Stuck in the Stone Age

by The Story Pirates

  “Here’s the thing,” Dr. Palindrome interrupted. “We’re full up on scientists.”

  Tom’s face fell. He was crushed.

  “But…” Dr. Palindrome said.

  Tom’s face rose. A ray of hope!

  “What would you say to being our janitor?”

  Tom’s face fell, then rose, then fell again. He was very confused. “Uh…would that be the kind of thing where I’d start as a janitor, then work my way up to scientist?”

  “No. Sorry. It doesn’t work that way.”

  “But could it? I mean, if I was really, really good?”

  Dr. Palindrome shook his head. “Definitely not.”

  “Definitely definitely? Or just definitely?”

  “Both. There’s no chance.”

  Tom’s face fell again. This time, it didn’t get back up. “Gosh, I don’t think…I mean, being a scientist is my dream! If I wound up here, just being a janitor? And that was all the other scientists saw me as? And there was no chance I’d ever be one of them? It’d break my heart. It really would.”

  Tom stood up. “But thanks. It was a real honor to meet you. It’s just not the right fit—”

  Dr. Palindrome could feel his forehead getting sweaty again. A perfectly good egg was about to walk right out the door. And there were no more chickens.

  “I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “Did I say ‘no’ chance? I meant ‘a’ chance.”

  “Really?” Tom’s face was starting to hurt from all the rising and falling.

  “Really!” Dr. Palindrome was smiling and nodding (and wiping sweat from his forehead).

  “Really definitely?”

  “Definitely really! Of course, you’d have to be a truly top-notch janitor. Willing to clean anything you’re asked, no matter how dangerous or unstable—”

  “ABSOLUTELY!” Tom yelled. “Ohmygosh! If it’d put me on track to become a scientist, I’d do ANYTHING for this job! I’d wrestle tigers!”

  “What about genetically enhanced supermonkeys?” Dr. Palindrome asked. “Would you wrestle those?”

  “I sure would!”

  “Then welcome aboard!” said Dr. Palindrome, sticking his hand out with a smile.

  Tom shook it happily. “FANTASTIC! When can I start?”

  “How about now? That red chair could use a good scrubbing.”

  I’ve got a bad feeling about this Dr. P... Find out why in Storytelling 101: Villains, Shape-shifters, and Minor Characters.

  In the darkest corner of the deepest basement at CEASE—beyond the screech of Dr. Johnson’s supermonkeys, the bew of Dr. Overtree’s lasers, and the yeeowch! of Dr. Lee, who kept forgetting to wear safety gloves when handling strong acids—was a tiny, windowless lab. Inside, surrounded by hundreds of beakers, burners, and sandwich wrappers, a single-minded young scientist was working on the most important project of her life.

  She’d been at it for years. She worked every day, for hours and hours. She worked until her eyes got blurry and her nose ran from the smell of the strange chemicals cooking in her beakers. She worked until she fell asleep at her lab table. Then she woke up and kept on working.

  All the scientists at CEASE worked hard. But nobody worked harder than Dr. Marisa Morice.

  The other scientists didn’t know this. Because Marisa was the first to arrive and the last to leave, and because she rarely stepped out of her little lab except to get takeout sandwiches from the cafeteria, most of them had no idea she was there.

  In fact, they didn’t even know she existed.

  If this bothered Marisa (and it did, a lot), she told herself it would all change once she’d made her big breakthrough. When the others found out what she’d been working on all these years, they’d be so amazed that she’d instantly become the most famous and popular scientist of them all!

  Or at least popular enough that some of them would want to eat lunch with her.

  Or even just one of them.

  Sometimes, she daydreamed about becoming friends with Dr. Vasquez. They had a lot in common: They were both young, female, and excited about science. On top of that, Dr. Vasquez had qualities Marisa desperately wished she had, too: confidence, friendliness, and outstanding fingernails. They were always brightly painted and perfectly trimmed in a way that was stylish, but not too long to get in the way of serious lab work.

