Bewitched Murder (Inept Witches 3)

by Amanda A. Allen

  “Hey, Ingrid,” Emily called out across the room. “Remember our frostbite routine. What do you say we try for a repeat performance?”

  Ingrid’s eyes lit up in something that was a mix between glee, insanity, and rabid anger. “On it.”

  “Not exactly a repeat, I hope,” Dean called out, and Emily’s widened senses recognized that the sweat was just dripping off of him now.

  Ingrid didn’t seem to notice the banter. She dodged Marge and leaped into the circle they’d made before. No one had even noticed it there. But it was all set up. The candles were still relatively in place. Emily focused her will and her minor abilities to move things and put the candles back in place.

  They didn’t even have to hide the mirror. It was just sitting there where it had been. Utterly ignored by every badass witch in the room except for her and Ingrid.

  As soon as the frostbite hit Larry, Emily knew that Dean would be able to wrap things up with him quickly. Then he and Hazel would be able to turn everything they had on Marge. Sure Marge was doing something especially evil that was making Gabe writhe in pain. And sure, Emily didn’t think Ingrid would be able to focus for very long given that her love slave was being tortured, but Ingrid knew what Emily did about what would happen as soon as she started forming her spell. They would feel her forming a fire spell, and they’d be prepared to counter that. They’d laugh at the idiot witches who were pulling out the one trick they had, presuming their failure yet again before the snakes masquerading as grandparents decided to end things.

  They needed to not realize what Ingrid and Emily were up to. Good thing everyone knew they were inept witches. Also good that they had more going for them then their witchiness.

  So she did something she hoped nobody would expect. She walked towards the snake grandma and Emily yelled out, “You don’t get Mary, you old cow.”

  Then she tackled the old bitty. They tumbled in a ball of arms, legs, knees and elbows. Emily was pretty certain she heard the crotchety grandma’s hip break. Excellent.

  Typical witches. Never expecting another witch to channel a football move when you could just throw fire. Idiots. Served them right.

  Ingrid and Emily had used that type of move before and she was beginning to believe they’d use it again.

  In the middle of it all, even with Gabe groaning, Ingrid's eyes narrowed in concentration and she began her spell.

  Three times. Ingrid chanted and turned in a circle. And because she was who she was, no one paid her the least bit of attention. At the last second, she lifted the mirror from the floor, threw it high, and hurtled the spell through the mirror and directly toward Larry’s undercarriage.

  Perhaps it was the fury and fear, Ingrid felt for Gabe. Perhaps it was that she really was very, very good at fire. And perhaps it was because when Ingrid went into adrenaline mode, she was a fearful, entirely untrained, instinctive witch, but the moment Larry felt her fire form—he prepared for that. The portal, though, changed the wave of fire the second it hit him and became a wave of ice which hit his side and began slowly crossing his skin.

  He shrieked and Ingrid continued to feed her magic into the portal. The sound of her devil-spouse screaming distracted Marge from fighting off Emily and the old bitty lost hold of her magic long enough for Emily to clock the old woman. Right in her fake teeth.

  Sure. She was a super powerful witch. But she was also an old woman, and she went down hard.

  Gabe collapsed and Ingrid shuddered even as she fed her spell into the portal. But then, Mary stood slowly up, leaving Gallery Guy’s side for the first time since he’d collapsed. She crossed the room in deliberate steps where her grandfather was holding his quickly freezing side. He looked like he was not even sure what was happening given the fight that Hazel and Dean were still throwing at him. Mary took a leaf out of Emily’s book and charged her grandfather. Just as she leaped into the air, Ingrid’s final blast of frostbite struck Larry in the balls and he collapsed. Mary landed on him, screaming. Her fists flew, her legs swung, and the old man was pummeled.

  Good, Emily thought, sliding to her knees to catch her breath. That would help Mary heal.

  Eventually.

  Probably.

  She let out a sigh. Hopefully. Could someone heal from their grandparents murdering their mother? Emily might not hold her breath waiting for Mary to find peace with that. She'd have to find a way to help Mary after these evil idiots were disposed of.

