by Pj Fiala
27
The Exes
Sunday morning, Joci woke to Jeremiah kissing her head. Her eyes slowly opened. Jeremiah was on his back with his right arm wrapped around her. She was on her side, with her right leg thrown over his legs, her right arm thrown over his waist, and her head cradled on his shoulder. They had gone to bed without saying a word after sitting in the living room for what felt like hours. Joci was too weary to keep her eyes open. She laid as far to her side of the bed as she could, and he on his. Not even a good night was spoken, both of them raw and bloodied from the extraction of emotions. She must have rolled toward him in her sleep.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to crowd your space,” she said as she lifted to glance at the clock.
He sighed and when he spoke his voice was hoarse. “I love you, Joci. We’ll get over this and work it out. I haven’t cheated on you; I never will.”
She glanced at him for the first time. His eyes sought hers, hungry for reassurance.
She sat up, raked her hands through her hair and let out a breath. “Yeah.” She scooted to her side and slid from the bed, still wearing the gray t-shirt she had hastily thrown on with the silky black shorts. It was the first time she hadn’t slept nude with him.
“I can’t have this conversation again right now. I need coffee and some time to process it all.” She walked to the kitchen, rubbing her gritty eyes. She absently reached into the cupboard for two cups and poured one for each of them. Turning to the refrigerator, her stomach rolled at the thought of food. She immediately closed the door and picked up her phone from the counter. Several missed calls. She tapped Gunnar’s missed call first.
“Are you okay, Mom?” He sounded as if he had been awake for some time. She glanced at the clock on the stove.
“Yes. I’m fine. What gets you up so early on a Sunday?”
She heard him hesitate. “Do you want to talk? Are you sure you’re fine?”
She chuckled. “I’m fine. It’s going to take some time, and we have things to work through, but…” She couldn’t finish. She didn’t know what would happen next.
She heard him clear his throat. “Okay. Well, Connor asked if he could speak with us today. He wouldn’t say what it was, but he wanted us both to be there. Are you feeling up to talking with him this morning?”
Joci closed her eyes. What could he possibly need to speak with them about? She couldn’t handle much today; she felt weak and exhausted. Letting out a deep breath, she said, “Let’s just pull the Band-Aid off quickly and get it over with. What time do you want to come over?”
She threw away Jeremiah’s beer bottle and cap from last night and wiped the sticky ring from the counter. She walked to the bedroom with their coffee cups and saw that Jeremiah had gotten up, and she heard the shower running. She pulled clothing from the closet and sat on the edge of the bed. She’d never hesitated to go into the bathroom when he was in showering before; now, she felt different. Distant.
The shower shut off, and she listened as he sighed heavily. He was apparently feeling it too. He opened the door and froze when he saw her sitting on the bed facing the door. “You could’ve come in,” he said, a bit terse.
She nodded once. “I brought you coffee.” She retrieved the cup from the nightstand and handed it to him. Their fingers brushed, and she looked into his eyes. He reached forward with his other hand and cupped her chin.
“I love you. We need to move forward and figure this out.” She caressed his arm; her eyes welled with tears. Stepping forward, she wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his massive bare chest. The hairs tickled her nose and eyelashes; his skin smelled heavenly. As he wrapped his big arms around her shoulders and waist, she felt cocooned and safe from the spoils of the world around them.
She reluctantly pulled away and looked into those green orbs she loved so much. “I love you too. We’ll have to figure this out later, though. Gunnar and Connor are on their way over. Connor has something he needs to talk to us about.”
Jeremiah groaned. “I’ll bet he does.”
Joci turned the water on in the shower. “I don’t think it has anything to do with Deb—with you.” She took a deep breath. She’d have to say her name eventually.
Gunnar walked in the back door from the garage. He had a bakery box in his hand and a coffee cup in the other. Jeremiah stood from the table, and eyed him warily. Gunnar nodded and set the box in the center of the table. “Morning. Where’s Mom?”
“Taking a shower. She’ll be out in a minute.”
Gunnar took a drink of his coffee, set the cup on the table and took a seat. “Everything okay?” he asked cautiously.
