Ex and the Single Girl

by Lani Diane Rich

  “Now, look at everything and everyone around you.” Mags said. “Go on. Look around at all you ugly bears. Did any of you notice how y’all are beautiful again?”

  The kids, faces all smiles and not a contorted one in the bunch, oohed and aahed at each other, at the magnitude of their glorious transformation. Mags watched them, her face alight. I caught her eye again and she blew me a kiss. I grabbed it in the air and touched it to my face.

  A man about my age walked up and called the kids over, informing them it was time for arts and crafts. Mags spoke to him briefly, hugged a few of the stragglers, and sent them on their way, then walked over and sat down in a swing next to me.

  “I was wondering what was taking you so long,” she said. “I can’t believe any daughter of mine would take this long to hunt me down.”

  I laughed. “What can I say? I’m slow.”

  A group of children, slightly older than the group Mags just had, were assembling in the kickball field. We watched the kids settle in to the game, and then I spoke.

  “I saw Jack last night.”

  Mags kept her eyes on the game, but I saw her grip on the swing chains tighten.

  “Really?” she said, her voice almost too light. “How is he?”

  “He’s fine. Good, actually.”

  Mags gave me a fleeting smile, then turned her attention back to the kids. “I’m glad to hear it. He told you, then. What happened with us?”

  “Not really,” I said. “All I know is that you threw him out.” She nodded. “Yes. I did that.”

  “Okay,” I said. “I don’t care.”

  She turned her head, and brought her eyes up to meet mine. “You’re not mad?”

  “What’s the point?” I sighed, kicking dust clouds up with my feet. “I’ve been mad at you for so long and it never gets me anywhere. Just because I have a right to be mad...”

  “...doesn’t mean you should be.” Mags laughed. “You have been talking to Jack.”

  “I won’t lie and say I’m not curious, but I didn’t come here today to beat it out of you.”

  “Well, that begs the question .. she said.

  “Why did I come out here? I don’t know. I just know I don’t want to fight you anymore.” I reached out and grabbed her hand. “I want my mom.”

  She smiled at me and squeezed my hand, and I was amazed at how easy it was to sit there with Mags. For the first time in my life, I wasn’t expecting her to disappoint me. I wasn’t expecting anything.

  Who knew it could be that simple?

  “I loved him,” she said after a moment, her eyes returning to the kickball game. “I always have. I still do.”

  I sucked in a deep breath, trying not to sound too shocked by her openness about Jack. “Then why did you kick him out?”

  “Because I loved him.”

  I waited, saying nothing, just holding her hand in mine. Finally, she spoke again.

  “Bev and your grandpa were married. Did you know that?” I shook my head. Fallon had been Bev’s maiden name, and she’d passed it down to all of us. It had never occurred to me that she’d ever been married. Then again, I’d never asked.

  “Vera was too young to remember when he left, but I remember. I still don’t know why. Just one day, he was gone. Bev was devastated. She stayed in her room for a year and didn’t come out until Gladys Cheever dragged Reverend Billy to the house to minister to her.”

  I felt my mouth drop open. “Bev? Bev stayed in her room for a year? Over a man}” I couldn’t picture it, although it sure did explain a lot.

  “Well, I don’t know what it was all about, exactly. I was only six and Bev’s never talked about it. She broke out of it, mortgaged the house, and opened the Page. And we’ve been together, the three Miz Fallons, ever since.” She squeezed my hand. “Until you came along. Then there were four.”

  I smiled at her. After a short silence, Mags continued. “Anyway, I didn’t want that to happen to me. I didn’t want it to be a surprise. So, I told Jack to leave and he left.” She let go of my hand and curled her fingers around the metal chains, swinging a bit as she talked. “I didn’t know anything about the letters you mentioned, but I don’t think he’d He about something like that. I half suspect Bev might have been the one to send them back. I don’t remember looking at the mail or doing much of anything for a long time after I sent him away. It’s all a big blur for me.” She looked at me, her eyes anxious. “So, you really went to see him?”

