Baggage & Buttons

by C. J. Fallowfield

  ‘Can I help you with anything else?’ the accounts lady asked, bringing me around again.

  ‘Sorry no, that’s all.’ I gave her another attempt at a smile as I stood and Lexi grabbed my hand and walked me back to reception, sat me down and went to get me a coffee, while I rang and booked a taxi to take us home.

  ‘Four bloody thousand?’ she said as she sat next to me and handed over the drink.

  ‘I know Lex, I nearly died. Gabe’s not going to have that sort of money just lying around. I thought I’d just have a scan and be put on some pills, not surgery. How am I going to come up with that amount of money by Tuesday?’

  ‘Could you get a loan?’

  ‘I don’t know, I’m not working am I? I’d have no income to fund it.’

  ‘You have your allowances and the equity in the apartment.’

  ‘Well yes, but I’m sure the bank would want a guarantor in either case. No way I’m contacting my dad to ask for help, not when I just had to jump through hoops of fire to get a bloody lunch date with him. Plus I don’t want mum to know about the operation, she’d freak out.’

  ‘Could Georgie help?’

  ‘I doubt it Lex,’ I sighed. ‘As a nurse she doesn’t earn loads of money herself, besides we’re not exactly the closest of sisters are we? I’ve never even talked to her about my period pains.’

  ‘God Mia, I wish I could help. You do so much for me.’

  ‘I know you would if you could Lex,’ I said, flashing her a grateful smile. ‘It looks like I’m going to have to get a student loan after all. I just really wanted to avoid that. What if they can’t get me the money in time though?’

  ‘Credit card?’

  ‘I don’t have one, though I’m starting to think I need to for unexpected things like this. I’ll look online when we get home and see if I can find one that will let me have an instant decision and hopefully no interest charges for a while.’

  ‘Are you going to call Gabe to tell him?’

  ‘About the operation or the cost?’ I asked, thinking how much he would freak at either scenario.

  ‘Both.’

  ‘I don’t know if I should. He’s competing, if I upset him it could mess him up and he may not perform well. He’s so competitive he’d be furious if he ended up losing because I made him worry.’

  ‘If you don’t contact him he’s going to be worrying anyway. Put him out of his misery and let him know what’s going on.’

  ‘Lex what if it’s all too much for him? We’ve been dating for two weeks and it’s a lot to lay on someone. It could be too much for him to handle and he could finish with me.’ I heard the shake in my own voice.

  ‘God Mia, when will you get it into your thick skull that he loves you,’ she sighed, flicking my forehead with her finger. ‘He’s not going to run for the hills because you’re having some health problems. I know it’s an awful condition to have and I’m not belittling it, or trying to make out that you shouldn’t be concerned, but you’ve not just been diagnosed with a terminal disease have you? Now that may be too much for someone to deal with two weeks in. Give Gabe the benefit of the doubt, he’ll stay with you, I know it. I mean he was going to stay with you when he thought you were pregnant with Kai’s kid for god’s sake.’

  Lexi was right, he’d done nothing but show me and tell me how much I meant to him, it was my issue that I still had that nagging doubt it was all too good to be true, that I didn’t deserve to be so happy, or to be loved by someone like Gabe. I also knew that he’d be furious if he found out that this had all gone down and I’d hidden it from him.

  ‘I’ll ring him when we get back,’ I sighed.

  We got home at twenty past eleven and Lexi got me a beer from the fridge.

  ‘I’ll be in the lounge if you need me. Good luck.’

  ‘Thanks Lex.’

  I took a swig, removed my jacket and boots and sat up on the bed and looked at my phone and saw I had a message from him already.

  Ok it’s getting late and I haven’t heard from you yet. Is everything ok? I’m already at the pool in the changing rooms, so it’s not too late to call me. Let me know you’re ok please Mia <3 xx

  I sighed, I needed to just get it over with, so I facetimed him.

  ‘Hi baby, Doug and a whole load of other guys from the swim teams are in here with me, so don’t say anything inappropriate again,’ he grinned. ‘How did you get on?’

