by Ashley Lyn
Ali
Cleo’s birthday party was a fucking blast. I’m zoned out now in the passenger seat of Luke’s truck, having had way too much to drink. My eyes are starting to droop when I see headlights coming around the bend, which is odd. Most of the town’s residents went home hours ago.
“Fuck!”
I sit up straighter and clutch my seatbelt, as Luke tries to avoid the car creeping into our lane, but he can’t get over fast enough.
My world spins. I scream as the vehicles crash together. Glass flies everywhere, and my ears ring. I can’t hear anything.
Black spots dance in front of my eyes, and I see a pair of black boots come up to the car.
“Help us, please. Please!”
“Shut up, bitch.”
I hear muffled voices and try to focus. I move my arm, but wish I hadn’t. The pain is unbearable. I try to stay conscious but lose the fight, and the wave of pain knocks me out.
Amy
The crash sounds like a bomb. I jump out of my tent and promptly trip over my feet. I’ve been sitting so long, my feet feel numb.
I grab the phone that Alice packed for me and slowly make my way down the mountain. I hate to call him, but I’m fairly certain that someone just wrecked their car.
My need to help and my need to hide are battling it out in my head. I can hear my mom's sweet voice telling me to help. Then I hear my dad’s voice, telling me to leave them.
Doing my best to drown out my dad’s voice, I make the call I’m dreading.
“Amy? Are you okay?”
“How did you know it was me?”
“Alice gave me the number in case you called.”
“I’m about a mile out of town, on the way to Ali’s house. I think there was a car crash. I’m making my way down there and…oh, poop!”
“Amy, whats wrong?”
“Luke’s car is on its roof, and it looks like there are a couple people trying to pull Alice out of the car.”
“Amy, stay there.”
“Flip that, Parker, just get here.”
Hanging up, I run back to get my tranq gun; there are mountain lions here, and I can’t stand to shoot them. I also grab the taser.
I run back down the hill and just about bust my buns a couple of times. I hope I can get there in time.
***
Ali
Consciousness is slow to return. Blinking my eyes, I turn my head and see Luke hanging upside down and totally out. I try and move my arm, but I can’t get it to cooperate.
“Luke.” It comes out a garbled croak. I try again to move my arm to touch him, and pain shoot down my arms, making my fingers tingle.
“Knock, Knock.” This is punctuated with a knock on the side of Luke’s truck.
Turning my head the other direction, I see fucking Viola.
“Hi, sweetie. So sorry to ruin your lovely night and all, but time is up, and I need that money.”
“Why? Why are you fucking doing this? I told you already, I don’t have that kind of fucking money.”
“Tsk, tsk, daughter of mine. I found that out after I came down here the first time. You see, I have this habit. It’s awfully expensive, but so very enjoyable. I borrowed some product from someone, and he’s a bit pissy with me. I tried to get it out of your dad, because that bastard is loaded. But that fucking asshole wouldn’t give me a dime. Then I remembered those stupid cunts you call mothers, who ripped you from my arms.”
“That’s a lie. You couldn’t get rid of me fast enough, so don’t lie.”
“That is neither here nor there. Anyway, when they took you, they had thousands of dollars. Dropped twenty grand just to get away from John, God rest his soul. Thought maybe they gave you some of that, and figured it would be easier to squeeze it out of you rather than them.”
“I hate you.”
“How nice. I hate you too. Ramiro, get your fat ass out of the car.” I hear a car door slam. The mother from Hell peeks back inside the car, with a smile straight out of the nut house.
“Imagine my luck. You tied down a man, and a rich one. So rich in fact, that he bought you an engagement ring worth well over ten grand. So that brings us to now. I will be taking that ring and be out of your hair for good. Isn’t that nice? Ramiro, get over here and get her out of the fucking truck so I can get the ring.”
A fat, bloated face appears in my window. His arm enters through the window with a knife, which he uses to cut the seatbelt. I fall, and land painfully on my back. He grabs hold of my right arm and starts pulling me out.
