Baggage & Buttons

by C. J. Fallowfield

  ‘I saw, iPhone dock and picture frame. You guys make me want to heave you’re so in love.’

  I looked at her and saw she was smiling at me. I put down my empty bowl and sent him a text.

  Hi sexy boy. Thank you for my iPhone dock which has already been put to use and for my gorgeous frame and picture, it’s on my bedside table. Hope practice has gone well? We’ve just had your frozen stew for dinner, it was really good. Hope you sleep ok tonight. See you tomorrow morning <3 x

  I argued with Lexi over what to watch on TV, so we decided to turn it off and put on some music and do a bit of studying. I’d only done about an hours’ worth when my phone started vibrating and moving across the desk. I picked it up to see a reply from him.

  Doug said you wanted a copy. You do know you were supposed to heat the stew right, not eat it frozen? ;-) Practice was good. I’m doing some study to try and take my mind off you. I already miss you, I don’t know how I’m going to sleep tonight without you baby :-(

  Well I’ve got big boy the panda to hold tonight. Maybe I need to get you something. Would you like a blow up doll? x

  Are you being serious??!! A fucking inflatable plastic thing is supposed to make me feel better about not having you in my bed? I think not. I hate this Mia, it better make you happy doing this, because it’s not me. See you at eight

  He was grumpy. On top of not saying he loved me last night, he hadn’t even put any kisses at the end of any of his texts today either, which upset me and then I was annoyed at myself for being upset. I’d always laughed at girls for getting all worked up reading into things with their guys and here I was doing the exact same thing.

  ‘Lex, I’m sorry I need to go to bed, you ok working on your own?’

  ‘Sure, what’s going on?’

  ‘He’s really pissed about us being apart and I can’t tell him how much I’m hating the idea now can I? Not after all the bloody fuss I made. I just want to go to sleep so I don’t have to think about it again until I wake up.’

  ‘I’m here if you need me.’

  ‘Thanks Lex, night.’

  ‘Night.’

  I left her in the lounge and went to brush my teeth and take a couple of painkillers and a sleeping tablet. I refilled my hot water bottle and climbed into bed and looked at the empty space next to me and sighed. I curled up into a ball with the hot water bottle on my stomach and grabbed big boy and wrapped my arms around him. The more I tried not to think about Gabe, the more he invaded my thoughts and I found myself crying.

  I’d just opened up and told him that I loved him and now we were sleeping apart, he was grumpy and seemed to be holding back his affections and I was getting upset about it, when it was my idea in the first place because it was supposed to make me feel better. Was this what being in love was supposed to be like? Because if so, it sucked.

  I started to feel a bit woozy from the combination of drugs and dried my eyes and found myself drifting off.

  Tuesday

  When my alarm woke me at seven, I was on Gabe’s side of the bed, still clutching big boy. It was my longest night’s sleep in weeks, a solid nine hours. I wondered how Gabe had got on without me and if he’d woken up in a better mood than yesterday. I decided to dress down in my sweats and trainers and made myself a coffee. There was a bowl of untouched fruit on the dining table, so I had a banana before putting my purse and phone in my zip up pockets. I grabbed my keys and headed down to meet Gabe. As I opened the door, I just had a feeling that he’d already be there waiting.

  ‘Morning baby,’ he beamed. God his smile was radiant. He looked so happy to see me that it washed away my fears that a confrontation was going to occur. He was dressed in his sweats too, yet still managed to look like a hot young male model.

  ‘Morning. Are you ever late to anything?’ I asked as I smiled back.

  ‘Rarely. God I’ve missed you, I hardly slept all night. Can I kiss you?’

  ‘You never have to ask me that Gabe, come here.’ I remained on the step as he stood below me on the pavement. We were perfectly height aligned to kiss and we did, we were hungry for each other after 15 hours apart. When we finally pulled apart I felt like I’d just had a shot of morphine. I was groggy, but really high and happy and he looked the same.

  ‘How are you feeling? Are you happy to walk?’ he asked.

  ‘I’m not too bad this morning thanks, besides the fresh air and exercise will do me good. How did you get here?’

