Resting his forehead against mine, Gavin said, “That was different. More powerful than usual. Hopefully we can continue this, and more, later.” He smiled, pensively. Can he tell?
“I needed something to occupy my thoughts while I wait backstage.” I nervously chewed my bottom lip. I hoped he thought it was just nerves about the performance today, because I had kissed him as if it were our last kiss, and he seemed to have picked up on something. I didn’t know what would happen after he knew the truth, and I wasn’t taking anything for granted.
“Hmm.” He licked his bottom lip. “Hope it works.” He gave me another quick kiss, this time on my forehead, and disappeared as I went to join the others backstage.
There were fifteen bands entered into the competition, and each band had ten minutes to set up, sing their original song, and then exit the stage. We were performing tenth, so we had ninety long, agonizing minutes to wait before it was our turn to take the stage. I paced back and forth and went to the bathroom more times than I could count. The guys tried to reassure me that everything would be fine, but what they didn’t know was that I wasn’t just nervous about performing; I was also nervous about what was going to happen afterward.
It was finally our turn. As I walked on stage, the first person I saw was Gavin. Next I found Becca, standing right next to him. They were in the front row, just like they promised. All I had to do was get through this and then I’d be able to tell them. That thought made me feel better.
We quickly took our positions. We were going to perform one of Connor’s songs, the one we believed was our best. If we made it to the final round, we would sing his other original piece.
Nate whispered to me, “You ready?” I nodded. Standing next to him still gave me the creeps, but I pushed it out of my mind.
Ed tapped out the beat. I took a deep breath and focused on Gavin. The noise settled around us as everyone stopped to listen. My voice sounded loud and clear, filling the entire arena. As I belted out the lyrics, Nathan joined in right on cue with Connor and Brady playing backup. In the middle of the song, I traded my voice for the fiddle. I broke eye contact with Gavin just long enough to notice that people were swaying along with our music. The crowd was totally into our sound. The song ended with Ed doing his thing on the drums, while I brought in a fast-paced fiddle accompaniment on purplicious. We took our bows as screams filled our ears. It was our best performance yet. We had to be in the final round.
We waited anxiously backstage while the last five bands competed. Finally, the scores were tallied and we heard the emcee announce, “And the final three bands are Route 65, The Poison Apple, and Karma.” The crowd went wild. I screamed as Nathan pulled me against him in excitement, making me cringe, until the rest of the guys wrapped their arms around me and it became a giant group hug.
The emcee called the three finalist bands back to the stage. This time, it was winner take all. We waited as the two other bands played their sets. Once they’d finished and cleared, we assumed our positions. We hadn’t spent a lot of time practicing this particular song because Connor had only recently written it. Therefore, I was a little nervous. My only hope was that I wouldn’t blow it for the group. I’d rocked the last song mainly because I’d been so busy obsessing over losing Gavin that I hadn’t had time to feel stage fright.
I held the fiddle under my chin and looked into the crowd. Gavin was still there, smiling and waving. I didn’t know if things would be okay beyond this moment, but for now, I knew they’d have to be. Gavin was mine and I was his. Ed gave us a beat and we played like we never had before. We brought the fucking house down. We had clearly won the crowd over.
The emcee held the microphone in his hands while we waited for the results. I tasted metal in my mouth because I had bitten my lower lip so many times it was bleeding.
“The winner of this year’s Summer Jam Contest is … drumroll, please!” Someone obliged and my heart rate sped up to match the beat. “Karma!” he shouted.
I couldn’t believe we’d just won! I was so overwhelmed that I could barely take in enough oxygen. My whole body shook with excitement. We were jumping up and down, screaming. Karma was on cloud nine. We greeted the emcee who gave us our trophy and asked us to play an encore for the crowd.
We choose a popular cover song, switching it up to match our new sound. The crowd loved it. As the encore concluded, we ran offstage to celebrate with our friends and family.
Heading straight for Gavin, I leaped into his arms and he lifted me into the air. “I did it! We did it!” I gave him a huge kiss and he laughed.
“I’m so proud of you.” He set me back down on the ground.
