The Deviants

by C. J. Skuse

  ‘Except a Golden Snitch.’

  ‘Don’t rub it in.’

  I took my phone out. The screen was dead – I must have turned it off after I got Corey’s call. I switched it back on. ‘Then you should help her. You totally should.’

  He smiled. ‘Yeah?’

  I could see it now. Corey wanted a family; people to worry about, to take care of, like his grandparents had always worried and taken care of him. He was dying to pay it back to someone. Mort had been enough for him, until now. He was growing up before my eyes.

  ‘Yeah. I think it would be good for you. And you can pass on all your Harry Potter gear to the baby when it’s older, can’t you? Read the books to it and take it to the theme parks and stuff.’

  He grinned. ‘I’d really like that.’

  My phone buzzed seven times in my hand. Missed calls. Messages. All from Max. Biting on my pride, I sent back;

  At hospital with Fallon. Maternity level 2 main building. No kiss. Then I turned it off again.

  When I put my phone back, I found a two pound coin, so I took it to the vending machine. Corey shook his head when I looked at him, but I got a bar of Dairy Milk and a Toffee Crisp as well, in case Corey changed his mind. Sitting back down, I ripped open the Dairy Milk and scrunched up the wrapper.

  ‘Have you two had a row? Where is he?’

  ‘I was round his house for Sunday lunch when I got your call. I came straight here.’

  ‘I know it’s none of my business, Ella, but if you want to talk, I’m here.’

  ‘I saw him getting sucked off by his cousin, Shelby. He doesn’t know I saw.’

  Corey stared at me, his mouth hanging open. I closed it for him. ‘We are not a codfish, Corneliusz.’ I carried on eating the chocolate. It was only when I’d swallowed the last mouthful that I realised I hadn’t actually tasted a single bite.

  ‘Him and his…? You saw them? God, Ella.’

  ‘I think I’m glad. He’s getting what he wants – what he needs. He’s not going to get it from me any time soon.’

  ‘What about what you need?’

  I picked up the Toffee Crisp and offered it to him. Again, he shook his head. I didn’t taste that one either. I scrunched up the wrapper and dropped it in the bin.

  ‘He’s changed since I knew him last,’ he said as I chewed my chocolate bar. ‘I don’t know what it is. He’s just… different.’

  ‘Skunk,’ I blurted. He looked at me. ‘I’ve noticed it too. He flies off the handle quicker. And he’s got lazier. And he’s been having these nightmares too, about Jessica. About me. He wakes up in a cold sweat and he shakes. I swear it’s down to that. I wish he’d stop.’

  ‘Have you tried asking him to stop? Max loves you so much. He told me he’d do anything for you.’

  ‘Clearly, keeping his thing in his pants is the one exception.’

  Corey started picking his thumbs, then shoved his fists under his armpits to stop himself. ‘I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to help.’

  ‘You can’t help,’ I said. ‘Not with this.’

  ‘It couldn’t be a mistake, could it? Like, you thought you saw her… giving him facetime but actually it was perfectly innocent?’

  I laughed. ‘What, that she was just using some new oral cleaning technique that dentists recommend? No, Corey. I know what I saw. I think they’ve been at it for months.’

  The lift doors binged and there was Max, looking breathless.

  ‘Don’t say anything, Corey,’ I said, as I waved to him. He began jogging up towards us, stopping briefly halfway along to sanitise his hands.

  Corey had his arms folded, violence in his eyes. ‘I don’t know if I can hold it in.’

  ‘Please, leave it. I don’t want him knowing just yet.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Just let me handle it.’

  ‘I didn’t know where you’d gone,’ Max puffed. ‘Why didn’t you tell me? I looked everywhere for you. I called your phone like a million times.’

  ‘Seven times,’ I said. ‘Sorry, I didn’t think. I got the call from Corey and I must have switched my phone off. I just ran straight here.’

  Max looked at Corey. ‘How is she? How’s Fallon?’

  If Corey was a dragon, smoke would have billowed from both his nostrils, but he did as I’d asked him, and kept it to himself. ‘They’re both OK. I’m going to go and see if there’s any more news.’ He glanced at me. ‘Will you be all right, Ella?’

  I mouthed a ‘thank you’ to him as Max turned away. ‘We’ll wait here.’

