Gavin hadn’t returned my messages, and I doubted I’d ever hear from him again. I’d see him at school when it started in two weeks, but I knew he wouldn’t talk to me then either. I’d spent the summer trying to speak my mind, and in the end, I hadn’t been able to do it when it counted the most. I’d lost Gavin as a result.
I almost lost my best friend too. But Becca and I had been through a lot together and we’d gotten through this too. The day after the Summer Jam she surprised me by showing up at my house. She said there was no way she was letting some asshole come between us. She apologized for not believing me. And she forgave me for not telling her.
At least I had ensemble today to keep my mind busy. Then I was meeting Connor to work on the song for my senior recital. I was still going through with it. I’d learned to see things through to the end. I’d been so focused on preparing for the Summer Jam that I’d put my other commitments on hold. What a mistake.
Fame came at too high of a cost. Karma broke up because the tension between Nate and I was too great. We could never get passed what happened. The other members were disappointed, but were left with no choice but to move on. Brady and Ed were going back to college. Nate was staying in the area and taking classes. Connor and I were going back to high school. Reality settling in once again.
I grabbed my violin, purplicious was once again back with Mrs. Wang where she belonged, and left.
As I entered Finkbauer, I was bombarded by friends congratulating me on Karma’s win. It made me feel depressed all over again.
“Do you think Karma will get a record deal? Last year’s winner did,” said Michael. He sat next to me. He was probably hoping that would mean I’d be giving up my chair.
“No. Definitely not. Karma broke up.”
“Really?” He looked shocked.
“Yeah. Things didn’t work out,” I said, glancing around for the conductor. It
would be great if we started soon. I wasn’t about to explain what happened.
“Too bad. I thought you guys had something,” he shrugged.
“Me too,” I said under my breath. And I wasn’t talking just referring to Karma.
Ensemble passed slowly. Playing with the orchestra no longer held my interest like it once had. I missed the funky beat and sound of purplicious. I was glad when it was over and the younger kids took the stage. My heart still filled with happiness helping them on their journey. I just didn’t know where my own was headed.
I knocked on Connor’s front door. Ready to work on what really mattered. The song we were writing together.
“Hey, come in,” said Connor, opening the door.
“How have you been?” I followed him to his room where his kept his keyboard, computer, and recording equipment.
“Shitty, but thanks for asking.” I sat on the corner of his bed.
“Gavin hasn’t called you yet?” Connor’s eyes grew dark.
“No. And it doesn’t look like he will.”
“Dumb bastard,” Connor whispered.
I didn’t want to talk about Gavin.
And I had already apologized to Connor for my role in causing the band to break up. He’d had a lot vested. He accepted my apology, saying that with summer coming to end he had to concentrate on school and getting into college. Working on this song together was one of the ways I was trying to make it up to him. It would help both of us. Connor didn’t know, but I was going to invite the top composition professor at the Eastman School of Music to my senior recital. He was a personal friend of Mr. Kinsler’s and he assured me he’d get him to come.
“Let’s get started,” I said, pulling the guitar out of its case. “I’ve almost finished the lyrics. I’ll show you what I’ve got.”
“Great.” Connor sat in a chair, giving me his full attention.
I didn’t play the guitar well, but I knew enough to make it work, since I couldn’t play the fiddle and sing at the same time. Connor and I had written the song to showcase the range of my voice. The guitar was simply an accompaniment. The lyrics were mine and still a work in progress.
Connor didn’t interrupt while I sang. “Sounds good,” he said, when I finished. “But I think it still needs some tweaking.”
We worked on it for another two hours. Finally I put my guitar down. My brain fried. As soon as I stopped playing, my somber mood returned. I’d been depressed ever since Gavin broke up with me. Music was the only thing that brought me temporary relief. My heart would never be the same. I still loved Gavin and I always would.
“What’s the matter? You look like hell all of a sudden,” observed Connor.
“It just sucks. I miss him.” I slumped onto the bed.
“You’ll get him back.”
Tears filled my eyes. The last time I saw Gavin he’d made it perfectly clear that he didn’t want anything to do with me. “I doubt it.”
Connor reached over and squeezed my knee. Right in my ticklish spot. I burst out laughing. It was crazy. One minute I was about to burst into tears and the next I was laughing. My emotions had been on a roller coater ride all week.
Connor took my laughing as a good sign and squeezed my knee again. I shrieked and tried to push his hand away.
“Do you have any other ticklish spots?” He moved his hand to my waist and tickled me. I cracked up. The truth was I was ticklish everywhere.
Suddenly, my laughter died. Gavin stood in the doorway. He looked pissed. His fists were clenched and his jaw was tight. Shit! This looked bad. What were the odds that he’d show up now?
Connor stood and immediately launched into an explanation. “Dude, it’s not what it looks like?”
“What? You’re not hanging out in you bedroom with my girlfriend?”
I wasn’t his girlfriend any more, he hadn’t talked to me in a week, but I didn’t want to point that out. I considered him calling me that a good sign, or it would have been had he not found me here.
“I’m helping Carly with a song, that’s all,” said Connor.
I had told Gavin once that I’d enlisted Connor’s help with my senior recital. Did he remember?
