by K E Osborn
I exhale and look down at my hands in my lap. “Do you think… I mean… do you know anything about my birth parents?” I ask and I notice her body tense immediately.
She pauses for a short second and then exhales tightening her grip on my hand. “Are you thinking more and more about them?” she asks and I look up at her and nod. “Okay, well I’m sorry honey, but unfortunately I don’t know anything. We chose not to see where you came from. We were only supplied with the details of your medical history and things that were really important for your future. I’m sorry Annie, but I have no idea who they were or where they lived. But if you want us to find out I’m sure your father could look into it for you?”
I purse my lips and then shake my head. “No, it’s okay. I guess it’s just hard knowing nothing about where you came from.”
Her smile is sympathetic. “I know what you mean, sweetheart. But Annie just because you share someone else’s DNA does not mean that you are alone. We’re your family. Me, your father, and Ella and we all love you no matter where you came from. Your past doesn’t matter sweetheart. All that matters is that you’re here with us and your future. We’re a family, no matter the DNA, okay?”
“Thanks Mum,” I say as my eyes start to water and then I start to cry.
“Oh honey, please don’t cry. I’m so sorry that what happened today brought up all this emotion for you. I know we did the wrong thing and I never want you to feel upset about your birth parents. Just know that if they didn’t give you to us then you may be living a very different life. And to be honest, I can’t imagine my life without my little purple-haired wildcat,” Mum says, making me laugh as I wipe the tears from my face.
“I’m sorry I yelled at you today. I just don’t know how to control my anger,” I say and Mum nods.
“Yeah, I can see. I can always take you to talk to someone if you want to?”
I open my eyes wide in shock. “What, like a shrink?” I ask and she suppresses a laugh and smiles at me.
“They’re not as bad as they sound. I’ve seen one, and so has your father. When I had my accident, we had to see one quite a lot, and for quite a while, and then again when we tried the surrogacy and it failed. So, I know what to expect. They’re really quite nice and could possibly help you with your anger issues and all this pain you’re carrying around and bottling up inside you, regarding your birth parents—”
“I don’t need a shrink, Mum. I’m not crazy—”
“No, I wasn’t saying that, Annie. They’re not just for crazy people. They’re there to help guide and give you strategies to help you cope—”
“Can’t I just talk to you instead?” I ask and she smiles and nods her head leaning in and embracing me.
“Of course you can, Annie. You can talk to me about anything, you know that. I will always be here for you. You’re my daughter and I love you. I would do anything for you, you know that right?” she asks and I can see her eyes welling up too.
“I know, I love you too, Mum. I guess I just need some time to process that I will never meet my birth parents, and that makes me sad, but happy at the same time. What if they’re horrible people? Or worse, what if they don’t like rock and roll? Oh God, what if they’re hippies and they live in a commune, and they don’t shower and have long armpit hair?” I say and Mum laughs and shakes her head slightly.
“Well sweetheart, I guess we will never know. If it makes you feel better then why don’t you make an image of what you want them to be and we can say that’s who they are. Stick with something you want and then only think of that, when you think of them. Does that make sense?” Mum asks and I raise an eyebrow.
“So just make something up and think of that instead of the endless possibilities?” I ask.
“If it helps?”
“Mum, can I ask you another question?” I ask hesitantly.
“Of course, Annie, you can ask me anything.”
I hesitate and exhale. “Honestly, what’s your real opinion on Staked?”
She smiles brightly. “Annie, I can spot talent a mile away and what you and your sister and the rest of your band do is amazing. You still have a little bit to learn, but I know with your father and your Uncle Hux helping you, you’re going to be playing to a packed out stadium in no time. The only thing I worry about for you is the minion fans and the paparazzi. You need to keep your cool around them. You don’t want to end up headline news because you had an outburst,” she says and I know exactly what she means. You see it all the time, celebrities having punch ups with paparazzi and yelling at fans. The problem is I can totally imagine myself doing that.