  It was so good to see his gorgeous smiling face, I hadn’t realised until I saw him how much I was missing him. I bit my lip as I looked at him and felt my eyes stinging, shit I really didn’t want to cry, not now, please not now. I looked up at the ceiling and fluttered my eyelids to try and stop myself, before looking back down at him and managing a half smile.

  ‘Mia what’s wrong? You look really upset.’

  ‘I’m fine, I’m just missing you Gabe.’

  ‘I miss you too baby, but I can tell something’s wrong. You promised not to lie to me, talk to me, what did they say?’

  ‘I need an operation to look inside me and they’ve booked me in for Tuesday.’

  ‘Shit Mia,’ he sighed. ‘I knew something was wrong. What is it?’

  ‘They need to remove cysts from my ovaries and see why they aren’t where they should be in my body. They think I also have a disease called endometriosis.’

  ‘O my god is it … is it a form of cancer?’ he asked, his face paling.

  ‘No, god no, I’m sorry Gabe, I should’ve made that clear. It’s nothing terminal, but it’s pretty much incurable if I have it.’

  ‘What are the symptoms?’

  ‘It causes pain, tiredness and possible infertility as well. At least I know now what was giving me all those pains,’ I said, trying to smile to reassure him. He looked so worried, I knew I shouldn’t have run him.

  ‘Baby I should be there with you,’ he sighed, running his hand through his hair. ‘I’m going to come back now. I’ll get a taxi and can be home this afternoon.’

  ‘Gabe don’t be so silly. That would cost a fortune and you’re about to compete. I’m fine, just a bit shocked that’s all, I wasn’t expecting an operation.’ I gave him another half-heartedly attempt at a smile and we just sat looking at each other for a minute and I could see he was still torn. ‘Gabe I’m fine honestly. We can talk about it tomorrow when you come home ok?’

  ‘You’re not alone are you?’

  ‘No Lexi’s looking after me. She’s in the lounge, honestly I’m fine now, I already feel better for having seen you.’

  ‘So what happens after the op?’ he sighed as he rubbed his face.

  ‘It’s a minimum one night stay and then at least a week off normal things. We’ll know more once she’s seen how messed up I am inside.’

  ‘Baby I hate this, I should be there with you,’ he groaned.

  ‘Gabe we need to talk about the cost. I really appreciate your offer, but I can’t accept it.’

  ‘Mia we already discussed this and I offered to pay.’

  ‘I know, but that was when you thought it was just a consultation. Now it’s the scan and the op it’s seriously expensive, so I’ll take out a loan.’

  ‘I don’t care Mia, I’m paying.’

  ‘Gabe please don’t be ridiculous and all domineering about this,’ I said firmly. ‘You offered when you thought it would be a couple of hundred pounds, it’s going to be a lot more.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter Mia,’ he said equally firmly, giving me a steely look.

  ‘Gabe seriously, I can’t let you pay. It’s £4K and that’s if everything goes to plan.’

  ‘I don’t care if it’s bloody £40K Mia, I just want you well,’ he snapped. I bit my lip and frowned, trying to decide what to say. I wasn’t sure how to handle his irritations in person yet, let alone over the phone. ‘Don’t worry about the money Mia, just trust me, I can afford it, so you don’t need to take a loan.’

  ‘So you just have four thousand lying around do you?’ I said, half joking.


  ‘Mia I don’t want to discuss my bloody finances in an open locker room, I’ve told you I can afford it, I won’t tell you again.’

  ‘But we’ve only been dating for a couple of weeks Gabe, I can’t let you do that.’

  ‘I don’t give a fuck Mia, days, weeks, months, years, who bloody cares? I can afford it, you obviously can’t and I’m doing this. Christ you’re so damn stubborn. Stop fucking arguing with me about it,’ he snapped with a full on glare.

  ‘Ok,’ I whispered. That was his angry face and his level of swearing was increasing, so I decided I had to concede for now to save upsetting him anymore. I’d look into the credit card or student loan option and argue about repaying him once it was sorted.

  ‘Baby, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you, I’m just really frustrated and upset for you. I should be there with you Mia. Promise me you’ll rest up now and get yourself ready for Tuesday?’

  ‘Gabe I’m going to be resting up for a bloody week after. It means no sex, again. It’s like the world’s conspiring against me having a sex life.’ I swigged my beer and saw his brow crease.

