The Trilogy of the Void: The Complete Boxed Set

by Peter Meredith

  Will thought about the river and its gentle flowing water. He pictured its neutral grey sky and the surrounding hills garbed in their uniform of verdant greenery. The image in his mind was very real and in moments, he realized that if demon hadn't been holding him so tightly, he would be able to go to the river right then. This was his chance at escape and all it would take was for him to get her to relax her grip but he didn't see her doing that voluntarily. Moreover, there no way he had the strength to force her hand, and again, she was too cagey to be tricked into doing it.

  But he did have something that might work. He had his light.

  Chapter 26

  Will

  When he released it, the light was beyond blinding. It was far greater than the glimpse he had shown the masquerading demon. In the sightless Void it was an explosion of radiance. Ba'al Fie-ere didn't just open her hand, she practically threw him from her and this was perfectly fine with Will. His body floated out into the shadows, but his mind was on the river and in what seemed like seconds he felt the sand of the shore against his skin.

  It was grating and coarse and warm. It was wonderful. Will laid upon the sand for a time and tried not to think about much of anything. However, that could only go on for so long and when his mind began to operate again, he began to worry. How long had he been gone from the world? How long before Katie was sacrificed? Where was his father? Will pulled himself up, making sure to keep his eyes from the river, it was terribly calm and dangerously glassy, almost as if it were a millpond rather than a river.

  A number of souls were scattered at wide intervals along this near bank. They kept to themselves, not fearing their neighbors but fearing what their neighbors would see. Most were women, but there was also a smattering of men among them and they all, men and women alike, worked steadily, mindlessly keeping to their chores. Some washed clothes, while others cleaned endless piles of dishes. Will watched one young lady who had only a small pile of plates on the sand next to her. Perhaps no more than eight all told, yet that stack never diminished though he stared for what had to be ten minutes.

  She looked very sad, but in fact, it was remorse that she was feeling mostly.

  He turned his back on her. All the souls along the river had that look. Their guilt permeated the air, something he hadn't noticed in the one dream he'd had of the river. After the fear and hate of the Void, the guilt was like a vacation. At first that is, then it began to settle on him as well. It began like a barely perceptible layer of dust but gradually it came to weigh on him like a heavy blanket of soot that ate away at his calm. Walking and seeing the other souls, helped. He was like a sheep in a herd among them. Their culpability and remorse matched his own and he strolled along, walking forward but never looking straight ahead. No, he kept his eyes up the bank and used his periphery not to stray too close to the water.

  As he passed them, he would turn and smile at the people and frequently they smiled back, especially if their water was good and stirred. They desperately wanted to be normal again and so did he. One man in particular looked very normal. Instead of cleaning anything, he fly-fished. It seemed a nice way to keep busy and to keep the water rippling as well. Will watched him for some time, secretly wishing he could take a try with the pole.

  "Have you ever caught anything?" he asked the fisherman. At the river, people wore clothes and this man wore a vest with a good hundred tiny pockets worked about the material. He also had a hat that was dutifully covered with many tiny flies.

  "Nope."

  "You look to cast that fly pretty good. Did you used to do this... you know before?"

  The man's jaw clenched at the question. Bringing up before was clearly something that should be avoided, "Nope."

  "You would never have known..."

  The fisherman interrupted, "Fishing is supposed to be a quiet sport."

  "Right." Will took the hint and moved on. The river seemed endless and he began to fret over the time he was losing. He was still at the river, strolling along its sandy banks for just one reason, he was afraid to go back into the Void. The demons and quasi-demons, the evil souls and the bizarre creatures all made his stomach churn and the very thought of going back would stop him in his tracks. He had another fear as well, he was afraid he was imperiling his soul for nothing. He was after one nameless soul out of billions and even if he did find Henny Harris there wasn't much of a chance that she would help him.