  ‘I ran through the park, figured we could get a taxi if you weren’t up to it.’ He grabbed my hand and we started walking as he filled me in on his swimming practice and I updated him on my conversation with mum.

  ‘So I’m a total babe am I?’ he laughed. ‘I have to say it’s every teenage boys dream to have a cougar fancy him.’

  ‘O gross Gabe,’ I said pulling a face, hoping he hadn’t been with any older women.

  ‘She’s a looker Mia, besides you’re the one that went all stripper on my dad and started it,’ he replied with a smile.

  ‘How is he? Is he still away?’

  ‘Yes, he’s not due back for a couple of months. New York’s pretty much his main base now.’

  ‘You must really miss him.’

  ‘I have you now, usually,’ he added with a quick glance at me. ‘We’re here, after you.’ He held the door open for me and we went in.

  There was only one vacant chair in the waiting room. Gabe automatically sat down and pulled me onto his lap, put his arms around my waist and kissed the back of my neck, to the amusement of some of the other patients. We were called in a few minutes later and Gabe immediately took charge of the conversation, insisting on a same day referral for me to Riverdale private hospital.

  ‘If Mia’s in agreement then I’d be happy to do that,’ replied the doctor looking a little taken aback at Gabe’s direct approach. I nodded and smiled. ‘You do understand that being seen privately will prove costly, do you have medical insurance to cover the bills?’ he asked.

  ‘Not necessary, I’ll cover all of her expenses. So you’ll see to it that the referral gets done today?’ Gabe asked and flashed me a look as I went to object.

  ‘Leave it with me and I’ll see that it gets done as a priority.’

  Gabe thanked him and took my hand and we headed out. He checked his phone for directions to the clinic and we started walking.

  ‘Gabe, I’m really worried about the expense of this private appointment.’

  ‘You don’t need to worry.’

  ‘But it’s not fair for you to pay, we’ve only been dating a few weeks, these are my problems not yours.’

  ‘Are you seriously going to argue with me about this?’ he said shooting me another warning look. ‘I want you healthy and free from pain. You agreed to let me do this, so end of discussion.’ His mood had suddenly changed and I could sense an argument brewing so decided to fight my corner another time, a time when I wasn’t likely to get my head bitten off.

  ‘Then thanks, I appreciate it.’ He looked at me again and gave me a quick smile and we walked for a few minutes in silence. ‘Are you ok Gabe? You seem really tense all of a sudden.’

  ‘I didn’t sleep well, I’m worried about you and I’m about to get a giant cotton bud shoved up my penis, so yes I’m feeling a little tense.’

  ‘Seriously, they do that?’

  ‘So Doug tells me. I resisted the urge to check it out on You Tube.’

  ‘O my god, they have that on You Tube?’ I asked, amazed.

  ‘Who knows. They seem to have everything on there. O god we’re here already,’ he sighed looking really uncomfortable, so I stroked his arm.

  ‘Gabe I trust you, you’ve used condoms. You don’t have to do this for me.’

  ‘Yes I do. Will you wait for me? I’d imagine I’ll be longer.’

  ‘Of course I’ll wait.’

  ‘Ok, let’s get this done,’ he said with a deep exhalation.

  We walked in and I was hit by the smell of disinfectant and hosp
ital like cleanliness. I actually felt nervous too, so I could only imagine how bad Gabe must be feeling. He was called in first and I squeezed his hand and whispered ‘Good Luck.’ I was called a few minutes later and was warned that I was about to be asked some very personal questions.

  ‘So why have you come today?’

  ‘I’ve had unprotected oral sex.’

  ‘With a male or female partner?’

  ‘Male,’ I answered firmly, trying desperately to shake off the image of female oral that had just entered my mind as I recalled Lexi’s comments about bare beavers the other night.

  ‘How many partners have you had?’

  ‘Only this one.’

  ‘How about intercourse?’

  ‘Yes I’ve had that,’ I nodded vigorously.

  ‘Unprotected?’

  ‘No, with condoms.’

  ‘Did any break?’

  ‘Not that I know of.’

  ‘Anal Sex?’

  ‘Not with a penis,’ I whispered, wondering if that counted. Shit she wasn’t wrong, it was personal, I was so embarrassed. God Gabe with his hundreds of bloody partners would be getting a grilling.

