The Nurse and the Single Dad

by Dianne Drake

  “This is where I should jump on that and ask you out on a date. But I won’t. Instead, I’ll just wait for you to call.”

  “Promise?”

  He leaned forward and brushed a light kiss on her lips. One of those platonic friendship kisses. “Promise.” Then he showed her to the door and waited until she was out of sight before he closed it.

  She could hear the click behind her. Could almost see Daniel still standing by the door, wondering what he’d just done.

  What had they just done? she wondered as she got in her car and drove away.

  * * *

  He’d been pacing the floor for an hour now. Restless, perturbed. Guilty as hell. What had come over him, anyway? He’d taken on Zoey like he had a right. Which he didn’t. The plain truth was, the lady had a hard time even admitting to a friendship, and here he was pushing toward more. And feeling rotten and disloyal about it, to boot.

  “OK,” he said to the mirror in his hall. “You’re not married. So why turn one little kiss in the elevator into such a big deal?”

  Because I’m an idiot, he thought to himself.

  Zoey hadn’t been throwing out any signals other than one that pointed to a mild friendship. And here he’d gone all presumptuous on her and gone so far as to stop the elevator and kiss her like it would be his last kiss for all time. Idiot!

  “Damn,” he said, wanting to throw a towel over the mirror to block the image that looked back at him. He hardly knew that man anymore. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know him, yet wasn’t sure he was ready to let him go. “So what happens next?” he asked, as if his mirror image would answer him.

  Should he pursue Zoey, with the clear understanding that she was as likely to turn her back on him as she was to welcome him?

  Daniel walked into his bedroom and stopped at the bureau, where he looked at one of Elizabeth’s last pictures. It was sitting on top, with nothing to obstruct it. That picture was the last thing he saw every night, before he went to sleep, and it was also the first thing he saw every morning. It had been taken in a happy moment, before her diagnosis, and it was a true testament to a beautiful life. A beautiful life...the life he wanted back. Or wanted to forge again, in a different direction.

  “God help me, I want more than a casual relationship with her, Elizabeth,” he said to the image. “And I don’t know what to do about it.”

  Elizabeth wouldn’t have wanted him so confused. He knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt. Which meant he was the one holding himself back. Sure, he’d been a little forward with Zoey tonight. Not physically, but in conversation. He’d pushed boundaries, been blunt. And, frankly, it had surprised him, as he still wasn’t reconciled to the fact that he was trying to give Zoey a gentle nudge in his direction. Maybe it was loneliness biting at him, causing him to step out of his comfort zone. Or maybe somewhere deep in his subconscious something was telling him that Zoey could be more than simply casual to him. Either way, it confused him.

  Daniel twisted his wedding ring, then studied it hard for a moment. Yes, all these strange feelings did confuse him, as he didn’t know where to put them. Maybe in time he would. Or maybe in time he’d finally reconcile himself to the idea that he’d already had the best and, from there, there was no place else to go.

  * * *

  Zoey’s day started in a blur. She felt hungover, even though she hadn’t had a drop to drink the night before. “I’m fine,” she told Sally, on her way to her desk. “And if you think I look like hell, don’t ask why, because I don’t have an answer for you.”

  “I wasn’t going to say you look like hell. More like, you look...unlike you.”

  “It’s a headache. Nothing big.”

  “You’ve got bags under your eyes.”

  Zoey went for the compact mirror in her purse and took a look. Sally was right. She did have bags. “I didn’t get much sleep.”

  “Are you in love?” Sally asked. “Baggy eyes from lost sleep are often a symptom.”

  Love? That wasn’t something she took lightly. Especially since all her restlessness was tied up in Daniel. “I’m just overworked. I need a vacation.”

  “You need a life,” Sally admonished her. “A real life, outside your nursing duties.”

