Temptation

by Victoria Christopher Murray

  She shook her head. “No, I don’t need to know that. You know. The only thing that’s important is that you’ve repented to the Lord. Now, Kyla can forgive you.”

  “Pastor, how will she be able to do that? I can’t imagine that she’ll be able to ever look at me again.”

  “It may take some time, but I know Kyla. She’ll be hurt and in pain and angry. But, she’s also filled with the Holy Spirit and that’s where the forgiveness will come from. As long as you’re truly remorseful.”

  “I am! I love Kyla with everything inside of me. And I just want to find her. I have to make things right.” He paused. “Pastor, when she does come home, will you help us? I won’t know what to do . . .”

  Pastor Ford nodded. “I was going to suggest that. Let’s just find Kyla first. I’ll let you know if she calls me.”

  Jefferson forced a smile and stood. “Thank you, Pastor. I’ll call you as soon as . . . I know something. I’m going to go back home. Maybe she’s back or has called or . . .” his voice faded.

  As he turned away, the pastor took his hand. “I think you’re forgetting something. We have to pray.”

  “I’ve already prayed.”

  “Honey, you can’t pray enough in this situation,” she smiled.

  Through his pain, he chuckled and held Pastor Ford’s hand.

  “Father,” the pastor started. “We come before you now with praise and thanksgiving, for you are a God of grace and mercy. Thank you for your gift of salvation which includes the forgiveness of our sins, in the name of Jesus. We are grateful, Lord, and know that once we repent, you remember our sins no more. And as Jefferson and I bow before you now, Lord, I pray that you give Kyla and Jefferson the strength to face this trial in front of them. I pray, Father, that you will provide the direction and help that you promise in Your Word and we know Your Word is true. And, we thank you, Father, that somehow this will be turned around for your glory. Your name, Father, will be exalted and we thank you and praise you for it. In Jesus Christ’s name we pray, Amen.”

  Without saying anything, Jefferson hugged the pastor and left.

  Alexis let the phone ring until the answering machine picked up, but decided not to leave another message.

  “I guess they’re not home,” she said, turning to Brian. “I don’t know what happened. Kyla said they’d meet us at the second service.” She frowned. “Maybe they changed their minds and went to the first service.”

  “Maybe they just had an extended homecoming celebration,” he said as he put his hands around her waist and pulled her close.

  She bit her lip. “No, they wouldn’t miss church if they could help it . . .”

  “Hey, what’s wrong? You don’t think they could’ve changed their plans?”

  “Maybe . . . I’m just surprised that Kyla didn’t call.”

  “Well, maybe she couldn’t pull away . . . if you know what I mean. Anyway, are you ready?”

  “Sure . . .”

  He frowned. “If you don’t want to go out . . .”

  “Oh, no.” She looked up at him and smiled. “Don’t mind me. I worry about my friends too much.”

  “That’s one of the things I like about you.” He kissed her forehead, then brought his lips down to hers, brushing against them. She closed her eyes, surrendering to the pleasure. After several long minutes, she stepped back, turning away from him. “Where did you say you wanted to go?”

  “I hadn’t decided, but now I’m wondering if maybe we should just stay here.” His voice was husky and he moved towards her.

  “No, I don’t think so . . . I think we should go out.”

  He took her arm and his smile teased her. “Ms. Ward, are you afraid to be alone with me?”

  “Of course not. Why would you say that?”

  His eyes bore into her. “Prove it.”

  “Prove what? I just want to go out, that’s all.”

  His smile continued to mock her. “Well, I’ve changed my mind,” he said. “Let’s stay here and . . . talk.” He kissed her nose. “We can . . . get to know one another better. I think it’s time, don’t you?” He met her lips.

  “Brian . . .”

  His face nuzzled against her neck.

  She bit her lip. “We have to talk.”

  He leaned back. “Okay.”