“Whatever, man. I thought we were friends. I came over here to see if you wanted to go car shopping with me, but I can see you’re busy. Catch you later.”
“Gavin, wait,” I shouted. He stopped and faced me. There were so many things I wanted to say to him. “I’ve tried calling you.”
“I know. I listened to your message today. Looks like I know why you’ve decided to let me go. Looks like you’ve already moved on.”
I sucked in a breath. That wasn’t what I meant. I had let him go because I loved him. I wanted him to be happy. I opened my mouth to explain, but he was already gone.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Gavin
That fucking hurt. Even though I was pretty sure nothing had been going on, pain filled my chest. I knew Connor was helping her with a song, but she didn’t have to look so fucking happy about it. Especially when I’d been depressed as hell, drinking myself into a stupor every night. Relationships fucking sucked. I’d ignored her messages all week until today when I listened to her tell me that she was letting me go. Hearing her say that made my heart crack. And then seeing her for the first time since we broke up almost brought me to my knees. I’d even called her “my girlfriend”.
I stormed out. I couldn’t look at her. I wasn’t sure what I wanted any more. I hopped on my bike and rode around. For once I was glad I didn’t have a car. It didn’t clear my head like playing basketball, but the rush of the wind as I pedaled hard brought me some relief. For the first time in a week, I didn’t go looking for Jack. I rode until I was exhausted, even taking a turn down Carly’s street before going home. When I walked through my back door I still didn’t have any answers.
“Did you find a car?” my mom asked. She was in the kitchen making dinner.
“No.”
“I’ll go with you over the weekend, if you want. I bet we could find something. I know you had your heart set o
n having a car by the first day of school.”
“Sure, Mom,” I said with little enthusiasm.
“My pleasure. You’re just in time. Dinner’s ready.”
We sat down at the counter to eat. It was only the two of us now. Gone were the days when we were a family eating dinner together at the table. It was too quiet. I hated it. After dinner I helped my mom clean up, and then I went to my room.
I checked my phone before going to bed. Carly hadn’t called me even once. My heart ached. And I was angry. Why do I care so much?
I tossed and turned all night long, dreaming of the dark-haired angel.
Today was my last shift at Trader Joe’s. I had enough money for my car, but I’d continue to tutor to save money for college. I’d look for a new job once school started. I was happy to kiss this job goodbye because ever since Julia heard I broke up with Carly, she’d been driving me crazy. She would follow me around the store like a lost puppy, and more than once I’d told her to get lost. Without fail, she kept coming back. She had even told her friends to come to the store when I was working to check me out. I told her repeatedly that I wasn’t interested, but she didn’t seem to get it.
My assignment was operating the cash register. It was better than restocking shelves because Julia couldn’t come and talk to me whenever she felt like it. My shift ended in an hour. I handed the customer in front of me her change and then started checking out the next person without even looking up. Organic diapers. I always wondered who bought these. I’d restocked them just yesterday. I looked up and was startled to see eyes the same shade as mine staring at me. He looked older. I hadn’t seen him in more than a year, but as I looked into his eyes, I noticed they were the same, yet different. They were brighter. Is this what Nate had been talking about? I considered the possibility that there was more to the story. Finally, I found my voice. “Dad?”
“Son.” He smiled. “It’s good to see you. You’re looking well.”
I brushed the shaggy hair out of my face. I was at a loss for words, and then I saw that he had a baby carrier in one of his hands. “Is that … my sister?”
“Sure is.” He held the carrier up and pushed back the light blanket that had been covering her. “Meet Hannah.”
I came around from behind the cash register so I could get a good look at her. She was tiny. She had big eyes and a sweet face. I was surprised by how much dark, fuzzy hair she had. “She’s cute,” I admitted, returning to my post.
“Thanks,” my dad beamed proudly. “Look at you, all grown up. I feel like I’ve missed out on so much,” he frowned. “I would love to take you to dinner sometime. Catch up. You’ll be heading off to college in a year.”
“Maybe,” I shrugged noncommittally. It wasn’t much of an answer, but it was more than I’d ever given him.
He brushed his own graying hair back. “It was good to see you, Gavin. Don’t be such a stranger. You have my number.”
“Okay,” I said, handing him his receipt. “Congratulations, Dad.”
My dad’s smile widened. He left, carrying my baby sister in one hand and the diapers in the other. When he got to the door, he looked over his shoulder at me.
I didn’t go right home after work. I needed time to think. I had my mom’s car, and I drove around, ending up at the park near Carly’s house. A game was going on. I looked closely and saw that is was Drew and Lucas. I watched from my car for several minutes. Drew was good. I was itching to join them. Eventually, I reached around to the back seat and grabbed a T-shirt from the floor. I replaced my work shirt with the T-shirt. I inhaled and sighed. I forgot Carly was the last one to wear this shirt. She borrowed it one night. She gave it back to me when I drove her home, and I’d thrown it in the back, forgetting about it until now. It still had her summer scent and I felt my heart break all over again. Even though shooting hoops with Drew would be another reminder, I needed to play. I took a deep breath and jogged over.
“Mind if I join you?”