  I nodded. “Yes.”

  “And he’s doing well?”

  “Yes.”

  She smiled and looked out at the kickball game.

  “That’s good. Jack’s a good man.” She took a deep breath. “I was okay for a long time, but things started to change after you left for college. It was like, I didn’t have any part of Jack left to love and I just felt...empty. I started getting...I don’t know. Mopey, I guess. Vera and Bev sat me down last winter and told me to go find whatever was gonna make me happy.”

  “You always seemed happy to me,” I said. “Absurdly happy.” Mags smiled. “When you were around, I was. You always filled my heart. But when you were gone...”

  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I filled Mags’s heart? The possibility had never occurred to me. “I’m sorry, Mags. I had no idea.”

  “Of course not,” she said. “A child isn’t supposed to know that sort of thing.” She gave me another weak smile before going on. “Anyway, Bev and Vera told me to go do something that made me happy. I tried everything. I made cakes and bagels with Sue Ann at the bakery. I was a cashier at the Wal-Mart in Fort Oglethorpe for a very short while. Finally, I found this place.” She motioned toward the kids playing. “How can your heart not be full with these precious things to stare at all day?”

  I thought of Mags’s big, ugly bears, which led me to another train of thought. “I don’t understand what that has to do with freeing all the cows on Carl Raimi’s farm.”

  “Oh,” she said with a good-humored scowl. “That was Vera’s idea. She thought I had bad karma from using animal- tested makeup products, and she was sure that my chakras would clear right up if I did something to help the animals.”

  I laughed. “Vera told you to set all Raimi’s cows free?” Mags laughed, too. “Not specifically, no. Afterward she said that wasn’t the kind of ‘helping the animals’ she was talking about. I think she expected something along the lines of a donation to People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, but those folks are just too crazy for me.”

  I had a thought about pots and kettles, but I kept it to myself.

  “And how are your chakras?” I asked.

  “Murky as ever.” She giggled, then her smile faded a bit. “Until I found this place. You know, darlin’, I think I’m really happy here. I was talking to one of the kindergarten teachers, and she asked me to apply to be a teacher’s aide during the school year. Can you imagine?”

  “Yes,” I said. “I think you’d be great.”

  She smiled. “Thank you, baby.”

  We swung lazily in the sun for another minute until I could gather up the courage to say what I had to say next.

  “Jack’s married.”

  Mags’s swinging slowed to a stop. “Really?”

  “He didn’t tell you? When you talked to him?”

  Mags shook her head. “No. We only spoke briefly. He said he’d be able to make a visit in September, and I hung up. I figured it could wait.” She paused for a second, then asked, “Is he happy?”

  I nodded. “I think so.”

  She was quiet for a minute, then gave me a bright Mags smile. “That’s good. I’m glad. Will you do something for me, darlin’?”

  “Sure,” I said.

  “Will you tell him that I don’t need to talk to him after all? That I just wanted to say I was sorry, and that was all it was?” Her eyes were shiny. I smiled at her.

  “I think he’ll be glad to hear that,” I said. I stood up and reached my hand out to Mags, pulling her
up. She tucked her arm in mine and we walked across the playground. Right as we were about to enter the building, a man in a suit with graying hair and bright blue eyes rushed over to get the door for us.

  “Gary,” Mags said, “I want you to meet my daughter, Portia. Portia, this is Gary. He’s the school superintendent.” Gary reached over and gave me a firm handshake. “Your mother is an incredible asset here. I don’t know what we’d do without her.”

  “Thank you,” I said. “I’m very proud.”

  He smiled and held the door, shutting it gently behind us as we entered the building. Mags tucked her hand in my arm and pulled me to her for a conspiratorial whisper. “I think that man would make an excellent Flyer, don’t you?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Mags, I don’t need—”

  Mags nudged me with her elbow. “I wasn’t talking about you, darlin’.”

  I looked behind me as the superintendent made his way down to the opposite end of the hall. He had a masterful walk, full of energy and presence. I turned back to Mags and winked at her. “If it ever happens, I want a full report, immediately.”

