Substitute

by Rey, Isobel

  ‘He sent me a text saying there was a problem. I didn’t know …’

  She stopped short. He must have had an idea of what his charges got up to, away from the spotlight. He must have known why the hotel was so popular with the stars.

  ‘I didn’t know what was going on in the room.’

  Nathan didn’t speak. He knew, he knew very well.

  ‘I didn’t know what I’d be walking into,’ said Alexia, ‘and Tony, he came on to me. I – I’ve never seen anything like that before. It was – it excited me …’

  Alexia looked at her feet. She had confessed something she never thought she’d tell a living soul and now she was telling Nathan.

  ‘I suppose you don’t think very highly of me just now.’

  ‘I think you’re human – like the rest of us,’ said Nathan. ‘I suppose it’s a pretty heady cocktail, especially when it’s all new to you.’ He moved towards her. ‘I just couldn’t bear the thought that you and Tony – or, worse still, you and one of the footballers …’

  ‘What? No!’ Alexia was horrified. She had fantasised about it, yes, but would she have taken part? She wasn’t sure. She felt it best not to speculate out loud. She feared the answer would be yes.

  Nathan was very close to her now. ‘I noticed you the first time I saw you in the office.’

  Alexia groaned. ‘Oh God, Nathan, how could you not? You thought I’d just had sex with Tony on the boardroom table!’

  Nathan looked puzzled. ‘What?’

  ‘When you walked in and I was there with Tony.’

  Realisation dawned. Nathan laughed heartily. Alexia was confused.

  Nathan looked at her intently. ‘Tell me, who was he screwing?’

  Alexia bit her lip.

  ‘Alexia, I am not going to sack whoever it was, but I need to know. I need to know because – because of us.’

  Us? Alexia’s heart leapt in her chest. There was an “us”?

  ‘I don’t want to get her into trouble …’

  ‘You won’t. You have my word.’

  His word, thought Alexia, the word of an officer and a gentleman.

  ‘It was – Phillipa.’

  Nathan’s eyed widened, then he roared with laughter. Alexia was confused.

  ‘Phillipa?’ he said. ‘God he’s brave. I’m surprised she didn’t eat his head afterwards, like a praying mantis!’

  He carried on laughing, and Alexia found herself joining in. The tension was broken between them; sharing the joke felt like it had suddenly made them conspirators, close companions.

  But something was nagging at Alexia. ‘Why were you puzzled?’

  ‘About what?’

  ‘When you said you couldn’t forget the first time you saw me, and I mentioned the boardroom thing, you looked confused.’

  Nathan nodded slowly. ‘That wasn’t the first time I saw you.’

  Alexia didn’t know what to say. Not the first time?

  ‘I called into the office briefly the day you joined, I saw you talking to Romy. You looked … lost.’

  The expression in his eyes changed. He looked almost wistful. Alexia remembered her first day, her complete terror. He had seen her that day?

  ‘I thought you looked too fragile to last at the company, to last in this crazy world. But when I saw you with Tony, I thought I must have read you wrong. My judgement about women is sometimes not that good.’

  There it was again, thought Alexia, that distant hurt. She gazed at him. So much to take in, so much to process, to assimilate. Her need for him was raw now, gnawing at her; the emotion, desire, the frustration of the last three weeks boiled over. She reached up, standing on tiptoes. She put her hands on his chest and kissed him.

  For a moment he was startled, then he let out a low animal sound and scooped her up. She felt her feet almost leave the floor; he was, literally and metaphorically, kissing her out of her shoes.

  His mouth was on hers, hard now, no gentle kisses to ease her in, but deep and searching.

  The air was filled with the scent of him, his natural musk and that oh so seductive aftershave Alexia had come to love. His hands were strong, possessing, but not like Carter, not brutal. This was searing, reciprocated lust.

  He was biting her lip and then he was probing her tongue with his. His mouth was like a voracious animal that needed to consume her. She had never been kissed like this, never, it almost scared her.