  "If only I could find, Adrina," he said

  Finding Adrina was another impossibility. Feeling low he dallied, shuffling the sand with his toes near a young woman. She was small with delicate hands. They were likely the hands of a killer, yet he walked past, putting his back to her, unafraid of this murderess. This idea struck him as strange. While in the Void he had feared or hated the least soul, but at the river he smiled at people whose sins had to be very great indeed. Why was it so?

  He turned back. "Excuse me ma'am? Who did you kill?" It was a great assumption on his part.

  "Lots of people." That she even answered was a surprise.

  "Why? Did you like killing?"

  A short bitter laugh, an expression of the vast pool of misery within her, barked out before she replied, "No. Not once. I hated it and I hated myself."

  "So you are sorry for your sins?"

  "With all my heart."

  "Then walk away from here and go to heaven."

  She laughed with a great deal of mirth over this. "Are you a demon who's lost his way, and have come to torment me? I can't go to heaven. There's no place for me there."

  "I'm not a demon, I'm just a..." he nearly said that he was just a boy, but stopped himself. Sometimes he forgot that he had grown up at some point. "I'm just a man, just a person like you. I've killed as well. Twice, and like you, I'm very sorry that I did, but..."

  "But? You're sorry, but...but what? You are either sorry or you're not. There is no but."

  "I killed an evil person once, to save the life of another. I'm sorry that I had to do it, but I would do it again without hesitation."

  "I suppose that's a good but. What about the other life, though? Was that person evil as well? Would you kill that person again if you had to?"

  Their conversation was quite a surprise to Will. He didn't think that he could open up so easily to a stranger in this way. However, her last question froze the words on his lips. Would he still kill Adrina in the same grisly fashion if he had to do it all over again? "I think so. But...but only because the outcome couldn't be guaranteed any other way. You see, it was very complicated."

  "Are you sure it was all that complicated? Murder rarely is," the lady replied. "We make excuses, sometimes outlandishly stupid excuses. And we rationalize and justify and in the end, all we are, simply put, are murderers."

  "I don't know if I am one," Will said in a voice so quiet, he didn't think that the woman heard.

  She laughed, this time with more actual conviction that she found something humorous. "Then you are the one who should walk away. Just be prepared to face your victims once you arrive in heaven. It's not easy."

  "What? You've been to heaven? And if so, why are you here?"

  There was no laugh in her this time, only a long drawn out breath that gave hint at the defeat in her. "I never actually made it all the way. I crossed the Void, hiding myself from the innumerable demons and avoiding their web of lies and deception. I crossed the endless Void only to end up here. Of course, I was amazed at the hills and the light and the river. I stood in awe of all of it and I knew on some basic level that heaven lay waiting for me just across the river. I knew it. I could feel it. So I went down the banks... and ...you know the rest."

  Will knew. There was a compelling need to go near the water, to look into it. Even then, with his back to the woman, as he faced up the bank at the wooded hills, he felt the tremendous urge to turn and look. It was almost like a deep thirst that could be quenched only by the sight of the water. He swallowed feeling his throat tight and dry and nodded in understand
ing.

  She took up her story with the movement of his head. "I looked once in the water and after that I couldn't force myself to look again. Still, I couldn't go back to the Void, not to those horrors, so I did what everyone else did, I cleaned and for as long as I could, I delayed the inevitable. But eventually, by chance or by accident I would see into the water when it calmed and I would see my crimes. The water never lies or distorts, it always shows the truth. Over time, I began to come to grips with my sins, bit by bit, image by image and I believed myself ready.

  "Steeling myself for whatever was to come, I strode into the water and at first it was simply water, warm and wet, a complete delight. I made it halfway and suddenly the water became very shallow, perhaps only an inch in depth, and I stood with just the soles of my feet covered over. Raising my head, I saw that the light had grown brighter, fuller and I cried out in joy. I even turned and cried out to the other souls on the far bank to join me. It was then I saw that the river all about was flatter than I had ever seen it. My joy turned to anguish as every sin that I had ever committed reflected up at me all at once...and...and I was forced to take them in and I relived each of the horrors that I inflicted on others. Now I cried out in the most dreadful misery. But even then, I couldn't go back, and sobbing, I fled toward heaven.