  Marisa’s own fingernails were bitten to the quick. Whenever she got stuck on a thorny science problem, she chewed them ragged, so caught up in her thoughts that she hardly realized she was doing it. There must be a secret trick to remembering not to chew your fingernails. In Marisa’s daydreams, Dr. Vasquez would tell her all about it as they bonded over lunch.

  But at the moment, Dr. Vasquez didn’t know she existed. And Marisa was far too shy to introduce herself. So until she finished her big invention and announced it to the world, she was all alone—tucked away in her tiny, windowless lab, chewing her fingernails to bits, and eating her lonely little sandwiches …

  Then the new janitor showed up.

  “OHMYGOSH! Aren’t you Marisa Morice? The youngest winner in the history of the National Junior Science Competition? HOLY COW! You were Rookie of the Year in my Famous Scientist Trading Card set!”

  “Who are you, and why don’t you have any eyebrows?” Marisa’s voice quivered. Her heart was pounding like a jackhammer. CEASE’s janitors never lasted long enough to empty her wastebasket, so it had been a long time since another person had set foot in her lab. Let alone someone with no eyebrows.

  “Long story. They’re growing back, though! And sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m the new janitor. Tom Edison! But not THAT Tom Edison. I’m a huge fan! When you won that science contest? And you were just twelve years old? I was twelve, too! I saw you on TV, and it was so inspiring! You’re what made ME want to become a scientist!”

  Marisa blushed. She was very flattered. Winning the National Junior Science Competition had been the high point of her life, and no one had mentioned it in years.

  But she was also very confused. “Aren’t you a…janitor?”

  “Yeah. It’s temporary, though. I’m working my way up!”

  “I don’t think that’s how it—”

  “Oh, wow, MARISA MORICE! This is so exciting! So what happened after you won that contest? Whatcha been up to these past…oh, geez, ten years?”

  “I’ve been…down here.” Marisa’s spirits, which had briefly soared at the mention of her past triumph, quickly crashed again. She didn’t like being reminded that after that fleeting, heady moment of fame, she’d spent the next ten years alone and ignored.

  “The whole time? Wow! You must be up to something AMAZING!” Tom looked around. “Are you inventing a new kind of sandwich wrapper?”

  “Huh? Oh. No. I just…eat in a lot.”

  “Want me to clean these up for you?”

  “I can do it my—”

  “SUPER!” Tom began cleaning up the wrappers as fast as he could. “Hey, if you ever need help with your research? Let me know!”

  “I don’t think you’d—”

  “I’m a scientist, too! I have a PhD in chemistry!”

  “Really?” As unlikely as a PhD-holding janitor seemed, Marisa perked up at the thought of a possible lab partner. “Could you affix a graphene PSC to a polyethylene naphthalate substrate?”

  Tom looked frightened. There were at least five words in that sentence he’d never heard before.

  “Oh, wow. Geez. Umm…let me just get the sandwich wrappers.”

  “Okay.”

  “Yeah!” He gathered the last of the wrappers. “Anything else I can do?”

  “Um…no?”

  “Great! Hey, if you ever need anything—want me to bring you a sandwich or something—just give a yell!”

  “Okay. I probably won’t.”

  “That’s fine, too! Bye!”

  The new janitor shut the door, leaving Marisa alone again. She let out a shaky sigh. Talking to people was stressful. She wasn’t very good a
t it. How long had it been since she’d even had lunch with someone?

  Wait a minute….

  Had that janitor just asked if she wanted him to bring her a sandwich?

  That was almost like asking someone to have lunch!

  Should she have said yes? Had she just missed her first chance in years to eat lunch with someone?

  No. There would be other chances. Once the world found out about her big breakthrough, everyone would want to have lunch with her.

  And she’d never be lonely again.

  She put her head down and went back to work.

  Can a story have TWO main characters? Turn to Storytelling 101: ANOTHER Main Character?!

  Tom’s first two weeks as CEASE’s janitor were a huge success. He cleaned up fourteen toxic spills, put out six laser fires, captured two escaped supermonkeys, and even managed to get rid of the small black hole in Dr. Palavi’s office that had swallowed three previous janitors.

