The Big Book of Boy Stuff

by Bart King

  Cowboy Poker

  If you know how to play poker, you know how to play Cowboy Poker...if you have the guts.

  You Need:

  a deck of cards

  a large fenced-in field or other enclosed space

  1 raging bull

  3 to 10 players

  How to win: Don’t run!

  How to play: Set up a table in the middle of your enclosed area. Have a “pot” in the middle of the table that is already set up. (Every player can put in money, candy, whatever.) Have the dealer deal the cards, and then release an aggressive bull into the area. Keep playing! The bull may rush the table. Keep playing! The bull may toss you into the air. Keep playing! After 4 minutes, the winner is the player who remained in his chair and didn’t run away.

  Variations: Instead of a bull, you may wish to substitute a friendly dog, an assertive guinea pig, or a large stuffed animal.

  Ultimate Frisbee

  When played correctly, the second-greatest game of all time. Lots of exercise and excitement!

  You Need:

  1 ultimate Frisbee

  1 field

  6 or more players; in regulation Ultimate Frisbee, there should be 7 players per team

  How to win: Throw the Frisbee down the field to a teammate for a score!

  How to play: You need a field to play on. This field could be as large as 70 x 40 yards, or as short as 100 feet long and 80 feet wide. Make the end zones deep; 25 yards deep is just right. Decide on your field size based on how far your players can throw the Frisbee and on how many players there are.

  At the start of the game and after each score, both teams line up on the front of their end zone (or closer if you need to). The defense throws the Frisbee to the offense. The receiving team can let the Frisbee land and then pick it up, or they can catch it and start passing it downfield.

  The offense moves the Frisbee in any direction on the field by completing a pass to a teammate. Players may not run with the disc. If they catch the Frisbee running, they should stop as soon as possible. The person with the disc (the “thrower”) has up to 10 seconds to throw the disc. The defender guarding the thrower can count out loud to 10 if they like. The defense gets the disc if the opposing thrower doesn’t throw it in 10 seconds.

  The person passing the disc can use a swivel or pivot foot, just like in basketball. If a pass is dropped or not completed (for example, it goes out of bounds or is blocked or intercepted), the defense takes the Frisbee and goes on offense.

  There is no physical contact allowed between players! Picks and screens are not allowed. A foul occurs when contact is made. If a foul is called on one team, then the Frisbee goes back to the other team.

  Each time the offense completes a pass into the defense’s end zone, the offense scores a point. They then line up at their end zone and pass it to the other team. See which team can get to a certain score first, or play for a certain time period.

  Tips: There are no downs like there are in football. Also, there are no referees in real Ultimate Frisbee, so good sportsmanship is important. Respect the other players and have fun!

  Other Frisbee Games

  Decapitation

  Two teams line up and face each other 15 yards apart. They take turns throwing the Frisbee as hard as they can at each other. Points are awarded for any catch made with one hand by the defense (point goes to defense), any drop or two-handed catch by the defense (point goes to offense), or any bad throw by the offense (point goes to defense.)

  Boomerang Frisbee

  Players throw the Frisbee boomerang style and run to catch it themselves. The winner is the person who can throw and catch it while covering the most distance.

  *The actual playing time in a Major League Baseball game lasting 2-1/2 hours has been clocked at under 10 minutes.

  Special Feature: The Five Rules of Frisbee (adapted from Dan Roddick’s Ten Commandments of Frisbee)

  1. The most powerful force in the world is that of a Frisbee trying to land under a car, just out of reach. (This is called “car suck.”)

  2. The better the catch, the higher the odds the person will then make a bad throw.

  3. Never say, “Watch this!” before doing something cool. Whatever you were going to do now won’t work.

  4. The best catches are never, ever seen. (“Did you see that? Anybody?”)

  5. In any group of people, someone will always say, “Hey you could attach razor blades to the edge of this and maim and kill people!”

  Rounders!

  This is the greatest game of all time! Everyone plays! This is terrific for large or even huge groups of people.

  You Need:

  a large space

  a Nerf football, or any spongy, irregularly shaped ball

  1 bat

  3 sanctuaries (Sanctuaries can be baseball bases or almost anything. I use traffic cones with PVC pipes stuck vertically in their ends so that a “striker” can grab them.)

  8 to 100 players

  How to win: Score!

  How to play: Rounders has been around for hundreds of years. It has influenced the modern games of baseball, cricket, and Death Match 3000.

  In Rounders, someone is picked to be the “striker.” He hits the ball and starts to run. He wants to score. Each time any striker successfully completes a journey around the “sanctuaries” and returns to his or her “castle,” that is a score for their team. At the end of the game, the team with the highest tally (the most runs scored) wins. The only way to prevent a striker from scoring is to “peg” him or to catch the ball struck on the fly or on the first bounce.

  Amazing Rounders Rules!

  1. Infinite swings. The striker (the person hitting or “striking” the ball) has no limit on the number of tries he needs to hit the ball. There is no striking out. The striker keeps trying until the ball comes in contact with the stick. (The striker must take an actual swing at the ball!)