  "By the time I gained the further bank, I had destroyed myself. I was a pitiful thing not worthy of the least pity, I consisted solely of fear and remorse. Unfortunately, the fear in me was the greater. I began toiling up into those hills and the sensation of being so close to heaven was wonderful, but also terrifying and it took so, so long to climb. Not because it was a great distance, but because I dragged my feet every step of the way, afraid of what they would think of me. Afraid of the looks that I would get. Afraid that I would hear the whispering behind my back when I passed. Afraid that of all the souls, I would be the only guilty one. And as I trudged, I realized that there was no way I could look the victims of my atrocities in the eye.

  "How could I have possibly done the things that I had done to my victims? And their children? What misery did I cause them? And all their friends and family... they would all know what I've done as well and they would judge. I couldn't take another step onward and I couldn't stay there since I didn't deserve the light that had been warming my face, therefore, I turned back. I've been here at the river ever since."

  Her story was story was dreadfully sad. "Do you think you'll ever make another try?"

  "Yes...when I can face the river again. When I can look into it unblinking...when I can find the courage to look my victims in the eye. Only then will I try. And when I do, I will crawl up those hills naked, on my hands and knees, begging for forgiveness and praying for mercy."

  They were silent together for a long time and Will knew that the river was flat behind them, he was afraid to turn.

  "So are you ready to face your victims?" she asked in a throaty little whisper. "Are you even ready to face the river?"

  "I'm not here for that. I don't have the time to waste."

  Again, her laugh came and this time it was biting and cruel. "You think it is a waste of time to say you're sorry?"

  "No, that's not what I mean. I'm not here for forgiveness, I'm here looking for someone."

  "And you have found someone, me." Will began to interrupt, but she laughed over him. "I don't think it's possible to find anyone in particular in the Void. For starters, no one wants to be found, especially by any old acquaintance. And then there's the fact that we are all nameless. It's one of the first things a new soul does. They try to forget who they were and what they did to deserve hell. Sorry."

  "It's not your fault."

  "Was this person you're looking for a victim of yours?"

  "In a manner of speaking."

  She made a little scoffing noise. "Humph! Either they were or they weren't. Why do you want to see this person?"

  "I need her help, badly."

  "You want help from someone you killed? That's nuts. And you think there is someone here, in the Void, who would bother to help you? What do you have to trade for this help? It better be good."

  "I have nothing."

  Behind him, she laughed very hard and he could see her shadow drop down. Careful not to look at the river he glanced back and saw that she was rolling on the ground crying and laughing. Will walked away in frustration and anger.

  Running up behind him, she called out, "Wait! Wait! I didn't mean to laugh at you. It was just..." she began to chuckled again. "I'm sorry. It's just funny. You don't see how funny this is?"

  "No. To me it's very serious. Lives are at risk, souls are at risk."

  "Ok...ok, that is serious. I'm sorry, I won't laugh, I promise." In good faith, she took a few deep breaths to show how calm she was. "And besides, maybe I can help. I've seen all the people around the river, you could describe this lady to me."

  It seemed like the best plan he had heard yet. Will described Adrina down to the smallest wrinkle, omitting nothing and all the while, as he spoke, he kept his back to the woman. So far, he liked her and was afraid that if he were to look too closely into her eyes, he would see her evil murdering soul hiding there.

  "I'm afraid your description isn't very helpful. There are very few souls who want to be seen as old, it's a subconscious thing. People take on the appearance of themselves at the age they thought they looked best at. Stupid, huh?" She didn't wait for a reply, "Did you know her when she was younger?"

  Feeling dejected once again, he shook his head. "No, thanks anyways."

