A Life Plan Without You.

by Christine Wood

  His mum patted the empty space to her side. Sam was then by my feet. Andy sat in the chair, this was really weird they we’re all so different when their father was in, not frightened… Just different? Then his dad piped up again no fighting talk, please…

  “You had a play with the lads’ organ yet?” Erg, my tea, and Sam’s coffee went everywhere, quick as a flash Andy piped up.

  “I have an organ in my room, finish these and we’ll get out, their way, I’ll be more than happy to show you my organ Michelle, no punches though our bedroom is a no fighting zone, strictly peace and love between three loving brothers.” I know I shouldn’t have done, but I laughed loudly.

  “Thanks for that, Andy the highlight of my day, playing with my boyfriend’s brother’s organ, does it get played with a lot, in the peace zone?” Sam laughed and he seemed to be relaxing a little, what an idiot his dad was. He gave me a dirty look, so obviously he’s never been answered back before? We finished our drinks and his dad was asleep again. Emma was reading her book, so I put the lamp on behind her and she smiled. Whilst we three went upstairs to look at this damn organ. I walked into the room after them, Sam pointed at a bed.

  “Sit, on that one, please, that’s mine. Wow I thought you didn’t tell lies baby?”

  “I didn’t tell him it was literally boxing did I? You went a few rounds with Dad on Sunday and your answers floored him, technically you were sparing, word sparing and so technically I didn’t lie, smudged the edges but didn’t lie, phew…!”

  “Oh and I will stand up for you baby all the time, but it’s nice that you can watch my back too, do you front watching baby?” Andy coughed loudly.

  “Err I’m still here you two, get a room and get this tension thing you have started put to bed, I have very impressionable young ears Welles! I can’t say I approve of all this smut in the peace zone; it’s not the piece of arse zone either! Remember that next time, right Princess; really you do boxing, as in the Mohamed Ali type boxing sort of thing?” I nod my head and smile.

  “Really I do and yeah well too! Wanna try for the title of Princess Two?” He held his hands up in surrender!

  “I like you Welles you’re a laugh, even he’s started cracking a smile, keep it up!” It looked like they, all had their own areas, Sam’s nice and neat, books under the bed shelves full of books, records and magazines. Jimmy’s had a teddy bear, pyjamas, and magazines strewn across it.

  “Sorry about him he’s a right royal pain in our bum.” Andy was setting up his organ as he spoke.

  “He thinks it’s funny. Normally girls don’t say anything back that was a quick reply Michelle.” I am shocked.

  “How many girls have you had up here then Sam?” He didn’t get a chance to answer.

  “They were my girls I was talking about. I told you, Sad Sam’s never brought any girls back Michelle, you must be someone special, to be brought to meet our Mother.” I looked at Sam he just smiled, I always felt special, but blushed anyway. “Right can you, play Michelle or are you just a physical pain sort of a girl?”

  I jumped up and sat down on the stool and played the only tune I’d memorized because I loved the song, it evoked a special memory and it was a hell of a special memory too, aren’t all first kisses memorable? Well it had a tale involving a kiss on a train from London. So, Last train to London, by E.L.O, their album Discovery, constantly played in my room, whilst I pined for Michael. It became my much played song, well for a time anyway, and as Old Alice can play and, very well, she taught me to play it when I took the sheet music around. It took me a long time to learn it too, I loved this tune so memorised it. I played it as best I could, without the music, and Sam smiled as I finished and took my bow.

  All right I’m officially dating superwoman, is there anything she cannot do? Christ she’s good, Andy is grinning from the bottom of the bed and watching her, he doesn’t take his eyes of her but his smile is pleasing to see, perhaps getting back with Zoë was what he needed? I know he likes Michelle, thank God. We like the same music too and I smile as she takes a bow when she finishes…

  “Don’t ask me for anything else, that’s the only thing I can play, that and three blind mice, oh and the duet, Heart and soul? I play the easy bits, with my elderly neighbour. You’d love her set up, it should be rising out of the floor at the cinema, it’s massive, and when she plays she wakes the neighbours, bless her, she’s as deaf as a post too.” Sam sat smiling and I got a round of applause.

