Freaky Monday

by Mary Rodgers

  “It just wasn’t like you to drop the ball in English class today like that.”

  “It was uncharacteristic and I apologize—”

  “Hey, no need to apologize, I’m just sayin’.”

  “Sayin’ what?”

  Zane stared mutely and I had to do something. I couldn’t let Ms. Pitt single-handedly destroy this mood! I nudged her ever so slightly in the back with my elbow and nonchalantly turned. She gave a little look over her shoulder and pivoted to face Zane again.

  “Just…you know…just makin’ sure you’re okay, that’s all.”

  I gave a sly smile to Hadley and very coyly (seriously, maybe I should be a spy or something, I was feeling increasingly stealth) gestured with my head to keep it going. Hadley flashed him a big grin. “Thank you. I am fine now. And I appreciate your concern.”

  “So…kinda cool with the dance on a Monday and the Candy-Grams and all,” he said.

  “Yes.”

  Mr. Hudson appeared at the doorway of the cafeteria and was scanning the room. I knew I now had my excuse to get much closer to Zane and Hadley without looking like a complete loon and I made a beeline for him. The high heels click-clicked on the cafeteria floor and I saw Mr. Hudson notice me approach. He did an adorable double take, obviously approving of my wardrobe and general style update…. I knew getting Ms. Pitt out of her drab garb and into something edgier would be appreciated. Already it was clearly paying off.

  “Whoa, you look—” Mr. Hudson said.

  “Let’s dance,” I cut in and dragged Mr. Hudson out onto the dance floor. He was taken aback but (I’d say) secretly thrilled as I directed him squarely next to Zane and me. I just had to hear what was up!

  I put my arms around Mr. Hudson’s neck and made sure there was a good amount of space in between us. There would be no hanky-panky teacher action on my watch. He smiled at me.

  “I wanted to tell you how lovely you look tonight,” Mr. Hudson said.

  I strained to hear Zane and Hadley’s conversation and wasn’t exactly paying attention to Mr. Hudson. “Come again?”

  “I said…you look lovely,” he repeated.

  “Oh, thanks, thanks. Enough with the granola-wear, right?” I smiled and continued to eavesdrop.

  “Wait, what did you just say again?” I heard Hadley ask.

  Yeah, what was it?! I thought to myself desperately.

  “I said…I sent the Candy-Gram. I’m your secret admirer,” said Zane.

  “Shut! Up!” I squealed in response, and everyone shot confused eyes my way to make sure that was actually Ms. Pitt screaming like a way-too-spirited cheerleader.

  “And I guess it’s not so secret anymore….” Zane whispered, and edged a bit away from me in Ms. Pitt’s body, trying to give Hadley and him some privacy.

  But Zane, don’t you see?! I’m right here!

  I couldn’t miss this and tried to direct Mr. Hudson back in their direction—Zane Henderson sent me a secret admirer Candy-Gram!!

  “Why, what a lovely thing to do, Zane. Thank you for sending me a Candy-Gram,” Hadley said.

  Lovely thing to do? No! No! No! I thought, panicky. He didn’t deliver a bag of potatoes or help mend a fence—he got me a Candy-Gram! Let’s see some excitement!

  “Yeah, I was a little nervous about sending it,” Zane admitted.

  I was craning my neck, desperate to overhear this exchange—this was one of the most thrilling things that had ever happened to me…and I wasn’t even ME!

  “Mr. Wells was looking for you earlier,” Mr. Hudson told me. What Mr. Hudson failed to grasp was that Mr. Wells paled on the excitement Richter scale compared to this dance moment!

  “Huh,” I responded dismissively, craning my neck to keep tabs on Zane.

  “Is something wrong with your neck?” Mr. Hudson asked.

  “No. Why?” I asked, realizing as I said it I was straining my neck to hear. I probably looked like a turtle stretching out of my shell. I tried to act more normal. “Oh, yeah, little crick or something.”

  Zane and Hadley were drifting too far away—it was nearly impossible to hear them. I desperately tried to steer me and Mr. Hudson back in their direction. The effect was probably more than a bit psychotic.

  “You know, I’ve always had a…well, a thing for you, Hadley,” Zane said, despite his crimson face and obvious discomfort sharing this information.

  No way! Zane has a thing for me?!

