A Life Plan Without You.

by Christine Wood

  “I forgot, but did he go to in just to check on Mum, he was checking her over really?” I nodded.

  “Mum was worried about you Saturday, you were a wreck and Mum must have told Dad, and he said he’d sort it, because he likes you.” I asked Sam to take me home he grabbed me a jacket from Kim’s room. I was still shaking as I said my goodbyes and Aunty kissed me giving me a hug and holding me tightly telling me how much she loved me over and over, this shocked the whole room. Emma rubbed my bum and gave me one of her ‘Mother Hugs’.

  “Watch our girl Sam, watch your Father and walk away from him don’t fight Sam, if he starts you come up here straight away, Andrew will be home later and you my darling daughter, you stop crying, thank you and sleep tight. Sam will bring you up to see me tomorrow.” He smiled gave her a hug and held my hand as we set of walking aimlessly towards town. It seems my backside is going to be fine. A little bruised, he had marked me and hurt me, Sam had checked and he really cried as he saw the mess, kissing the cheeks better was so nice his fingers had soothed the pains away as he caressed my hot buttocks, we got a little worked up in his Aunt’s bedroom. Nothing more, not in a house full of family, I could have had guilt sex three times now, and lucked out all three times. Bummer.

  I was still so angry. I’d caused so much trouble for them all. We walked all the way into town and we had barely spoken all the way down, Sam just held on to me. Passing a phone box, he phoned his Aunty and let her know we were in town, and he would walk me home and then go back to the house, asking that Andy came back to the house too, were there would be safety in numbers. I pulled him into the pub and really he didn’t actually need much persuading.

  “Do you want a drink or coke, Missy?”

  “Coke, I’ve got exams in the morning Sam.” He came back and sat next to me. The hugs were all I needed to make me feel better, he held me tightly in his arms, telling me he loved me over and over, apologising for leaving me to slug it out with him and alone.

  “Why did I not just shut the over opinionated mouth I have. Keep it shut and mind my own business?”

  “Right, stop blaming yourself baby, he should never have touched you, he’s always been handy. He rules that house through fear and fear alone. I can’t believe it’s all over, and all thanks to you. This day could get better though if you agree to marry me Mi cielo, tell me you want to and soon, give me a definite yes please, not just when you’ve finished college?” He drank his pint fast the next one went down as quickly. I sat and let him talk he seemed to need it all out, I was just happy listening to him, explaining his past, I though, was learning more about how his dad ran the house, he just talked. His dad had done some horrid things to them, the more he drank the freer he was with the information. I wanted to hurl at some of the things he says. As he is talking, I feel, he is still keeping things from me and I know they are bad, because what he is telling me is horrid.

  “Sam take it easy baby or you’re not going to remembering me saying five words you want to hear. Yes I will marry you and another five too, as soon as we can.” He looked at me and smiled. “My one concession is no massive ring, can you manage that Sam?”

  “Yes Michelle you want to marry me, can we have a Christmas wedding please?” He was so drunk he was planning a really quick wedding, wow. Another pint downed, he was really beginning to tell me things, and the things he’d hidden from me were spilling, with the more he drank. They had it seemed got some sort of trust fund. All this boils down to bloody money. I’m glad I don’t have any.

  “Michelle Welles marry me please, and I will give you the world and I’m having your very special gift at the weekend and then you are my world finally. You do still want me to take it don’t you? We have a few things we need to cross off the list it’s a really sexy list, one you wrote a while back, in a school book I snagged. Did I tell you I snagged it, do you need to revise I can show you some French?” He kissed me, he French kissed me, his lips seeking out mine and his tongue played with mine bliss in his kiss, but his kisses were mighty fine and needed, I laugh as I remember writing the list. “It seems you wanted to be Mrs Todd way back in February, during your French lesson I was sure people only did bucket lists baby but you’re bad, you have a fuck-it-list, and a damn fine one too I have been crossing things off for you and adding the titty fuck, now that we can do again, umm now we nearly did it in the toilet the other week, should we try here tonight? Nope not in a toilet for your first time, nearly was though.

  I wanted to fuck you senseless that day, shit I’ve want to do it every day with you and have done since I kissed you that first time, I had to pull away from you then too, I had a raging hard on from just one kiss.” He went to the bar for another drink he came back and just smiled at me. He drank that with speed too he was drunk and the sex talk was just a little too smutty… I wanted him now, but he was wasted. I had never seen him drunk before and well, I’ve seen enough of dad’s drunken arrivals at home, so decided to get him home, whilst I still could. Plus, he was getting louder with the sex stuff too.

  “Can we baby girl, do the list at the weekend you never said if you still wanted me, oh you don’t want to marry me now, do you want to marry me have you changed your mind Michelle, I’m confused, why are you not drinking, umm your being a good girl, wanna come back to mine and be a bad girl?”

  “Sam, no more please, if you weren’t so hammered, you would have remembered I have already said yes, I will marry you, and yes baby we will do the list at the weekend, all of it and the gift giving too.” He looked at me and kissed me, trust him to offer it up when he’s too pissed to do it, or remember doing it, heck if I didn’t love him as much as I bloody did, I’d risk it too, but nope, I will remain strong and not have sex with my gorgeous drunken lush of a fiancé, I may regret this action, if the drunken sod doesn’t put out at the weekend as promised. I laugh as a couple of girls who had warned me off Sam in Heaven see him, and are stunned he is still with plain old me. I get a warm feeling knowing he loves me and nobody else knows the things about him that I do, that makes me special right? I laugh as he starts getting frisky with me under the table, but a drunken Sam is not as discrete as he normally was, he’s damn loud too.

