Wrong to Need You

by Alisha Rai

  Livvy bit her lip and Sadia almost relented. Almost, but not quite, because she was still annoyed as fuck.

  “My mom and aunt don’t know everything.”

  Sadia sniffed. “Don’t think I’ll forgive you because you give me exclusive dirt.”

  “Okay, but . . . Nicholas and I have been seeing each other for a decade. We’d get together on my birthday every year.”

  Sadia stared at her for a second, and then opened the door wider. “Do you want coffee or tea?”

  A half-hour later, the two of them sat in silence after Livvy finished relating the somewhat abbreviated saga about her and Nicholas.

  “Huh,” Sadia finally said. Her affronted outrage had dissipated quickly, replaced by fascination.

  Jia was right. The Kanes and Chandlers really were like a soap opera.

  Livvy linked her hands around the mug and leaned forward. “I really am sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t tell anyone . . . Mom and Aunt Maile just found out. I didn’t know how to talk about Nicholas. He was my dirty secret for so long.”

  “Don’t worry about it. We’re cool. How are things between the two of you now?”

  Livvy’s eyes glimmered. “I think . . . pretty good? It’s too soon to tell, but we’ve spent every spare moment over the past couple weeks talking things through.”

  “Do you think you’ll stay here?” She tried to not inject her own desire into that question. More than anything, she wanted Livvy within driving distance. She’d always been in Sadia’s pocket, there at the push of a button, but nothing beat having Livvy close at hand.

  “For now. Nicholas is figuring out his work stuff and I’m tired of traveling so much.”

  Sadia nodded. Paul had always been a little jealous of how both his siblings had ditched everything and roamed the world. If she was totally honest, Sadia had been too. She’d always dreamed of having the freedom to travel and see the world and have some adventures. Flying far and having the security of knowing she had a home and roots waiting for her for whenever she was ready to go back.

  “What happens if you get restless?”

  Livvy’s lips twisted. “I didn’t travel because I was restless. I traveled because I was trying to find . . . I don’t know. A home?” She rested her hand on the kitchen table. “Some place I belonged with people who belonged to me.”

  “You always had me,” Sadia said gruffly.

  “I know.” Livvy’s eyes were shiny. She sat back and picked up her mug. “So what’s up with you?”

  Nothing much.

  Same old, same old.

  Working a lot.

  All acceptable responses. So she was shocked by what came out of her mouth. “I made out with your brother.”

  Livvy didn’t bat an eye. “I assumed you created Kareem some way, but I’d rather not think about it, thanks.”

  Ugh. In for a penny . . . “Not that brother.” Sadia ran her hand through her hair. “Your other brother. Jackson.”

  Livvy very slowly put her mug back on the table. “Wait. What?”

  “I made out with Jackson.”

  “Hang on.” Livvy shook her head. “What?”

  Sadia bit her lip. “You’re freaking me out.”

  “I’m freaking you out?” Livvy’s eyes were so wide, Sadia could see the whites all around the pupils. “Okay okay okay. Let’s . . . let’s take a minute here. Jackson’s still here?”

  “Oh. You didn’t know?”

  Agitated, Livvy released her hair from its bun. “No!”

  “He’s actually, um . . . he’s staying with me.”

  “What?”

  “You keep using that word.”

  Livvy bundled her hair up, and let it fall loose again. “Because you keep surprising me.”

  “He’s helping out at the café and staying above the garage.”

  “Is he home now?”

  “No, at the café.”

  “How long has this been going on?”

  “Since about a week after you left. I needed a chef.”

  Livvy’s nostrils flared. “Jackson’s a chef?”

  Sadia blew out a breath. “I feel like you need to have a separate talk with him.”

  “No shit.”

  Sadia made a mental note to have the bad language talk with Livvy later.

  “And you made out with Jackson?”

  “Shh.” Sadia glanced at the open doorway of the kitchen, but the cartoon was still blaring, which meant Kareem was still occupied. “I didn’t mean to. Jackson—”

  “Whoa, I can’t deal with this.” Livvy screwed her face up like she’d tasted something vile. “You can’t call him Jackson. The only way we can discuss this is if you change his name. Call him, like, Bob.”