  Still standing in the circle of his arms, she stared at him and at that moment, she knew she was in love. She took a deep breath and perched herself on the couch’s arm. “I don’t know how to talk about this.” She lowered her eyes. “I haven’t had to in such a long time. Things just never seem to get this far . . .” When she looked up, he was sitting next to her, tapping his fingers against the back of the couch. Clasping her hands, she continued, “This is hard for me.”

  His smile widened. “Hard? I could say the same thing right about now. Okay, let me see if I can help you. You’re trying to tell me that you like me, but you need to know if I’m sleeping with anyone and you need to know if I’m responsible—do I have protection.” He kissed her hand. “The answers are no, no one, and yes, I’m very responsible,” he said patting his pants pocket. “I’m ready for anything we want to do.”

  She chuckled nervously. “Well, that’s all good to know. But what I’m trying to say is that we’ve talked about this a little, but I’m not sure how much you really understood. I’m a Christian . . .”

  “So am I.”

  “Well, one of the things that is really important to me, as I’m sure it is with you, is walking with the Lord. Following all God’s commandments . . .”

  He frowned.

  “And so . . . whew! I didn’t know it was going to be this difficult. So . . . I’m just going to say this right out and let it go where it may . . . I don’t know what you’re going to think about this . . .”

  “Honey, just come on and say it. Don’t keep me in suspense. What is it? Are you HIV positive? Do you have herpes or something else?”

  “No, no and no.”

  “Well, what is it? Don’t tell me you’re a virgin,” he joked.

  “Bingo!”

  His smile vanished. “You’re kidding, right?”

  “I’m not kidding. I mean, I’m not exactly a virgin, but I have been since I made my commitment to the Lord.”

  “Oh . . .” The word dragged out long. “I thought you said you’d been a Christian for over twenty years.”

  She nodded.

  “Wow! You must be climbing the walls!”

  “Honestly, I have fallen a few times. Especially in the early years. But recently I have maintained this walk. It’s a struggle, but I’m going to do all I can to keep this vow.”

  “Oh . . .”

  “Brian, I wasn’t really sure how to talk to you about this, because I’m not sure where you stand . . .” She wrung her hands.

  “Well it’s not like I’ve had to deal with anything like this in a while,” he said. His eyes narrowed a bit as he tried to figure out if Alexis was serious.

  “I didn’t mean to spring this on you. I know you didn’t ask or anything.”

  He grinned. “I was definitely asking . . .” he said, realizing that she was serious.

  She laughed. “And my body definitely wants to say yes, but . . .”

  He touched her shoulder. “You don’t have to explain anymore.” He stood and walked to the balcony, gazing out onto the traffic below on Wilshire Boulevard. This was a surprise, but he couldn’t just jump all over her. “I’m disappointed. I admit it,” he said at last, turning back to face her. “But I respect you and I respect the commitment you’ve made. And maybe this is good. I mean, if this relationship can move forward without sex, then that would be good, right?” His question sounded unsure.

  She nodded. “And I want you to know that I understand how difficult this is going to be. Just looking at you right now let’s me know it’s not going to be easy for me.”

  “Well, at least I know I’m not turning you off.”

  Her eyes slowly roamed his body, from
the top of his short haircut, to the soft lines around his brown eyes, past his mustached lip, down to his tight runner’s body. “I’m not turned off at all,” she said shaking her head slowly.

  He shoved his hands into his pockets. “We’ll just take this a day at a time.”

  With a smile framing her face, she walked to him, took his hands and kissed him lightly. “Thank you for understanding and making it easy for me.”

  “Easy, huh? Well, what should we do with our hormones?”

  They both laughed.

  “I can’t say that this isn’t different,” Brian began. “But I’m willing . . . to give it a try.”

  “Okay . . .” As she stepped away she felt her eyes mist slightly, though she wasn’t quite sure why. He had accepted all of this, hadn’t he? He was willing to try. “Should we still order in or do you want to go out?”

  “Let’s stay in.”

  “Okay,” she smiled weakly.

  “I just want to know one thing. How far can I go?”

