Rescued Hearts

by Angela Nicole

  Emptiness. I am not exactly unfamiliar with the concept. My mother left us when I was little, my father is the only family I have left, my best friend is dead and soon I will be alone.

  Being alone is best I guess. Not that I want to be alone, but my dangerous job doesn’t allow for getting to close to anyone for any length of time. I am always moving around the world to war torn countries and that lifestyle doesn’t lend itself to girlfriends or marriage.

  Jackson did not have a girlfriend but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t a lady’s man. We had some great times together. We always watched out for each other. Since high school we always were each other’s wing man when it came to women. If I had a date and she had a friend, Jackson would tag a long and vice versa.

  Fuck. I am going to miss him. Mac and Mills as we were known were inseparable. People used to mistake us for biological brothers…we were brothers in every sense of the word.

  I look around and people are filing out of the cemetery. I see Frank, Jackson’s father and his sister, Emily. They are inviting people to stop over to my Dad’s bar, MacAlister’s so that we can celebrate Jackson’s life…as short as it was. I don’t feel like socializing but what can I do?

  The drive from the cemetery to the bar takes about 45 minutes with traffic. That is enough time for me to think about the last time I saw Jackson. We were at the NCO club on base having a few beers. Because of the small number of places where PJs are stationed, we have been lucky to live together. Thinking of returning without him guts me.

  When we got the call that a helicopter had gone down behind enemy lines I was sick in bed with food poisoning. I wasn’t able to go on the call with him I should have been there with him. I will live with guilt for not being there for the rest of my life.

  Kenny, my Dad’s right-hand man, slides a shot of whisky down the bar to me. I send him a grateful nod that I don’t have to make conversation.

  The bar is closed to the public so that they family and friends can gather together to share stories about one of the best men I knew. Jackson was the type of guy who would help an elderly person cross the road, take in stray animals and feed the homeless on holidays. He was a much better man than I am.

  It should have been me.

  As I scan MacAlister’s I see Emily sitting in a booth staring out the window. She is alone, I think people are afraid to approach her not knowing what to say. She has always been strong and independent, becoming a partner in her father’s real estate company. Jackson was so proud of the woman that she had become.

  Thinking back on conversations that we had about taking care of each other’s families should anything happen, I know now it is my duty to protect her.

  Abandoning the bar stool, I walk over to the booth and see that she has been crying. Emily must sense me approaching because she wipes the tears from her cheeks, looks up at me and smiles.

  “Jackson loved you like a brother, Mac. I know I am not the only one who feels a sense of losing part of myself”

  “My father is putting up a brave front. I think he believes if I don’t see him cry then it will make me stronger, but I don’t know.”

  “Emily, you are one of the strongest people I know.”

  As I climb into the booth across from her I am confronted with the one question I can’t answer,

  “What are we going to do without him?”

  I have no answer for her. We just sit and stare out the window and at each other. Neither knows what to say because there are not words to express our grief.

  Three hours later people are still talking and drinking. Frank and my father are sitting at the bar making plans for a memorial golf tournament in Jackson’s name with the proceeds going to the homeless shelter where Jackson volunteered.

  I won’t be around for the tournament because I have to fly out in a few days and return to my base. It is probably for the best that I leave because being around the places and people that remind me of Jackson is too hard.

  Deep in thought about what Jackson must be thinking about all of this, I see Emily walking toward me out of the corner of my eye.

  “Hey, you ok?”

  “I need to get out of here, will you walk me home?” Emily lives only three blocks from the bar but she looks like she needs someone to talk to. “Of course, let me just tell Frank and my Dad we are leaving”

  “Hey Frank, Dad, I am going to walk Emily home. I think she needs to rest.” Frank stands and heads over to his daughter.

  “Honey, I love you.” Frank pulls her into a hug.

  “I know Dad and I love you too. Mac is going to walk me home, I will see you tomorrow for our appointment?”