  Pulled up hard against him, she could feel his erection pressing against her. She’d seen him naked, seen him relaxed, she knew that fully hard he would be much bigger than she was used to. The thought scared and thrilled her in equal measure.

  Alexia wasn’t prepared for the urgency of his need. Tony had thrilled her, Richard had cajoled and relaxed her, but this – this was different. This was more than primal, this was … She didn’t know what it was; there were no words for it, no name. She just knew that she wanted him more than she had ever wanted anything. Not just his kiss, but all of him.

  Deep inside her she could feel a thumping pulse, but it wasn’t in her veins, in her throat or her cunt. It was all over her, it was her.

  She wanted to beg him; she wanted to look in his eyes and beg him to fuck her, right there in the changing room. Was he going to? Where was this kiss going?

  But she couldn’t see his eyes. His head was buried in her neck, biting and sucking at her skin as his hand traced up her ribcage and cupped her breast. She felt a moan escape from her. Her clothes were too tight, too restricting; she wanted to be free of them, she wanted to feel his hands on her skin.

  His mouth was back on hers. She bit his lip, just a nip, but it seemed to press a booster rocket somewhere inside him and she felt his fingers close tighter.

  Her nipples were peaking against the lace of her bra; she felt the wires dig into her as she breathed heavily, her breasts swelling to meet his hand.

  He was trying to undo her buttons with one hand, but they were unyielding, and they wouldn’t come loose.

  Suddenly he stood back and turned her around so she faced away from him. She had come out of her heels, and he was so much taller than her. She felt her feet leave the floor as he picked her up and stood her on a low trunk. He was behind her and only a head taller now, looking down over her right shoulder. His arms came around her and she dropped her eyes to see him slowly undoing her buttons. She could see her own fast breathing as the mounds of her breasts rose and shivered in anticipation.

  She felt her pussy, flooding with juices, needy, nagging, gnawing, and she knew that at any moment his fingers would touch her straining nipples and she would feel that bolt of fire down to her clit.

  The buttons were all undone now, and his fingers traced up her stomach, up her breastbone, so slowly, so agonisingly slowly. She watched them as they inched their way higher. She couldn’t tear her eyes away as she watched their progress, willing them to move with more urgency.

  Finally his hands were under her breasts, cupping them, feeling the weight of them. She moaned as his fingers moved higher, circling around the side of her breasts to come down over the top of the fabric.

  Millimetre by millimetre he peeled down the fabric to expose the pink tips. She had never really looked at herself so fully before. She marvelled at how proud her nipples stood, quivering, hard. Then he ran the tips of his fingers over them. It was just a fleeting touch, but it sent her head backwards. She closed her eyes tightly as she leant back against him, pushing her breasts out further. More, more, she wanted more.

  Her head was dropped to one side, exposing the tender flesh between neck and shoulder. He bent his head, tracing his tongue then his teeth over it as his fingers played her nipples, stroking and teasing. As she moaned again she felt his fingers expertly pinch and she gasped this time.

  She pushed her arms back and felt his thighs, the muscles tight and hard. She wanted to reach up and touch his cock but it would be impossible, his arms had hers pinned as he massaged and played with her. She could feel his erection pr
essing against her lower back, and she wanted it so badly, wanted to plunge her hand into his clothing and grasp it, guide it to where she needed to feel it, inside her, in the depths of her.

  She felt like she was sinking, falling, drowning. Could this be happening? Was she really standing here, almost stripped to the waist with the man she once could only dream of having, kissing her, touching her? Her mind was whirling. Was he going to take her, would he take her here? They were in a changing room; there were still people in the function room. But she didn’t care. Here. Now. Please, now.

  His hands were moving down. She opened her eyes to follow their progress as she saw his right hand trace down her middle, his left hand still on her nipple. She stretched up, elongating her body. His fingers were expert, playing her like a musical instrument.

  She sucked her stomach in to leave a gap in her waistband, so that his hand could find its way to its destination. He slipped it down under her skirt and she felt the tips of his fingers lift her panties away from her skin.

