The Suck Stops Here

by Kristen Painter

  “What?” she asked. “You have an idea. I can tell by the look on your face.”

  “I do. But I don’t know if you’re going to like it.”

  “I won’t know until I hear it.”

  “You could…marry me.”

  Pierce blinked when she didn’t say anything. “I don’t mean for real. I mean we could say we’re married. Then your money could come from my money. My income as an attorney would easily explain how well you’re doing, so long as you don’t go into too much detail.”

  She got what he was saying, and it was a good plan. Except for one thing. “It would. You’re right. And I think we could easily pass for a married couple because of how comfortable we are around each other. There’s just one hitch. I’m not actually divorced yet. And isn’t that something they could look up?”

  He sighed. “You’re right. I got ahead of myself there. Sorry.”

  “Joe strikes again.” But she wasn’t ready to let that idea go just yet. She ate another bite of ice cream. “What if we just said we’re engaged? And living together? Would that be enough to imply you’re paying for everything?”

  “I guess it could.”

  She swallowed the spoonful before speaking again. “It kind of makes me sound like a mooch, though, right? I don’t want it to seem like I’m taking advantage of you. Or not contributing. There has to be something…”

  After a moment, his lips parted, and he smiled. “I’ve got it. I really do have it this time.”

  She sat up a little straighter. “Lay it on me.”

  His brows rose in anticipation of what he was about to tell her. He was clearly very pleased with his new idea. “You landed a big book deal. And you’re working on your memoir about life as a mob wife. Your publisher doesn’t want you to say too much about it just yet, because there’s the possibility of a movie deal. Or something like that.”

  She gasped. “That is brilliant.” Then she bit her lower lip. “Do you really think the Millers would buy me as a writer?”

  “Absolutely. And if they seem even the tiniest bit suspicious, tell them you’re working with a ghostwriter. Big celebrities do it all the time.” His eyes narrowed, and he tipped his head. “As it happens, I actually know a few people in the publishing industry. I bet they’d love to talk to you about a book deal.”

  She punched him playfully in the shoulder. “Settle down.”

  “I’m serious. The Mafia has always been a hot topic. You never know what you might get as an advance. There could even be a bidding war.”

  She gave him a look like he needed to get real. “Pierce.”

  “What? It wouldn’t hurt to put out a few feelers, would it?”

  She pondered that. If she had to walk away from this job as governor, she’d still need to support herself. And walking away was a very real possibility if this whole queen business got messy. She shrugged. “Sure, why not? Now that a lot of them are behind bars and I’m a lot more indestructible, I’m good with it. They might get angry, but I’m not too worried about what they might do.”

  He grinned. “Okay, then.”

  She turned back toward the television, slouched down with the bowl of ice cream directly under her chin, and shook her head. “Now let’s just finish this stuff before it melts. And then I’m going to bed. I can feel dawn approaching.”

  She needed to sleep with so much to do ahead of her. She just wasn’t sure she could get her brain to shut off.

  Thankfully, she did manage it, and when “morning” rolled around at two in the afternoon, she felt decently rested. Hungry too.

  Her phone held the standard text from Rixaline about everything being fine. Donna sent back a smiley face.

  With that sent, she padded out to the kitchen in her robe and slippers. Christina was in the living room, also in her robe, watching a talk show while eating a big bowl of cereal. A good sign she’d only just woken up too. Her feet were up on the coffee table, and Lucky was snoozing beside her.

  Donna went over and kissed her daughter on the head. “How are you, honey? Did you just get up?”

  “I’m good, Mom. I’ve been up for about half an hour. How are you?”

  “About to eat and then tackle the day. I think we’re leaving tonight for Kansas. First stop, Timberville, Indiana.”

  Christina tipped her head back, smiling. “You’re going to love Noah’s parents.”

  “I just hope they love me.” Donna meant that too. She wanted all of this to be as smooth and easy as possible. For Christina, mostly. The last thing a pregnant woman needed was stress. Donna didn’t want to take any more on either. Not with the council and the Prime already supplying her with an excess.