  “Of course, baby girl.”

  As Emily says her goodbyes she tries to smile as people tell her that everything will be ok, and it will take time for her heart to heal.

  It should have been me so that her heart was not broken.

  My life feels so surreal right now. I have always been a control freak and my life is definitely out of control. Mac and I step out of the bar and head to my house. It is only three blocks but I don’t feel like being alone just yet. When we arrive at my house, Mac asks for my key so that he can open the door. My hands are trembling so badly he places his hands on mine to calm them. He unlocks the door and turns the light on. As we enter the living room all I can think about is how alone I feel.

  I turn to see him staring at a photo of the three of us. The photo is from their graduation from Lakeland Air Force Base. “I was so proud of the both of you that day. You were so excited to begin your journey.”

  I see the grief on his face, I immediately think it must be how I look to him.

  I can’t control my sobs as I see the hurt in his heart. Tears are flowing freely now and I don’t care.

  “Oh, Em sweetheart…” Mac steps forward and wipes the tears from my cheeks with his thumbs. All I can do is stare at him willing him to take the pain away as the years of yearning for him resurface.

  He has no idea how much I love him; how much I need him. He will be gone from my life again soon, and I just need to know what it feels like to be with him.

  “Mac, please don’t leave me alone tonight.”

  Fuck. I have loved this woman all my life and now she is asking me to take her to bed.

  What the hell am I supposed to do? I know I should walk out that door, but my head and my heart are so confused. If I am being honest I don’t want to be alone tonight either. It is like my body just takes over as I walk over to Emily. The grief that I see in her eyes makes my chest want to explode.

  “What do you need sweetheart?” I ask. Emily looks at the floor then slowly brings her eyes to meet mine…I need you, Mac” And just like that I move in and wrap my arms around Emily’s waist and bring her into my embrace. She looks up at me, “Are you sure, because I am not sure you know what you are asking for.”

  Emily looks at me questioning with her eyes.

  God, I know this is a terrible idea but right now we both need to feel close to someone. My hands move to her face and when my forehead touches hers she leans up and her lips are on mine.

  She lets out a small cry as I take her mouth in a demanding nature. I respond with as much passion as she is giving me. Our mouths are seeking refuge and reassurance. Emily moans in my mouth and I swallow the sound as I move my hands to her ass. The tension between us is building as she starts to grind her hips against mine.

  I should stop this. She is like my little sister, I shouldn’t be taking advantage of her grief. I start to pull away so that we don’t make a mistake that we can’t take back, but Emily tightens her grip on my hips.

  “No Mac, please we both need this, we need each other tonight” I look into her eyes and with a slight nod I acknowledge the truth…we need each other.

  My need for control comes through in my commanding voice. “Emily, turn around.” Her eyes light up as and she turns her back to me. I reach up and release her long hair that is tied back. Her red hair looks so beauti
ful cascading down her back. Emily is wearing a sleeveless dress that I need to unzip from the back. As I do, she shivers. I rub her arms, “Are you cold?”

  “No” she whispers. She turns to face me, as she lets her dress pool at her feet.

  I gaze at her standing before me, she is stunning. I have always thought she was beautiful, but seeing her like this, naked and vulnerable, hits me like a bolt of lightning. I can’t take my eyes off her.

  “Say something.” She says with a whisper.

  I know this is wrong, but I can’t stop. I need to feel something tonight and Mac is the only one who understands. I reach up and slide his suit jacket off his shoulders and it ends up piled with my dress at our feet. Our eyes lock as I take off his tie and unbutton his shirt revealing his broad muscular chest.

  I can see that he is questioning me with his eyes. I am reach my arms around his waist and place my cheek against his chest. I squeeze him and look up. “Please Mac, I want you.”