  “That’s not half bad, erh don’t tell me you’re an ELO fan too? Bloody hell Sam, you‘re well matched.” Andy continued playing, very well, in fact. Told to sit on Sam’s bed, he sat on the top on his pillows and he patted between his legs for me to sit between them, and this was so relaxing and nice. The lads chatted about stuff, about their Dad and I snuggled into him, I had my head against his chest and I fell asleep when he started to play with my hair. I woke up when Andy said he’d see him later.

  “Why’s Andy left his organ playing?” I asked sleepily, his arms were over my shoulders and I was still like a limpet on his chest.

  “He’s gone to see Zoë and this way Dad will hear the music, but not come in to check up on us, less talking more fooling around...” He grabbed me and turned me to face him.

  “What have you got planned Sam?” I leant in to him and kissed him, draping myself around his neck, as he kissed me back.

  “Oh the things I want to do to you Michelle, but we have all the time in the world for that, I don’t want to rush things Michelle really I don’t.” I did, it’s a shame one of us is going to be disappointed!

  “Umm and the things are what exactly?” I felt his hands under my top stroking my back, I giggled because it tickled, but he didn’t stop, his hands grabbed my sides and in one swift move he was on top of me, this I liked my boyfriend liked to play, still kissing me, and biting my lip, his hands were under my blouse and his hands were moving up my sides, I couldn’t resist him everything was so good, the kissing, the caressing, these all new needs my body ached for, me? I just wanted him.

  “Oh please Sam, don’t stop.” He moved to kissing my neck and down towards my breast, tiny kisses, he mouthed my nipple taking tiny bites as he pulled them and released them, then he sucked, every touch made me quiver, everyone tiny touch making me shudder beneath him. This pleasure was something I’d felt before… I had his hair in my hand, pulling at it by the roots. “Sam wow please don’t stop, that’s so good.” I’d had these feelings before, the quickening of my heartbeat and the massive warmth between my legs. He was making me come and then out of nowhere his lips were over mine, more to hide my screams of delight than a kiss, but yeah I’ll take these kisses too.

  I died and went to heaven on his bed, smiling like a fool, he continued with the kisses, his hands still caressing my back, my hand wandered, I rubbed at his crotch, this made the kisses more passionate, needy and oh so nice. Until he suddenly jumped up and left the room, returning minutes later grinning. He sat on the edge of the bed.

  “Sex with you is going to be fucking great, excuse the smut? Hell girl that was too much, too soon, I had to stop baby sorry. I do want that for us but not yet, we take this damn slowly, so we both know what it’s what we want and with no pressure on you and not under our parents roof. I need to hear you scream without me kissing you to hide it, because Michelle you’re really vocal baby.” I kissed him back.

  “So you do want that for us eventually, you’re sure you want me like that… Because Sam it can’t happen soon enough for me, not soon enough...”

  “Damn it Michelle I love you like crazy, I have never done normal before, can we just do the dating thing for a while please? I’m not going anywhere, I’m not using you for sex and this is not a fling, this for me is the start of something bigger, much bigger, please bear with me, please be patient I have a few issues to put to bed, excuse the pun, but I want that for us eventually, slow steps Michelle, and we’ll get there and it will be worth the wait.” I blush as all my worries
are put to bed, excuse the pun and I go giddy with want.

  “Umm, a lot to think about there and yes I will wait, as long as you want.” He seemed very pleased with himself and moved back to the top of the bed. I wasn’t sure of the time, so grabbed his wrist to look at watch.

  “It’s only, just after eight what do you want to do?” He had is eyes shut, he seemed like the worries he was carrying had been lightened. What issues did he have and why did he feel the need to wait? It felt right for me, but hell, wait I will! So I lay my head on his chest and his arms came over holding me close to him and as his chest rose and fell, I slept too, waking only when the door flew open and Andy was stood there.

  “Sorry I thought you would be long gone it’s nearly ten.” Hell, I don't panic, I unwrap myself from Sam and get off the bed.

  “I’m going to have to go, see you. I didn’t want to disturb him he looks so peaceful.” Andy shut the door and offered to walk me home. I could run it in five minutes.