Jeremiah sat across from him, folded his hands together and heaved out a sigh. “Look, Gunnar, I didn’t cheat on her—I never would. And that’s not my kid. I don’t know what game she’s playing at, but it’s not mine.”
Gunnar nodded. “Then we’ll need to find out what her game is.” He leaned forward and placed his forearms on the table. “But you won’t get another chance if you hurt my mom; she’s been through enough.”
“What’s this, you’re protecting my virtue?” Joci strolled into the kitchen, her hair still damp from her shower, no makeup on and she was still the most beautiful woman he’d ever laid eyes on. She took his breath away. This setback was just that: a setback. But they would get through it. He’d move heaven and earth if he needed to.
Gunnar stood and hugged his mom. “Not necessarily your virtue, just wanting the air to be clear.”
“Hmm.” Joci glanced at him, and Jeremiah smiled at her. He stood and walked to her, kissed the top of her head and pointed to the table. “Sit. I’ll warm up your coffee.” He proceeded to the coffee pot when the doorbell rang.
“Okay, let’s find out what this important meeting is all about,” Joci said as she stood to open the door for Connor.
As soon as the stiff pleasantries were exchanged, Jeremiah sat at the table to Joci’s left. Then he had an uncomfortable feeling that this might be private, and he shouldn’t be involved. “Would you like me to go in the other room?”
“No,” both Joci and Gunnar said at the same time.
Jeremiah smiled at both of them. Relief washed over him like the shower water had this morning. He glanced at Gunnar, and he nodded. He turned his head to Joci, and she reached over and took his hand on the table and gently squeezed. Baby steps.
Connor finally cleared his throat. “I know this is going to be difficult to hear, but I wanted to let you know that Keith is back in town. He and Dianna and the boys moved back last week. They’re living at Keith’s parents’ house.”
Joci looked at Gunnar to see how he was taking this. Her son’s jaw was tight, and she could see him grinding his teeth together. He looked at her and then back at Connor.
Connor continued, “He wants to see you. Both of you.”
Gunnar slapped his hand on the top of the table, hard, making Joci jump. He stood suddenly, knocking over his chair. “Tell him to go and fuck himself. I sure as fuck don’t want to see him.”
Her eyes grew large as she watched Gunnar, and even though she felt the same way, she was surprised that he didn’t want to see Keith. Glancing at Jeremiah to see his reaction, she saw his jaw clamped like a vise; his lips pressed together in a narrow line, and his hands were balled into fists on the table.
Connor took a deep breath and looked at Joci. “How do you feel about it, Joci?”
She snapped her head to look at Gunnar again and then at Connor. “I don’t have anything to say to him. He left us twenty-five years ago with no word, no contact in any way, shape, or form. No forwarding address, no way to reach him if Gunnar needed him. I can’t possibly imagine why he would think either of us would want to see him now.”
Connor nodded. He looked at Gunnar again. “He’s your father, Gunnar. Don’t you want to meet him?”
Gunnar exploded. “He isn’t my father. He’s a fucking sperm donor. He has a lot of nerve asking to see me after
all this time. Up until now, my fathers were you and Uncle David. Now I have Dog. He’s the only father I want.”
Joci’s mouth dropped open and tears sprang to her eyes. She knew Gunnar liked Jeremiah. She had no idea he felt like Jeremiah was a father to him. She looked at Jeremiah, whose eyes were red and glistening. He got up out of his chair and walked over to Gunnar and wrapped him in a strong embrace. They held on to each other for a long time.
Joci’s gaze was fixed on the two most important men in her life. Her heart was so full of love right now she struggled to breathe. She swallowed several times rapidly and blinked furiously to keep the tears from flowing.
When Jeremiah and Gunnar pulled away from each other, both had red eyes. Jeremiah held Gunnar’s head in both of his hands and kissed the top of Gunnar’s head.
Once they were able to compose themselves, they sat down again. Jeremiah reached over and took Joci’s hand. She squeezed and looked into his eyes. The house was eerily silent. Joci cleared her throat as she looked over to Connor.
