St Piran's: The Brooding Heart Surgeon

by Alison Roberts

  He’d only asked her to dance because it was the last duty he had to perform tonight. The recipients of the medals and their partners had been invited to take the floor first and people were watching. Clapping.

  One dance and then he could escape. Drive back to St Piran, apologise to Anna and then forget the whole excruciating business.

  The lighting was softened as the orchestra began playing a waltz. Chandeliers still sparkled overhead and the reflection of the crowd present could be seen in the glass of the floor-to-ceiling windows that filled one wall and afforded a spectacular view of London beyond. Diamonds glistened on women and the buttons on dress uniforms gleamed on the men.

  Holding out his hand to Anna, Luke had the sudden, awful thought that he hadn’t bothered to find out if Anna knew how to dance something formal. He’d had lessons as a teenager, along with all his brothers, and the skill was automatic. Not that he’d had either the opportunity or the desire to use it for a very long time. But Anna took his hand and came into his arms willingly. The dark, emerald fabric of her long dress shimmered in this lighting and he gathered her into a formal dance hold. Stiffly at first, until the steps came more easily. It was only then that he noticed how light Anna was on her feet and how well she was able to follow his lead.

  More couples came onto the dance floor but Luke didn’t even notice. In his relief that he wasn’t embarrassing Anna and making her evening even worse than he had already by assuming a skill she might not have, he relaxed a notch. Another notch or two got added when he remembered that the evening was almost over. He was going to get through it. And that was when he finally looked down and really noticed the woman in his arms.

  Her hair had been scooped up in some clever fashion to make coils that sat sleekly against the back of her head. Little bits had been pulled free, however, so that tiny soft spirals framed her face and drew attention to the lovely length of her neck. The style was formal and precise—like Anna was at work—but it was those free tendrils that Luke really liked. They reminded him of the way Anna was when she wasn’t at work. Softer. Surprising.

  Pure woman.

  The fabric of her dress was silky under his hands. Almost as delicious as he knew her bare skin to be. The colour was sheer brilliance. How had it taken him this long to notice how it was a shade or two darker than her eyes and made them so … luminous.

  So extraordinarily beautiful.

  Mesmerising.

  The music altered tempo as the orchestra started something less classical. Something moody and sweet. It was the perfect opportunity to make an exit from the dance floor but Luke had lost any desire to do so. Instead, he drew Anna closer. He wasn’t following any routine steps now, just moving to the music that surrounded them. Holding an amazingly beautiful woman who followed every move he made so easily it was like holding an extension to his own body.

  She looked and felt so lovely. She even smelled so wonderful that Luke bent his head to get closer. Was that perfume coming from her hair or her skin? Or was it just Anna? It was hypnotising. A new space. An escape that was better than sleep. Better than sex, even, because he could keep this up for ever.

  He certainly wasn’t going to be the one to suggest stopping any time soon.

  Anna had been very close to tears by the time Luke asked her to dance.

  Wishing she’d never agreed to accompany him. A million miles away from this would have been too close. She’d tried so hard to look the part and he’d been so closed off and angry from the moment he’d arrived at her door to collect her.

  The drive had been awful. Full of silences during which she had nothing to think about except the distance between them. That she was no closer to imagining a way out of this for Luke that could offer the promise of a happy future for him.

  For them both.

  Watching him during the ceremonial part of the evening had been even more grim. He looked just as gorgeous as she’d expected in the crisp, dark blue uniform with its braid and insignia, but she’d been able to see how much he’d been hating it. Tension so great it seemed like he could simply snap at any moment. Luke hadn’t wanted to be a part of any of this. He hadn’t wanted any of it to be a part of his past.

  Could no one else see what she could see? That the event that had led to him being here tonight was what had scarred him so deeply. That he was determined to escape the memories and he couldn’t see that the only way to stop them haunting him to the point of ruining his life was to turn round and confront them.