A small group had gathered to congratulate us. Drew waited patiently for his turn, and then clasped me tightly, spinning me around. “You really got it going on, little sis. You owned that stage. I wish Mom could’ve been here. Dad saw you. He said he’d congratulate you at home. He left so that you could celebrate with your friends. He had tears in his eyes, but don’t tell him I told you.”
That sounded like something my dad would do. He loved us and was always there for us, but he gave us our space too.
Holding out a Sharpie, Lucas and the guys from the basketball team asked me to sign their tickets. I laughed. They made me feel like a real celebrity. Other fans approached, raving about how much they loved our performance, complimenting me on my voice and fine fiddle playing. My heart fluttered in my chest.
I looked up and suddenly Gillian was standing directly in front of me, wearing a self-satisfied look. What was she doing here? Then it became clear to me that she was here to seek revenge. She wanted to ruin this moment for me. I straightened my back, determined to not let her get away with anything.
I’d stood up to her before, and I was prepared to do it again. Nothing she said could bring me down. I raised my eyebrows and waited.
Clearing her throat and speaking loudly, Gillian said, “You and Nathan sounded really good up there.” Those closest to us turned to stare. No one had ever heard Gillian give a compliment to anyone who wasn’t a member of her little clique. She continued, “I’m not surprised, though, because just last week I overheard Nate bragging to some of his buddies at the pool how he had a special connection with you.” She made air quotes around the words “special connection.”
In an instant, Becca was in Gillian’s face, ready for a fight. “Of course he does. Carly is his brother’s girlfriend.”
Gillian’s cynical laugh filled the air. I felt nauseated. I thought I might actually puke. “Are you sure?” Gillian knew I was with Gavin, and Becca was with Nathan. “Because Nathan said that one night after band practice, he and Carly were making out in his car, and by the tone of his voice, I could tell that he’d been totally into it. And from where I was standing during the concert, it was obvious to me that they’ve got a thing for each other.”
“You lying bitch.” Becca took a swing at Gillian, punching her right in the face. “Carly would never.”
“Why don’t you ask her?” Gillian wiped the blood off her mouth with her shirt, not seeming to care because she knew she’d won. She walked away and no one even noticed.
Quickly all eyes cut to me, and guilt was written all over my face. I stuttered, “It … wasn’t … like that.” I looked at Becca and Gavin, hating the hurt look I saw on their faces. I couldn’t lose them, I couldn’t. I rushed to explain. “Nathan kissed me. I didn’t kiss him back.” Standing next to me, Gavin stiffened but didn’t say anything. Everyone around us fell quiet.
“What? When?” croaked Becca, her voice breaking up.
“The night you stayed home with a sunburn,” I whispered. I watched Becca’s face as she processed Gillian’s words and their possible truth.
“You kissed my boyfriend, and you didn’t tell me?” She screamed in my face, looking like she was going to punch me next.
“He kissed me. I wanted to tell you. I tried to tell you a million different times, but I just couldn’t get the words out.
”
“It’s easy. You say it like this—hey, Becca, I kissed your boyfriend. You know, the one you told me that you were in love with.” Becca choked back a sob. “God, Carly. How could you do this to me?”
I glanced over at Nathan, hoping he’d step in and help me, but he didn’t. He remained silent, letting me handle this on my own. He really was a bastard. I never should’ve let him talk me into waiting until after the concert. At the beginning of the summer, I’d promised to speak my mind and stand up for myself, but when it came to being honest with those closest to me, I’d failed. It might be too late, but I had to try and set things right.
I took a deep breath. I could do this. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I should have told you. But I didn’t kiss him. He kissed me.”
“Same difference,” she shouted, and took off running through the crowd. Tears streamed down my face.
“I’ll go see what I can do,” Drew said, running after her.
I turned to Gavin. A wide range of emotions played across his handsome face. “I’m sorry. I …” I reached out to touch him and he recoiled. My heart ripped in half. The pressure in my chest was unbearable.