  “That’s silly.”

  “How would you like it if I talked about making out with one of your sisters?”

  Ehhhh. Sadia nodded. “Okay, yes, I totally get it when you put it like that. I never really thought about . . . Bob . . . like that before. I don’t understand it. It’s like he came back and I’m suddenly seeing him in a whole new light.” Maybe things would have been different if she hadn’t spent a week lusting after him. Like, if he’d just walked up and knocked on her door instead of lurking in her bar.

  She thought about his body and hands and knew that was false.

  Livvy’s lips turned down, but she admitted, “Bob does come from rather attractive genes. You really never felt anything for him before?”

  “I felt lots of things for him, but they weren’t sexual. I was with Paul.”

  “Let’s call him Carl.”

  Sadia rolled her eyes, but she played along. “I was dating Carl, and then I was married to him. I couldn’t have been attracted to his brother at the same time. That’s . . . terrible. I’m not built like that.”

  “Okay but Paul’s been gone for over a year, Sadia. You’re not betraying him by hooking up with Jackson.”

  Since Livvy had dropped the silly aliases, Sadia did too. She puffed out her cheeks, debating whether she should tell her friend everything. After another glance at the door, she leaned forward and spoke even more quietly. “Paul and I were separated before he died.”

  “Oh.”

  “That’s why he went on that hike alone. We always went on our anniversary, and you know what a creature of habit he could be. Even though that trail isn’t meant for solo hikers—” She cut herself off. She couldn’t bear to think of Paul dying on the trail they’d climbed together. She didn’t want to imagine what his final hours had been like.

  They said he’d fallen, that his injuries had been too severe, and he’d died instantly. She still couldn’t quite believe that. Paul had been so sure-footed.

  Livvy made a sympathetic noise. “I’m sorry.”

  “No one knew. It made things complicated. I still grieved for him.”

  “Of course you did. You should have told me, if only so I could help you.”

  “I didn’t want to put you between me and Paul.”

  “Saint Sadia,” Livvy said, with affection.

  Sadia sighed. “Not a saint.”

  “You gotta look out for yourself too, sister.” Livvy rested her hand on hers. Sadia turned her palm up so their fingers could link. “It’s okay for you to feel however you feel about Paul dying and your marriage and kissing other people now.”

  “I wasn’t conflicted about kissing anyone new until Jackson.”

  “And why him?”

  “Because our history is so complicated, I suppose.”

  “Yeah. I know all about complicated histories.” Livvy’s smile was sad, but understanding.

  “I worry I’ve made things terribly weird.”

  “It hasn’t been not-weird in a long time, Sadia.”

  “True.”

  Livvy’s expression was sympathetic, but not pitying, thank God. “Is it only your past that makes this rough?”

  “I don’t want a relationship right now.” She couldn’t fall in love with someone again. Not n
ow, maybe not ever.

  “You think he does?”

  “I don’t know.” They sat in silence for a minute. Sadia shifted. “He’s a good uncle. Kareem likes him.”

  Livvy brightened. “He’s a good man. That hasn’t changed.”

  Sadia thought of the way he’d stayed in town to help her even though it would be uncomfortable for him. The way he’d taken care of her when she’d had the panic attack.

  The way he’d taken care of her in the alley last night.

  “Yeah.” She exhaled so deeply it came from the soles of her feet. “I was so mad at him, you know. I kind of wish I could go back to being mad at him.”

  “Sometimes anger is a simpler emotion than love.”

  She opened her mouth, ready to reject the notion of love and Jackson, but she did love him. She loved him in so many ways.

  She simply couldn’t be in love with him.

  She also wanted to keep touching him every second he was within touching distance.

  Argh. “Life is hard.”

  Livvy grimaced. “Yeah. I’m sorry, I wish I could give you an easy answer here, but I don’t see one.”

  Neither did Sadia. She sat back in her chair. “Enough about me and Bob. Tell me everything about the love nest in Paris you and Nicholas ran away to.”