  “Like I’ve got time for anything else.” Zoey poured herself a cup of coffee from the communal office pot and, instead of heading for her own desk, sat down across the desk from Sally. While she wasn’t about to confide in Sally, it was nice to have someone to talk to. “It’s just that, sometimes I get wrapped up in things that aren’t in my best interests.” That might be Daniel.

  “Oh, right. That doctor. How’s that working out for you, by the way?”

  “There’s nothing to work out. We’re just...friends.”

  “Famous last words.”

  “Look, I don’t have time to get involved. OK? And, even if I did, Daniel wouldn’t be the one. He’s too preoccupied with other things in his life to take on something else.”

  “Maybe you should find a way to become one of those things he’s preoccupied with.”

  “Right. Like it’s just that simple.”

  Sally laughed. “Trust me. In matters of the heart, nothing is ever simple.”

  “Tell me about it.” Zoey picked up her mug and went to her office. There was enough paperwork there to keep her busy for a couple of days. Enough paperwork to keep her distracted from the kiss. The kiss...now, what was that about?

  * * *

  “The order specifically calls for an anti-fungal cream, not a hydrocortisone cream.” It wasn’t a huge mistake; no harm done. But he was peeved. Peeved at everything today, it seemed. “Read the chart again and get the order right this time.”

  “Sorry, Doctor,” the nurse said, backing away from him. “I’ll get it ordered right away.”

  Daniel nodded, drawing in a long, slow breath. It calmed him for the moment, and he smiled at the poor nurse who’d just taken the brunt of his bad mood. “Sorry I snapped,” he said, offering no explanation, like he was having a bad day or the world simply irritated him right now.

  “It was my mistake,” she admitted.

  “We all make mistakes,” he conceded, then walked away from the nurses’ station. He knew why he was in a bad mood, and he’d thought about calling Zoey to see if he could remedy it. But, every time he picked up his cell phone to make that call, he’d had second thoughts. Second thoughts that he carried with him even now, well into the afternoon.

  “I understand you’re not having a good day,” Walter Downing said as he joined up with Daniel in the hall.

  “Word spreads fast, doesn’t it?”

  “We’re not that big of a hospital, Daniel. And people here are concerned about you.”

  “But I’m doing fine.”

  “Are you really? Because I sure as hell don’t see it.”

  “It shows that much?”

  “I’ve heard rumors.”

  “Not rumors,” Daniel admitted. “Truths, depending on whether you’re talking about my personal life or my professional one.”

  “Anything I can do to help you, either personally or professionally? I’ve had a little bit of experience with both, you know.”

  Walter was a kind man, and he’d been a godsend during Elizabeth’s illness, allowing Daniel off work any time he needed. But Daniel didn’t consider him friend enough for a confidence, so he simply crammed his hands into his pockets and continued on toward his office. “I’ll do better,” he promised Walter, who continued to keep up with him down the hall. “And I appreciate the concern.”

  “You know I’m retiring in a year, and you’re in line to replace me.”

  Daniel did know that. And he was pleased that his name was being considered. He’d worked hard to get to where he was, and it was his every intention to keep moving fo
rward in his career. Unlike his personal life. “You’ll be missed,” Daniel told the older man.

  “And you’ll be welcomed in my position, but you’ve got to take better control of things, Daniel. You’ve got to make more of an effort to keep your life balanced, because if and when you do get the position being able to keep everything in its proper place will be key to your ability to do everything you need to accomplish...both personally and professionally.”

  “Is this with reference to the banquet I didn’t want to attend?” For a perfectly good reason. Although now, he was glad Walter had insisted he attend.

  “That, and other things. I know you’re overwhelmed right now, especially bouncing back and forth between being a doctor and a single dad, and I understand it’s a struggle. I sympathize with you for that. But you’re going to have to get hold of yourself at some point.”

  “You mean my social life?” Did his lack of one show that drastically?

  “I mean your life all around. You’ve been through a tragedy, and I can’t even pretend to understand how you’re carrying on afterward, but that was a year ago, and since then you’ve seemed to shut so many things out.”

