BOMAW 12-14

by Mercedes Keyes

  She was no longer enjoying herself. Even with his last song, by Johnny Cash, Ghost Riders In The Sky - he was doing it so good, it was pissing her off! So good, Craig and Jade was singing along, enjoying themselves now, 'What the hell?!' her mind exclaimed. As she sat, steaming, she could see what he was doing, he was healing the men. That last song had gotten the women all shook up, hot and bothered, to make amends, this song was to bring the guys back in with him, and it worked, because all the men, some women even, were singing that, 'Yippy Yi Yaaay, Yippy Yi Yoooo, ghost riders in, the sky.' - Yes, that number also included, Craig and Jade, clapping, and swaying side to side in their seat, singing right along as if they were in church some damn where.

  Vivian's eyes went back to Jake, if looks could kill.

  If three hundred more or less, couldn't get enough of him, of hearing him, what about the rest of the country music listeners?

  Chapter 296

  "Come on sis, so - what happened?" Mundo asked as he drove them home.

  Crystal was quiet, couldn't speak, her mind in a whirl, suddenly she looked up, turned to Mundo, "No! I wanna go home to mama's, Papah-Shawn's, I wanna see my boys."

  "They gone be sleep!"

  "I don't care, I wanna go there."

  "Ah'ight, tellin' you now, I ain't gone be up no fo' in the mornin' takin' yo'ass home!"

  "Maybe my dad will take me home."

  "Yeah, he gone have to, 'cause I step through the doors, I'm goin' to bed."

  "That's fine." She accepted that her fate that night was in the hands of whomever might be willing.

  When they arrived back at the house, all was quiet, with Shawn and Sylvia in the basement, asleep on the sofa, arms and legs entwined, the TV illuminating the room, playing soft at them. Angela and the boys, fast asleep. Crystal tipped quietly in Mundo's room behind him, dropping onto his bed while he'd gone to the bathroom. Upon his return, there he found his sister sitting.

  "Girl? What? Uh ah, I'm sleepy now, gone!"

  "I need someone to talk to Mundo."

  "You could'ah talk on the way home, but you was all withdrawn and shit, in a world of your own - now, it's time for me t'go't'bed!"

  "I was thinking Mundo."

  "Good, glad to hear it, move now." He stripped off his shirt, chucked his jeans off across the floor, wearing only his briefs and climbed in his water bed, going beneath the covers.

  "How can you think of sleep, when my life is a complete mess! Mundo tell me what to do, just tell me, and I'll do it!"

  "Get the hell - out - my room - I'm goin't'sleep, now!" He mumbled low.

  "Remember Mundo, when we were little and all we had, was each other and mama - and when mama was stuck with him, there was just, you and I, remember."

  Mundo sighed laying still, "Yeah, I remember."

  "We would whisper late into the night how much we hated our lives, how much we hated him, and remember, we always daydreamed of having Superman, Christopher Reeve, being our father, remember that?" She laughed low.

  He chuckled as well, "Yep, I remember that, and he would fly in, take us away - and at the same time, kick you know who out into outer space with the other criminals - to just float there, screaming!" Mundo reflected.

  "Look who we got though, not so bad huh? Not superman, but - close enough." She smiled.

  "Yeah, fo'sho that."

  They were quiet a bit, when she spoke up again, "I'm in love with Benjamin Caesar McPherson - I love him in a way, that cannot be explained. I love him differently from the way I did Victor, because with Victor, I had no idea, what love really was - I just wanted out. I was away from him, our father, and I never wanted to come back, then he died, I was pregnant and I was swept away in this need to go out and just start my own life and - and - do it better. Show them, show him - I could do it so much better. Now, look at it, look at me, I'm so miserable - I'm so stuck - I - I don't wanna go back Mundo, I don't wanna go back."

  "Don't go back then, stay right here."

  She sat quiet, thinking, hurting.

  "Well?" Mundo asked through his covers.

  She was quiet still, then stood. "Go't'sleep." She left his room.

  Tipping quietly, she went to the sofa where Shawn and her mother lay together, she stood gazing down at them. Her mother's back was to the sofa, Shawn's back to her, they shared a pillow, with her arm over his side, her legs tucked between his, they looked wonderful - absolutely beautiful together. She backed away moving like a quiet thief in the night, making her way upstairs, her heart pounding, wishing Benjamin were there. By Angela's room, she cracked the door, peering in - there a moment, smiling and next stop, to her boys room. She entered, gazing down at them, stroking the hair back from Isaac's brow, pulling the covers a bit higher on him, the nights were still cool. From him to the baby, testing his soft fat curls.

  "Hey..." She heard whispered softly from the door of their room.

  Crystal glanced up to see Shawn standing there.

  She smiled, turned from Darren and tipped towards the door, going out and closing it as Shawn moved aside, leading the way from the kids rooms. "How'd you get here? Don't see your car out there?" He asked quietly, they were heading back down into the basement.

  "I came home with Mundo."

  Shawn stopped at the bottom looking back at her as she made her way down the last steps, "Came home? Does that mean..."