When my upper half is out, Viola grabs my left hand and tries to take my ring off, but my fingers are swollen.
“Cut it off, Ramiro.”
“I only got a pocket knife. How am I supposed to cut the ring?”
“Her finger, dumbass. Cut off her finger.”
Dirt and leaves hit the side of the car. “Hands in the air, dirtbags, or I’ll shoot.”
Is that Amy?
“Amy?”
“Alice, you okay?” Amy asks. “I called Parker, Ali. He should be here soon, so just hang on.”
“I don’t think so, you stupid bitch,” Viola screams at Amy. “Ramiro, grab that bitch and give me your knife. I’ll cut her fucking finger off myself.”
“Take one frigging step, and I will shoot,” Amy shouts.
“What? You’re going to shoot me with your little BB gu—” Ramiro’s taunting is cut off by the weirdest sound, like a puff of air, but louder.
“You fucking shot me, you stupid cunt!” A sharp slicing pain hits my finger and I scream. I look over, and Viola is attempting to cut my fucking finger off.
“Shhh, aaa is eeevvyythihn fuzz…” Ramiro falls over, and I can see his face through the window. Lights out for that idiot. Go Amy!
“What the fuck did you shoot him with?” Viola yells out.
“Tranq dart.”
“What are you doing? Get the fuck away from me.” Viola tries to make a run for it and trips over the sleeping lump, and Amy zaps her with the taser.
Amy’s moving around like a boss and securing their hands, just as Parker pulls up. I hear him calling for an ambulance, and I think to myself that this is a good time to mentally check out, and I do just that.
re·cov·er·y
Ali
I jerk awake with a gasp. “Luke!”
“Shh, baby, it’s okay. Luke’s going to be fine. He has a concussion and his leg is broken, but he’s going to be fine.” Hearing Cleo, I turn my head in the direction of her voice.
“Mom, what happened?”
“What do you remember?”
I start feeling around for my ring, but it’s gone. “They tried to take my ring. Where’s my ring?”
“They had to cut it off to stich up your finger. Paul was in the waiting room…did you know he used to be a jeweler? He said he would get it fixed right up. Pretty much the whole town is out there.”
“Viola and her henchman tried to cut my fucking finger off. Mom, I was so scared.”
“It’ll all be okay. You and Luke both had your seatbelts on, and Voila and that asshole Ramiro are in custody. You have some broken ribs, and your shoulder was dislocated. Just close your eyes and take a little nap. When you wake up, everything will be fine.”
Deciding to take her advice, because I’m super sleepy, I close my eyes and drift off.
***
I wake up and feel a hand on mine. Looking over, I smile at Luke, and find Savannah sitting on his other side, looking exhausted.
“How did you guys get them to put him in here with me?”
“We didn’t. He woke up and threatened to dismantle the whole fucking hospital if they didn’t get him to you.”
I try to giggle, but it hurts my head, so I just smile and pass out again.
***
When I come to again, I feel much better—clearer. Turning my head, I look over at Luke, who’s staring right at me. I see a tear form in his eye, and I try and scoot over as far as I can.
&nb
sp; I get close enough and reach out to touch his face. “We’re both gonna be okay, baby.”
“I thought I lost you. All I remember was hanging upside down, and you wouldn’t wake up. I panicked a little. I just found you, Ali. I can’t lose you.”
“I’m like herpes, dude. You’re never getting rid of me.”
He smiles and we snuggle as best we can, all casted up, tubes and shit all over the place.
Sleeping in Luke’s arms, I find my slice of heaven again.
***
Ali
“Seriously, Steven, it’s fine. Fuck, please. I don’t need help taking a piss.”
“Fine, you giant asshole. Hobble in there yourself then.”
I’m sitting on the couch, enjoying my pampering while I can. Meanwhile, Luke’s attempting to get himself to the bathroom with his left leg in a cast and his right arm casted up as well. It’s not at all easy for him to go to the bathroom.