  “Paris?” Livvy’s forehead scrunched up. “We were at a cabin twenty miles away.”

  Chapter 15

  Jackson climbed the steps to the tattoo parlor two at a time. Livvy had texted him earlier that she was back in town, along with a paragraph below it.

  OMG I just came from Sadia’s and you’re here? How could you not tell me you were still here??? And you’re a chef? WTF Jackson you don’t tell me anything. I have to go to work rn but I’ll come over after and we are going to have a talk, mister.

  The threat of a conversation should have unnerved him, but instead he was kind of excited. He wanted to see his twin. He wanted her to hug him and, hell, he even wanted to talk to her.

  He also wanted to make sure she was still standing and gauge how badly he needed to punch Nicholas in the face. Again.

  The bell jingled above the door as he walked into the quiet shop. He braced himself to have to deal with friendly Gabe, but the place was deserted, the waiting room neat and tidy. A curtain hid the back room from view.

  “Hello?” he called out.

  “Jackson? Ack. Hey, hang on.” The curtain rustled, and then his sister was there. Her hair was streaked with some ridiculous bright blue, and piled up high on top of her head in a topknot.

  From her exasperated text, he couldn’t tell what reaction he would get, but her face split in a big smile when she laid eyes on him, and she gave a whoop of joy. Then she ran straight at him. He had to think fast to catch her and lift her up so she could hug him.

  He closed his eyes. It still felt awkward, this hugging business, but Livvy didn’t seem to mind. “Hey.”

  She lifted her head from his neck and beamed up at him. There was a glow to her skin. A less cynical man might say it was love, but he figured she’d been catching the last dying rays of the fall sun while she was off with Nicholas. “You stayed.”

  “I did.”

  “I didn’t think you would.”

  He ignored the sting. “I know.”

  “But you did.” She squeezed him again before separating.

  The curtain moved and Nicholas walked into the waiting room, lowering the sleeve of his shirt. Jackson caught a glimpse of a Sharpie-drawn princess, but then it was gone.

  Like a junkyard dog scenting fresh meat, Jackson drew up, laser focused on Nicholas. “You.”

  Nicholas’s face was expressionless, the cold robot in place. He finished buttoning his cuff, and then came to stand a foot away. “Jackson. I’m happy to hear you decided to stick around.”

  “No, you’re not.” Jackson paused. “Nicky.”

  Oddly enough, Nicholas smiled. What the fuck? He didn’t want Nicholas smiling at him. “Ah yes. You and Livvy are definitely twins.”

  Livvy cleared her throat. “Okay, guys. Let’s play nice. I don’t want to have to clean up any blood on the tile.”

  Jackson didn’t need to make Nicholas bleed. He just needed him in pain. “I didn’t realize he was here,” he said to Livvy. “I can come back later.”

  Nicholas rocked back on his heels. “I was actually leaving. I have to get to work.”

  “Surprise, surprise,” he muttered. Nicholas and Livvy both ignored him. Jackson gritted his teeth at the stars in his sister’s eyes. She’d looked at Nicholas like that when she was younger, too, until he’d broken her heart.

  Granted, the other man had a similarly sappy look on his face. That doesn’t mean anything.

  Some love wasn’t selfless. Some was selfish. Manipulative.

  Nicholas pulled Livvy in tight. Their kiss made Jackson’s hand curl into a fist. When he came up for air, Nicholas gave him a measuring look. “You okay, Jackson?”

  “Yes,” Livvy said firmly. “He is.”

  “No, I’m not. I don’t like this. You’re going to hurt her.”

  Nicholas returned his gaze evenly, not backing down. Jackson was physically larger than the other man, and had spent his adult life in some of the nastier areas of the world. Fighting dirty wasn’t new to him. If Jackson didn’t dislike this man with a raging fire in his gut, he might respect Nicholas’s lack of fear. “I won’t this time.”

  “You can’t be sure of that.”

  “I can be sure we have no secrets from each other this time around. I can also be assured I’m in love with her.”

  At that Jackson sneered. He knew what love was, true love. He’d given everything up for it. Nicholas had given up Livvy.