  The tone of Dean’s voice changed as he and Hazel began to chant in unison. Marge and Larry were lifted up into the air with the power of their spell.

  Dean asked, “What do you want to do with them, Hazel?”

  Hazel looked at Ingrid, “Doug? Mary? Should we show them mercy?”

  “Hazel,” Dean said. “I work for the Presidium. I can’t…”

  “They’re coming anyway, I suppose.”

  “I don’t want them to have mercy,” Mary said, as her breath heaved, staring up at the bound-by-magic form of her grandfather.

  “They are not particularly kind,” Hazel said, her voice calm and comforting, “Knowing Edward, they’ll be here soon.”

  •••

  Ingrid sat next to Gabe on the couch. The evil witches were still hovering, and he was still twitching a little. Hazel had straightened his broken wrist and started the healing. She’d given him a potion for pain, but it seemed his nerves were still screaming.

  She wanted to lay her head on his shoulder, but she couldn’t. She swallowed thickly and then said, “Well, for old doves, they’re terrifying.”

  “Yes,” Gabe answered.

  “I might have nightmares about their snake eyes.”

  Gabe squeezed her fingers softly.

  Emily flopped onto the floor next to them.

  “Mary and Gallery Guy are in the guest room in my place. Since your new bed hasn’t come yet.”

  “What happened to your bed,” Gabe asked with a voice colored by exhaustion.

  “I lit it on fire when I was mad at you.”

  Gabe didn’t have anything to say to that, so it freed up Ingrid to say what she’d been needing to say for hours.

  “The karma for punching an old woman down is pretty fierce.”

  “Shut up, she wasn't a woman. She was evil incarnate. I earned brownie points with destiny for that epic takedown,” Emily said in an exhausted voice.

  Truths like this could not, however, be held back. “I mean, you knocked an old lady down and broke her hip and her nose. I think her dentures fell out, too. I mean…you’re totally going to get owned by the universe for that.”

  “Shut up,” Emily said.

  “I’m telling everyone we know that you broke an old lady’s hip.”

  “You’re evil,” Emily said.

  “Says the old lady punching dove,” Ingrid said, examining her broken nails.

  “You literally froze the man parts of two men this week.”

  “That’s the sort of awesome, I am.” Ingrid said in a flash and without a smidge of shame. She hadn’t punched an old lady.

  She opened her mouth to harass Emily further, but an old man stood in the doorway of the bookstore. A tall, slim, man with a lithe, strong form. He had silver hair and he stared at Hazel like he was starving.

  “Shut up,” Ingrid said, and Emily turned at the reverent tone.

  That guy had to be Presidium and his eyes were locked with Hazel’s.

  “Hazel said she had a soul mate,” Emily whispered.

  Based on the way that they didn’t seem to see anything except each other, including the murdering necromancers that dangled in the air by invisible threads, Ingrid figured that this old guy was Hazel’s. He was hot for someone who could be a grandpa. Way hotter than the douchebag murdering Larry.

  “Elder Fitzgerald,” Dean said, carefully.

  “I have this,” the Fitzgerald guy said and Dean crossed quickly to join Emily, Gabe, and Ingrid.

  Emily stood and looked Dean up and down. She sniffed as he
stepped towards her and her eyes flashed in a way that Ingrid knew too well.

  She grinned and leaned into Gabe to watch the show.

  “Listen, you will never tell me to stay back. Feel me?” Emily slapped him straight across the face and then planted her mouth on his for an epic make out session.

  Ingrid snorted and started giggling. Gabe’s chuckle and the way it didn’t seem to hurt him made her feel that final moment of relief.

  “Hey,” she told him softly. She turned so her face was towards his as she said, “We lived.”

  “We did,” he said, reaching his good hand towards her face.

  Fights should always be followed by kissing.

  Ingrid’s phone buzzed a moment later. It was the distinct death knell buzz she had made just for her mom.