“Yeah, I’ll need to work on that. But I’ll always have Aston and Ella with me. They tend to cool me down and ground me,” I say and Mum tries to hide her smirk.
“So, Aston, huh?” Mum asks in a weird way that make me crease my eyebrows.
“What about him?” I ask and she smiles and shakes her head. “No, nothing, just wanted to see if there was any news,” she says with a sparkle in her eye that I don’t understand.
“Why are you being weird?”
“Not being weird, Annie, just making sure you’re still good friends, that’s all.” She stands up and gestures for me to lay down then pulls the covers up under my chin and I relax into my big comfy bed.
“We’ll always be best friends, Mum.”
“You know, sweetheart. If you ever want to talk about boys and stuff you can talk to me.”
“What are you on about? Are you high?”
“Annie, don’t joke about drugs especially with your father in the house.”
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay, but I’m just saying that if you ever find yourself liking someone more than a friend, and it’s confusing to you, you can talk to me about it. If that ever happens, of course,” she says and I raise an eyebrow at her.
“You’re being weird again?”
“Sorry. Just know that I’m here and we can talk about anything. Okay, sweetheart?”
“Okay, now you’re making more sense. Thanks Mum, and again I’m sorry about today.”
She winces and nods. “So am I. Sleep well sweetheart and make sure you clean this room up a bit before Susan comes here for your school day, okay?” she asks and I roll my eyes.
“Yes Mum,” I say monotone and she chuckles and walks toward the door.
“I love you, Annie Bear.”
I roll my eyes at her nickname. “Love you too, Mum. Goodnight,” I say and she flicks the switch and opens the door.
“Sweet dreams,” she says and walks out the door closing it behind her.
“Weirdo,” I mumble under my breath with a giggle as I turn in the bed getting comfy.
My phone on the side table vibrates. I pick it up and swipe the screen to see a message from Aston. I smile and open it.
Aston: Hey Lennox, hope I’m not waking u. Just wanted to know if ur doing ok? I know today was rough for u, but I’m here for u… always. A1 xo
I smile at his use of our message nicknames. He’s A1 and I’m A2. We fought for ages because I thought I should be A1, but he said he’s older so he gets to have those bragging rights. Needless to say, I didn’t talk to him for about an hour, but I let him win because I will always cave when it comes to Aston. I hit reply.
Me: Hey, I’m still up just climbed into bed. Had a chat with Mum and we’re all good now. Thanks for being there for me today. I can always count on u to bring me back down off my high horse. A2 xxxx
I hit send and snuggle into the bed covers and bring my phone screen in line with my face to wait for his reply. My phone vibrates and I swipe the screen.
Aston: Anytime Lennox, you know that. I’m always here for you, no matter what. That’s what best friends do, right? BTW I feel so badass for being up this late, the night before school. Maybe we should sneak out and go to a bar and get wasted. Maybe to a strip club. Let’s go and be rebels. What do you say? A1 xo
I let out a loud laugh and then quickly cover my mo
uth with my hand hoping I haven’t woken Ella next door, or that Mum or Dad come in to tell me to turn off my phone and go to sleep. I hit reply.
Me: Let’s go all out and get tattoos and get high. I’ll hire u a prostitute and I can learn to be a stripper, make a real night of it? Maybe I can even get pregnant if I try hard enough. Dad would love that. Bahahaha. Way better than getting home schooled tomorrow. A2 xxxx
I hit send and giggle at our conversation. Those things are something neither of us would ever do. Well, except for maybe the tattoo bit. I plan on getting one when I’m old enough and I know Aston wants one too. We made a pact that on my eighteenth birthday we would go and get matching tattoos. My phone vibrates again and I swipe the screen revealing his message.
Aston: Yeah, way better. But I guess I’m tired and it is a school night, so maybe we can rain check for Friday? ;) A1 xo
I smile and hit reply.