  “You don’t believe me?” Nicholas said.

  “It doesn’t matter,” Livvy bit off. “Jackson, quit it.”

  They both ignored her. “No, I don’t believe you. You loved her before. What’s different now?”

  “The difference now is I’m no longer a child.”

  “You weren’t a child then, any more than I was. If I’d gone to trial, I would have been tried as an adult.”

  “Because arson isn’t child’s play—”

  “Nicholas!”

  Nicholas immediately stopped and glanced down at his girlfriend. Then he took a deep breath and turned his attention back to Jackson. “Apologies. Livvy is certain of your innocence when it comes to that fire, and I told her I’d trust her.”

  Except he couldn’t. Jackson could see the truth in Nicholas’s eyes. Nicholas would always believe Jackson had set that fire. Save for the women in Jackson’s family and Sadia, no one would one hundred percent trust that Jackson hadn’t burned down Nicholas’s family legacy.

  Jackson’s skin crawled. He wanted to hide under a rock somewhere, but he couldn’t. At his silence, Nicholas continued, his tone subdued now. “I know we have a painful history, but I don’t want to be at odds with anyone in Livvy’s family. That includes you.”

  Livvy nudged Nicholas. “Why don’t you go on to work, Nico? Let me talk to my brother.”

  Nicholas smoothed his hand over her back and nodded. With one last, measuring look at Jackson, the other man walked away. Nicholas paused at the door and shot him a warning look. “Don’t upset her.”

  Jackson’s lips twisted. “I’m not in the business of hurting Livvy.” You are, was the unspoken accusation.

  A muscle ticked in Nicholas’s jaw, but he didn’t say anything more, merely closed the door quietly behind him. The bell hadn’t stopped jingling when Livvy smacked Jackson in the chest.

  He rubbed the spot. “I have had it with you Kane women hitting me,” he growled.

  “Then stop acting so hittable. Quit glaring at Nicholas.”

  Jackson snorted. He’d discovered the first night he was here that his and Livvy’s rapport was far too easy to slip back into. Half-bickering, half-annoying, with odd flashes of heartfelt emotion and protectiveness. He was louder when he wa
s with his sister, and talking came easier, her blunt personality easing him.

  He wasn’t about to let some robot in a suit fuck his sister up. “He’s lucky if all I do is glare at him.” He couldn’t count the number of tears Livvy had shed after Nicholas had dumped her. Or how many makeshift weapons he’d collected from her room, lest she hurt herself. Or how many hours he’d stayed awake on the floor of her bedroom, terrified he’d missed some sharp implement or pills.

  His sister put her hands on her hips. She looked like their mother, though her bright blue hair was distracting from that resemblance somewhat.

  He flicked his finger on that wobbly bun, mostly because he was certain it would annoy her, and sure enough, she swatted him away. “What did I tell you? Nicholas wasn’t to blame for my depressive episode back then. Or my suicidal ideation.”

  Jackson flinched away from that word. “You told me that.”

  “It’s true.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “It is.”

  “Last time I saw you, you said you weren’t ready to risk getting into a relationship with Nicholas.”

  “He convinced me things would be different this time.”

  Jackson couldn’t contain his snort. “And you believed him.”

  “I did. He’s not the same boy he was all those years ago.”

  “There’s no guarantee—”

  “You’re right, there isn’t. There’s no guarantee on anything. But we’re talking, and I think maybe, we could try to make this work this time. I want to try, Jackson. So badly.” Pain and need mingled in her tone as she spoke. “I love him.”

  He shoved his hands in his pockets. “I didn’t come here to fight.”

  She stuck her chin out, clearly peeved. “Why’d you come here then?”

  I couldn’t stay away. Only he wasn’t quite ready to say that. He glanced around the shop, thinking quickly. “You told me no one inks me but you. I’m in the market for a tattoo.”

  Quicksilver in her moods, Livvy brightened. “Yeah? What do you want?”

  He said the first words that came to his mind. “A rose. Red. Crimson.”

  “Right now?”

  “If you have the time.”