  The tension had been contagious. All Anna had wanted was for the evening to end. To get through that long drive home somehow and then … what?

  Admit defeat and see what she could do about putting her life back together the way it had been before Luke had come back to St Piran?

  It had been the thought of trying to move on without him that had been what nearly brought her to tears in public. But then Luke had held out his hand when the medal recipients had been invited to take the dance floor first. It had been the first time he’d touched her in what felt like a very, very long time, and as soon as Anna had felt that contact she’d known exactly where she really wanted to be.

  Not a million miles away at all.

  Right here.

  In Luke’s arms.

  He could dance. When the initial awkwardness wore off, Anna was astonished to find he could actually dance beautifully. The music was soothing and the rhythm of the waltz easy to follow even from long-ago lessons. Glancing up, she found Luke’s face still grim and turned away. He was going through the motions here, but in reality he was hunting for an escape route.

  Dropping her gaze, Anna stared at the medal pinned to his tunic, awarded for an act of outstanding bravery during active operations against an enemy. It was a beautiful silver cross mounted on a wreath of laurel leaves with a crown in its centre. The ribbon had narrow stripes of dark blue on each edge and a central stripe of crimson. What would he do with it when he got home? Shut it away in its box and hide it along with the memories of why it had been bestowed?

  Looking up again, Anna was startled to find Luke’s gaze on her face. An intense gaze but one she was getting used to. As though he was seeing her properly for the first time. Looking … amazed.

  The waltz ended and Anna knew this would be when Luke suggested they sit down or go to supper perhaps. Or just go home.

  Instead, he drew her closer and she could feel some of that terrible tension leaving his body. They were so close. She could feel the length of his body against hers. Leading her. So powerful and yet it felt gentle, probably because she was so willing to follow.

  And then she felt his cheek against her hair and Anna closed her eyes, sinking into the delicious knowledge that Luke wasn’t just dancing now.

  He was dancing with her.

  Another medley of tunes began. And then another, but Luke made no move to take her away from the dance floor and Anna certainly wasn’t going to be the one to break this connection.

  She wanted it to last for ever.

  The start of the fireworks display startled all the guests. The wall of windows provided a great view of the city lights on the other side of the Thames but nobody had noticed the grassy bank-side area until the impressive display got under way.

  It began with a sound like a cannon firing. A huge silver rocket shot up into the blackness of the sky and then exploded into a shower of tiny silver spheres that drifted down slowly.

  Not that Anna was watching them. At the first sound Luke had stiffened so abruptly that she had tripped on his foot. Then he moved again, so sharply Anna could swear she felt him snap. He dropped his arms from her body and turned swiftly, weaving between couples who had also stopped dancing to see what was happening. They began to move towards the windows.

  Anna moved in the opposite direction. Following Luke. All the way out of the ballroom. Through the area where a buffet supper was being served. Through the vast foyer where staff were now stacking all the chairs that had been used for the i
nitial ceremony. Down a wide flight of steps. She could feel the sting of sleet on her skin. Gathering up the folds of her dress, she raced after Luke. Around the corner of the building. As far away as he could get from where the fireworks were happening.

  And there he stopped. When Anna came around the corner she saw him, his head on his arm, leaning against the stone wall. She could hear him gasping for breath in the same way he had when he’d been having that nightmare.

  ‘Luke!’

  ‘Go, Anna.’ The plea was hoarse. ‘Get out. While you can.’

  She came up to be right beside him. ‘I’m not going anywhere. Talk to me.’

  ‘I can’t.’

  At least part of him was there and aware of her. He’d been like that in the canteen too, hadn’t he? Having a flashback he couldn’t control but still aware of things around him, like bumping into someone and spilling their drink. Maybe, if she tried hard enough, she could get through to him.

  ‘Why not?’ she begged. ‘Why can’t you talk to me, Luke?’

  ‘My problem. If I told you, it would become your problem.’ The words were staccato. Agonised. ‘I won’t do that to you.’