He reached over and laid a hand on top of the hand she had on the table. Jeremiah leaned forward as if he was going to object, but Connor spoke up.
“Joci, I love you and Gunnar. I always have. I wanted to be there for you both when Keith left. I know this is hard for you—both of you.”
He looked over at Gunnar, and then back at Joci. “Keith is dying, Joci. He has stage four lung cancer. He realizes what he did was wrong. He wants to apologize for his behavior.”
Joci slowly pulled her hand away from Connor. Now she was mad. She closed her eyes for a long moment, shook her head and looked at Connor. Softly as she could, she said, “How long are you going to do his dirty work? When he left, you stepped in and picked up some of the brunt. You were doing what he should have done. Now he’s dying and wants to absolve himself of his wrongdoing, and once again, he sends you here to do his dirty work. How dare he want to see us when he is dying? He isn’t thinking of us; he isn’t thinking of Gunnar. He’s worried that he won’t get into heaven without asking for forgiveness. It has nothing to do with us!”
She stood up. “You go tell him that, Connor. He has no right to ask this of us. He has no right to try and use his final days to disturb our lives to ease his guilt.”
Joci started to walk outside when she heard Connor say, “You’ll regret this, Joci. I know you. You’re the one always saying to step up and be the better person. If you let him die without seeing you, you’ll always wonder if you should have given him the chance to apologize.”
Joci spun around to yell at Connor, but Gunnar punched him in the face first. Connor flew back and fell off his chair. Gunnar went to lunge at him again when Jeremiah stepped in and grabbed him.
“Son, it isn’t Connor’s fault Keith is a coward. If you hurt him, you’ll feel bad about it. Let’s just let it go. Please.”
Gunnar looked at Jeremiah for a few beats then nodded his head. He walked out past Joci and into the backyard. She followed him out, not wanting him riding his bike when he was pissed. She caught up to him and asked him to sit with her on the swing she’d brought from her house. She used to swing with Gunnar on it in the evening while they read books. Later, when Gunnar was older, they would sit in the swing most evenings and talk about what had happened during the day. Gunnar would tell Joci about school, and Joci would tell Gunnar about her latest project at work.
She started to move the swing back and forth—slowly—to help calm them both down. Neither said anything for a long time. They just let the soft calming motion soothe them as they collected their thoughts.
Finally, Gunnar took in a shaky breath. “I’m sorry, Mom. I don’t want to see him. Are you mad at me?”
Joci pulled Gunnar to her for a hug. He rested his head on her shoulder like he used to as a kid, though now he had to hunch over to do it, and she rubbed his back.
“I’m not mad at you, baby. I don’t want to see him either. I can’t even process what’s going on.” After a short silence, she said, “I had no idea you loved Jeremiah like a father. You’ve never said.”
Gunnar smiled. “Didn’t you wonder why I always tried to get you to go out with him? There was something about him right away. I was drawn to him in a way I couldn’t explain. He’s been so patient and kind to me. Always teaching me things, just like his boys. Never yells, just corrects and explains, and we move on. Just like I always dreamed my father would be.
“Mom, when you finally started dating him, I was so fucking happy. I thought I would finally get my family. I don’t mean to make you feel bad, but I always wanted a dad. You’re a great mom and Uncle David has been great over the years. But, I wanted a dad. My dad and not Keith. A dad who loves me.”
Joci had no idea. Tears slid down her face and into Gunnar’s hair. She didn’t care; she let them flow. What a weekend. Never had she been on such a roller coaster ride. And as the universe has its way of putting things in your way to change your direction, here was another one. She loved Jeremiah, and she’d do what it took to work this thing out with Deborah. If the baby was his, Joci would find a way to be a good parent to it. Though she hoped Jeremiah was right, and it wasn’t his.
They sat and swung for quite a while, each lost in thought.
Gunnar raised his head and looked into her eyes. “Are you and Dog okay?”