  “Mom, they will love you, because you’re amazing.”

  Donna smiled. “Thanks, honey. Do you know where your aunt is?”

  Christina nodded. “She had to run a few errands this morning. She should be home soon, though.” Suddenly, Christina frowned. “Hey, she’s not going to say anything about being a vampire hunter to Noah’s parents, and you’re not going to say anything about being a vampire, right?”

  “Absolutely not. Wait. Do they know yet that Aunt Cammie is coming? Did you tell them that?”

  “I said she might. But listen, what are you going to tell them?”

  Donna needed caffeine before this conversation went any further. Caffeine and blood. “Hang on, let me get some coffee, and I’ll come sit with you for a minute.”

  “Okay.”

  Donna went back to the kitchen, got a cup brewing, then quickly chugged a small glass of her favorite O negative while she was waiting. When the coffee finished, she added cream and sugar and took it to the living room to sit beside her daughter.

  She settled in and took a sip of the coffee before putting the cup on the table. “Pierce and I have come up with a plan.”

  Christina glanced over. “A plan for what?”

  “What we’re going to tell the Millers I do. I can’t very well say I’m the vampire governor of New Jersey, can I? But I have to have a feasible means of supporting myself. So this is Pierce’s idea, and I’m going with it. I’m going to say that I’m writing a book about my experiences being married to the mob and that I got a considerable advance. That will explain my income.”

  Christina’s eyes narrowed, and for a moment, she didn’t say anything. Then she sort of snort-laughed. “Yeah, I could see that.”

  “You could?” Donna had been sure Christina was going to think it was a far-fetched idea.

  “Sure. Why not? You’ve always loved books and movies, so why would it be so strange that you’d want to tell your own real-life adventures? I’m kind of surprised you don’t already write all of this down. I mean the vampire stuff. But then, I’m not sure you should actually publish that.”

  “Dr. Goldberg is always trying to get us to journal. Maybe I should start.” Donna thought about that. “You know, in the very beginning, I was constantly wishing there was a manual for new vampires. And there really should be. This isn’t the kind of life transition where trial and error are your best friend. Especially when the errors can get you killed.”

  Christina shrugged. “So do it. You’re plenty smart enough. And you could publish it under a pen name. No one would know. The cool thing would be that humans would think it was just for fun, you know? But actual vampires might find it really useful.”

  Donna shook her head. “I don’t know. Writing a book seems like a monumental task.” But the idea was planted, and she could tell it already had roots. She sipped her coffee, then gave Christina’s hand a squeeze. “Thanks for listening. I need to get dressed, then go see Charlie and find out what my to-do list looks like for the day. As soon as I know what time we’re leaving, I’ll let you know. You’re basically packed, though, right?”

  Christina nodded. “I am. Might not hurt to do one small load of laundry, though.”

  “Okay, sounds good. Yell if you need me.”

  “Will do.” Christina went back to her cere
al, her show, and her cat.

  Donna picked up her coffee and returned to the bedroom, where she pulled on a favorite pair of leggings with an oversize, much-loved sweatshirt. Her bedroom slippers remained her footwear of choice. Today was going to be a busy day, and more than anything, she wanted to be comfortable.

  Besides whatever Charlie had for her to do, Donna would need to get packed as well, but other than basics, the rest would have to wait until she saw what clothing Pierce was able to have ordered in and what of those items she’d keep. She ran a brush through her hair, then wound it up and secured it with a clip. Now she felt ready to take on the day.

  She drank the last of her coffee as she left the bedroom, so she made another cup and took it to the office with her.

  Charlie was at her desk, and Pierce was sitting in one of the visitor chairs. Both said, “Good morning” at the same time.

  “Good morning. How are things going?”

  Charlie started. “RVs are rented. Just one, actually, since Lionel is letting us use his tour bus too. The RV I got has a master bedroom plus six additional sleeping areas—four bunks and a loft space over the front seats that’s accessible by a small ladder.”