  ‘It’s already my problem.’

  ‘No. You can go. I want you to go.’

  ‘I can’t do that, Luke.’

  ‘Why the hell not?’ His head turned and the expression on his face broke her heart.

  ‘Because … because I love you, that’s why.’

  Luke buried his head again and he groaned. It was a sound of such distress but was it due to her confession or because of whatever still had him in its grip?

  Fireworks were still going off, muted a little by the vast building between them but still loud. Possibly loud enough that he hadn’t heard what she’d just said. Or maybe he had chosen not to hear it because he already had too much to deal with.

  ‘It’s the noise, isn’t it?’ She had to touch Luke. To get closer. ‘Where are you, Luke? What do you see?’

  A moment’s silence and then Luke spoke in a low, desperate voice she barely recognised.

  ‘We’re under fire. We’re on our way to a village. There’s children hurt by a landmine but we don’t get there.’ The words were rushing out so fast it was hard to hear them clearly. ‘It’s an ambush. Another mine. And artillery. The truck’s tipped over. Everybody’s hurt. I … I felt my leg snap.’

  He dragged in a breath. ‘We need to get out. Danny’s unconscious. His airway’s blocked. There’s a chopper coming. I can smell the smoke and the blood. The guys are screaming. I’m trapped. I’m trying to get them out and I can’t move. I can’t breathe …’

  Anna was gripping his arm. ‘Yes, you can, Luke. You did get them out. All of them. That’s why you got the medal tonight. You saved everybody in that truck. You saved their lives.’

  ‘But I didn’t …’ Luke groaned again. Or was it a sob? ‘Not the life I wanted to save.’ Yes, it was definitely a sob now. Torn from somewhere deep inside. ‘I couldn’t save Crash, Anna. I … wanted to … so much … and I … couldn’t.’

  Racking sobs took hold of Luke’s body now. All Anna could do was to hold him as hard as she could and be there. Saying nothing. Letting him hold her so tightly it was impossible to take a deep breath and letting him rock her as he rocked himself.

  And eventually, as she became aware of how damp and cold they were both going to be, Luke quietened.

  ‘Let’s go home,’ she said.

  Luke waited outside while she collected their coats and the car keys.

  ‘I can drive if you’d like.’

  ‘No. I’m all right.’ Luke’s voice was sombre. ‘Better if I’m doing something. I’m sorry about that.’

  ‘I’m not,’ Anna said, but Luke didn’t hear her. He was striding ahead to where the car was parked.

  Sleet was still falling and got thicker as they left the outskirts of London but the road was still clear enough. Anna listened to the windscreen wipers. They sounded different now. Maybe because the atmosphere inside the car wasn’t as charged as it had been coming in the opposite direction. The tension was gone. Luke seemed tired but calm.

  ‘Who was Crash?’ Anna asked softly. ‘A friend?’

  ‘My brother. His real name was Matthew. Mattie.’

  ‘Oh …’

  Anna was searching her memory. She’d known that name had come from something special. A kid who’d grown too fast, he’d said, and looked a bit goofy with big feet. So clumsy he’d earned the nickname of Crash. He grown into … what had Luke said? Oh, yes. The strongest, bravest guy he knew.

  And then he’d given her that first smile. The one that had melted her heart.

  ‘He was younger than you?’ The question was tentative. It seemed too good to believe that Luke was finally talking to her.

  Letting her in.

  ‘Yeah.’ Luke’s gaze was fixed on the road ahead. He was driving a little below the speed limit. Taking it carefully.

  Anna felt safe with him but did he feel the same way?

  ‘There’s an older brother, too,’ Luke said after a moment. ‘The Davenport boys, we were called. A collective troop. A mini-platoon. Nobody questioned that we would do anything but take after our dad and join the army.’

  ‘It must have been hard for you, then.’