Her lips turned down. She looked away from the hopeful look in Gunnar’s eyes and stared at the bright pink polish on her toenails. “It will be. Last night was quite a shock and more than anything I’m pissed that he’s been hiding it from me. It doesn’t help me to trust him.”
Gunnar sighed. “I know. But you’ll be able to. Right?”
Joci lightly pushed his shoulder and chuckled. “Yeah. You better not be ganging up on me, though.”
Gunnar laughed. “Naw. I won’t do that.”
She nodded, then a tall figure cast a shadow on them where the sun had just been shining.
“May I join you?”
Joci and Gunnar both looked up into Jeremiah’s beautiful face. She smiled and scooted over to make room for him. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and rested his hand on Gunnar’s.
“I take it Connor left,” Joci said.
“Yes, quite a while ago. I cleaned up the table and wanted to give you two some time to talk. But I was spying on you. I sat at the table and watched you two sit and swing out here for a long time. I got jealous and decided to come and join you.”
He looked at her so lovingly her heart melted. She leaned up and kissed him. “You’re always welcome to join us. You should never feel like you can’t.” It had been the first time since last night. She saw his eyes grow moist, the edges red and knew he realized it too.
Gunnar nodded. “Agreed.” He looked around Joci. “Is Connor okay?”
“Well, he has a sore jaw, but nothing’s broken. He feels bad. He said you had a point, Joci, about his doing Keith’s dirty work. He had never looked at it that way. He wanted me to tell you both he’s sorry he came here to ask you to see Keith.”
They sat quietly for a while.
Jeremiah said. “My mom called and wanted to know if we would like to go to Pamperin Park for a barbecue this afternoon. How do you guys feel about that?”
“Nothing I would like more than to be with my family,” Gunnar said. Jeremiah smiled and nodded at him. He squeezed Joci’s shoulders.
“You good with that?”
She nodded. Tears slid down her cheeks again. Stupid emotions.
“Yes, that sounds like a fabulous way to spend the day.”
Joci had been working on the plans with Jeremiah for the employee party for the past few weeks. She had also worked hard on the video from the Veteran’s Ride. Even with their setbacks this past couple of weeks, life was slowly getting back to their normal--what they'd become accustomed to. Since she’d met Jeremiah, the new normal still had to show itself. Today, she was meeting him for lunch at Rolling Thunder to discuss preparations for the annual staff din
ner.
She walked into the shop, and Janice greeted her with a huge smile. “Hi, Joci. How are you?”
Happy to see her, Joci greeted her warmly. They spoke for a few minutes, and Joci walked upstairs to the offices. Jeremiah’s office door was open, and she walked in to find him reading something. She walked over and kissed the top of his head.
He looked up and smiled while pulling her down on his lap. She giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his lips. Kissing him was something close to heaven. His lips always molded to hers. Soft and supple while commanding her in ways she would never tell him lest he use it against her.
A gravelly voice from the doorway said, “Well, well, well. What do we have here?”
Jeremiah touched his forehead to hers and hissed, “Fuck.”
Joci turned to see a woman who looked like an older version of LuAnn. Oh. My. God. Bleached blonde hair. Tattoos everywhere. A ton of jewelry. Over-tanned skin. Dark eye makeup. She looked like someone had dragged her behind a bike.
Jeremiah stood, holding on to Joci. “Barbara, what brings you here?”
Barbara? This was Barbara? She looked like LuAnn’s mother…or grandmother.
“Aren’t you going to introduce me to your plaything of the day?” Barbara smirked.
Jeremiah took a deep calming breath. “Barbara, first of all, she’s not my ‘plaything of the day.’ This is Jocelyn James, my girlfriend, and I won’t allow you to disrespect her.”
“Joci, this is Barbara, JT and Ryder’s mother.”
Joci cleared her throat. “It’s nice to meet you, Barbara.”
Barbara sneered. “Sure.”
“I need to speak with you, Dog…” She looked at Joci and raised her brows. “Privately.”
“Tough. If you have anything to speak with me about, you’ll say it in front of Joci,” Jeremiah ground out.
Barbara sauntered in and flopped onto the chair across the room like she owned the place. “Suit yourself.”