  Corey departed back up the corridor.

  ‘You didn’t try any of Mum’s crumble,’ said Max.

  ‘Like I said, I didn’t think.’

  A nurse came to tell the family with the colouring kids that ‘labour was progressing well and Mummy was comfortable, but not ready to push yet’.

  ‘That’s all right,’ said Max, putting his arm across me, just like his lecherous uncle. ‘I was just worried.’ He kissed my cheek. I looked straight ahead at the vending machine. ‘Do you wanna get a bottle of water or something?’ He rooted in his pocket for loose change.

  ‘No.’

  ‘You OK?’

  ‘YES.’

  Some fury had leaked out. There was rage radiation in the air. Max could tell. I looked across at the man with the bouncing knee. I started bouncing my knee too. He was all ‘Another One Bites the Dust’ so I tried a bit of ‘Radio Ga Ga’. We were practically in harmony.

  ‘I’m just nervous. For Fallon. Do you want a cereal bar or summing?’

  ‘No. Thanks.’ I looked at him. ‘I’m sorry I ran off. I just panicked.’

  He seemed to sigh with relief. He reached across for my hand, and I let him hold it.

  Two more bars of Dairy Milk, a shared pack of Smokey Bacon, a Go Ahead and a flick through two OK! magazines later, and Corey appeared again. I nudged Max next to me; he’d fallen asleep. Corey had plastic gloves on. There were streaks of blood on them.

  Max and I both stood up and waited the agonising moments it took for him to reach us. He could barely speak. He could barely breathe.

  ‘Fallon let me cut the cord. She’s wonderful.’

  *

  Fallon looked knackered when we walked into Room Five; her hair was all electrocutey with sweat. Rosie was holding the baby, her face full of joy. When we came in, she handed her back to Fallon and went out, muttering about tea.

  ‘Mum’s a bit emotional,’ said Fallon, cuddling the little girl close to her. ‘What do you think of her then? She’s not too ugly, is she?’

  ‘I don’t know how you did it. You were in so much pain,’ said Corey, poking his finger inside the baby’s fist. She clung on tightly.

  ‘She’s so cute,’ said Max, peering over to look at her.

  I went round the other side of the bed where there was more space.

  ‘Yeah,’ said Corey. ‘She is. Fallon’s, like, a warrior queen or something. I swear to God, I’ll never know how you did that.’ He was looking at Fallon in complete awe.

  ‘Me either!’ Her face brightened. ‘Labour hurts a lot though. I thought I was coming apart at the seams at one point.’ She looked at me. ‘Do you want to hold her, Ella?’

  ‘Me?’ I said.

  ‘Yes.’ She smiled. ‘Go on.’ She began handing the baby over to me and I took her, worrying immediately that she might cry in my face. But she didn’t.

  ‘You don’t have to ask to hold her, you know. You’re practically her auntie now. And you two are her uncles, no question.’

  ‘We’re not related, Fallon,’ said Corey. ‘How can we all be aunties and uncles?’

  ‘Because I said so.’ None of us had any argument against that. ‘Besides, she doesn’t have anyone else. I don’t have any brothers or sisters. I just have Mum. The baby needs a family.’

  I understood now how new parents could spend hours just looking at their babies. For what was basically just a pink blob with creases for eyes, she was f
ascinating. Every movement was delightful; every eyelid-flicker, every mouth-twitch was an event. Her little chest going up and down against the white blanket she was wrapped in. Her contented little mouth, like a sugarless Jelly Tot. The wisps of perfect brown hair, sprouting out all over her scalp. Suddenly, I was crying myself. I was crying more than Fallon.

  ‘Aww, Ella.’

  ‘You’re so brave, Fallon. Look at her. She’s great. And… Oh no.’

  ‘What?’ she said. ‘Oh God, what is it? Is something wrong with her?’

  ‘No, I’ve just noticed – she just looks like Zane.’

  ‘Oh God, don’t say that,’ said Max, coming over to have a closer look at her. He could see it too then – the shape of her eyes, the colour of her hair. They even had the same nose.

  Corey came round to look too. ‘She does as well. Ella’s right.’

  ‘God, sorry,’ I laughed, still crying freely. Unstoppably. ‘I don’t know what’s come over me.’

  ‘So this is Number Five, then?’ said Max.