  “Brian . . .”

  “I mean is this okay?” He brushed his lips on her neck, sending her head reeling back. Then, his mouth moved to her earlobe. “What about this?”

  Alexis closed her eyes and fell into the feeling.

  “Is this acceptable?” His lips had moved to her closed eyelids and he planted soft kisses while his hands massaged her shoulders. “And, what about this?” His tongue searched her lips, then merged with hers. “I want to make sure I don’t step over any lines,” he murmured.

  She opened her eyes. “I think they all work.”

  “That’s good, because I want to make you happy.”

  Leaning back, her eyes pierced his. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

  He nodded slightly. “If you want the lady, you’ve got to go along with the lady’s rules.”

  “Well, what about food? Still hungry?”

  “Now more than I was before,” he said with a smile.

  “What do you want? Mexican, Italian, Chinese?”

  “Let’s try Chinese. I understand that MSG reduces the sex drive.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “No, but I can always hope, because Lord knows, I’m going to need some help.”

  After the food was delivered, they sat back on the couch, eating Egg Foo Young and listening to Luther Vandross’s smooth voice fill the room.

  “This is kind of nice. Just you, me, Luther, and our hormones,” Brian said as he reached out for her.

  She jabbed him playfully with one of her chopsticks. “Let’s stop talking about our hormones.”

  “What else is there?”

  “Church. What did you think of the service this morning?”

  He started nodding his head slowly. “Well, I’ve heard a lot about this woman and you guys were right. Pastor Ford is something else. I actually learned a few things this morning.”

  “That’s how it always is with her. No matter where you are in your life, her words will reach you. She is truly anointed.”

  “Well, this gives me one more reason to be back in California. I do miss Boston, but it’s more because of the boys than anything else.”

  “You don’t talk about them much.”

  “I thought I talked about them all the time. I try not to bore my friends with all my kid talk.”

  “You could never bore me. Tell me about them.”

  “Brandon and Russell? There’s not much to tell except that they’re two great little boys and I live for the day that I can have them live with me.”

  She sat up. “Really?”

  “Yeah, why are you surprised? I’m their father and would love to be in their lives full-time.”

  “I’m sure Regina would have something to say about that.”

  His nod was slow. “I’m sure. But, I think I’ll be able to work it out.”

  His words sounded mysterious to Alexis and she frowned. The telephone rang.

  “Hi, Jefferson. I was wondering what happened to you guys. We missed you in church.”

  “Uh, yeah . . . I know . . . listen, Alex, I was just calling to see if Kyla was with you.”

  Alexis frowned. “No. Didn’t she come home this morning?”

  “Oh yeah, but she . . . she left and I needed to talk to her.”

  “She’s not answering her cellular?”

  “Uh, no. I think she forgot to turn it on.”

  “Well, I haven’t heard from her, but if I do, I’ll tell her to call you. Jefferson, is everything all right?”

  “Uh . . . sure. Fine. I’ll speak to you later.”

  “What’s wrong?” Brian asked as he dropped the food cartons onto the kitchen table.

  “Jefferson was looking for Kyla and he didn’t sound good.”

  “Did he say what was wrong?”

  “No, he was evasive and now I’m worried.”

  “Oh, come on, honey. If something was wrong, you’re the first person that Kyla would call.”

  “Maybe.”

  As they went to sit on the balcony, she listened to Brian’s chatting and laughed along with him. But her mind moved away, settling into its own corner. Disheartening thoughts raged through her. Something was wrong, terribly wrong. She could feel it in her spirit. But she could not discern who the warning was for. When Brian took her hand, she faked a smile and said a prayer inside her head. “Lord, whatever it is, please keep us. Please keep all of your children safe.”

  Ten

  * * *

  Kyla awakened suddenly, drawn from a fitful sleep. Confused, she looked around the darkened room. Then, the memories flooded her. She leaned over and clicked on the lamp that was bolted to the nightstand. The dull, low-watt bulb cast a brownish hue to the already dingy room.