  “I guess it probably doesn’t come as a shock to know that I’ve always had a thing for you, Carol,” Mr. Hudson said a bit awkwardly. I knew I should say something but he would just have to wait.

  Ms. Pitt clearly knew how much this would mean to me and she responded fairly normally with genuine sincerity. “That is really good to hear, Zane. Because I believe I’ve always had a thing for you, too,” she said. I could tell Ms. Pitt probably felt very nearly creepy saying this to a student but I so appreciated it!

  Zane brightened. “Really?”

  “I’m fairly certain, yes,” Hadley responded.

  “So…aren’t you going to respond?” Mr. Hudson pleaded. But I was way checked out and swooning over this Zane exchange!

  My stomach was doing cartwheels!

  “Oh yeah. That’s cool,” I said a bit dismissively to Mr. Hudson. Then I realized this could possibly be just as important to Ms. Pitt as Zane was to me. I had to at least try to focus.

  I turned to Mr. Hudson and looked him dead in the eye. “Really, Mr. Hudson—”

  “Randy.”

  “Randy. I’m happy to hear that. It’s about time I went out and had some sort of a social life,” I said, and Hadley flipped around and glared, overhearing that! Well, it was true—Ms. Pitt should date.

  Mr. Hudson’s face brightened. “So then…would you like to go out? This Saturday maybe?”

  Zane was looking longingly at Hadley, searching her face. He was definitely inching toward her and Ms. Pitt knew that boys just don’t lean in toward girls unless there’s one goal and one goal alone….

  Zane was moving in to KISS her!

  “Uh…Carol?” Mr. Hudson asked me again. But hello—I was just a little bit more focused on my first kiss!

  “OHMYGOD!” I squealed at the horror show unrolling before my eyes! Ms. Pitt can’t get to experience MY first kiss!

  And the gods responded as Ms. Pitt averted this and turned Hadley’s face JUST in the nick of time so that Zane’s lips missed her cheek! I took shallow breaths as if I had narrowly avoided a natural disaster.

  “Carol?” Mr. Hudson asked yet again, his deepening uncertainty coloring his voice.

  I had to snap out of it and address Mr. Hudson. “Sure! Cool! I mean I’d love to.” I barely got all that out when Hadley linked arms in my own and dragged me off.

  CHAPTER 19

  The real Ms. Pitt and I finally found an area to talk, occupied only by a clandestine making-out couple, who were clearly oblivious of our arrival. We waited a second and shared an exasperated look. This couple was NOT coming up for air.

  “Do you mind?” I asked sarcastically.

  Finally the couple pulled out of their lip lock and were startled to see Ms. Pitt glowering at them. “Sorry, Ms. P!” the boy said, and yanked his girlfriend off with the charm of a caveman.

  Out of nowhere Mr. Wells snuck up—he was like a shark, moving silently and with obvious intent to maim.

  “I see you chose to overlook the students clearly violating code 5.24, which states that teachers must give detention to any couple on school property engaging in affectionate acts such as kissing—”

  “But aren’t you the principal? Shouldn’t you stop them, then?” Hadley asked with conviction.

  Mr. Wells was silenced. “I will address them in due time. Now then, Ms. Pitt. I have been looking for you all evening.”

  “Can we talk at another time? I’m sort of in the middle of something here,” I said. (Important things like nearly getting kissed by Zane Henderson!) But the minute I said it, I was sur
e Mr. Wells was not used to Ms. Pitt being so flippant with him.

  “Let me guess. Your students come first?”

  Hadley stepped forward and wanted to backpedal this tension. “Mr. Wells, with all due respect…I want to assure you that today’s interview—and I’m sure for all of its…strangeness—”

  “‘Strangeness’ does not begin to describe it,” said Mr. Wells curtly.

  “Let me assure you today was…well, far from ideal and completely situational. And I am—I mean, Ms. Pitt—is totally capable of chairing the English department. As a student of hers, I can attest to her skill,” Hadley said.

  Hadley locked eyes with me and silently pleaded to take this seriously. “Mr. Wells, I realize it may be too late,” I said. “But there is nothing more that I aspire to and I’d do an exceptional job as chair of the English department.” Now, that sounded official.

  I could tell Hadley was nearly vibrating with dread…and it probably was too late for her dream appointment. We sat there in loaded silence.