  The lady continued with more questions and concluded that I only needed a throat swab and told me that the results would be back in a few days. She smiled and gave me a handful of condoms to take with me. I went and sat in the waiting room, deliberately keeping my eyes on a spot on the grey ridged carpet tiles, too embarrassed to look at anyone else. It was at least ten minutes before I got a tap on the shoulder and looked up to see Gabe. He held out his hand and I took it and we walked outside.

  ‘Are you ok?’ he asked me.

  ‘Yes apart from embarrassed. I just had a throat swab and they’ll call me in a couple of days with the results.’

  ‘You’re embarrassed? Christ the questions were bad enough, without having a man handling and inspecting my privates, but when he pulled out that Q-tip I nearly passed out.’

  ‘God Gabe, I’m sorry was it really bad?’

  ‘It wasn’t pleasant,’ he said with a grimace.

  ‘Are you hurting now?’

  ‘I’m uncomfortable, they told me it might hurt when I pee for a few days.’

  ‘So what now?’

  ‘I asked for a HIV blood test just to be sure, as well as usual bloods and swabs for STI’s and they said a couple of days as well. They’re pretty confident I’ll be fine.’

  ‘Do you want to want to grab a Starbucks?’

  ‘Sure.’

  ‘Then I’m paying and treating you and that’s the end of that discussion,’ I teased. This time he gave me a full smile, let go of my hand and put his arm around me and kissed the top of my head.

  We carried our coffees back to my building and I turned the key and stepped in and looked around to see Gabe was hanging back on the pavement.

  ‘What are you doing? Aren’t you coming up?’ I asked.

  ‘Am I allowed?’

  ‘Of course you are, it was just overnight stays I was trying to have a break from.’

  ‘So tonight’s still off as well?’ he frowned.

  ‘I thought that’s what we agreed.’

  ‘No. That’s what you told me,’ he retorted petulantly as his eyes narrowed.

  ‘And you said if it would make me happy to have a few nights off you’d do it,’ I reminded him.

  ‘Are you happy?’

  ‘Gabe, my coffee’s going cold, are you coming up or not?’

  ‘Fine, but you didn’t answer my question Mia.’

  ‘Can we go up to discuss this so I can climb on the recliner and enjoy my latte?’

  ‘Fine,’ he sighed as he came in and closed the door. We started up the stairs.

  ‘You knew tonight was off limits anyway, I warned you from the start that Tuesday’s were my movie night with Lexi, remember? Besides you made plans to play pool with Milo. What was that all about?’

  ‘You told me to make an effort with your friend. I’m making an effort.’

  ‘As in be nice, say hello and ask how he was whenever you saw him. I wasn’t expecting you to hang out with him and become best mates.’

  ‘I told you I don’t trust the guy. I figured it might make me feel better if Doug and I spent a bit of time getting to know him.’

  ‘Well in the spirit of being honest and sharing, I’ve agreed to meet him in the gym on a Thursday night so he can help motivate me with my work outs.’

  ‘You’re not being serious?’ He sounded really annoyed and I resisted looking around at him. I wasn’t going to let him bully me, not this soon into our relationship.

  ‘Yes. I’m doing Pilates at six, then meeting him in the Gym at seven and may have a drink after if that doesn’t mess up your plans.’

  ‘I’m not making any more plans Mia. We appear to back to no strings attached. I have to wait for a call to say I can spend the night with my own fucking girlfriend, in the meantime you’re making plans with the Italian bloody Stallion who wants in your knickers.’

  We’d reached the top of the stairs and I sighed as I turned to look at his scowling thunderous face. This having a simple couple of nights off was turning into a nightmare. He was either seriously pissed off, or he was trying to goad me into giving in. I opened the front door and stepped into the hall.

  ‘Many men have wanted in my knickers Gabe, so many your head would explode if you knew. Do I really have to remind you that you were the first? Or that I hope you’ll be the last? No? Good. Now for the love of god can we go and sit down and drink our coffees?’

  ‘Only you could piss me off and turn me on at the same time by giving me all this attitude.’ I looked up at him and he was all smiles again, it was getting really hard to keep up with him this morning, he was happy, then tense, then happy, then fine, then moody and now he was beaming again? I tried to remember if any of my other boyfriends were like that in the course of a few hours, then realised I never really spent long enough with them to notice.