  Mac nods as I begin to unzip his pants and he kicks them to the side. My breathing is growing deeper and I can see his chest rise and fall quickly. Mac begins to kiss my shoulder and I shiver. His mouth is hot, and his lips are soft. As soon as his lips find mine, my body reacts with a sense of electricity that travels from my lips to my toes. I pull his mouth deeper into mine and I hear him groan.

  Mac’s hands travel from my shoulders down to my waist. He lifts me so that my legs are wrapped around him as he carries me to my bedroom. He gently lets me slide down his body to stand and face him. I can’t help but trace my hands overs his tattooed arms. I must have been going too slowly for him because in one quick move he smashed his mouth to mine.

  His kiss is fast and furious. His hands are roaming all over my naked body.

  He reaches down my back and squeezes my ass in his hands and I moan into his mouth. His tongue sets a frantic pace, in response my hand reaches down, and I begin to stroke him.

  His breathing is so rapid that he pants as he calls out my name. I begin to move to my knees when he stops me.

  “No, not yet Emily, tonight is about you.”

  He walks me backward to the bed and I feel the edge of the mattress behind my legs and as I willingly lay back Mac quickly pushes my legs up so that he can expose every inch of me. He leans over my body and kisses my forehead.

  “Last chance to change your mind sweetheart.”

  “Please, I need you” As soon as I say it, he slams his mouth to mine with such passion it takes my breath away.

  “Christ Em, I need to be inside you.” He looks into my eyes and I nod to him. His hand reaches for my breast. I moan and arch my back as he plays with my nipple and I feel like I am losing control of my body.

  Mac continues to touch and kiss my body moving lower to my stomach. I am suddenly self-conscious of my body and Mac must sense my insecurity. I can’t help it. He has such a perfect body, so muscular with a face to die for. Me on the other hand am pretty average. I am only 5’4 with curves that make me soft in areas that should be tight.

  “Relax Em, you are perfect.” Mac whispers in my ear.

  His hand starts to move down the side of my body while his tongue lingers around my belly button. If I weren’t so turned on it would tickle.

  With every kiss he gives me, I am growing wetter. Mac inches his hand between my legs. “Em, you are so wet and sweet.”

  “You make me feel so good. Please I need you inside of me now, make me forget the pain.”

  I am trying to be the good guy here, but I am losing the battle. We are both dealing with such grief but in this moment, it is just the two of us. I can’t deny her.

  “Ok sweetheart, I am going to make you forget for tonight.” She nods, and I slid a finger into her as she moans. She is so beautiful.

  Emily is so turned on she is bucking her hips to get my finger deeper inside of her. I insert a second finger and brush her clit with my thumb. It takes less than a minute and her body is convulsing against me as she moans through her orgasm.

  “Jesus Em” Her mouth latches onto mine and reaches her hand down and starts to stroke me. I am so hard and not thinking straight, I realize I don’t have a condom since having sex with Emily on the night of her brother’s funeral wasn’t even something I would ever imagine happening.

  “Em, wait!” She stills her hand and looks up at me with a questioning look as if I am second guessing what we are about to do.

  “I don’t have a condom. This isn’t something I planned on.”

  “It’s ok, I am on birth control.” That is all I needed to hear because we trust each other and neither of us make a habit of sleeping around.

  “Lay back on the bed.” She does as I ask her and looks at me with eyes that seem to see through to my soul.

  I lean over her and rest my forearms on either side of her and with one thrust I am inside of Emily. She moans my name but never takes her eyes off me.

  “Mac, please don’t stop.” Emily whimpers.

  “Not a chance, sweetheart.” I continue to move slowly into Emily and she wraps her legs around my waist.

  She is moaning louder, and I can tell that she is nearing the edge of an orgasm. Her legs begin to shake against me and she moans my name from deep in her throat.

  “Are you ok?” She nods and looks at me with such trust that it almost stops me, but she feels so good. If I were a better man I would just end this and hold her, but I am no saint.