  And he’d done it all for the price of just two second-degree burns, one mysterious blue rash, half a missing finger, and a monkey bite that he’d secretly hoped would give him superpowers (but, sadly, all it had given him was a bacterial infection).

  Supermonkeys, mini black holes, AND a cafeteria? This is some setting for a story! Learn more in Storytelling 101: The Setting.

  By CEASE janitor standards, this was an amazing record.

  Even more amazing, Tom quickly became the most popular person in the CEASE cafeteria. Every day at lunch, a dozen scientists crowded around his table to eat nachos (Tom’s favorite food) and play a game he’d made up called Stump the Janitor.

  The object was to come up with a trivia question about Star Trip that Tom couldn’t answer. It was almost impossible to win—in the two weeks they’d been playing, only Dr. Vasquez had ever stumped Tom, with “What’s the only way to kill a Gorgstomper?” But her victory was overturned when a search of the Star Trip Encyclopedia proved that no one had ever managed to kill a Gorgstomper at all.

  Dr. Vasquez didn’t mind. She loved playing Stump the Janitor. So did the other scientists. There was a whole table full of them, laughing and chatting with Tom, on the day Marisa skipped into the cafeteria in the middle of the lunch hour to get a take-out sandwich.

  Marisa didn’t usually skip, but this day was special.

  Skipping to the sandwich station, she ordered turkey on rye with bacon and avocado.

  Most days, she didn’t get the bacon and avocado, because they cost extra.

  But again, this day was special.

  It was so special that Marisa was smiling from ear to ear as she waited for her sandwich. Then her eye fell on the table full of happily chattering scientists.

  They certainly looked like they were having a good time over there. It was like a giant lunch party. And who was that in the middle of it?

  Was that the new janitor?

  How could that be? He was new. And a janitor! How could he be so popular?

  And was he staring right at her?

  Awkward! Embarrassing! She gasped and turned away. Fortunately, her sandwich was ready.

  From across the cafeteria, Tom saw Dr. Morice at the sandwich station. She seemed to be alone, so he decided to invite her to sit with them.

  “Back in a flash!” he told Dr. Salaam, who was about to take her turn at Stump the Janitor.

  The scientists all smiled as they watched him trot across the room.

  “That Tom is fun in a bucket,” said Dr. Pulaski.

  “He really is,” said Dr. Lee. “You know, sometimes I spill things on purpose just so he’ll hang out in my lab while he cleans it up!”

  “No kidding? I thought I was the only one who did that!”

  “I sure hope he lasts longer than the other janitors,” said Dr. Salaam.

  The laughter and chatter suddenly stopped. The scientists all looked at each other nervously.

  Finally, Dr. Overtree broke the silence. “He’ll be fine! A guy like that always lands on his feet!”

  “Tell me about it,” said Dr. Palavi. “Remember that mini black hole in my office that kept eating janitors? Tom got rid of it for me! Without a scratch! Well, he DID lose half a finger. But that’s not bad.”

  The mood around the table brightened. Half a janitor’s finger seemed like a pretty good trade-off for getting rid of a black hole.

  “You can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs,” Dr. Lee said. All the other scientists nodded in agreement.

  Then Dr. Pulaski coughed awkwardly. “As long as we’re talking about the guy behind his back…is everybody okay with not telling Tom there’s no chance a janitor can ever become a scientist?”

  “Of course!” Dr. Overtree bellowed. “What do you want us to do, break his heart?”

  Everyone nodded again. The truth would be painful, and nobody wanted to see Tom unhappy.

  Meanwhile, Tom had reached the sandwich station a moment too late to catch Marisa, who was headed for the door at high speed.

  “Hey, Dr. Morice!” he yelled after her. “Want to have lunch with us?”

  It was too late. She was gone. Disappointed, he went back to the others.

  “Who was that woman you were yelling at?” Dr. Salaam asked.

  “Dr. Morice.”

  “Who?”

  Tom couldn’t believe it. “Marisa Morice? Child genius? The world’s youngest-ever winner of the National Junior Science Competition?”

  “Not ringing a bell,” said Dr. Lee.