Ignoring me, he zeroed in on Nathan. “How could you kiss my girl? That is totally crossing the line, bro!” His voice rose with each word. His hands balled into fists at his sides, the dark and dangerous look in his eyes.
“I wasn’t thinking,” Nate said, rubbing his temple. “When she sings, she gets stuck in my head and I can’t get her out. One night last week after rehearsal she needed a ride. Drew bailed on her and couldn’t pick her up. She was going to call you, but I knew you didn’t have a car, so I told her I’d give her a ride to our house since I was headed home anyway. That’s when I kissed her, but she pushed me away. She loves you and wanted to tell you right away. But I wanted to wait. I said things to make her feel guilty. The plan was to tell you and Becca tonight after the concert.”
“You selfish bastard!” Gavin yelled, throwing a punch. It was a one-sided fight. Nathan barely got a punch in as Gavin wailed away at his face and body. By the time the security guards intervened and pulled Gavin off his brother, Nathan was a bloody mess.
“Gavin!” I shouted, chasing after him. The guards had tossed him out onto the sidewalk and he continued to walk away. Catching up to him, I tugged on his arm.
“I have nothing to say to you,” he said, shaking free of my hold. What was left of my heart crumbled into a million pieces.
I continued after him. I wasn’t going to let him go without letting me explain. “Gavin, please,” I cried.
He stopped walking and faced me. “As if my own brother kissing my girlfriend wasn’t bad enough, but you not telling me, that’s worse.”
I opened my mouth to tell him that I tried, but nothing came out. Becca was right. I could’ve told him. It wouldn’t have been easy, but I could have. Only I didn’t. There was no excuse for the part I played in all of this. I understood that now.
“I’m sorry. Please forgive me,” I sobbed. “Please … are things going to be okay between us?”
“I can’t be with you anymore. Every time I look at you, I’ll see my brother—scratch that—my ex-brother sticking his tongue down your throat.”
I gasped at his harsh words. They were like knives cutting me to my core. “It wasn’t like that. I didn’t kiss him back. I pushed him away. I didn’t want him to kiss me. You have to believe me,” I pleaded. “I love you.” I finally spoke the words. It wasn’t how I’d imagined I’d tell him, but it didn’t make it any less true. I loved Gavin with my whole heart and I knew he loved me too.
“You have a funny way of showing it,” he laughed darkly. “If you really loved me, you would’ve told me the truth. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust me enough to be honest with me.”
I felt my world crash down around me. I was struggling to breathe. I didn’t expect him to say, “I love you” in return, but I hadn’t expected him to break up with me. I didn’t know if I’d survive. My heart was broken beyond repair.
“I’m sorry, Carly, but I believe honesty is the most important thing in a relationship. How will I know that you haven’t kissed someone and just not bothered to tell me?”
“I would never do that. I would never kiss anyone. I love you, God damnit,” I wailed. Gavin didn’t respond. He simply walked away without saying another word. Hearing him call me Carly, and not Girly, had a final ring to it. I clutched my chest where I had a big gaping hole.
I’m not sure how much time passed, but Drew found me slumped against the fence near the exit. I couldn’t believe I’d lost everything. Winning the contest had come at too high a price.
“You okay?” he asked.
“No,” I said, through fresh tears.
“I talked to Becca and I think she’ll come around. What about Gavin?”
“He hates me,” I sobbed.
Drew reached out his hand and helped me up. “He doesn’t hate you, believe me. I’m a guy, and I know these things.” He was trying to cheer me up, but it didn’t work. “Just give him time.” Drew walked me to his car, supporting me the whole way.
“Thanks, Drew, for everything.”
“No problem, little sis. That’s what big brothers are for.” I no longer had enough fight in me to remind him that I wasn’t his little sister. It was time to let that one go.
All I could do was hope that he was right. I couldn’t imagine beginning my senior year without my best friend by my side. Becca and I had been through a lot, and despite that my recent actions had hurt her, I was confident we’d get through this too. And Gavin—I would take Drew’s advice and give him time, but then I was going to do whatever it took to win him back. I loved him and I wasn’t going to give up.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Gavin
I didn’t get home until the early hours of the morning. I’d stayed out all night trying to forget the shit that went down, but no amount of alcohol would do the trick. I was plowed and it still hurt like hell. My heart was shattered. I should’ve followed my gut and not gotten involved with Carly in the first place. I knew it would end like all relationships did. I slipped into bed, hoping sleep would bring me some peace.