Me: Piker! I was getting dressed up and was almost at ur place. Guess I’ll have to walk home and go to bed like a good little girl. Lol A2 xxxx
I hit send.
Aston: Well, if I’d known u were almost at my house, I would’ve dropped everything. I would love to see you all dressed up. ;) A1 xo
I furrow my brows and my lip rises in confusion. Why the hell would he say that? I scratch my head and try to think of what to reply... to that!
Me: Why the hell would you say that? xxxx
I go to click send, but I delete it and start again.
Me: Well, I guess u’ll never know will u, u weirdo. A2 xxxx
I like that better, so I hit send and roll onto my back as I bring my phone to my chest and close my eyes. An image of Aston pops into my head and it’s from today when he lifted his shirt and showed me his perfectly toned stomach. I swallow hard as a tingle spreads over my body and my legs feel heavy.
What the hell was that?
I have no idea why my body reacts to images of Aston like this. It doesn’t happen for anyone else and I’ve never felt it before, but I’ve felt it all my life with Aston. I guess it’s because we’re so close. But it is weird how I feel so connected to him. Like my world would end without him in it. I guess being a teenager comes with a lot of unknown things. Like when I first had period pain, I had no idea what it was and I thought I was dying, or like an alien was going to rip out of my stomach. But Mum is always there to help talk me through anything I’m not sure about. Being a teenager is hard, especially when my body tingles like this. It feels good, but I have no idea what it means. And for the first time, I’m a little embarrassed to talk to Mum about it because my body definitely shouldn’t be reacting like this, I’m sure of it. It’s not normal and I think that maybe there might be something wrong with me.
My phone vibrates and I open my eyes letting the image of Aston’s abs fade from my memory as I swipe the phone.
Aston: Ok well, this weirdo needs to go to bed. Have a good sleep Lennox, and I’ll see u tomoz. A1 xo
I smile at his more normal and sensible message and hit reply.
Me: Night Ast, and thanks again for today. I luv ur gutz. Sleep well. A2 xxxx
I hit send and lean over plugging my phone into the charger. It vibrates once more.
Aston: Night beautiful. Luv u 2. A1 xo
I stare at the message and raise an eyebrow again. Beautiful? He’s never called me that before?
I huff and put my phone on my bedside table and roll over facing away from it. Crossing my arms over my chest.
What the hell is going on?
I turn and look at the phone and it’s still sitting there doing nothing. So I pick it up and open the messages again, and stare at the five words for ages. ‘Night beautiful, Luv u 2.’
I bite my bottom lip to stop the small smile that’s crossing my lips. Does Aston really think I’m beautiful? Or is it just a term of endearment?
I have no idea and I have no intentions of finding out. Right now, it’s way past my bedtime and I need to get some sleep. Otherwise cranky pants Annie will be around for homeschooling and no one likes her, not even me. I close my eyes and I can’t help the images flashing through my mind of Aston, and once I drift off to sleep he’s still there in my dreams.
I know I’m in that dazed state, somewhere between awake and asleep and I like it here. In this place, only harmony and melody speak to me. The treble and bass energising my system and coursing through my veins sends me into a deep, blissful state. The rhythm of music washes over me as I see the music notes flying through the air making new riffs and stunning sounds as they combine together to form a new and intense reverberation right through my soul. I love this place, it’s where all my musical thoughts merge together and that’s where Staked’s songs come from. I need to stay asleep, so I can hear the entire song in my head and then I can wake up and quickly jot it down on my music book next to my bed.
“Annie,” my name is sung in an angelic soothing voice and I bathe in the light that it casts into my musical world.
“Annie!” The song is getting quieter and softer as the voice saying my name becomes louder taking over the melody and invading my safe place.
“Annie, get up,” I hear as I’m ripped from my musical plane. The harshness of reality grips hold of me as I fall back to earth with a thud and open my eyes slowly.