  I begin to move faster so that I am hitting her deep inside. Emily arches her back off the bed so I grab her and hold her upright while I fuck her. There is no other way to describe what I am doing, I am not making love to her. This is raw and carnal.

  Mac has brought me to the edge and I jumped over. I can’t take my eyes off him. He is a perfect man, so dark and strong. I run my hands over his biceps as he pushes into me. Mac is all I need right now.

  I sense he is nearing an orgasm because he is starting to groan in my ear. He is so deep inside me, he starts to pick up his pace.

  “Emily, you feel so good I can’t last much longer.”

  “Come inside me. I want to feel you.” I no sooner get the words out and Mac is moaning my name.

  He slows his movement and looks into my eyes, “Ok?” I nod to let him know that I am ok. He kisses my forehead while he holds himself up on his forearms. I can feel tears start to well up in my eyes and he must notice.

  “Emily, I want to stay and hold you tonight. Will you let me?”

  I don’t trust that the right words will come out of my mouth. I nod, and he rolls to his side and gathers me in his arms.

  As I lay my head on his chest I can feel how fast his heart is beating. He kisses my hair and holds me tight.

  “Rest your mind tonight sweetheart, I’m here” Mac whispers in my ear and surprisingly it calms me. He strokes my arm and it makes me shiver. I can feel his heart rate slowing as my eyelids become heavy. I try to fight the sleepiness, but I have been so depressed I have not been able to sleep the last few days. I will just rest my eyes and deal with what has happened later.

  I wake from a nightmare and sit straight up in bed. Seeing Jackson in my dreams, the way he died and the fog that I have been walking in have taken a toll on me. I know that I must be strong for Emily. She needs me at least for tonight. I leave in two days to go back to my base in England. I look to the empty space in the bed next to me and then I hear her. I see the light on in her bathroom. As I get out of bed and walk up to the door I can hear her sobbing.

  “Em, can I come in?” I ask.

  Nothing…

  I knock on the door.

  Nothing…

  I open the door slowly and I see her curled in the tub in a fetal position. My heart is shattered. Emily has always been a strong and vibrant woman and to see her so broken takes my breath away.

  “Emily, sweetheart. Let’s get you back in bed.”

  Nothing…

  I kneel next to the bathtub and reach in to touch her. She is trying to catch h
er breath between her sobs. I feel so helpless because I’m not sure that I can comfort her enough.

  She looks up at me and I can see in her eyes how afraid she is, so I do the only thing I can.

  Standing up I lift my leg over the side of the tub and get in with her. I reach over to her and pull her into my arms. Cradled in my arms, I stroke her head.

  “How am I going to go on with my life? I feel like half of me is gone forever.” Emily whispers.

  “I know baby, but Jackson would not want you to stop living your life because he is gone. He would want you to continue on, meet a nice guy, get married and have the family that you have always wanted. You have your whole life ahead of you, live it for Jackson.”

  Emily is shaking in my arms. I am not sure if she is cold or if it is from the stress of losing Jackson. I pull her closer to try and stop the trembling.

  “Let’s get you back into bed and warmed up.”

  She doesn’t say anything but nods slightly in agreement.

  Mac helps me back into bed. I feel so weak, physically and emotionally. Here I am relying on him when he lost his best friend.

  “I am sorry that I am being so selfish. I know losing Jackson is difficult for you too.”

  Mac ignores me while I get situated under the covers. I can see the frustration in his eyes when his eyes finally meet mine. “Don’t you ever apologize for needing me. We are both dealing with the loss of someone we both loved but that doesn’t mean that needing me is selfish. I need you too.”

  I can hear the sob that is lodged in his throat as he tries to stifle it.

  Mac gets into bed and pulls me close to his chest. I wrap my arm around his chest. “I don’t know how to act around my Dad. I mean he lost a son. Mac, how does he recover from that? How do you get over losing a child?”

  “I don’t think you ever get over losing a loved one, but you have to continue to live your life and so does your father Emily.”