  Donna nodded. “Sounds good. Christina might want that loft.”

  Charlie jotted that down on her notepad. “I’m sure the rest of us will be fine with the bunks. They’re pretty nice, from the description I was given. Each one is basically a mini bedroom with its own temperature controls, lighting, and entertainment center for movies, satellite TV, and music.”

  “Wow, that sounds pretty cool.” Donna was impressed.

  Charlie nodded. “This RV lacks for nothing. It’s specifically designed for comfort, convenience, and vampire safety. It’s completely UV-shielded and features bulletproof glass. Not that I think anyone will be shooting at us.”

  “Good to know,” Donna said.

  Charlie continued with a smile. “Besides the master bedroom with its own bathroom, there’s another full bath in the main cabin. And a fully kitted-out kitchen with a full-size fridge. There are also three large-screen televisions, a state-of-the-art sound system, a security system with cameras, and heated floors.”

  Donna stared at her. “So basically you’ve rented a hotel suite on wheels. A really nice hotel suite.”

  Charlie laughed. “Something like that.”

  “Where did you find such a thing? Not that I’m surprised you did.”

  Pierce chuckled. “Charlie can get anything.”

  The admin grinned. “I have my sources.” Then she shook her head. “I’ve rented from this company before. Road Warriors. They specialize in sales of custom RVs for all kinds of supernaturals, but thankfully they have several available for rent as well.”

  “I’m very glad.” Donna sat at her desk. “What about a driver?”

  “We need to make a decision about that. Both Temo and Pierce have offered, but I think we should hire a driver.”

  Donna glanced at Pierce. “If you’re driving, you might get tired. And you won’t be as available if I need you.”

  “True. But I’m happy to help.”

  Donna gave it a moment of thought. “Adding a driver would require giving up one of the bunks.”

  Charlie nodded. “Like I said, we need to figure it out. I guess it all depends on who’s coming with us. Speaking of, did you find out if Will and any of his daughters want to join us?”

  Donna grimaced. “No. I totally blanked on that last night, even though I said I’d call him. And I left my phone in the bedroom too.” She stood up, coffee in hand again. “I’m going to make that call right now, and then I’ll let you know.”

  “All right. Thank you.”

  Donna went straight back to her room. Christina was still watching TV. Lucky hadn’t moved either. He was clearly happy to have his girl home.

  She closed her bedroom door, picked up her phone, and dialed.

  Will answered right away. “Good afternoon, Donna.”

  “Hi, Will. How are you?”

  “Doing great. It’s safe to say I am through the transition period and now settled into my new self.”

  “That’s wonderful. I’m so glad to know it was a pretty smooth shift for you.”

  “What can I say? There’s not all that much difference between being a reaper and being a vampire. Okay, the blood part is new, but surprisingly not that hard to get used to.”

  “I know, right? I thought that was going to take some getting used to as well, but it’s funny how your appetites change.”

  “For sure.”

  “How are your daughters? Are they okay with you this way?”

  “Donna, they are thrilled that I’m alive. I don’t think they would have cared if you’d changed me into a fluffy pink bunny with three eyes. But yeah, they’re good with me being a vampire.”

  She laughed. “Excellent. Well, as it happens, I’m calling to talk to you about something else as well. Artemis’s funeral. Are you interested in going?”

  “Would that be allowed? I’ve only just been turned.”

  “She was my grandsire, so in a way, you have her blood in your veins now. And I’m going, so there’s no reason you can’t come as my guest. If you’re interested. There’s plenty of room on the RV.”

  “Huh. I hadn’t given it any serious consideration. I didn’t know it was a possibility.”

  “Well, I don’t mean to pressure you, but my admin would like to know soon. We’d be leaving today. Short notice, I know. But we still have some things to take care of, like packing, stocking the RV, figuring out the driver—”

  “I could drive.”

  “You could?”