  Kyla swiveled and dropped her legs to the floor, facing the three-drawer dresser with its peeling veneer. This was a simple room, with only four pieces of cheap furniture and gray paint-chipped walls. She was surprised there was a television, telephone, and radio.

  Standing, she looked through the murky window and for the first time noticed the small terrace adjoining the room. Sliding the door aside, she stepped onto the narrow concrete square and the cool night air softly kissed her face, making her realize how stuffy the room had been.

  She glanced over the railing, taking in the full parking lot. Beyond the lot, the freeway was in full view. Traffic was Sunday-evening light. People were already home with their families. Tears stung her eyes and she fought to hold them back, but it was difficult. Sorrow seemed to engulf her, like she was mourning a death. In a way, she guessed she was. Stepping back into the room, she locked the door securely and still wondered where she was.

  When she had stepped into the lobby this afternoon and walked up to the desk clerk, she hadn’t asked any questions, even though the clerk had plenty of questions for her. She remembered how he had looked her up and down, suspicion blanketing his face.

  “I’d like a room please.”

  He had raised one eyebrow. “A room?” The clerk had peered over the counter. “Do you have any luggage?”

  “No.”

  He had scrutinized her credit card, turned it over then upside down, and checked the signature against her driver’s license. Finally, begrudgingly, he handed her the keys to a single room. It wasn’t until she had glanced at her reflection in the mirror that she understood the clerk’s scrutiny.

  Within minutes, she had collapsed on top of the tattered bedspread that covered the twin-sized bed. Exhaustion was a welcomed guest, preventing her from having to face all of the brand-new issues in her life. But unconsciousness did not grant complete immunity. She’d had a restless slumber, charged with dreams of Jasmine and Jefferson together.

  Now as she stared out the window, her reflections moved forward. She had issues to resolve, decisions to make, things she had to face. The first thing she had to do was leave this hotel. But not just yet. Rubbing her arms, she returned to the bed. She had to do something. Maybe get something to eat. But
the thought of food made her stomach somersault even more. She lay back, leaving the lights on, hoping they could keep away the ghosts. But even with the lights, she couldn’t avoid it. As much as she couldn’t bear to think about what she had found when she got home, she couldn’t put it out of her mind. Jasmine and Jefferson. Jefferson and Jasmine.

  Memories of her wedding day came to her mind. She pictured herself in her wedding dress, making the vows that she had written, words she still remembered. Vows they had promised each other. Vows they had promised God. On that day, Kyla knew adultery would never be an issue in their marriage. The man she loved lived to please God and that meant he would always honor his wife.

  And throughout the years, when women had thrown themselves at the successful, handsome Dr. Jefferson Blake, she had not wavered. Temptation would always come; even Jesus had been tempted.

  But, knowing the word of God and knowing her husband, Kyla knew from the bottom of her heart that Jefferson would never cheat on her. He loved her too much to bring her that kind of pain. He would never break his vows, not to her and not to God.

  But he had. Her heart had been wrong. The security that she had built over the years had been a false one.

  Then there was Jasmine. Her dear friend of more than thirty years. Her friend who would fight anyone who would try to hurt her. They had been through so much together, shared everything from homework to clothes . . . they knew each other’s secrets.

  Maybe this was all a misunderstanding. Maybe she had jumped to the wrong conclusion. Maybe Jasmine had only been spending the night like she had so many times before. She hadn’t actually seen Jasmine and Jefferson in bed together. And, she hadn’t given Jefferson a chance to explain. Maybe he had a logical explanation.

  Her laugh was bitter. There was a logical explanation . . . her husband was having an affair with her best friend. There were a lot of things to call it, but no matter how you explained it, it came down to the same simple thing.

  She picked up the remote and flipped through the television channels, hoping to find something that would detach her from the roller coaster she couldn’t seem to get off. With each channel, her emotions veered, from numbness to anguish and back again. She knew she had to do something before she tore herself into small, useless pieces.