  2. The ball must be fed where the striker wishes. The “feeder” is the person from the other team who throws (or “feeds”) the ball to the striker. The feeder must throw the ball where the striker wants it. If the striker is unhappy with a feeder, the striker asks for a new feeder from the other team. The feeder should try to give the striker a good throw; no rolling the ball or burning it in. (The feeder doesn’t have to worry about someone “stealing a base.” You can’t do this in Rounders.)

  3. Run on any hit! Remember, the striker must take a real swing at the ball! Any time the stick hits the ball (unless it’s a “tip” that does not make any forward progress), it is a hit and the striker must run! The ball may be struck anywhere. There are no out-of-bounds!

  Important: Any strikers already at the sanctuaries do not have to begin running when the ball is struck. (There is no need to tag up, like in baseball, on fly balls.) However, once they begin to run, they have to keep going at least to the next sanctuary.

  4. Run clockwise. Upon hitting the ball, the striker then must run clockwise around the sanctuaries. The striker does not need to touch any of the sanctuaries and may run anywhere on the field as long as he eventually passes outside or around each sanctuary. (That’s why they call it Rounders; you run around the sanctuary!)

  5. Striker is out. The striker is out if the hit is caught in the air or after the first bounce. Also, any striker is out if he is plugged (hit with a thrown ball) while running. He is not out if he is on or holding a sanctuary (one that wasn’t used before—see rule #7) before he is plugged.

  A note on plugging: The throw must hit the striker below the neck. If it doesn’t, the thrower goes to the dungeon.

  6. Sanctuaries only work once. Once a striker has touched a sanctuary, he may not let go of it and then grab it again—it has been used up for that striker. More than one striker can use a sanctuary at the same time. Also, one striker can pass other strikers as he runs.

  7. No blockades. No defending team member may touch or get in the way of a striker in an attempt to prevent him from getting to a sanctu
ary or going around the sanctuaries.

  8. Freezing play. If the feeder gets the ball in the pitching area and touches the ball to the ground while yelling, “Freeze!” then the strikers on the field must go to the closest sanctuary that they haven’t used yet and hold play.

  9. Everybody out! The teams change sides when the castle’s team has gone through their whole striking lineup. That means that every person on that team has either scored or gotten out. Strikers may not be stranded on a sanctuary. Play continues until the last person in the lineup is either out or scores. (Subsequent strikers who already batted can be stranded.)

  10. Master Rounder. The last striker can become a “master rounder” if he decides to try and circle the bases twice. After leaving the third sanctuary after their first trip around, they may try to make the full trip around again without stopping and get back to the castle. If he makes it, his whole team gets to bat again; if not, the inning is over and the other team comes up. (You might want to keep your fastest person till last because of this.)

  11. The Dungeon. If a defender plugs a striker above the neck, or blocks a striker’s route, they go to the dungeon. (This is like a penalty box.) Also, any poor sports go to the dungeon as well.

  12. The King Is Always Right. It’s best to play this game with a “king.” The king is an adult or other respected person who is the referee. Once the action gets going, it can be almost impossible for the king to see the whole playing field. It doesn’t matter: the king is always right.

  13. If you think the King is wrong, see rule #12.

  Frequently Asked Questions

  Question: The striker hits the ball toward a defender near the first sanctuary. The striker then runs away. Is this legal?

  Answer: It’s not only legal, it’s smart. The striker would get pegged if he ran toward the player with the ball! If he runs away, he has a much better chance; of course, he will need to eventually run back to the first sanctuary and stay there or go around it.

  Question: A striker runs around all the sanctuaries without touching them, gets confused, runs to the second sanctuary and holds it. Is this legal?

  Answer: Actually, it is legal. The sanctuary hasn’t been “used up” for him because he never touched it.

  Question: A defender tries to “peg” a striker. The ball bounces and then hits the striker. Is the striker out?

  Answer: No. The ball must be “on the fly,” not “on the bounce” when it hits the striker.

  Question: A striker is being chased by someone with the ball. The defender tries to peg the striker, but the striker ducks, which results in the striker being hit in the head with the ball. What is the decision?

  Answer: The striker is out; there is no penalty.

  On Your Mark! Get Set! Ouch! In the ancient Greek Olympics, anybody caught in a false start during a race was handed over to the Olympic cops (called alytes) for a public whipping.

  On Your Mark! Get Set! Go! Keep Going! Maybe the world’s longest race is the Sri Chinmoy Marathon in New York. At 3,100 miles, it takes the best runners more than 40 days to complete.

  Girls, Bullies, and Parties!

  Girls

  I guess girls are okay, but the cooties, good grief, the COOTIES! Anyway, I don’t know how to break this to you, but one day you will start looking at girls as more than just pests. You’ll start noticing how girls smell good. You’ll have your whole life to puzzle over what makes girls special, but for now, let’s look at some of the common questions boys have about girls.

  Where do girls come from?