  ‘You’re drinking? Already? It’s middle of the bloody morning.’

  ‘Give me a break Gabe, I thought I was going to be put on some pills, now I’m being cut open, having a camera shoved in me, cysts removed and god knows what else,’ I sighed. I may have backed off arguing about money, but no way was he bossing me about regarding my drinking again. Anyone would think I was a bloody alcoholic the way he reacted, I needed to stand my ground on this.

  ‘You’re scared Mia, I get that, but you should really be taking it easy with an op coming up. At least tell me that you’re staying in tonight now?’

  ‘No,’ I replied with a firm shake of my head. ‘I’m partying. Hard.’

  ‘Mia please,’ he groaned and I saw him run his hand through his hair, a sure sign he was getting worked up again.

  ‘Please don’t start Gabe, I’m going out to get drunk, it’s my way of dealing with shit, besides I’ll have Lexi with me, who’ll be sober, so I’ll be perfectly fine.’

  ‘Call Lexi for me please, I want to talk to her.’

  ‘No, because you’re going to try and get her to talk me out of it and that’s not fair Gabe. You’re putting her in the middle of our disagreement, besides she’s my best friend, she knows me well enough to know that this is what I need right now.’

  ‘Fuck Mia.’ I could see the steam coming out of his ears, his jaw was clenched and his eyes were blazing.

  ‘You’re getting worked up again Gabe and you really don’t need this right now. I’m fine, we can talk about it when you get home tomorrow. Go and get your head in the game, you’re competing shortly, it’s important.’

  ‘You’re more bloody important,’ he growled. Even when he was mad like this, all I wanted was for him to step through my bedroom door and wrap his arms around me and make me feel safe again. I never thought I could miss a guy the way I was missing him right now. I wanted to beg him to jump in that taxi and come home right now, but that would be selfish of me.

  ‘Gabe please, do as you’re told. Lexi will be with me at all times. I’m fine now, please go and calm down and sort yourself out. I knew I shouldn’t have rung you.’

  ‘I’d have been even madder if you hadn’t,’ he hissed, still scowling.

  ‘Gabe,’ I sighed. ‘You need to prepare for your competition so I’m going to cut you off now and I won’t answer if you ring me back. Understood? Good luck, go and win your races. I love you and I’ll see you tomorrow.’

  ‘Mia I …’

  I blew him a kiss and terminated the call, turned my phone off and threw myself down onto the bed and started sobbing. I heard Lexi come in and she climbed up onto the bed with me and hugged me from behind until I stopped.

  ‘Why did he have to be away Lexi? I miss him.’

  ‘Well you’ve got me instead ok? Shit, I can hear my phone going in the lounge.’

  ‘Don’t bother getting it, I bet it’s him. He’s mad that I’m still going out tonight and he wants to convince you to make me stay in and rest. I told him not to ring you,’ I sniffed.

  ‘Right, well we’re going out whatever bossy Austin has to say, you need to get drunk. So why don’t you get up and sort your bag out for your weekend at his? You’re going to be hung-over in the morning and it’ll just be a chore. I’ll run you another hot bath with your relaxation bubbles and then you can have a good sleep. We can blow off History and get you drunk and ready to party. How does that sound?’

  ‘We can’t blow off History,’ I sighed. ‘I’m going to miss a whole week of lectures, I can’t get behind Lex.’

  ‘So what’s one more afternoon? Plus you’ll have a week of no sex, running or the gym, so you’ll have loads of time to study and catch up won’t you?’

  ‘I guess,’ I shrugged and wiped my eyes on my sleeve.

  ‘Come on then, I’ll make you a drink and run the bath.’

  ‘You really want to skip this afternoon?’

  ‘Hell yeah, don’t know why I took the boring bloody subject. So deal?’

  ‘Deal. Thanks Lex.’ I rolled over and gave her a tight hug and she gave me one back.

  ‘Great, start packing then.’

  An hour later and I was packed, squeaky clean and tucked back in bed. Lexi gave me some water to wash down a sleeping tablet, closed the blinds and kissed my forehead then handed me big boy to cuddle.