  ‘Yeah.’ The word was heartfelt. ‘I felt guilty. Especially after Crash joined up. I’d always tried to look out for him, you know? In the end, though, he was looking out for me. He was the only one who understood why I wanted to be a civilian. A doctor.’

  Anna couldn’t ask the obvious question but it was hanging there and Luke could sense it.

  ‘He got killed in action in Iraq,’ he said very softly. ‘And it just broke me up. I owed him so much. I missed him so badly. In the end, the answer seemed easy. I joined up to honour his memory. To do what I should have done all along. I thought it would make me feel less guilty. That it would somehow help fill the horrible, empty, useless feeling I had.’

  A long silence this time and then Luke sighed. ‘All I really achieved was to screw up the rest of my life. I’m not fit to do my job any more. I’m not a viable proposition to be in any kind of a meaningful relationship. I meant what I said, Anna. You should get out. Relatively unscathed. While you still can.’

  ‘And I meant what I said,’ Anna whispered. She wasn’t going to tell him again that she loved him. It was enough to know she had said it aloud and it was true. Instinct told her he wasn’t ready to hear those particular words but she could remind him of something else she’d said. ‘I’m not going anywhere. We all need courage to face the future,’ she added carefully. ‘It’s not a sign of weakness if you have to ask for help sometimes.’

  Maybe she could remind him of something he’d said, too. ‘You’re the strongest, bravest man I know,’ she said, deliberately using the words he’d used to describe his brother. ‘You’ll make it.’

  This wasn’t the time to talk about finding the help Luke needed or how to find it. They’d made enough of a breakthrough tonight. All Anna wanted now was to get home and go to bed. With Luke.

  And sleep. She was so tired. The windscreen wipers flicked in a steady rhythm. Swirls of tiny white flakes zoomed towards them in a hypnotic pattern. Anna could feel her eyes drifting closed.

  She was sound asleep, Luke noticed, as they finally left the main roads behind. The snow began falling more thickly and he slowed their pace. He didn’t like the deteriorating conditions but he could take his time getting them home. Funny, but he felt like he had all the time he needed now. For anything. He couldn’t remember when he’d last felt this … peaceful? Maybe he never had.

  He stole another glance at Anna. He would get her home safely. He knew the road and he could cope with the weather.

  What he couldn’t control was the other traffic on the road that night. Especially when he had no warning of what was coming around the corner. The driver of the big truck probably didn’t realise how far his wheels were over the centre lin
e of the coastal road because the snow was starting to settle in patches and the road markings were fading.

  The jolt of leaving the smooth road surface and then hitting a fence post woke Anna and all Luke could hear as he fought desperately to prevent the car tipping into a roll was her scream of fear.

  CHAPTER TEN

  ANNA’S scream was cut off abruptly with the first impact of the rolling vehicle but the sound of metal shearing and scraping on rock was another kind of scream. Airbags deployed with a blast and shockwave that was indistinguishable from gunfire.

  Luke was inside his nightmare but he knew he was awake and that made it so much worse. So confusing. His mind was being rocked and jolted as viciously as his body. One moment hanging in the straps of his safety belt, the next jarring on solid ground. A maelstrom of fear and desperation. The past, the present and things that had never been real, and never would be, existing only in his imagination.

  He was in an army vehicle again but not the one in which he’d met the end of his time at war. In one that he’d never actually seen or touched. Just imagined. The one his brother, Matthew, had been driving. And each time they hit solid ground, they were hitting the mine that had destroyed the person he loved most in the world. Once, twice … three hits and he was still alive and awake.

  This time, he had to save him.

  Or he would die himself.

  The violent churning of the landscape, vehicle and people probably lasted no more than thirty seconds but it felt like for ever. And then there was silence. A broken headlamp flickered for a second or two and then died.

  It was pitch black and utterly silent.

  Luke had been convinced that the worst sound he could ever hear were the screams of frightened and dying men, any one of whom could be his brother. Even the terrified sound Anna had made had become the last breath Crash had expelled.