  “Is she new here?” asked Dr. Vasquez.

  Back in her tiny basement lab, it took several minutes for Marisa’s heart to stop racing. She couldn’t be sure, but she thought the new janitor might have yelled something at her as she was rushing out of the cafeteria.

  He might even have been inviting her to lunch.

  Had she missed her chance to make friends? Again?

  Or was he just playing a joke on her? What if they all were? What if all the other scientists were up in the cafeteria right now, laughing at her?

  In the end, she decided it didn’t matter. Because today was special.

  It was the day she finally had her big breakthrough. The secret project she’d been slaving away at for years was complete.

  When the other scientists saw what she’d come up with, they’d be amazed. They’d be in awe! They’d fall all over themselves asking to have lunch with her!

  She smiled through a mouthful of turkey on rye with bacon and avocado.

  It was time to schedule a Show and Tell.

  Show and Tells were the most exciting thing about working at CEASE. When a scientist’s latest discovery was ready to share with others, they held a Show and Tell for everyone at the center. What began at a CEASE Show and Tell often ended in a Nobel Prize, a world-changing new product, a billion-dollar company, or all of the above.

  When she walked into the director’s office, Marisa was so excited she could hardly breathe.

  “Dr. Palindrome?”

  “Hello! Dr.… Murray, isn’t it?”

  “Morice, actually.”

  “Right! Michelle Morice!”

  “Marisa Morice.”

  “Sorry! It takes me a little while to learn names.”

  “I’ve been here for ten years.”

  “And we’re SO glad to have you! What can I help you with, Marina?”

  Marisa didn’t bother to correct him again. He’d remember her name soon enough. “I’d like to schedule a Show and Tell?”

  “Wonderful! How soon?”

  “As soon as possible?”

  Dr. Palindrome checked his calendar. “How about tomorrow?”

  “Okay. Great!”

  “Super! Dr. Vasquez is also doing a Show and Tell. So we’ll combine the two. A double feature!”

  Marisa’s heart leaped. Maybe tomorrow would be the day she and Dr. Vasquez finally had lunch! “Sure thing!”

  Then she thought about it some more, and her excitement turned to worry. Marisa had no idea what Dr. Vasquez
had planned. What if it upstaged Marisa’s big invention?

  No. How could that be? Marisa had worked on hers for ten years! It had to be at least as good as whatever Dr. Vasquez had planned. There was no reason to worry.

  But Marisa worried anyway.

  The next afternoon, fifty-eight scientists and a janitor gathered in CEASE’s auditorium for its first-ever double Show and Tell.

  Marisa and Dr. Vasquez stood on the stage with Dr. Palindrome. Marisa stood next to a small table, covered in a black sheet. Dr. Vasquez, her fingernails painted the perfect shade of red for the occasion, stood next to a wheeled cart topped by a mysterious giant box the size of a double-wide refrigerator. It was covered in a much larger (and, Marisa had to admit, much nicer) black sheet than Marisa’s.

  “So!” Dr. Palindrome’s voice boomed. “What will you two be showing us today?”

  “You first,” said Dr. Vasquez to Marisa with a friendly smile.

  “Ummm…okay.”

  Marisa stepped forward, her whole body trembling. It was only her confidence in the invention she was announcing that kept her from either fainting or running from the room.

  Her voice barely rose above a whisper. Even through the microphone, the other scientists had to strain to hear her.

  “I’ve…um…built a working solar-cell prototype—” Marisa felt herself getting dizzy and had to pause for a moment to breathe—“that combines graphene and molybdenum disulfide to a thickness of twenty thousand nanometers.”

  Marisa pulled the black sheet off the table to reveal a solar panel the size and shape of a small windowpane.

  A murmur of surprise went through the crowd. There was even a gasp or two.

  “That’s AMAZING!” yelled Tom. “What does it mean?”

  “It’s, um, ten times more efficient than current panels,” Marisa answered. “So, um, it’s, uh, kind of a revolution in solar energy. That, um, will solve mankind’s energy needs forever with, um, zero harm to the environment.”