  “Your mom ruins everything,” Emily said, as Ingrid lifted her phone to look at it.

  “Oh hells,” Ingrid breathed as her brain struggled to comprehend what the text said. “Oh, holy hells of all the possible rings of hell. Doves everywhere are weeping.”

  “Are you all right?”

  Ingrid shook her head, weakly as Emily snatched her phone away.

  “Oh no,” Emily said. “Your mom is coming?! I might vomit.”

  Ingrid stood, taking her phone back and crossing quickly to the sink next to the espresso machine. She calmly filled the sink with water, dropped her phone into the water, and said, “Someone died. She's bringing my inheritance. We have five days.”

  “Five days to what?” Gabe and Dean asked together.

  “Five days to get out of town,” Emily said. “Prague, here we come.”

  •••

  Dean and Emily sat in the bookstore where they met. She was looking at Prague travel guides, but her attention was split between feeling like a traitor to her own bookstore and guilt over taking off on a European vacation while Mary was in such fresh pain. Somewhere past those emotions lingered a strange feeling—that she was going to miss Dean. But first things first.

  “I’m worried about Mary,” she said.

  Dean looked up from the large book of photographs when she spoke. “In what way?”

  Emily chewed her lip, wishing she could ignore the feelings of compassion that sometimes overtook her. “I can’t quite pinpoint it. In a way, it’s better for her to know the truth right? About her mom, I mean. Better to know that she died trying to protect her than to think Jill walked out on her. At the same time, though, ugh. She’ll have to grieve the loss of her mom all over again, but this time in a more permanent way. Add to that the knowledge she now has about her grandparents. It’s a lot for a kid to deal with.”

  Dean nodded. “It is a lot. For anyone. But she’s not really a kid, you know. She turns 18 tomorrow.”

  “Shut up! Her birthday is tomorrow? We’ve got to throw her a party. Or something less painful. Maybe we’ll take her out to dinner? She probably wouldn’t want a party, right? On the heels of her grandparents being put in magic prison for being super evil douchebags. That would be weird.”

  Dean laughed at her. “Yes, weird. But I think weird might be something Mary is good at.”

  Emily ignored him, planning a spontaneous celebration in her head. “I’ll get a hold of Ingrid. We’ll do something special for her. But, besides her birthday. I want to talk to Mary and see what she’s thinking. She needs direction. Focus. You know?”

  Dean closed his book. “Okay. Let’s go find her. I’ve got some ideas, actually. Her death magic is innately strong. To be able to see spirits without even trying is a gift. She might find a future for herself working with the Presidium.”

  Emily arched her eyebrow. “Hazel doesn’t trust them.”

  Dean smiled. “I’m not sure I do entirely myself. But it still might be the best start for Mary. She’s a little behind the curve in terms of her magic education. The Presidium would be a great crash course.”

  “Okay. We can go talk to her. About the Presidium and her birthday.”

  “Before we do, though. There’s something I’ve wanted to ask you. How long will you be gone?”

  Emily shrugged. “A couple months. Maybe.” She watched him out of the corner of her eye.

  She watched him pretend to not notice that she was practicing sneaky. His willingness to play along with her coyness made her heart a tiny bit happy.

  “We should make out some more before I leave. I can't come back to the island until Ingrid's mom leaves. She'll know we are trying to out wait her. It could be a long standoff—a emotional siege situation. I’m going to need for you to leave me very satisfied in case it has to hold me for a while. I have needs, you know.” She winked at him, imagining that she could see his blood pressure rising.

  His lip twitched. “Leaving you satisfied won't be a problem. Plus, I am only a phone call away. My services come with free delivery.”

  Emily secretly thrilled at his words, but she couldn't let him know. It was too soon. “I’ll have plenty of European men to keep me company. I'll just need nice sexy memories to keep me company on the long, ridiculous flight to Europe. Did you know that I hate to fly?”

  “Well, I'm certain that you will be able to find some guy on the flight to keep you company.”

  Emily knew he teased, but she was glad that he wasn't an insecure whine bag. That would have been a total turn off.