  “You can’t be walking home on your own and certainly not at this time.” I didn’t want to argue I just wanted to get home and quick.

  “Thanks Andy.” We set of at a storming pace and before we had to the end of the road, Sam was legging it after us, so we waited for him.

  “That lad can run when he has a need to. I needed to thank you for the advice with the Zoë thing by the way, seems you were right we just needed to talk. Clever head on those shoulders well for a kid. Sam was right you’re wiser and smarter than the one we have at home.” With that, he got a punch to the ribs. He laughed so loudly, as, did I.

  “Any time this kid can help sort out your love life your welcome. Glad you’re happy again.”

  “Hey what’s going on?” Sam had caught up with us.

  “I’m walking your girl home, before her Father gives you a horse whipping Sammy boy.” He was out of breath.

  “I think I can manage from here Andy, thanks.” He looked relived, he’d caught us, but he looked worried too.

  “If you’re sure? I’ll grab a swift half in here, come get me when you’ve dropped the girlfriend home. Nice seeing you again and feel free to play with my organ any time your around, bye.” He crossed the road.

  “You were dead to the world when I left you.” I hung off his arm. “Are you okay, have I done something?” He had caught his breath.

  “No, I woke up and you weren’t there I just panicked, I promised Susan we would be back for ten, and it’s nearly that now. Promise me never to be alone with Andy again Michelle?” His fingers linked with mine, he raised them to his mouth and he kissed the back of my hand. I promised. He looked worried so I didn’t question it, yet.

  “Sam, we’re back look, I’m sorry you were spooked, but you really did look like you needed the sleep, I won’t do it again.” We arrived at dot of ten I opened the door kissed him for the longest time, as he held me tightly against him.

  “Go back home and sleep and I’ll see you again tomorrow, I’ll come to yours after tea, and we will spend time with Emma.”

  “Umm, yeah that will be great, I’m sorry about the falling asleep thing, but your nice to fall asleep with, I like having you so near, I promise I’ll sort my shit out and soon. I love you Michelle.”

  “Well when you’re ready I will be here, but don’t be taking your bloody time doing it sunshine. Tomorrow at yours, see you after college.” He liked the idea. He’d see me again, tomorrow. Another long, long smoochy kiss and he turned and left, bed beckoned, mucky dreams had about Sam…

  I wondered what joys today would bring? I had lain awake most of the night. Things had become so serious between us and in just a matter of days, was this all normal? I would ask the others later, such a lot had happened in such a short time, I’m unsure if this was the speed these things took. I didn’t know, I did know he was everything I’d dreamed of and more, I knew that from our first kiss that he was special and from the encounter in the alley, I was certain he was the one I would want to be my first. Did that happen this quickly with everyone?

  I was older in the head than I should be, I’m told all the time I have been here before. However this, this sex thing was all new territory. Perhaps I may have been better hanging with people my own age? I had been spending so much time with my grandparents. Nana and Grandad every Sunday, until this week and all the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa Welles, sitting talking to Alice or Aunty Liz and Uncle Joe. I am always more comfortable with old people, I love listening to them and well just talking, about anything other than stupid pop stars, clothes and sex.

  Easter though, I wasn’t able to go to Grams and Gramps for the two weeks we had off from college. The bakery couldn’t spare me for longer than one week, so I only had the first week off, the rest of the time I was back here. Before Sam, I would have been devastated, because I loved my time with them. I had so many questions running through my head, no wonder I couldn’t sleep. I may have been old in the head, but this actually having a boyfriend was all new to me.

  At some point, I would have to tell Sam, I was at Grandma and Grandpa’s for a week. I wasn’t going to miss possibly the last time of spending time at the best place in the world, Gramps house. They had informed us that they were moving back to Stockton and would be selling their home there and moving back, that’s what they had been here for, looking for a place here in shity old Stockton. On the plus side I could go to their house when I’d had enough here.