“I’ve been sitting down to pee. Good thing Alice has an elongated bowl, ’cause if they were round, there would be no way I could fit all my equipment in there.”
I giggle because yes, he would have a hard time fitting his twig and giggleberries in the toilet.
Roger’s sitting next to me, and we’re watching Full House, my head on his shoulder. Luke and I got out of the hospital a couple days ago, and everyone’s been coming by to help us out. Luke’s parents had to go home, but Savannah stayed to help. She claimed she was going jogging, but I think she’s going over to Shamus’s house. Word on the street is that she’s been over there most of the week.
I look over at Roger, as he pauses the TV and pulls out his phone to show me a photo of a little girl. Tears flow down his cheeks. “Her name is Tamara, and the adoption agency said that our application was approved. If everything goes well, she’ll be coming home in about two months.”
I squeak in excitement. My ribs are still tender, but I can’t stop myself.
“Roger, I thought we were going to wait to tell them?” Steven argues.
Luke hollers from the bathroom. “Tell us what?”
“Roger and Steven are going to adopt the most adorable little girl!”
“Hell yeah! Congrats, guys.”
“Thank you,” they both yell out in unison.
Steven winks at me, and begins to count on his fingers. “One…two..three—
“Fuck! I can’t get off the damn toilet!”
“Just hold on, princess. I’m coming to help.”
Steven goes to help Luke off the pot, and he hobbles his way back in, easing himself back onto the couch.
“Taking a piss is so fucking exhausting. I just want to take a nap.”
There’s a soft knock on the door, and I know it’s Amy. I’ve yet to see her since she saved the day, and I want to hug her so bad.
“Come in, Amy.”
She opens the door and steps inside, closing it behind her. “How did you know it was me?”
“You’re the only one who knocks. Everyone else barges right in.”
Roger gets up, and I pat the couch for Amy to take a seat. She looks at it like it will bite her.
She sits down and sorta bounces a little. I wince, and Amy pales. “I have something I need to talk to you about—a favor to ask.” Her face says that it was difficult to get that statement out. She looks like she just drank a glass of lemon juice.
“Anything you need, Amy. You saved my finger, and possibly our lives that night.”
“There are some things I never told you. You always asked where I lived, and I gave you vague responses because I was embarrassed. My dad was a survivalist. My mother gave birth to me in a tent, and I grew up in the woods, living in tents. I still do. When my mom got sick, Dad refused to take her in or tell anyone. I suspect she had some kind of cancer. She just…” She looks down at her hands that are clenched in her lap. “She just wasted away a little every day, until she passed. My dad lost it and got paranoid after that. He buried her there in the woods, and we never camped anywhere near there again.”
She looks at me with tear-filled eyes “I'm tired, Ali. I’m so tired of living like that. I think I’m ready to try living in town, but I’m not sure how to go about doing that exactly.”
I put my arm around her and hug her as best I can. “You want to move out of the woods? You can move in here, no problem. I have an extra bedroom.”
“I appreciate the offer, but I stopped by a couple times, and things were…loud.” She winks at me and Luke pipes in.
“My house is empty. I’m officially moved in with Alice, so you’re welcome to it.”
She goes to open her mouth, looking like she might decline, but her face sets with a determined look, and she nods her head in acceptance.
“Steven, can you grab my keys off the counter and give her the blue one?” Steven comes back in and hands the key to Amy, who looks on the verge of tears. “You can move in whenever you want. And if you want a job, Margo and Cleo could use the help. I’m going to be out for about six more weeks, and they’re super busy. I know they’d love to have you there.”
“Oh my God, really? I mean…I think I’d like that.”
“I think you should let Parker know that you’re moving in as well. Everytime I see him, he’s covered in dirt and leaves, and pissed off. Said he’s been trying to locate where you’ve been living.”
Amy blushes and then, amazingly, laughs. “It’s been entertaining, watching him try and navigate the forest. He’s gotten lost twice, and I left him clues, like ribbons and stuff, so he could get back.”