  He continued. “Just be sure and lose whatever strays you pick up by the time you get back.”

  “Why? Will you be staying on the island?”

  “Nah. But I'll think about coming to visit you when you get back.”

  Emily smiled sweetly. “Let's go back to my place and say a proper goodbye. Also, you aren't allowed to touch another human while I'm gone. Okay?”

  He smiled, “Well, then we better have a really great farewell. And I won't promise not to visit you in Europe.”

  “Just don't turn in to a creepy stalker. I've only just recently come to terms with you not being a serial killer. I'm not ready to adapt to your other odd traits.”

  He pulled her in for a kiss and whispered in her ear, “A private investigator is not the same thing as a stalker.”

  “Says you,” Emily murmured. “So, we are going to make out like teenagers for only just a little bit. Then we are going to be responsible adults and see to Mary. Because I am not a heartless shrew. Despite what all the people say.”

  He nodded and took her hand, leading her out the door and to her apartment. “Yes, we’ll find some time to adult on Mary’s behalf. After I’m done with you.”

  Then she found a better use for her lips—and his—than talking. She couldn't wait to get back from Europe. Indecisive and fickle were her prerogative.

  Thank you times infinity to Lousia Lechner and Heidi Martin.

  You are more than superfans, more than beta readers. You are our salvation.

  Also, we blame you two for everything. Seriously, though, thanks for being amazing and encouraging our madness.

  With tons of love,

  Amanda and Auburn

  Presidium Titles Coming Soon

  Pre-Order your copy today!

  Pre-Order Mississippi Street Specter Here

  Releases February 29, 2016

  Pre-Order Hallow Graves Here

  Releases February 26, 2016

  Pre-Order Presidium Vignettes, Volume 1 Here

  Releases January 29, 2016

  Pre-Order Prague Murder Here

  Releases March 15, 2016

  Auburn Seal began writing professionally when she found herself standing in the ruins of her previous career as a domestic engineer. Rising from the ashes of a life she hated, she has found solace and a rebirth in writing genre fiction. The primary difficulty she faces now is that genres are like potato chips and she can't settle on only one. Paranormal elements are found in nearly all of her novels and come in all flavors.

  Ghosts add intrigue to her historical mysteries in The Vanishing Series.

  Vampires spice up the new adult romance in
The Immortals (a book born out of Auburn's obsession with Damon Salvatore).

  See a more sentimental side of vamps in Kendawyn Paranormal Regency romances, a world that she co-created with Amanda A. Allen and Pamela Welsh.

  Witches brew the solution to murder in the cozy witch mystery, Inconvenient Murder, that Auburn co-authored with Amanda A. Allen in yet another collaboration.

  The pesky rules of science fiction prevented an overt use of paranormal elements in her upcoming novel First Watch, so Auburn added sex, violence, and bad language to fill the void left by absent ghosts, a sensory trifecta for the literary pallet.

  First Watch is one title in a multi-author project Paradisi Chronicles, a post-apocalyptic exodus from Earth and settlement on a distant planet in a far off star system set to launch in September of this year.

  When Auburn isn't learning how to write in every imaginable genre or collaborating with other authors, she spends time with her family watching movies and irritating them with her need to constantly dissect the plot structure of dinosaur blockbusters.

  auburnseal@gmail.com

  www.auburnseal.com

  Amanda A. Allen is the author of These Lying Eyes, Song of Sorrow, Compelled by Love, Bewildered by Love, Inconvenient Murder, Moonlight Murder, and Bewitched Murder.. She is part of the author groups behind Kendawyn Paranormal Regency and The Paradisi Chronicles.

  Amanda A. Allen has been telling herself stories since she was a small child. Some of these stories are now in book form. She lives in the Pacific Northwest with her three children, two dogs, and mounds of novels. She can be found at:

  amandaaallen.com

  BEWITCHED MURDER

  Copyright © 2015 by Raining Ink Publishing, Auburn Seal, and Amanda A. Allen.