  She laughed. “Why, of course, darlin’. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  I barely had my hand off the buzzer when Ian answered the door. I raised the chilled bottle of chardonnay in my other hand.

  “Shall we try this again?”

  He smiled and stepped aside. “By all means.”

  He walked ahead of me into the kitchen, grabbed the corkscrew, and got to business.

  “Your timing’s perfect. I have something I want to show you.”

  I smiled, trying to quell the nerves in my stomach. I’d come on a mission and was determined that nothing would stop me. Penis Teflon was nothing mysterious; it was just everyday fear masquerading as something bigger. It had caused Mags to lose Jack, and Vera to lose Bridge. On the drive back home after seeing Mags, I decided that if I lost Ian, it wasn’t going to be because of fear.

  Not mine, anyway.

  Ian gave me a glass, then grabbed my hand and led me out the front door. We walked quietly toward the barn, but even in the darkening shadows as the sun set behind the clouds, I could see the brightness of the red. The entire exterior had been painted.

  “Ian,” I said. “Oh, my god, how did you...?”

  “Bridge and some people from his construction company volunteered to paint,” he said. “But wait...there’s more.”

  He pulled the door open and I stepped inside.

  It was done. The entire east wall had fresh, golden supports. The scaffolding was gone, and everything had been cleared out.

  “We didn’t have time to rebuild the stalls,” he said, “but if Trudy ever decides to sell it, the new owners can do what they like with it. The frame should last a good while, at least.”

  “It’s very kind of you,” I said. “I think Trudy would be really pleased. I hope she gets to see it.”

  He shrugged and smiled. “Thank you for all your help.”

  “I didn’t do anything.” I took a sip of my wine and smiled up at him. “You’re quite the secret benefactor, aren’t you?”

  His eyebrows knit together for a second and he lifted his glass to his lips. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

  It wasn’t what I had come to talk about, but it had been on my mind all the same, and as long as the topic had been raised...”How much did you pay Carl Raimi to drop the charges against Mags?”

  Ian stopped in mid-sip. “Who told you that?”

  “No one,” I said, watching Ian for a reaction. “Carl Raimi is the biggest asshole in Catoosa County. He hasn’t asked us for a dime of reimbursement, and there’s no way he’d drop the charges just out of the goodness of his heart.”

  Ian was silent for a minute, then shrugged. “It wasn’t much.” I watched him in silence until he shifted uncomfortably on his feet.

  “Does it matter?” he asked. “It wasn’t much, really, and it’s over with. Can’t we just forget it?”

  “We’ll have to pay you back,” I said, feeling barbs of good ol’ Southern pride start to kick in now that my suspicions had been confirmed.

  “That’s ridiculous. You’re a grad student. Your family owns an independent bookstore. I’m quite well off. I have no children, no wife...” He paused for a moment. “It’s my money and this is how I’ve chosen to spend some of it. I wish you would just forget about it.”

  “How much did you pay him?” I asked.

  He shook his head. “I’m not going to tell you that.”

  “You might as well. One bottle of scotch and Raimi’ll be bragging about how much he took you for all over town.”

  “You’ll just have to ply him with liquor and ask him, then, won’t you?” He took another sip, exhaled a long breath, and ran one hand through his hair. “Look, let’s not argue. If you really must pay me back, although I hope you’ll give me the opportunity to talk you out of it, we can work out those details later. Please. Don’t be angry.”

  He put his hand on my shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze. It was then that I sensed something was different. There was a hint of urgency in his manner that hadn’t been there before. It made me nervous.

  Well, more nervous.

  “Okay,” I said, smiling. “We’ll talk about it later.”

  “Thank you.” He let his hand trail down my arm and took another drink. “Tell me about your trip to Tuscaloosa.”

  “How did you know about that?”

  “I stopped by the Page last night. Vera told me.”

  “Oh,” I said. He never went by the Page. Something was definitely up. “It was good. Jack’s a nice guy. I’m going to see him at Thanksgiving.”

