make a delightful pair. And wouldn’t it be nice if at least one person in my immediate family came out ahead after this painful weekend?

  Chapter 35

  LAURA

  I tried to give her the bottle,” Jamie says as I burst through the door. “But she wouldn’t take it. And then she just started screaming like this.” She thrusts Amy at me. “I didn’t know what to do. I was about ready to call the desk and have someone go after you.”

  “That’s okay, that’s okay,” I say in a soothing voice as I jiggle Amy with one arm and try to reach for the zipper in the back of my dress with the other.

  “Do you need help?” asks Jamie.

  “Thanks,” I tell her, waiting as she pulls the zipper down. Then I head for the easy chair by the window. Amy’s crying has softened just a bit, but it’s obvious she’s hungry.

  I glance up at the flustered teenager. “I’ll be fine; you can take off now.”

  “Do you want me to come back later?”

  I consider this. “No,” I finally say, “I think we’ll be all right. I’m taking her down to the dinner, and then I might just call it a night.”

  “Sorry she got so wound up.”

  “It’s okay,” I say in that soothing voice again. I hear the door close, and I focus all my attention on Amy now. Thankfully, she is easily appeased, at least when you’ve got what she wants. And I most certainly do!

  There is something incredibly satisfying about feeding a baby from your own body. Something so basic and down-to-earth that it makes other troubles and worries pale in comparison. And that’s how it is as I quietly sit in the chair, taking a deep breath as Amy begins to eat, first hungrily, then with more leisure as her little muscles relax. Finally, exhausted from her crying jag, she falls asleep at my breast.

  I hold her for a while, making certain she’s sound asleep. Then I set her in the portacrib and go into the bathroom to clean up a bit. I take time to freshen my makeup and touch up my hair, and to my surprise, I feel very calm and almost ready for the rest of the evening. Still, Amy is enjoying a nice little nap, and I know I would be foolish not to take advantage of this quiet time myself. So, with my dress still on, I stretch out on the bed, careful not to get too many wrinkles, and then I just float away.

  “Honey.” I hear David’s voice and wo
nder if it’s a dream. But then I open my eyes, and there he is, standing over me. “Sorry to wake you, especially when you looked so peaceful and pretty But it’s about five minutes until dinner. Are you girls coming?”

  I blink, sit up, and look at the clock. I can’t believe I slept that long. “Yes,” I tell him, getting up.

  “I’d stick around and help, but I want to be down there in time for the first toasts.”

  “Of course,” I tell him as I get Amy’s little pink dress out of my suitcase. “Go on ahead of us. We’ll be down shortly.”

  He leans over and pecks me on the cheek. “You really did look like Sleeping Beauty just now, Laura. I wish we could stay in this evening.”

  Surprised, I look up at him. “Seriously?”

  He nods, then winks. “See you later, okay?”

  “Yeah, we’ll hurry.”

  I feel guilty waking Amy, but she seems cheerful and relaxed as I change her diaper and put on her little dress, tights, and the tiniest white satin Mary Jane shoes. I hold her up and smile. “You are absolutely adorable,” I tell her. “Next to your aunt Jenny, you’ll be the prettiest girl down there.”

  I take a moment to check my own appearance, but nothing seems changed since I took my nap. And I know it will do no good to spend too much time in front of the mirror, since chances are, I’ll only focus on my flaws and then obsess about them once I’m downstairs, back among the beautiful people.

  “Don’t even go there,” I warn myself as I put a lacy white baby shawl around Amy. And then I decide it’s about time I gave myself another little lecture or pep talk or whatever I’m calling it. Even if I’m already late, I don’t want to go down there and fall right into one of my stupid pity parties again. So I step in front of the mirror on the closet door and begin to speak.

  “Okay, Laura, maybe you’re not the hottest girl down there,” I tell my reflection. “But you’re not exactly chopped liver, either. And you have this beautiful baby girl.” I hold up Amy so she can see into the mirror too. Not that she’s looking. “And if David’s parents can’t appreciate all this, well, then who cares?” Now, in all fairness, I know that Alex adores his granddaughter. And Catherine, in her own way and when she’s not obsessing over wedding details, is fairly fond of Amy too.