  “It’s not too late, Ms. Pitt,” Mr. Wells said with serious reluctance in his voice.

  “It’s not?!” Both Hadley and I chimed in together.

  “No. Truth of the matter is, you are a devoted teacher, Ms. Pitt. And that has not gone unnoticed,” he said.

  “Thanks!” Hadley chirped too enthusiastically. “But…what about during the interview when I prematurely, well—” She fumbled for the word.

  “Blazed. Didn’t that hurt my chances?” I said.

  “The board saw that as more evidence of your devotion. Leaving prematurely for the sake of a student only highlighted that conviction.” He paused. “Even I was moved by that display.”

  “You?” I had to ask.

  “Yes, Ms. Pitt. Congratulations. The board would like to extend an offer to chair the English department.”

  Hadley leaped into the air with elated buoyancy. “Woo-hooo!”

  Mr. Wells eyed Hadley a bit suspiciously again.

  “See? Students love me!” I tried to explain Hadley’s outburst, and he responded with a half smile. “Thank you, Mr. Wells.”

  “I knew you’d want to know immediately.” He shook my hand.

  “Congratulations, Ms. Pitt. You did it.” With that, Mr. Wells strolled off, and Hadley and I burst into a spontaneous hug. And let me tell you, it is beyond weird to hug yourself!

  “I am so psyched for you!” I said.

  “And if we could just switch our bodies back, I could get a whole lot more excited about the whole situation,” joked Hadley. And with the reintroduction of the whole body-switch topic, we felt our spirits deflate a bit.

  “Oh, yeah. There’s that.”

  “Yup,” I responded. “There’s still that. It doesn’t look like we’re switching back anytime soon, does it.”

  “No. But you shouldn’t get too down. Zane Henderson did just try to kiss you,” Hadley said. “And now you must know for sure that that boy is so into you….”

  “He does actually like me, huh?”

  “He does. Not Tatum. You.” She paused and smiled at me as I soaked in this realization.

  “And Mr. Hudson has got it bad for you, whoa, nelly,” I said. “He asked you on a date, FYI, and I accepted….”

  “So today I got my dream job and a date!” Hadley said. “Okay, this has been the freakiest day….”

  “You deserve everything.”

  “And so do you.”

  “You know,” I said, “if I ever get back into my own lackluster, flat-as-a-pancake body, I will kiss the ground I walk on and celebrate every rainbow and sunset and moment of life. I swear. I promise to do more with my life than study!”

  “Yeah. Like kissing Zane Henderson!” Hadley teased, and I fist-bumped her in the arm.

  “And you have to make time for snuggling up to Mr. Hudson, missy,” I ribbed back.

  She hit me back in the arm playfully. “That’s Randy, thank you very much….”

  “Right, Randy.”

  “Let’s be honest—we both need more balance in our lives,” Hadley said. “And I cannot believe I am saying this to a student—but you need to study less, lady. Get your nose out of that book and live!”

  I looked her dead in the eye. “And I could say the same to you.”

  Suddenly Hadley looked up to the sky as if addressing the gods. “I know. And if anyone’s up there listening, I swear I’ll do it! I’ll volunteer for fewer school activities but I’ll give more of my actual self. I’ll give my students a less scattered and a more plugged-in, happier version of me! Just let me switch back and chair that English department in my regular old body and you’ll see.”

  “We have learned a lot,” I said.

  “We have. And what was it that we said earlier this morning?” Hadley asked.

  “‘Ohmygod, ohmygod, this is not possible!’” I joked.

  “No, no. The quote we read from To Kill a Mockingbird. About seeing something from someone else’s perspective,” Hadley stated.

  It dawned on me Ms. Pitt was right—school wasn’t just about grades, it was about learning. And I don’t think I truly grasped that lesson or what the book was actually about until this very moment. Sure, I had read To Kill a Mockingbird and studied the vocab words. (And look where that got me.) I didn’t study it to absorb or truly understand its meaning. But now I completely got the message. I had seen things from a different perspective today. And what a world of difference it had made.

  I locked eyes with Ms. Pitt and said, “You mean the part about ‘you never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view—’”

  “‘Until you climb—’” Ms. Pitt added.

  Together we grinned at each other and both said: “‘—into his skin and walk around in it.’”