  ‘Present from Gabe?’

  ‘Yes,’ I said, breaking into a big smile as I gave him a tight squashy hug.

  ‘I’ll wake you up at six thirty ok? That gives us an hour to get ready, plenty right?’

  ‘Yes that’s more than enough, thanks Lex. Love you.’

  ‘You too. Sleep.’

  I rolled over to Gabe’s side of the bed and breathed in the scent of him on his pillow as I hugged big boy and tried to put the impending procedure out of my mind. It took me a while, but eventually I started feeling groggy and fell asleep dreaming of Gabe, dripping wet and delicious in his speedos.

  Lexi woke me up as promised and I turned on my phone and saw a missed call and a text from him and surprisingly a text from Doug. I listened to Gabe’s call first.

  ‘I can’t believe you just hung up on me and won’t answer, that’s not acceptable behaviour Mia. Lexi’s not answering either. I’m sorry for getting mad ok, I’m just upset and frustrated that I’m not there for you. Call me back right away please’

  He still sounded really cross, I sighed and checked his text.

  Please contact me Mia. I’ve finished my races, I was so angry and amped up on adrenaline that I aced them and even set a new personal best, so you don’t have to worry about me. We can just focus on you. I’m really worried about you and I want you to stay in tonight, please don’t argue with me about this. Gabe <3 xx

  I knew I should reply straight away, but I was worried we’d get into another argument when all I needed was to go out and have some fun. Just because we were a couple didn’t give him the right to tell me what I could or couldn’t do. I checked my text from Doug.

  Hi Mia, Doug here. Listen he’s just mad because he cares, please don’t take it personally and trust me, he can afford your op so stop worrying. Ring him when you get a minute, he’ll only keep worrying and I’m the one getting the brunt of his bloody grumpiness. See you soon :-)

  Thanks Doug, but if we speak we’ll just end up arguing again and I’m not in the mood for another fight with him. So unless he’s calmed down and is prepared to talk to me without shouting or getting all bossy again, I don’t want to hear from him. I’m going out tonight and Lexi will look after me so tell him to stop worrying and I’ll see him tomorrow. Hope you did well with your races too, have fun with Lexi tomorrow. Thanks again, Mia

  I sighed again. Just how much money did Gabe have lying around to be able to afford to pay out £4K just like that? At least it took the immediate pressure off me, but no way was I not repaying him. I
headed into the shower to get ready and take my mind off it. I decided to let my hair dry naturally so the kinks would give it some decent body and pulled on my ruffled black lace knickers, over the knee black socks and the seriously small grey skirt. When I looked in the mirror it was so low you could see my hip bones and tattoo.

  I put on my black push up bra and tied the white shirt around my waist, showing off my torso and belly button piercing and undid enough buttons to show my bra and the mounds of my breasts and then did the tie straight around my neck, rather than the shirt collar. After doing two braids in my hair and applying really heavy dark eye makeup, I pulled on my high heels and finished my beer. My black painted nails still looked good, so I just put an extra layer of top coat on. Lexi wandered in, dressed pretty much the same but with flat shoes and a black mini skirt, though not as mini as mine.

  ‘Lex you look fab, loving the dark eye makeup against your new red hair. What do you think of my outfit?’ I stood up and did a twirl.

  ‘Christ that’s a belt not a skirt and this is me talking. Gabe would freak.’

  ‘Let’s send him a picture to cheer him up. He’s been so bloody moody today.’

  ‘I don’t know if that’s a good idea Mia. I’ve had a few messages asking me to stop you going out. He’ll be mad enough to find you’ve gone, let alone if he knew you went looking like this.’

  ‘He’s wandering around pretty much naked looking all sexy and hot in front of loads of people, including his ex and I have to deal with it don’t I? Take a picture please Lexi. He’ll love it when he sees it, I know he will.’ I went and stood against the wall and bent one of my knees in and leaned forward blowing a kiss and she clicked it.

  ‘Your bloody funeral,’ she muttered as she left the room.

  I looked at it, yes you could see my tattoo with the low skirt and my boobs were virtually bursting out of my tight shirt. I knew he’d find it arousing, so I sent it with a covering message, deciding to ignore our disagreements.