  “But I do my job,” Daniel protested, stopping short of his office door.

  “And you do it well. No complaints there.”

  “Then what’s the complaint?”

  “The way you treat yourself. You keep pushing yourself, Daniel, but I’m not sure that it’s in the best direction.”

  “I only have one direction.”

  “Which could be the problem.”

  Walter was right about this. Heading in only one direction was a problem, but he didn’t know how to go any other way. Even Zoey wasn’t the solution, although he was treating her like she was. No, the solution was within himself, buried so deep he couldn’t see it. Or didn’t want to see it. “I’m doing the best I can, Walter. If my work is suffering, let me know, because I love what I do here and I don’t want to do anything to mess it up. But if you’re concerned about my social life, well, there’s not much I can do about it. I’m already committed as much as I can commit, and there’s nothing I can do to make my situation any different than it is.”

  “Just be good to yourself, Daniel. Once you can do that, I think everything else will fall into place.”

  Be good to himself. Nice words. But they were so far off, Daniel couldn’t even begin to think how to apply them. Sure, he pushed himself forward with Zoey, but that wasn’t about being good to himself. It was more about trying to see what he was capable of doing. And so far, with Zoey, he was failing miserably. Probably his fault. No—definitely his fault.

  Sighing, Daniel walked on into his office and slumped down in his chair. It was time to take stock of his life. He’d known that for a while, and Zoey was only emphasizing the reality of it. Why couldn’t life have been simpler? he asked himself as he twisted his wedding ring. It was a habit he’d taken up months ago when Elizabeth was filling his thoughts. Only now, his wedding ring represented something else. Something that was holding him back.

  He slipped it off for a moment and studied his naked hand. It looked...wrong. And it felt so empty, like a great hole in his soul opened up when the ring came off. So he put it back on, leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. What the hell was he going to do?

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  IT HAD BEEN a restless three days since she’d last seen Daniel, and Zoey couldn’t count the number of times she’d considered calling him. Of course, she hadn’t gone through with it, or else she wouldn’t be thinking about it right now. Also, she’d caught herself hanging around her office more often these past few days, making excuses to be there when, in the past, she’d tried hard to stay away. She’d done her fair share of staring out the window, too, hoping she’d catch a glimpse of him coming or going. Without binoculars, though, she really hadn’t been able to discern one person from another.

  So Zoey was caught up in this fantasy world that was playing out in ways she couldn’t control. Or maybe didn’t want to control. What of it? She was entitled to a little daydreaming every now and then, wasn’t she? Entitled to think thoughts that had never before crossed her mind. Yes, she was, as long as it didn’t get out of hand. Still, it was a concern that the object of her daydreams was exclusively Daniel. Mountains, rivers or ocean shores would have been a better choice for her rambling thoughts, but every time she let her mind wander it went straight to him. No detours, no hesitation. Sometimes he was so prevalent it seemed like he was popping in and out at will.

  Zoey glanced out the window for at least the twentieth time since she’d arrived at her office an hour ago, then looked back down at her desk. It was covered with cost estimations for the upcoming quarter, something that bored her to tears when she was required to tackle the budget. Try as she might, she couldn’t focus on it. All those numbers were spinning circles in her brain, going nowhere but round and round.

  “Shoot!” she said aloud, shoving the stack of papers aside. There was no use pretending she was going to do any good here. She wasn’t. Not today. Not when she was so restless. And most especially not when her mind was drifting again, only this time not drifting to what had already happened between them but, rather, to what might be in their future. That was, if they had some kind of a future together. Something more than what they had now. “Get it together,” she cautioned herself as she pushed back from her desk, preparing to leave. “You’re letting it get away from you.”