  "No, not yet." She gave a sad smile, "Mama awake too?"

  "No, I took her upstairs to bed. How was your night out?"

  "We had a nice time; Rochelle ended up leaving me due to sudden other plans, so I ended up coming home with Mundo. I wanted to see the boys, and he went to bed on me. Would you mind, taking me home? I know it's late, but-..."

  "I'll take you back there - I'm not ready yet to call there your home; give me a minute."

  On the drive back Crystal fell silent once more, "You're quiet." Shawn observed.

  "Just tired, lot on my mind."

  "Like what?" He asked.

  "Like, I wish I could turn back the hands of time, if I could - I would, but the question is, how far back? Part of me, wishes I could go back as far as the day I saw Victor, the day I said yes to him, I would do that all over, and say no. But then, I wouldn't have my boys, I love my boys. So, I'd settle for going back to that night, that I packed up and went back to him - I wish I hadn't done it."

  "That makes two of us, so undo it."

  "I'm - I'm thinking about it."

  That grabbed Shawn's full attention, "Oh yeah? What brought that about?"

  "You know, second thoughts. Only - it makes me look even worse doesn't it? I mean, to go back, and then to turn right back around and leave again, when he's trying, really trying, that's not right is it?"

  "No comment."

  She was lost in thought again, and out of the blue admitted softly, "I was with Ben tonight, we danced together, talked, and - argued. I'm - in - love with your son - and there's not a thing I can do about it."

  Shawn pulled over, they were almost at her home with Victor. He turned in the seat, "Stop this now, stop this right now. Put on the brakes - right here - right now. Tell him, that it was wrong from the very beginning-..."

  "I have Shawn, I've told him all those things, I have - and he still kept pressing me to come back, to give it another chance."

  "You know - Crystal - you know - you don't belong there - you know that now don't you?" He was almost pleading with her.

  It was ever so slight, a barely visible nod, but a nod just the same, agreeing to what she'd known all along. "How Shawn, how do I make that feeling in my stomach go away? When I'm facing this mistake? I don't wanna just - walk away from my marriage - so many treat it like a light thing of insignificance to be cast aside the moment it's not going right, instead of, making it work - I promised myself, that I wouldn't be like that, that I wouldn't do that. Let's be honest, I wouldn't be going through this hell - this battle within, if - Ben had not come into my life. I would have been willing to stay,
work it out, no matter what. But now, there is Ben - and maybe that's the battle? A battle that basically spells it out as it is, I walk away from my marriage, I'm doing it to be with another man - that has to be the ugliest, most wrong reason of all to leave. It's like, committing adultery - it's wrong."

  Shawn grabbed his forehead, scratching his scalp, not sure of what to do, what to say, and tried again, "If you leave, it will be because it was not meant to be in the first place Crystal - you're leaving because you need to be true to you, to what makes you happy."

  "So, I need to be selfish about it then." She bent forward, her stomach hurt with the thought.

  Shawn rubbed his head harder muttering, "Fuckin' hell, he's done a job on you - a fuckin' bang up head scramble of a mess - sonofabitch!"

  She didn't need to ask who he was talking about, she was pretty certain he meant Victor, "He is my husband and the father of our boys."

  "I'm not talking about him, talking about the other sonofabitch!"

  "Oh." Now she knew, the man who was her father.

  "Crystal, I've said it before, I'll say it again, and I will say it a thousand times more still - and I'll never grow tired of saying it, you have a home to come back to. A home, not your mother's house. Not my house, your own home to come back to. You can see it, the construction is underway, when it's all said and done, your place - your home - for you - and for the boys, will be there waiting for you. No matter how long this - that - mind game goes on to control you. At some point, in the future, the right thing said or done, will release you darling - and when that something does, come - home."

  Shawn turned around, pulled back onto the road they were traveling and took her back to the place he would never see as her home.

  At the door, he walked in with her, looking around - making sure of her safety always. Turning to leave, Crystal tapped him lightly on the shoulder, and when he turned to her, she hugged him tightly, holding on to him as if she could draw strength from him. Shawn held her, squeezing her in return, ever on his mind was how he wished she had been his daughter, there was no way she would be going through this tug of war had she been.

  Crystal was the first to step away, "Thank you - dad." She gave a sad smile once more.

  Shawn lifted a hand to caress her cheek with his knuckles, "What are dads for, huh, but to be there when their little girl needs them to be?"

  Feeling she would burst into tears at any moment, she pressed her mouth closed, nodded and showed him out.

  "Lock the door."

  "I will."

  She walked around the house, still unable to sleep. Looking at the clock, it was past three-thirty in the morning, Victor would be taking his lunch now. She suddenly grabbed her purse again and went out the door, deciding to speak with Victor tonight. She had to face him now, now while her system was all hyped and charged with what she knew. When she pulled into his parking lot at work, to her surprise, she was seeing flashing red lights of an ambulance. Pulling up and parking, she sat staring at it, wondering what was going on? Getting out of her car, she walked slowly towards the back entry where all the employees entered, there were people gathered around outside smoking, lingering not far from the door when she approached. She spoke up right away, "Hi um, is Victor Prescott in the lunchroom? Could someone please tell him, his wife is outside."