  "Wait, hold on. There's still one way I might be able to help...but, it's... it's really personal." She paused in obvious embarrassment and stuttered when she got going again. "I...I...you could... Darn it! It's like this, despite how a person might alter their age, their eyes never really change. If you are up to it, I could look into your water and see if I recognize your victim's eyes."

  Will was almost speechless at her intrusive request and for a while, the most he could do was shake his head. "No way, that's too much. You're asking way too much."

  "I know, but if the situation is as dire as you say, you may not have another choice."

  She would see his murders, she would know everything! Will grew suddenly suspicious. "What do you hope to get out of this?"

  "Just what you are offering, nothing. Look, I'm trying to get to heaven. My husband is there and so are my two sons...at least I think they are, I hope they are. And I would do anything to be with them. You see? I'm just trying to be good."

  Could he do this? She would see and know everything. Will was suddenly more nervous than he had ever been in his life. "You won't like what you see... and you won't like me much either...just try not to judge." He wanted to go on, for there was a terrific need within him to explain his actions, to justify his weaknesses.

  She wouldn't let him. "Don't say any more. The water is flat, just walk up to it, and look for as long as you can. If I know her, I should be able to recognize her quickly. Go on."

  Will was somewhat soothed by the tone of her voice. She was authoritative and knowledgeable and so he turned finally to the water. All the length of the river was flat as a picture, except just in front of the few souls in sight, where tiny ripples tickled its surface. The ripples died out quickly and none reached the water in front of Will. His head was up and he looked far out at the water in the distance, trying for the moment to ignore the motion below him. Just feet in front of him, colors swirled on the water. They drew his eyes impulsively; he had to look, it was impossible not to.

  Yet he dallied, sweating despite the neutral air until the lady came and stood next to him. A small gasp, hardly more that a sharp breath, sucked between her teeth. She had seen something and his shame was complete. Now she knew what sort of man he was. Against his will, his chin pivoted downward and he saw too.

  The water was so smooth it could've been a pane of glass and the reflections on it were not just vibrant, but alive. It was like a parade, it was so
captivating. He saw himself carrying the prostate form of Henny Harris and he knew what was about to happen and he had to choke back a sob as he began to bash her head against the wall. It was horrible, he was totally without mercy or justification and the only feeling that radiated from his younger self was an abundance of sickening cowardice. It was writ all over his face, and Will wanted to scream at his younger self and condemn him, and call him out for the weak thing that he was.

  But he couldn't. His chest was completely locked and not a sip of air could go either way. He barely noticed. Next to him, the woman watched Will's most contemptible moments in silence. The lack of critique was mocking and judgmental and he began to hate her, but then the river showed the last painful moments of Adrina Fortini and she broke her silence.

  "Oh my God!" In his periphery, he saw her move away and his shame and disgrace was so great that he stayed and saw the horrors that he had committed rather than go to her. It was his hope that when he was done witnessing all that there was to see, she would be gone. In the water Adrina died, the breaking of her bones was loud in his ears and he wanted to vomit. The next scene was of Henny Harris laying defenseless and he watched as he plunged the hell blade straight into her chest.

  After that his shoulders drooped, he thought that the memories were over, however the water began the scenes anew.

  "No!" The word came out in a single loud desperate gasp. Stumbling forward into the water, he splashed down onto his knees gasping and crying like a wretch. The spell broke and the water was only water. He hammered it with his fist.

  "You fucking coward! You God-damned coward!" he screamed as his own wobbly reflection. Anger and humiliation infused his soul and he dripped tears into the river, one after the other. He sat there afraid to look around—afraid that everyone had seen the dreadful show.

  Only the urgency that time was slipping away made him look up. The woman had left him, but hadn't gone far enough away. She knelt in the sand with her back to him, her shoulders were shaking and he could hear her sniff every couple of seconds. Knowing that he did that to her brought back the remorse and he dropped his eyes back to the water, which was a mistake, another vision had begun brewing. It was a rerun and he lurched out of the water to escape it, heading away, hoping that he'd never see the woman again.