  ‘Huh?’ said Fallon, wiping her eyes.

  ‘We’re the Fearless Five, aren’t we? Now we’re complete.’

  ‘Oh yeah,’ said Fallon. ‘I don’t want to call her Timmy though. She doesn’t look like a Timmy. I’ve no idea what to call her. We’ve looked through all the names, haven’t we?’ Corey nodded. ‘I’d originally thought it was going to be something like Hermione or Ginny. But looking at her now, she doesn’t suit those names.’

  ‘Even though she is quite magical,’ said Corey, beaming. Fallon nodded and let out a massive yawn.

  ‘Aww you’re knackered,’ I said. ‘We’ll leave you for a bit to have a kip.’

  ‘No, please don’t,’ she said, even though she was fighting against her eyelids. ‘Just stay with me. I like you all being here.’

  So we stayed. We sat around her room, taking turns to hold the baby and nip out to make hot drinks and phone calls. When Max had gone outside for a cigarette and Fallon was asleep, Corey turned to me.

  ‘Do you know what you’re going to do then? About Shelby?’

  ‘Yeah,’ I said, looking down at the sleeping baby in my arms. ‘Yeah, I think so.’

  ‘And what was that?’

  17

  Five Go Adventuring

  I wanted to trash her birthday party; the big shindig Neil had paid for her at Michaelmas Manor that Saturday night. But this time, it wasn’t going to be a Fearless Five thing. It was just a ‘me’ thing.

  Days passed and I said nothing to the others about my plans. Fallon came out of hospital and Corey left home to go and stay with her for a bit, leaving a note for his soon-to-be-returning grandparents on their coffee table.

  We carried on hanging out together, watching Netflix or playing video games. We ate out at Subway or Costa and took turns cuddling the baby. I trained with Pete and gave the punchbag a daily pounding. My body grew tighter with the effort and my arms stronger and harder at the top. And silently, I thought about my plan.

  Operation Zane had been given a rest for a few days, so the man of the moment could freak out sufficiently, but I for one didn’t want to wait any longer. One drizzly lunchtime I made Max drive us to the seafront. He parked up by the pavement opposite the jetty and they got three cod lots and curry sauce from Cod Save the Bream. The smell was glorious as they sat merrily stuffing their faces and making om nom noises as the baby snoozed soundly between Fallon and Corey in the back. I was too nervous to eat.

  ‘Are you sure you don’t want a chip, Ella?’ Corey offered.

  I bit my fingernails. ‘No thanks. I’m fine.’ Max was looking at me, his gaze unbroken by my staring back at him. ‘What?’

  ‘Are you gonna do it then or what?’

  ‘I’m waiting for him to come back.’ I took the note out of my pocket and smoothed it over my knee. ‘I can’t post it while he’s out; what if his mum reads it?’

  Max moved his chip bundle to the dashboard and started chewing his thumbnail. I could smell the shampoo on his still wet hair from football that morning.

  I turned to face the two back-seaters, jaws chomping together. Corey sneezed and a little gust of chewed up fish cake flew straight into the back of Max’s headrest.

  ‘God’s sake!’ he shouted, grabbing the tissue box from the footwell by my feet and chucking it into the back. ‘Clean it off, now.’ Fallon was wetting herself, probably literally thanks to her knackered fouf.

  And while all that commotion was going on, I cleared the windscreen with the chamois leather and I saw a figure coming along the pavement.

  ‘There he is!’ I cried.

  Zane was fumbling in his XXL Hollister coat pocket for his keys and unlocking the door of their flat. Max flicked the ignition over, releasing the windscreen wipers.

  I started to open my door. It was raining blades outside so I hitched up my hood and tied it tight to my face.

  Max leaned over my seat. ‘He goes for you, just run and don’t stop. We’ll stay here with the engine running. All right?’

  I nodded. I was shaking but determined. My fire in my belly would help me, like it always had. I stood on the pavement, dazzled by the street lights and Amusements sign across the road. I made my way along the pavement towards Walker’s place.

  Over the sea wall, the tide was in and I could hear the waves crashing and retreating, crashing and retreating. It was a dark day and there were lights on the water, a couple of fishing boats. The Fun Pub was pulsing with some sad Eurotrash techno pop and a couple of Primark models were smoking cigarettes against a Postman Pat ride outside the arcades. I carried on walking and I didn’t look back.