  One of the guys turned to look at her, "You're his wife?"

  "Yes."

  "Wow, uh, hey - um, that ambulance - it's here for him."

  "What? What'a'ya'mean?"

  "He - had an accident - they've been trying to reach his family - think they got a hold of his dad, was trying to re-..."

  "What happened?!" Crystal snapped.

  "He got shocked, big time electricity mishap - don't know much about what exactly happened or how bad it is, but - they called-..."

  Breaking into what he was saying, the doors banged open with the EMTs bringing him out on a stretcher, they had an oxygen mask over his face, his hand had bandaging on it, and he wasn't awake.

  "Wait! I'm his wife! What happened? Victor? What happened?"

  "You're his wife?"

  "YES! What happened to him?"

  "Ma'am you can follow us to the hospital, but we have to get him there now."

  "Okay okay, I'll follow you, I'll follow!" Crystal cried out in disbelief that this was happening, and in the blink of an eye, guilt rushed in like a tidal wave at a crowded beach, and swept away all and any resolve that had built up from earlier. In her car following the ambulance, all she could see was the way they brought him out. She had no idea how bad he was, panic was setting in. She imagined herself, out as she had been that night, on the dance floor with Ben - having a good time and then - in his car - what she'd let him do - what she'd wanted him to do; how far it had almost gone. Her face burned with shame - all that going on while he was at work, doing his part for them. Even while she sat there scared about Victor, Ben kept coming back to her mind; forcing his way in no matter how hard she tried to block him. Her hands gripped the steering wheel tightly as the ambulance turned into the hospital's emergency parking bay. She turned right into the emergency parking and recognized his father's car. Her stomach was tied in knots - to think she'd actually gone to his job to tell him she couldn't do it any longer - she'd gone to tell him that she just didn't have the feelings of a wife, and it wasn't going to work.

  Now this!

  Maybe it was a sign?

  Maybe it was God's way of stopping her from making more mistakes.

  After all, when she had started with Victor - she thought she couldn't possibly be more in love. Maybe, just maybe with Ben, it was the same thing. No, Victor wasn't perfect, but then, who was?

  'Ben!' Her mind hadn't wasted a second springing him forward.

  "No, he just seems perfect, now that is. Remember how perfect Victor seemed? Perfect in the beginning?" She spoke to herself, sitting in the car still, with her mind taking over, 'Mama is always saying, you don't know a man until you live with him. It could be the same thing all over again with Ben, you don't know, because you've never lived with him, have you?' She shook her head trying to stop thinking and jumped out of the car, rushing into the emergency area to see his father standing by. He spotted her right away and for the first time ever, smiled at her. To see him that way, took her back a bit.

  "Crystal!" He called to her, greeting her he continued, "...so glad they were able to get a hold of you. I got a call from his job saying there'd been an accident and they would be bringing him here." He was speaking to her as he drew closer to her; his manner was if they'd been the closest of in-laws, when in fact he'd said hardly anything to her since their marriage, as little as possible that is.

  "I - I had gone to his job, to meet him for lunch and - saw an ambulance there." She explained how she knew.

  "Yes, the EMT's explained that he'd taken a high voltage shock - that he had a serious hand injury, question is, what damage was done with the electric current going through his body, if it enters, it must exit - what damage has been done?" He worried, thinking out loud.

  Crystal ran her hands over her face, shaken by what she was hearing.

  "He wasn't awake when I saw him, it was brief, he - his, eyes were closed. I just want him to be all right." And in her mind thought, 'I've gotta try harder, I haven't even been trying, I have to stop thinking about Ben!' She scolded herself as he kept crossing her mind with regrets, 'Stop thinking of yourself! Be grateful you have a husband who loves you and is trying, unlike you! You can't even stop thinking of Ben, and Victor is laying in an emergency room!'

  "Crystal?" Percival called her name a second time.

  "Sorry?"

  "Coffee?" He was going to get himself some.

  "Yes, please, light on the cream and sugar."

  "No problem, be right back."

  She took a seat, her legs shaking and bouncing with nervous jitters, looking around for someone to speak to. There were a few other people waiting as well, anxiety etched upon the
ir faces as well for whomever they were there for. Crystal looked away back towards the desk, thinking about all the things she and Victor had gone through. She couldn't image anything happening to him. While there was no way to deny she'd fallen out of love with him, she still loved him in the way that was natural to considering that he was the father of her sons. He was her first love. She sat trying to reflect on his virtues. He worked hard. He was intelligent. Incredible looking. He'd married her behind getting her pregnant and was trying to save their marriage. Though they'd had money disputes in the past, it wasn't the end of the world. No, he wasn't the best of father's, but he did love his sons and he didn't abuse them - after all, he loved the way he knew how. Surely it was fair to give him time to learn that? He was going to the meetings after all. Second thought, not yet - now, depending on his state of health, that would have to wait.