“Why, you bad girl.”
She laughs again and leaves just as quietly as she came in.
I’m thinking Amy better watch out, because Parker’s going to be hot on her trail as soon as he finds out she’s living in town.
mar·riage
Ali
Eight weeks later
“Steven!”
“Just a little more, then I’m done.”
Roger’s standing there, rocking Tamara, and Steven is messing with my hair again, because today is my wedding day!
The moms are pleased as punch, and I suspect a little bit tipsy. My dad’s here in town, and is out with Luke and his boys. Cleo is attracted to Boomer, but she clams up every time I ask her about it.
“I promise, I’m done. I just needed a bit more hairspray.”
“Don’t get me close to any candles.”
“Quit whining,” Steven says.
I stick my tongue out at him, and he huffs away, snagging his daughter from Roger. Roger’s my Man of Honor, which makes me giggle.
He hooks his arm with mine, and we look at ourselves in the mirror, just as Bruce begins hollering at us.
“Let's get this show on the road. I think Pastor Paul is about to fall asleep.”
The town doesn't have a pastor, so Paul went and got ordained online, and Bruce keeps calling him Pastor Paul.
The moms file out after giving me kisses, and Steven heads out as well.
Adam Sandler’s I Want to Grow Old With You starts to play, and Roger and I make our way out. He kisses me on the cheek before leaving me in the capable hands of my dad. The DNA test came back, informing us that he is in fact my father. He’s been here through everything, from the recovery of our accident, to the planning of this wedding. He also kisses me on the cheek and pulls my arm through his. The tears are already falling from my eyes.
When we start our walk down the aisle, my eyes are glued to Luke, and his to mine. Our faces mirror each other, with both of us crying happy tears. When I finally make it to him, Paul asks my dad who gives me away, and he responds with “Her father.” He hugs me before handing me off to Luke, who promptly pulls me into a big wet kiss. Paul proceeds to smack him with the cue cards I gave him.
“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the marriage of these two crazy kids.”
Paul is looking around, but can’t seem to find the rest of the cards. “Well shit, I lost them damn cards. Oh
well, I’ll wing it. So these two crazy kids fell in love within minutes of meeting each other. In their short courtship together, they’ve had their ups and downs, but good moments as well. Together, they survived a pirate attack. They had a close call with Bruce’s low hangers, and his unfortunate mankini. They’ve defeated the dangerous Slip ’N Slide, and Ali’s wicked paintball gun.” He winks, and the crowd laughs.
“All right. Luke, do you take Alice, to have and to hold, to honor and cherish, from this day and forever?”
“I do.”
“Alice, do you take this yahoo Luke, to have and to hold, to honor and cherish, from this day always?”
“I do.”
“Is that it, or is there more?” Paul asks. I guess I’ll save him.
“Luke, from that first night I saw you and mistakenly shot you with my wicked paintball gun, I knew you were the one for me. I fell in love with you, your charm, your sexy backside, and your wicked dancing skills. Oh, and thank God you can cook. I promise to always put the toilet paper back on the hook, and never to shoot you with a paintball gun again. I love you, forever and always.”
I slide the ring on his finger, loving the way it looks on his strong hand. He leans in to kiss me again, and Paul smacks him, making me giggle.
“Alice, I think I fell for you when you came busting out of the weeping willows, and I saw those great boobs. I watched you try to hit the Miley Cyrus cardboard cutout from five feet away and totally miss it, and still dance like you destroyed her. You flew into my life with fairy wings, and you sucked me in with your compassion, and the way you help out all the people in this town. I promise to always put the toilet seat down, so you don’t fall in when you go to the bathroom at night. I promise to never make you try and cook again. That’s just a safety precaution. I promise to plunder and pillage—” I cover his mouth with my hand, and he whispers in my ear, “me wenches lady garden.”
Paul butts in. “Good heavens, are you two done yet? Christ, I haven’t even gotten to the kissing part yet.”