  At that moment, the lights of the cafeteria CRASHED and SPARKED. Flickers of electricity lit up the darkened cafeteria like the Fourth of July and floated down to the dance floor. Students screamed and the room plunged into darkness.

  Within a few moments, the lights resumed and students hugged one another, grasping for reassurance.

  “Okay, that was beyond freaky,” I said, and as I spoke I realized—

  I JUST HEARD MY VOICE! NOT MS. PITT’S VOICE, BUT MY VOICE!

  Ms. Pitt let out a delighted squeal and patted down her womanly boobs for reassurance. Yup—she wasn’t flat as a pancake anymore and those were definitely her breasts!

  “Hadley, do you know what this means?!” Ms. Pitt trumpeted, eyes glowing with giddy excitement and relief.

  “Yipppeeee!” I squealed with the craziness of a kid who has just plowed through their entire Halloween loot in one sitting. I felt deranged…deluded…and delighted! Relief flooded and coursed through my body—my body, Hadley Della Fox’s glorious, teenage, wondrous gift of a body!

  Ms. Pitt and I locked arms and we twirled about merrily, circling the room and giddily laughing together. The whole insanity of the day and the sheer relief flooded our every step. Truth be told, we probably looked a wee bit shnockered.

  I stopped on the dance floor and we looked into each other’s eyes, soaking in the details of each other’s face—and this time, I was looking at Ms. Pitt, not at myself!

  I clung to Ms. Pitt with everything I had—and I had never been so happy to see her before in my entire life! Tears flooded my eyes and crazed laughs kept erupting from us both.

  “Hey! Save it for the slow dance!” Someone yelled from the sidelines, obviously commenting on our hugfest on the cafeteria floor. Laughter erupted and we both joined in.

  Mr. Hudson placed a gentle hand on Ms. Pitt’s shoulder and she turned, flashing a megawatt smile. “Are you okay?” he asked sweetly.

  Ms. Pitt locked eyes with me and smiled warmly. “No, I’m better than okay! I’m fantastic!” She beamed.

  “Me, too,” I gushed, feeling an elation course through my body that I had never known before. “And maybe…just maybe…I’m even fabulous.”

&n
bsp; Zane walked up and overheard my last comment and chimed in, “Tell me something I don’t know.”

  I turned around and lobbed a huge smile to adorable Zane. “And you know something?” I asked him.

  “What’s that?” he responded, matching me in the smile department.

  “I used to hate Mondays.”

  “And now?” Ms. Pitt asked.

  “I’d say Mondays pretty much rock.” The four of us laughed and luxuriated in the warmth and I realized I had never, ever been so thrilled to be myself, exactly as I am.

  “Yup.” Zane grinned. He leaned over and whispered into my ear, “Best Monday I’ve had in a while.” I swear I felt my toes curl back into my feet. I didn’t realize I was the sort of person who could swoon, but apparently I was highly swoon-capable. It was a good thing for a teenage girl to find out about herself.

  “Though I could think of something that this Monday is missing,” Zane whispered with pepperminty breath, not substandard-typical-teenage-boy-woeful-hygiene breath. I had to steady myself.

  “Oh, yeah?” My face nearly hurt I was smiling so huge.

  “That kiss from before. It was, uh…cut short.” Zane was bright red and his smile was equally huge.

  “What a shame,” I heard myself say, and I was so pleased. I sounded like a real flirty teenager! One that went to the mall, one who didn’t just read textbooks and obsessively worry about getting into Stanford at age thirteen! One who had, you know—a life!

  “We should correct that,” Zane said, and I giggled, covering my mouth shyly—jeez, that teenage giggle stuff was instinctive, too!

  I locked eyes with Ms. Pitt and grinned. She was no dummy and seemed plugged into this teenage experience; she knew exactly what was going on here.

  The familiar opening chords of Savage Garden’s “Truly Madly Deeply” started up. It was a song that Soup, Nan, and I just loved to make fun of. It was drippy, predictable, and had sort of lame lyrics. It was also the sort of song that you secretly turn up and sing really loud when you were alone. (But you’d never admit that in public.)

  “Care to dance again?” Zane asked.

  “Why not?”

  Zane took my hand and I hoped it wasn’t a clammy disaster. I also made sure I steered him close enough to Soup and Nan so that I could keep tabs on them.