  Her legs were quivering now, the anticipation almost too much to bear. It was too much and not enough. She felt the tips of his fingers make the lightest and briefest of traces along the tops of her curls.

  She parted her legs; she wanted nothing between her cunt and his hand, and her clothes were already in the way. She felt his fingers move down, down towards her nub, but not quite.

  She moaned, almost in pain. She wanted him to touch her, touch her there. But her clothes were too restraining. The tight skirt was hindering his progress; his hand could get no further.

  With a groan of animal frustration he pulled his hand from her skirt. It was sudden and shocking. His other hand left her breast, then she felt his mouth withdraw from her neck, felt the absence of his warm breath.

  She suddenly felt alone, half naked, standing on a box … Where was he? She had to wait only a second before his two strong hands were either side of her thighs, hiking up her skirt in one shocking move. She felt the air on her exposed thighs, the soft flesh at the top of her hold-ups.

  She felt his breath on her neck again as he leant against her once more. His hands now traced along the tops of her stockings, up along her inner thighs, where legs meet pussy and flesh meets satin.

  One finger snaked its way under the fabric of her panties. She could feel her juices coating it on its way. She felt as if her labia were quivering, as his finger made its way up her slit. It played around the entrance to her sex, curling, toying. It was torture, pure, blissful torture.

  She turned her head backward to find his. She needed his kiss. He bent his head round and forward and she found his lips. She was kissing him hard now, ravishing his lips the way he had ravished hers. She was holding his thighs, leaning back hard against him as she tasted his tongue, and his finger wound its way around her pussy.

  Then she felt his hand withdraw. No! She moaned the word and he caught her desperation. Then he pushed his whole hand down the front of her panties and she cried as his middle fingers shot down over her clit.

  She thought she would come, right there, from one stroke over the yearning mass of nerve endings. Again he stroked and again. She felt the tension building, and he withdrew his hand.

  ‘Don’t stop. Nathan, please don’t stop!’ she was begging him. Tony had wanted her to beg and she’d stayed silent. But now, here, with Nathan, her tongue knew no boundaries. She had to have him. She was alive with need, completely and fiercely alive for the first time in her life.

  ‘Please …’

  But something had changed. He stopped. His muscles were tight but completely still. She felt as if he had stopped breathing.

  ‘Nathan!’

  She couldn’t see his face, he was behind her.

  His voice was low, ragged. ‘No, we can’t. Not like this. This is …’

  She held her breath. She heard the words “this is …” But this is … what? What was he going to say?

  He pushed her forward so she was stranding straight and stepped away. ‘This is wrong!’

  Alexia thought her legs would go out from under her. She wheeled around. He was facing away from her. She stepped off the box, unsure if her feet would be steady enough for a landing. But she was on the floor now in her stockinged feet. She was so small next to him. She pulled her skirt down, feeling suddenly naked.

  ‘Nathan, I don’t understand …’

  ‘I can’t. I’m sorry, Alexia, this is wrong. I’ve taken advantage of you. I’m sorry.’

  ‘No. Nathan, no …’

  But his mind was clearly changed. His face was set as he turned to look at her.

  ‘I’m sorry …’

  His hands moved, his mouth opened and shut. He didn’t know what to do, to say. He ran his hands through his hair. She had never seen him like this. He was always so in control, even when seducing her a moment ago he had been in control, but now?

  ‘Nathan …’

  ‘Please!’ The word exploded from him. It startled her. ‘Please don’t. Please …’

  He turned away. ‘I’m sorry. You’ve picked the wrong man, Alexia.’

  He moved to the door and grabbed the handle, but didn’t turn it. He was going to leave. Alexia watched him but couldn’t stop him. He was going to leave, to walk out of her life.

  ‘You deserve better,’ he said quietly. He turned the handle and then he was gone.

  Alexia collapsed on the floor, tears of pain and hurt flowing down her cheeks. She pulled her blouse over her chest, suddenly feeling exposed and used. She felt cheap, much cheaper than Tony had made her feel. She’d opened herself up to Nathan, emotionally and physically, and he’d rejected her. It would have been better if he had told her he had no feelings for her. But to take her, to almost take her completely and then to disappear, it was more than she could bear.