  “Really?” He grabbed my hand then and gave it a squeeze. “That’s wonderful. I’m so happy for you.”

  “Did Vera tell you that Peter went with me?”

  Ian’s face tightened. “No, actually. How did that go?”

  “It was good. He was really great. Very kind. Very sweet.” Ian gave a brief nod. “Good. Glad to hear it.”

  I took a deep breath, prepared myself for takeoff. “He plans on staying here. He wants me to stay with him.”

  Ian landed icy eyes on me. “You’re not going to, are you?”

  “Can you give me any reason why I shouldn’t?”

  He huffed. “I believe I’ve already given you quite a few.”

  “No,” I said, taking a deep breath and forcing myself to push through, “can you give me a reason not to be with Peter?” I felt like all the air in the bam whooshed out while he stared at me. After a long moment, he looked away.

  “I’m not sure I know what you’re asking me.”

  “I think you do.”

  “I’ve finished my book.” The words came out in a rush, almost bulldozing mine. Still not meeting my eye, he drained the last of his wine. “My plane leaves on Saturday night.”

  Oh, God. My heart began to hammer and skip, and my stomach rolled over. “Saturday?”

  I watched him as he stared at a spot just over my shoulder. Thunder rumbled in the distance, accentuating our painful silence. I drained the last of my wine and handed him the glass.

  “Have a nice flight,” I said, and turned on my heel to escape, cursing myself with each step that I hadn’t yet done what I’d come there to do. But what difference would it really make, anyway? It wasn’t a curse. It wasn’t anything mystical. It was just stupid fear and I was drowning in it. So what? Big deal. I could grow old and gray alone with the Mizzes. There were worse fates.

  Ian’s hand clamped around my arm and pulled me to a stop. A drop of rain plunked down on my head.

  “Portia.” His breath was ragged from running after me. His eyes were darting back and forth, searching mine. “Will I see you again before I go?”

  “Why?” I asked. “Why not just get it over with? What’s the difference between now and Saturday?”

  His grip loosened on my elbow, and his hand slid up my arm, over my
shoulder. He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, and it almost killed me. When he spoke, it came out in a ragged whisper.

  “Five days.”

  He stepped in closer, entwined his fingers in the hair at the back of my head, and pulled me close to him. His lips grazed my cheek, then trailed downward until they fell onto mine. He curled his other arm around my waist, lifting me up to him. He tasted like wine and he smelled like paint and his warmth radiated through every part of me. We finally separated to take a breath and I reeled back and slammed the flat of my hand against his shoulder, knocking him back a step.

  “Ow!” he said, putting his palm to his shoulder. “What did you do that for?”

  “Because you’re a butthead!”

  He blinked. “Did you just call me a butthead?”

  “What the hell, Ian?” I said. “We wasted the whole summer doing this stupid dance, and you wait to kiss me now, right when you’re about to leave?”

  “Admittedly, yes, this is bad timing—”

  “Bad timing You’ve had all summer!” I tried not to think about the fact that I’d danced as much as he had. But I’d come there that night to tell him all, to bare my soul. That had to count for something.

  We stared at each other for a moment, both of us breathing hard, and gradually moving closer, although I’m not sure if either of us was doing it deliberately.

  “Portia...” He placed his hand on my cheek, his fingertips grazing my hairline. His eyes were half-closed and he brought his lips down to mine again. If not for that moment, I would have never known it was possible to feel so wonderful and so awful all at once.

  “I’ve tried not to do this,” he said, putting his hands on either side of my neck, his forehead pressed to mine. “I can’t do it anymore. I don’t care if it makes sense. I don’t bloody care about anything but having these next five days...”

  He kissed me again, all warmth and persistence, and all I could think about was taking him into the barn and Flying until I forgot he was leaving.

  Only I couldn’t forget.

  “I can’t, Ian. I need...”

  “What?” he said, pulling his hands away, his voice rising as the rain gained more momentum. “Forever? What makes you think anyone can promise you that? Even Peter?”