  Oh why was today turning into such a day of questions? I had to get up get dressed and sorted for English, I hadn’t done my bag last night and needed my hockey gear putting in, as we had a match after school. Lucky for me a home tie or I’d have been home late and wouldn’t be at Sam’s until late. Dressed and ready I sat and ate toast. Mum was running late for work, she worked as school cook, something of an irony I found, as she couldn’t actually cook. I ate my toast deep in thought, mum was speaking, but I was in the dream land of Sam.

  “I’m going to work Michelle you ok?” I shrugged my shoulders.

  “Yes, I just didn’t sleep well.” she put her hand to my head.

  “No temperature? You will be fine, you’re not dying.” I huffed why did she ever just listen?

  “I never said I was ill, I just didn’t get goodnights sleep.” She was of out the door, typical. Becky was making her way down, half dressed and grumpy as always.

  “You’ve just missed Mum, get dressed and eat your toast.” There was a knock on the wall and I jumped up to go next door. Who needed a telephone when Aunty Liz’s shoe worked just as well?

  “I need my trip money and permission slip signed typical, did she forget again?” I looked and it was still on the table. I grabbed the money from my purse gave it her and forged mums name, easy I’ve been doing it forever. She always forgot to sign permission slips, moreover never had the cash that inevitably went with them.

  “Thanks Michelle, you will get hell if she knows you’ve done it again, but I want to go on the trip thanks, ice skating for me tomorrow, yehhhss...” Usually it was her report card I signed, master forger that I was, next to see Aunty and JJ.

  “Argh Michelle it’s you, Becky okay? It’s just Uncle Joe’s gone out and I can’t sit with you, do you want to come in here and have some breakfast love?” JJ was sat at the table with his cornflakes and plate of Kit-Kats for afters.

  “No we’re fine. We’ve just had toast and Becky’s up. Do you need anything else I have my bag to sort out?” She had something on her mind I could see it.

  “Mum says you have a chap is this right?” Mum and her blasted mouth.

  “Yes, Aunty Liz I have, and he’s called Sam and he’s twenty-two, older than me I know, and I do dance classes with him.” JJ was busy guarding his Kit-Kats, from me.

  “Nice chap from what Susan says.” I was shocked didn’t think mum cared either way?

  “He is, I will fetch him in to see you and Uncle Joe at the weekend and sorry but I’ve got to go Aunty Liz or I’m going to be late.” I grabbed a Kit-K
at.

  “Thanks JJ, eat your cornflakes baby see you after school, see ya later trouble.”

  “Not’s trouble, I good boy, My-Isshy, my Kit-Kats snot yours, gimmy it back.” I gave the sulky chops it back, with a head mush. I kissed Aunty Liz and went back next door.

  “You right Becky? Becky, we need to be getting off, move your bum.” Quick check upstairs the little cows gone already. Right big day, hockey match later, after an afternoon of games and practice session in goal. Grab my bag, slam the door and off I trot. Today was a funny day, just one of those odd days. I had a feeling something was going to happen, so right let’s see what today brings? Reaching class, I had that feeling again, I didn’t know what but something was going to happen today and from the feelings, it wasn’t going to be good. I bumped into Tasha.

  “Hello you, what’s up?” She smiled at me.

  “Nothing, I’m just thinking of stuff, you know things that Danny wants? Things he wants and he says he needs me to do, you know… Stuff?” I laughed inside but, my face looked normal, of course, I knew what stuff she was on about now, but last week I would have been none the wiser, well I knew, just no practice.

  “He wants more, and I’m not sure I want to go down that road with him?” Thank God, I didn’t have the same pressure place on me by Sam. Tasha though was under a lot to put out.

  “Well, if you’re not sure then the answers no. If you have to think about it then you’re not ready simple as.” I am now an authority.

  “Have you, done it yet?” I needed to be honest.

  “Not yet, but with Sam I know I want to. That’s not to say I’m going to, just because I feel pressured into it, anyhow he’s not like that, in fact he doesn’t want to do that at all Tasha! There’s loads of stuff you can do without going all the way. Apparently…” She agreed and grabbed my arm, and laughed, we talked about stuff. “If it’s worth waiting for then wait, just say no until you’re sure, I know I will be doing that’s for sure.” The bell rang and the ants were heading into the anthill. Oh hell, the feelings were making me sick what was going to happen?