  Nobody knows.

  There’s a girl that I like. How do I let her know that I like her?

  There are many ways to let a girl know that you have a crush on her. The gutsiest way would be to walk up to her and say, “I like you.” Few boys have this kind of courage.

  Okay, so I’m a coward. What else can I try?

  Make eye contact with the girl in class or by her locker and smile. Try to catch the girl when she is by herself for a moment. Try saying, “Hi,” and see if you can get a conversation going. Try complimenting her hair or clothes, or asking her what she thinks about a certain movie, music group, teacher, whatever!

  She might be surprised or nervous, so be prepared to bail out! This means that you made your initial contact and you move on. She also may not seem interested. In this case, leave her alone. Nothing’s worse than liking someone and then hating her because she doesn’t seem to like you back.

  Should I get other people involved?

  If you want the whole world to know that you like a girl, get other people involved. Let’s say there’s this girl named Krista who you like. One of your friends could tell one of Krista’s friends that you like her.

  These two friends will tell about a hundred other people first. Pretty soon, total strangers will be coming up to you in the hallway saying, “I hear you like Krista!”

  Of course, once this news gets out, you will have to deny everything. You will deny all rumors (“I don’t like her!”) and you will never be able to look that girl in the eyes again because of your hideous embarrassment.

  So what’s the best way to do this?

  I have a brother named Kris who always seemed to have girlfriends when we were kids. I once asked Kris how he got girlfriends.

  “I am nice to them,” he said.

  This is still pretty good advice.

  Okay, this girl knows I like her, and I think she likes me too. What’s next?

  This is the toughest part of all. Since you probably can’t drive yet, see if you can get together on the phone or online after school. Or try to meet her at a movie, party, or mall.

  If you are allowed to actually “go out” with her, don’t try to do anything too big on the first “date.” You don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. Try to keep it casual. No big presents, flowers, or cards. Just get to know her a little. Try to be positive and upbeat; don’t try too hard to be funny or cool. Girls can spot guys who are “TTH” (Trying Too Hard) and they don’t like it.

  How long should a first date last?

  No more than a couple of hours. Like I said, don’t overdo it. Just get to know each other. Don’t have so much time that you’re bored or uncomfortable.

  What about holding hands, kissing, and all that?

  Heck, if you think I’m going to write about that, you’re nuts! Let me put it this way: Be sure that the girl you like knows you still like her at the end of the date. Make plans to do something again. Say, “I had fun. Would you like to get together again?”

  Any final tips?

  Yes. Don’t put gum in a girl’s hair. They hate that. Also, stay on the good side of the girl’s parents. Be polite to them and don’t call her house late at night.

  Cooties Are Real! Humans didn’t wash themselves or their clothes very much in the old days. As a result, most people had lice in their hair! (A louse is a small insect that makes its living by hiding on your head and biting you.) A hundred years ago, it wouldn’t be that unusual for a boy to sit in class and see a white critter crawl out of his table-partner’s hair, and then back into the forest again. Cooties! (Of course, boys had them too.)

  Yo, Short Stuff! The only age when the average girl is as tall or taller than the average boy is 12.

  Brothers and Sisters

  Maybe you have brothers and sisters. If so, look for a good book on anger management. And remember, even though your brothers and sisters might drive you crazy, no only child has ever been elected as the president of the United States.

  School

  Do you think that the school year is too long? Please! You have it easy! The odds are that you don’t go to school more than 185 days a year. Compare that to the school years of these other countries: Thailand, Scotland, and the Netherlands have 200 days in their school years. Switzerland has 207, Russia and Germany have 210, Israel has 215, Korea has 220, and Japan has 243. But the winner is China, with 251 days in the school year.

  Going to a Party<
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  Hey, you got invited to a party! Go to the party. Eat, talk, goof around, and dance if you feel brave. Play some games. If it is a party where you should bring a present for a boy, get them a pocketknife, kazoo, chattering teeth, or nerd glasses. These gifts are always a hit. If the party is for a girl, ask someone else for ideas.

  *There are a lot of ways to greet someone with body language. You can smile, shake hands, wave, or even bump heads. In some cultures, like Japan, bowing can be a way to communicate this greeting. A bow at a certain angle has a certain meaning.

  A bow at an angle of 5 degrees is a simple greeting. “Hi!”

  A bow at 30 degrees is a respectful bow that shows gratitude.

  A bow at 45 degrees is used for an apology or to show great respect.

  A bow at 75 degrees is used to check the shoes for mud.

  Throwing a Party

  A party can be heavy, so throwing one isn’t easy. (That is a joke.) The first (and sometimes the hardest) part of throwing a party is deciding who to invite. Wise men for centuries have said that there are three kinds of people you should invite to a party:

  1. Your good friends.

  2. Kids you don’t know well but who seem nice.

  3. Kids you don’t know, but who you think would have fun.

  For your invitation, make up a sheet with directions and your phone number for people who haven’t been over before. Now everyone knows how to get to your house.