  Getting away from her? That was an understatement, if ever there was one. Thoughts of Daniel were consuming her, eating up every spare inch of her brain. Creeping in and holding on. “So quit thinking about him,” she chided herself, her eyes still glued to the window next to her desk. “And quit talking to yourself! People are going to think you’re crazy.” Of course, she was beginning to think she was crazy. But, crazy or not, her advice to herself was falling on deaf ears as she wanted to see Daniel. Desperately.

  “I’ve got an appointment,” she told Sally a few minutes later, once she’d reconciled herself to the fact that she was wasting time being here in the office.

  “Are you going out in the field again? I thought one of the other nurses was covering for you this afternoon while you got some of the paperwork done.” Sally tilted her head downward and looked at Zoey over the rims of her white-framed glasses. “Or aren’t you going back to work in the field?”

  “I am being covered adequately, so that’s not a problem. And the truth of the matter is, I don’t want to be cooped up here today, so I’m going out.”

  “Since you don’t want to be here, where, exactly, do you want to be?” A twinkle came to Sally’s eyes. “Does he wear a stethoscope around his neck and is he handsome?”

  “He’s a patient,” she said, trying to overcome her agitation. “He dismissed us and I want to go talk to him about that.”

  “And possibly run into your doctor?”

  “Daniel’s not my doctor. And the hospital’s a big place. There’s no guaranteeing that I’ll just run into him.”

  “You would if you called him to tell him you’re on your way over.” Sally pushed her glasses back up her nose. “Seriously, Zoey. If you’re interested in the man, make it a point to run into him, because I don’t want all this grumpiness coming into my office every day.”

  “I’m not grumpy,” Zoey argued. But she was, and she knew it.

  “Tell that to somebody who doesn’t know you—which is not me. Anyway, are you coming back later on?” Sally asked her.

  “Depends,” she said.

  “On what?”

  “On whether or not I bump into someone who makes me a better offer.” Zoey smiled at the prospect, even though she really didn’t hold out a lot of hope that Daniel would ask anything if their paths crossed. She’d been too aloof their last time together. Too cautious. Too mis
trusting.

  Zoey gave her friend a farewell wave and headed out the office door. Thoughts of prospects and let-downs carried with her all the way over to the hospital and all the way up to the intensive care unit where the nursing staff was preparing to transfer Mr. Baumgartner. Since the staff was a good ten minutes out from releasing him from the unit, Zoey decided to wander on down to the room where they were taking him and wait there. On her way though, she caught sight of Daniel walking down the hall, coming directly toward her. He was leading a group of medical students, all with brand-new stethoscopes hanging around their necks, totally caught up in explaining something that was holding their rapt attention. In his element, Daniel was quite something. Magnificent, actually. A stunner of a man. Also a stunner of a doctor, judging by the way his students were practically mesmerized by his every word.

  Zoey didn’t want to be caught staring at him, and she didn’t want to distract him, either, so she stepped out of the way, semi-concealing herself up against the wall and behind a rolling blood-pressure monitor. From that vantage point she observed Daniel for a moment, suddenly feeling a swell of pride over his accomplishments. They were vast, she knew. Elizabeth had been so proud of his value as a doctor, and she’d said she was the one who had to point out that worth, as Daniel was too humble a man to do it for himself.

  Now, as Zoey watched on, she could see how right Elizabeth had been, and she didn’t have to look past the admiring expressions on his students’ faces, as they were clearly a true testament to how good he was.

  She’d seen other attending doctors lecturing other medical students before, as it was a common sight in a teaching hospital, and none of that had ever impressed her much. Staff members got used to it, didn’t pay any attention to it, except occasionally when the exuberance of the students got in the way of nurses and other medical personnel trying to do their jobs. Yet seeing Daniel leading his group of students... She’d never really imagined him in this position, and this different side of him fascinated her. In fact, it fascinated her so much that her first impulse was to blend herself into his group, when they walked by her, just to listen to him teach. But she’d stand out, owing to the fact that she was dressed in her usual navy-blue scrubs and the students were in street clothes covered by short, white doctors’ jackets.