  I stopped outside the gate. A light was on – it glowed either side of the thick curtains in what I assumed was the front room. I heard Max’s engine revving down the road.

  This was Walker. The Big Pig. Cat murderer extraordinaire. He was going to get his. The note would make sure of it.

  Without another thought, I yanked open the gate, ran up the path and pushed the note through the brass letterbox, but the box was heavy and my hand got stuck. I yanked it back out so hard my scabby knuckles scraped against the metal and all the scabs tore off at once. I legged it back up the path as fast as my feet would take me. All I could hear was the clank of the letterbox behind me – the clank that said ‘Job Done.’

  As I was locking the gate, I looked up, I don’t know why, and the bay window was different. The curtains were open. And Zane was standing there looking out. Standing there, looking at me. Not coming to get me. Not reacting at all.

  I think I knew then that we’d broken him.

  18

  Curious Discoveries

  ‘Need to talk about it?’ asked Pete, letting go of the bag and sitting down on the bench. ‘About what?’ I said, concentrating on softer jabs.

  ‘We’re friends, aren’t we?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘Friends listen to each other’s problems and help them find solutions.’

  ‘I don’t know what you’re on about,’ I said, even though I knew exactly what he was on about because it was cutting me to the bone.

  ‘If your problem is the reason you run, if that’s what’s giving you the fire in those legs and those fists, then I’d rather you didn’t run any more. I’d rather you stopped and faced it. I’d rather you were OK up here than fast down there.’ He tapped the side of his head. He stood up and walked back to me, holding me on either side of my arms. His hands were warm. ‘I just want you to be mended.’

  I stared into his eyes. They were so kind. I stared at his lips. I had no words to answer him but I had the sudden urge to kiss him. So I did.

  I put my hands either side of his neck and, before I could think, I moved closer and pressed my mouth against his. I trusted him. I trusted him not to hurt me. I wanted him to love me and teach me to how be a lover without being afraid of it.

  But he immediately pulled back.

  ‘What the hell are you doing?’ His face had changed
, in an instant he was someone else. The kind understanding had gone, washed away by disgust and anxiety. He held me by my triceps again but this time firmly away. Arm’s length.

  ‘I don’t know, I wanted to see what it was like.’ The embarrassment was cocooning. I was covered by it. ‘Oh God, I’m so sorry. Pete, I’m so sorry.’ I fumbled out of my gloves and ran towards my bag on the floor by the door.

  ‘Ella, stop.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I said again. ‘I don’t know why I did that. I’m messed up. My friend’s just had a baby and, ugh, I’m sorry all right? I don’t know why I did that.’

  I fumbled my rucksack onto my back. My hands were shaking.

  ‘Ella, look at me.’ He came closer. ‘Ella.’

  ‘You must think I’m repulsive.’

  ‘LOOK AT ME.’ I turned to look at him. I couldn’t meet his eye. ‘Come here.’ He held out his hands. ‘Come on.’ I shook my head. ‘You are never going to feel any different until you confront that fire and put it out.’

  Water filled my eyes and he became blurry. I turned away, fumbled with the catch on the garage door and yanked it up and over my head, emerging again into the dazzling sunlight, but, as I pulled it back down, I lost my grip and it banged down hard onto my face. I yowled and stumbled against the cottage wall, pain radiating out from my mouth, pulling down a clump of ivy and climbing roses. I sat on the path, blood dripping from my nose.

  Pete came jogging out to me and started to help me up. ‘Come here, let’s have a look at it. It’s all right, it’s all right.’ He led me back inside and guided me towards the kitchen, sitting me down at the breakfast table. ‘Hold this against it.’ He handed me a wad of kitchen roll.

  ‘I want to go home,’ I sobbed, snatching the wad from him and holding it to my mouth. I thought of Corey and me in the girls’ toilets on the last day of term. What a mess he had looked. Now I was the mess.

  ‘I can’t let you go home like this. I need to check nothing’s broken.’

  After much coaxing, I took my hands away from my throbbing face and he held my head and looked at me, gently pressing against the side of my nose. He got up and went over to his fridge freezer, pulling out a new bag of frozen peppers and wrapping them in a clean tea towel. He left it to one side and came back over to look at me again.