Drew nodded. “Sure, man. It’s good to see you again.”
“Yeah,” agreed Lucas.
We spent the next hour shooting around and playing a few games of twenty-one. Playing ball made me feel whole again. Drew never brought up Carly, but I could feel her with us the entire time. I thought about asking him how she was doing, but then I didn’t. We played until I was so exhausted, I couldn’t think anymore.
Drew gave me the speech again. “You’re a solid player, man. You should try out for the team this year. We’re looking for a good center. Our best one graduated last year.”
“Thanks, I just might.”
“Excellent.” Drew slapped me on the back as we headed out. “Just so you know, she looks as miserable as you. And I know for a fact the dude helping her write a song, I forgot what she said his name was—”
“Connor?” I provided.
“Yeah, that’s it. I know Connor has nothing on you. They really are only friends. She loves you, man. I might be wrong, but I had money on you loving her too.”
His words hit me hard, and I almost stumbled. Did she still love me and want to get back together? The truth was, I loved her, and nothing was going to change that. Why was I letting Nate come between us? She should’ve told me that he kissed her, but maybe I was being too hard on her. If being apart caused us both this much pain, did it make sense to fight it? But what if I was too late? What if Carly had already moved on? Or was Drew right—her and Connor weren’t anything more than friends. I had a lot to think about.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Carly
I pulled the bow across the strings, trying hard to concentrate. I was working on the song that Connor and I had written together. It still wasn’t quite right, but I didn’t know how to fix it.
Suddenly the doorbell chimed. I knew my dad was downstairs, so I didn’t run to answer it. It wasn’t for me. Becca was out of town. It was probably Lucas or one of Drew’s other friends. I closed the case and a wave of sadness rushed through me. It reminded me of how Gavin had closed the door on our relationship.
“Carly,” my dad shouted from downstairs, interrupting my thoughts.
“What?” I yelled back.
“Come down here, please.” I wasn’t sure what he wanted, but I slowly made my way down the stairs.
My breath caught in my throat and my stomach felt queasy when I saw Gavin sitting on the edge of the couch, talking. I couldn’t believe he was here. My palms began to sweat and my heart rate sped up in anticipation.
My dad stood. “I’ll be in my office. I have some work to finish.” My dad nodded at Gavin and then winked at me, walking out of the room.
Gavin came over to where I was standing, frozen at the bottom of the stairs. He reached out and grabbed my hands, holding them tightly against his chest. “I don’t know why I’m here. I’ve never missed anyone as much as I’ve missed you. I don’t want another day to go by without you by my side.”
At first, I was confused; then it hit me, and the corners of my mouth turned up slightly. “Did you come here to play two truths and a lie?” He nodded, his blue eyes shining. “I’ve missed you terribly.” I thought back to the sleepless nights and the long, dragged-out days. “The lie is the first one … you don’t know why you’re here?”
“I’ve missed the hell outta you, and I can’t imagine spending one more day without you. I’ve been a complete idiot. I know you didn’t kiss my brother. I shouldn’t have been so hard on you for not telling me sooner. I know you wanted to, but Nate talked you out of it. I’m sorry. Can you forgive me?”
Tears swam in my eyes. Happy tears. Emotion choked my throat, making it impossible to speak.
“It’s okay. I understand. I’m too late.” Gavin dropped my hands and turned to leave.
My eyes widened in horror. I grabbed his arm. I wasn’t letting him walk away without explaining. “What?”
“I get it. You’ve moved on. You have more in common with Connor.
Relief spread through me. “I’
m not with Connor. There’s nothing going on between us. He told you the truth. He’s helping me write a song.” I placed my hands on either side of his face and looked into his deep blue eyes. “I love you,” I said.
Gavin looked pleased. “Does that mean, you’ll take me back?”
I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him with everything I had. It was like the last kiss we shared, but different. Hopeful.
“Is that a yes?” he asked.
“Yes! I’m yours and you’re mine,” I said, repeating the exact same words he said the first day we became more than just friends. Suddenly I knew what my song had been missing.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to get my shit together.” We walked back to the couch and sat down. I felt a huge relief knowing that Gavin wasn’t going anywhere. I felt happy again. Being curled up against his side felt familiar; I belonged here. “Hey, whatever happened with Becca? Did you make up yet?”
“Yeah. She came over the next day, shouting that Nathan was a dickhead for even thinking he could ruin our friendship.” I laughed at hearing myself repeat Becca’s words. “She decided she was never in love after all, and had already moved on. But I think my twin had something to do with her quick change of heart,” I said with a wink.
“I’m glad everything worked out.”
“Me too.”
He leaned in and lightly brushed his lips along my neck until he found his way back to my mouth.
“Gavin,” I whispered, pulling away and looking into his blue eyes, “I’m so glad you came back. I promise never to let anyone or anything come between us again. I’ll always speak my mind even if it’s difficult. I love you.”
He stroked my cheek with his thumb and goose bumps broke out all over my body. “I love you too, Girly. I know I never told you, but I’ve loved you ever since our first date to the lake. And I plan on loving you for a long, long time.”
Summer Love (Senior Year (Vol. 1)) Page 21