I woke up a few hours later. I had a hard time sleeping when I was this drunk. I stumbled down the stairs in search of water and something to cure my throbbing headache.
“Gavin-” Nate said when I entered the kitchen. He was sitting at the counter, looking like hell. I didn’t feel one bit bad about the damage I’d caused to face. He held an icepack over his eye.
“Don’t talk to me. Ever.”
“I was worried about you when you didn’t come home.”
I snickered. “You weren’t worried about me when you were sticking your tongue down my girlfriend’s throat.”
“I’m sorry.”
I pierced Nate with a look that could kill. I took two Tylenol and went back to bed.
When I finally got up, it was late afternoon. Carly had called and left me numerous voice messages, but like I did with all of my dad’s messages, I deleted them without listening to a single one.
The week passed in a blur. I simply went through the motions of getting up every day, going to work, or tutoring at the library. I spent the rest of the time in my room drawing, listening to heavy metal, or partying with Jack. The hole in heart was huge. I continued to ignore Carly’s messages. I had nothing to say to her. By Friday she was starting to get the hint. She was calling me less and less.
Sitting on my bed, I felt her eyes boring into me. I rose and walked across the room to where I’d hung a drawing of her eyes months ago. I reached my hand out to tear it off the wall. I couldn’t concentrate with reminders of her everywhere I looked. My hand shook and I found that even though I had never experienced such pain, I couldn’t take it down. I shoved my hands in the pockets of my jeans and looked around the room. I had countless drawings of Carly scattered on the walls. I’d drawn her face, her wavy hair, her deep brown
eyes, and her very kissable lips. I’d drawn her playing the fiddle, swimming in the nieghbor’s forbidden pool, and watching a movie curled up in the crook of my arm. She’d been my first true love, and I knew I could never forget her.
I grabbed the basketball in my closet collecting dust and went out to the driveway to shoot hoops. I needed a distraction from thinking about Carly, and holing up in my room drawing wasn’t working. I ran up and down the driveway, shooting baskets from every angle. At first, I missed more than I made. But it was only a matter of time before I was making more and more shots. I was loosening up, and it felt great to be playing. I’d forgotten how much I liked the sound of the ball dribbling and the swoosh of the net. Soon, I was dripping wet and my muscles ached from the inactivity and unfamiliarity of playing ball. Nevertheless, I felt better than I had in weeks.
“Hey, Gavin,” my mom said, when I came back inside.
“Hey.”
“I haven’t seen you play in a long time.”
“Yeah. I needed to work off some steam.” She looked hopeful. She knew all about my broken heart and my dark mood. Playing didn’t change anything, but it took the edge off.
“Did you talk to Nate?”
“Nope. And I’m not planning on it.” Nate had moved out, renting a cheap apartment with some friends. He said it was because it’d be closer to campus when classes started up next week. But I knew it was to get away from me, and I didn’t care. I didn’t consider him my brother anymore. My mom was hurt, but I couldn’t change what had happened.
“Carly?”
“No,” I said forcibly, ending any further discussion.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Carly
I picked up my phone and dialed Gavin. It went straight to voicemail, just like the previous twenty times I’d called. My voice was laced with sadness and regret as I left a final message. “Gavin. I miss you so much. I know you probably haven’t listened to a single message I’ve left, and you probably won’t listen to this one either, but I have one more thing to say. I know I fucked up, and I should have told you the truth, but I didn’t. I’ve accepted that you want nothing to do with me and I want you to know I’m going to let you go. I won’t be bothering you any more. I’m sorry things ended, but I will never be sorry that I fell in love with you. I still love you. Thanks for the best summer ever.” I hung up just as sob escaped.
Summer Love (Senior Year (Vol. 1)) Page 20