  “Sure, I have my CDL license. I used to drive big rigs for a living. Before my wife passed.”

  “Wow, that would be great. Thank you. And happy to have you.”

  “Thanks. I don’t want to get greedy, but Harper would probably like to come too. She loves to travel, and I know she was pretty upset by the queen’s death. Would that be okay? If not, just say so.”

  “No, that’s fine. I was already anticipating that she might want to come. We’d love to have her. My daughter, Christina, is coming as well.”

  “All right.” He laughed softly. “I haven’t been on a road trip in a long time. This might be fun.”

  “I hope so. If nothing else, we’ll get to know each other better.”

  “I look forward to it. What time should Harper and I be there?”

  “We pull out at eight, so I’d suggest no later than seven thirty.”

  “We’ll see you then. Thank you again for inviting us.”

  “You’re welcome.” She hung up and went to tell Charlie that the traveling party was now complete.

  It would be nice to have Will and Harper along, but as she walked to the office, she worried that Christina might find being the only human in the group a little overwhelming. Harper was human, but she was also a witch. With a little bit of reaper blood in her. So not completely human either. Pierce was technically human, but he was so deeply entrenched in this life that he could have passed for supernatural.

  If Christina couldn’t handle it, Donna might have to fly her back early. Not such a big deal, but that would mean either getting an Uber for her or getting someone to pick her up from the airport and bring her back to the penthouse, which Donna would prefer. Penina could do it, Donna figured, and probably wouldn’t mind. Donna exhaled. She was going to have to keep an eye on Christina and watch how she handled it all.

  Because the only other option Donna could think of was to let her stay with the Millers. Donna wasn’t quite ready to hand her daughter over to people she didn’t know.

  As Charlie, Pierce, and Donna were working on figuring out who was going to travel in what vehicle, what supplies they needed to bring, what supplies they still needed to purchase, and what, if any, weapons to pack, security called up.

  Charlie answered, listened, said “yes” a few times, then hung up. “Pierce? The clothin
g you ordered for Donna has arrived.”

  He stood. “On it. Let me get everything set up, and then you can start shopping.” He went out to do just that, coming back about fifteen minutes later to let Donna know the clothes were ready for inspection. “All set when you are.”

  Donna was ready, but he had a funny look on his face, like something secret had amused him. She got up and met him at the door. “What’s that look for? What have you done?”

  “Nothing bad, I assure you.” The look didn’t go anywhere.

  “Spill it.”

  “You’ll find out soon enough, so I hope you don’t mind, but I had them send a small selection of maternity clothes for Christina. I know it’s early days, and they might not even be to her taste, but I just thought—”

  Donna took his face in her hands and kissed him on the mouth. “You never cease to amaze me. Thank you. What a thoughtful thing to do. If I hadn’t been so distracted with all this Prime business, I might have actually thought of that myself.”

  “I know you would have,” he said.

  “Well done, Pierce,” Charlie said. “Okay, the RV will be delivered in about two hours, and I need to inspect it before I sign off on delivery. I also need to go shopping to stock us up for the trip, but I’m dying to see what you got.”

  Donna tipped her head toward the front of the penthouse. “Come see. Then take Temo with you, and you can get the shopping done in half the time.”

  “All right, I’ll see if he wants to go.” She glanced down at the list of travel arrangements one more time. “I’m still not sure about setting things up this way.”

  Pierce’s eyes narrowed. “What aren’t you sure of?”

  Charlie tapped her pen on the desk. “I can see putting Temo and Neo on Lionel’s bus, but that leaves the governor on the RV without her head of security.”

  Donna shook her head. “I don’t think that’s a problem. For one thing, we’ll be traveling together the whole time. For another, we’ll have Will with us. He might not be trained as a security officer, but I guarantee he could do the job.”

  Pierce nodded. “I’d agree with that. The man is a reaper, after all. And we’ll have Harper, a very skilled witch. You’re not exactly without some power either, Miss Rollins.”