  ‘How do you go from getting all pissed off with me, to smiling at me like that so quickly?’ I asked as I headed into the lounge.

  ‘Love I guess,’ he shrugged. ‘So you really hope that I’ll be your one and only?’ he asked as he sank into the recliner.

  ‘Gabe, with the exception of Alex, every relationship I’ve ever been in I was looking for the exit door the minute I started it. It’s different with you.’ He pulled me down onto his lap and then tensed up and muttered ‘Fuck’ so I quickly stood up again. ‘Shit sorry. Is it still sore?’

  ‘Ermmm yes,’ he grimaced.

  ‘I’ll go and sit on the sofa instead then.’

  ‘If I only have a few hours with you we’re not sitting on separate bloody seats,’ he grumbled.

  ‘Ok come over here then.’ I positioned myself with my legs up on the shorter section of the L shape sofa, pulled a fat cushion onto my lap and indicated for him to come over. He stretched out and lay his head down on me.

  ‘O god,’ he groaned as he lay there.

  ‘Gabe is it really that painful?’ I asked, feeling really guilty that he’d had to go through all of this for me.

  ‘No it’s just I’ve got a great view of your tits from here and I’m getting aroused again.’

  ‘So go and sit back over there,’ I pointed. ‘I told Lexi you were a walking bloody erection and I wasn’t wrong.’

  ‘I’m not moving now baby, the view’s too good. So you imagine you’ll never have sex with anyone else? What else do you imagine?’

  ‘In what way? Positions and things?’ I asked as I played with the top of his hair.

  ‘Well I’d be interested to hear any you’d like to try, but I meant do you see us living together and married with lots of children?’

  ‘God Gabe, that’s a bit of a full on question,’ I exclaimed as I tensed up.

  ‘I just had cotton wool on a stick shoved up my penis by a man for you and you can’t tell me if you’ve thought that far ahead.’

  ‘I’m sor
ry, I haven’t Gabe, we’re only a couple of weeks into a relationship and I’m just enjoying it and hoping it doesn’t end. That’s as far as I’ve thought,’ I took a sip of my latte. ‘Damn it now my coffee’s cold. Next time we’re either drinking in or I’m duck taping your mouth shut.’ I slammed it down on the console table behind the sofa. What the hell was he thinking asking me about marriage and bloody kids after two weeks?

  ‘Are you ok baby? I can feel your heart racing.’

  ‘Well it’s not from caffeine overdose that’s for sure,’ I snapped, irritated.

  ‘Mine’s lovely,’ he grinned. ‘You’re sure you’re ok?’

  ‘Yes I’m fine Gabe,’ I sighed. ‘I just like my latte’s hot.’

  ‘So what are you doing with the rest of your day?’

  ‘I have a beautician’s appointment.’

  ‘What are you having done?’ he asked as he nuzzled my chest.

  ‘Lexi and I are getting facials and I’m having a wax.’

  ‘O god. It’s bad enough I’m this close to your nipples. I don’t need you telling me about your smooth vagina.’

  ‘I’ve just realised you have no pubic hair either,’ I exclaimed with a gasp. ‘Or chest, leg or arm hair.’

  ‘You’re lucky I have head hair and eyebrows, I drew the line at waxing those off in the name of speed.’

  ‘So you wax too?’

  ‘You’ve seen my tiny trunks, not a great look to have pubes sticking out everywhere, plus body hair can add fractions of a second to swim times, so most swimmers wax everything off. You seriously only just realised that I was bare?’

  ‘Well it’s not like I’ve seen another one in real life is it?’

  ‘No, only in the porn movies you’ve watched. What was that all about? Do you have a collection?’

  ‘Lexi got a load of an old fling while we were still at school and I watched them. I wanted to see what I was missing and what all the fuss was about.’

  ‘And?’ he asked as he finished the last of his black coffee.

  ‘Let’s just say I like the real thing better. None of the men were that attractive looking either, facially anyway. Are you into porn?’

  ‘I was, but I don’t want it, or need it now I’ve got you.’