  She let all the emotion and misery weep and drain out of her until there was nothing left but emptiness, a howling, hollow emptiness. She sat on the cold, dark polished floor for what seemed like hours but must have been only minutes.

  She heard a knock on the door. Panic hit her. She wasn’t supposed to be in here. At least with Nathan she had an all areas access pass, but she was alone. But what if it was Nathan? He might have come back, he might have reconsidered. For an instant, she felt hope rise.

  ‘Alexia! Alexia, are you in there?’ A woman’s voice. She felt the hope melt away.

  ‘Alexia?’ The door opened and Sonia stood there. Her expression of concern turned to shock when she saw Alexia on the floor.

  ‘Oh my God, are you all right?’

  She helped Alexia to her feet and guided her to a sofa.

  ‘What happened? What did he say?’ Sonia saw her unbuttoned blouse. ‘Or should I say do?’

  Alexia told her how she had confessed all to Nathan and looked at her blouse by way of explanation of what happened next.

  Sonia didn’t speak.

  ‘He just stopped. No warning. He just kept saying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry” and “this is wrong”.’ Her eyes were pleading as she looked to the older woman for answers. ‘How could it be wrong? I don’t understand.’

  She was crying again. Sonia put her arms around her. ‘I don’t know, darling, but he’s not cruel, he’s no Tony. This isn’t him. I really don’t know … There must be something …’

  Sonia fell silent again, thinking hard. ‘Come on, we need to get you home. There’s a back entrance, you won’t have to see anyone. Come on.’

  Sonia guided them through the corridors and safely out to where her car was waiting. The driver was polite and well trained, and paid no obvious attention to her companion’s emotional state.

  The car sped its way across London. It was a long way from Wimbledon to Alexia’s humble flat and she was grateful to be sitting in the cushioned interior. The back of the car was womb-like, and Sonia held her hand like a mother. It was as comforting as anything could be for a girl with a broken heart.

  They arrived at the flat and Sonia took her
in. Romy was home and horrified at the state of her flatmate.

  Sonia took Romy to one side. ‘She needs some sleep.

  Romy smiled and leant in conspiratorially. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll give her a sleeping tablet, knock her out. It looks like that’s what she needs.’

  ‘See she takes it, she has to go to work tomorrow.’

  ‘But she can’t –’ said Romy.

  ‘She has to get back on that horse, believe me. If she doesn’t she’ll never get herself together. I have –’ Sonia hesitated for a moment ‘– someone to see this evening, but please trust me when I say Alexia has to go to work tomorrow.’

  Romy nodded. Sonia was a woman who elicited trust in those she met. ‘Our other flatmate is away tonight, it’s just us, so … I’ll look after her, don’t worry.’

  Sonia smiled and left.

  Romy put her friend to bed, undressed her like a child, made her a large mug of cocoa, and dissolved the sleeping tablet into it.

  Alexia lay in the darkened room feeling as if sleep would never be her companion again, but she was wrong. She slipped into blissful oblivion in moments.

  Romy curled up next to her and slept with a comforting arm over her friend.

  Chapter Fifteen

  The next morning was the most excruciating of Alexia’s life. She thought it had been hard to walk out of Carter’s door, she thought that had taken all the courage she possessed, but it was no match for this particular morning. This morning was a cliff edge.

  She wanted to stay in her room, her beautiful little room in green and blue. But Romy insisted.

  ‘Look, I’m back in the office today so you don’t have to see Nathan. Anyway, I just looked at the calendar on the company network. He’s booked a day off.’

  ‘He won’t be there?’ said Alexia.

  ‘No, I don’t know why. He doesn’t usually take days off with no notice …’

  The idea hung in the air between them. Was it because of Alexia?

  Romy busied Alexia so she wouldn’t have time to think about it. She hustled her out of the door and soon they were arriving at the offices of Fallon Sports Agency.