I look up to see Mum picking my clothes up off the floor and rushing around like we’re running late. I crash my head back to the pillow and groan as I clench my eyes tight trying to rid the bright light from waking me up further. I want to go back to my perfect world where everything makes sense.
“Annie, honey, c’mon. Susan will be here soon,” Mum says and I groan again in response and pull the pillow over my head.
“I was making music, Mum, and you pulled me away from it,” I murmur in disgust. It was a really great song I was writing, and now because I was pulled from it so abruptly, I can’t remember a single note.
“What? Annie, you’re making no sense. Now get up and come downstairs for breakfast. Aston will be here soon. It’s almost nine o’clock,” she declares and I pull the pillow from under my head and throw it in her direction as she walks toward the door with my laundry under her arms.
“Turn the light off,” I call out and force my head into my remaining pillow to shield the light.
“No, Annie. Get up, now!” Mum berates as she walks from my room out into the hallway.
I pull my blankets up higher and snuggle down comfortably again in bed. I’m exhausted and school can wait for another half hour. The notes start to flow back into my brain as the blackness engulfs me. The same song, on repeat, and I feel so ecstatic to be here listening to this masterpiece. There’s no lyrics, only music floating around, but it sounds brilliant.
“Lennox,” Aston says and I’m pulled from my exquisite dream state again, but quicker this time. I crash back to earth and moan loudly as I roll over to see Aston sitting on the edge of my bed looking at me with a smirk.
“Were you dreaming about a new song?” he asks and I sit up rubbing my eyes and gaze at his smiling face. I’m still half asleep and then I realise the song has vanished again.
“Oh crap,” I say and lean in punching Aston on his arm.
“Ouch! Shit Annie, what was that for?” he asks rubbing his arm.
“Because I had the best song ever floating around my head and now this is the second time I’ve forgotten it because I was woken with a start.”
“They need to invent something to record your dreams. The way you’ve described them to me sounds like they’re pretty awesome.”
I stretch and yawn. “They are, I love my dreams,” I say and he stands up facing me.
“Well, you better get downstairs. Your mum is making you breakfast and she already said if I can get you up I can have extra bacon. So get up ‘cause this little pig needs to eat some pig,” he says making me shake my head and laugh at him.
“You’re a dick.”
“I looove bacon, so sue me? Now get up! It’s already ni
ne-thirty. Susan will be here in like thirty,” he says and grabs my hand pulling me from the bed.
I giggle and stand in my Slayed T-shirt that just covers my underwear. I rake my hands through my tangled hair and rub my face as Aston waits for me to come back to the land of the living. I open my eyes to see him looking down at my bare legs. He’s grinning and his eyes are bulging out of his head.
“Hey,” I say and push his shoulder breaking his trance and making him look back up at my face.
“What? Huh?” he asks looking at me with those guilty blue eyes.
“Get your butt downstairs so I can get dressed, and then I’m going to have your extra bacon for gawking at my legs,” I tease and he chuckles.
“You would’ve eaten my extra bacon anyway even if I wasn’t checking out your legs. We both know that,” he says with a smirk.
“Well, if that’s the case then I get to eat all of your bacon then.”
“Hell no, not if I get to it first,” he replies then leans in kissing my forehead and runs out of my room closing the door behind him.
I chuckle to myself and then attempt to get dressed. I pull on my trusty baggy grey joggers and pull on an old flannelette long sleeved shirt. I know they look horrendous. But they’re so damned comfortable and it’s only me, Ella, Aston and Susan who are going to see me. So I don’t see the big deal in getting dressed up every day like Ella does. For some reason, she always wants to look her best. She even wears nothing but the best designer labelled pajamas to bed. Me, I just want to be comfortable. I don’t get the whole hype thing over fashion. It’s just a way to make posh people think they’re better than everyone else, and I don’t buy into that. No one is better than anyone else. We’re all equal, it’s just how we behave that makes us all different.