  “I want you, I want you now, please Michelle, let me make love to you tonight I want to be inside you, I love you baby so much.” Oh my Lord and tonight he wants to do the deed, nice as that idea sounded, I wanted a sober and nice first time.

  “Come on then let’s get you home, Sam we have a list to start and I need my book back to revise.” I grabbed a taxi, putting him in it and we headed for his. He was sleeping, when we got home. I struggled to get him out of the taxi and with the help of the driver, we managed to get him sat on the doorstep, he just laughed and kept on grabbing my bum and rubbing it better. I gave the driver his money. He left laughing at the drunken heap on the step.

  “Doctor Sam will inspect the damage and rub it all better Mi cielo.” I laughed as he got a hard on whilst I rummaged through his pants for his keys, a nice long look through his pockets.

  “Oh baby do you want to play? I do and so does my willy, he wants to play with his mate it here in these jeans, which you won’t be wearing in a minute, get naked for you husband to be, wifely one. I demand sex; I want my gift tonight can I have it now please?” Great this is going to be hard.

  “What here on the doorstep baby in front of the neighbours?”

  “Shush, they are looking at your sexy arse baby we can’t have sex here, not in public… It’s on the list of places to fuck you in though, I don’t think front doorstep is the same as the town hall steps, we will get arrested if we do it there, come here you’re a bad girl.” He stood up at the promise of sex. He wanted to do it on the organ in his bedroom. I laughed no I wanted to make love on a grand piano, not his brothers organ, oh hell I need to get him upstairs.

  Opening the door and somehow I got him up the bloody stairs too, he did with the promise of the sex, a very tricky toilet stop, I’m not holding that ag
ain whilst he toilets himself, it’s not as nice as I thought it would be, he laughed all the way through it. He’s damn hard work, my drunken Sam. He’s so playful and so loving. I put him on the bed, taking off his shoes. He watched as I undressed him, smiling like an idiot. My naked fiancé was indeed a very nice sight to see. He had pyjamas in his drawers I managed to get the bottoms on, and got him in bed.

  “We have to have sex now Michelle, before you leave me, come here baby, we are ready for sex.”

  “I would love to Sam but, no thanks I think I will pass.” Shit I said I’d pass.

  “I love you never leave me, Michelle, stop with me tonight please? I need a body guard, you are so beautiful and I have a hard on again. I need a wank, I can’t sleep with a stiffy, you do it for me please or fuck me with your mouth pleaseee, your fucking hot as hell baby and mine thank you Miss Welles for going out with me, you make me a better person, and I still need a wank.” Nice Sam very nice.

  “I’m marrying you I’m never leaving you Sam, and I can’t do that to you, your drunk.” He was flat on his back and smiling.

  “Wanna bet? Watch, I have to do this every fucking night when I leave your house, I do this see.” He showed me what he did and as he did I got more than a little aroused, as he started the onslaught of his own dick, I watched as he pulled and then he’d stop, pull a little hard do it a little quicker and then slow and long, he pulled it all the way back and invited me to play too.

  “Baby fuck me please I need help.”

  “Really you seem to be managing just fine, let me watch?”

  “God Michelle get on me please I need your gift please let me?”

  “No baby I want you sober and I want it to be memorable, but if it stops you asking I will finish you off?”

  “Fuck yes and the weekend, I still get the gift?”

  “You do, do you want it gift wrapped?”

  “No, but less talking your mouth isn’t working on him.” I smiled as he shook it at me. He really was a nice sight to see. I knelt between his legs and began sucking him, he was loud and as I took him deeper he screamed for a quick release he warned me he was near, begging for me to suck harder, he cried out in pain as I did as asked and as I massaged his balls.

  “Fuckkkk me baby Fuckkkk me argh harder yesss oh hell I’m coming and there’s gonna be loads baby all yours. Michelle marry me pleaseee. Arghhhh yesss Fuck yes…” He shook and quite hard too as he said there was a lot and as the last of his milk was gone, he collapsed on his bed smiling.

  “Now that was the best you have done ever, and wow you get better with me each time you do it. Do you know how many girls wanted to do that baby? Fucking loads and I said no, you took that from me you gave me my first one and for that I thank you. We will be so happy baby. Please will you have my babies for me Michelle?”

  “Oh Sam of course I will, you have never mentioned kids before, only joking about in the zoo with JJ, but yes I want your babies, not too soon though, we need to see things and go places but yes I want your children.”

  “Umm we need to start practicing, and then we set a date for the wedding, Christmas and snow? New Year in Vegas, or on a yacht sailing around the tropics, anywhere you want just as long as we do it soon.” I pulled up his pj’s and as he kissed me, he cuddled into me.

  He wouldn’t remember me agreeing to marry him in the morning, nor the very surprising talk on children I always only ever wanted one child, but with Sam, I want loads, he seems to want loads. I lay at the side of him, as he fell asleep his arm holding me tightly he slept and along with him I did too. I knew it was late when Andy got in; he came bounding up the stairs. I couldn’t move Sam was fast asleep on me. He was a dead weight, if I flipped him over, and I could have, but he would have fallen off the tiny bed, and hurt himself.

  “He had a bit to drink and well now I can’t move him.” He laughed, and then helped me free.

  “What made him drink so much?” I shrugged my shoulders.

  “Relief it’s all over I think. He was angry he couldn’t stop your dad hurting me.” He pulled me up.

  “We both where, Mum is so different and that arse in there, won’t know what’s going on for days. Come on, let’s get you home Michelle, or your dad will be fuming with us.”

  “Wait have you a pen?” He gave me one from his jacket, I wrote ‘two o’clock at college,’ on his hand. I placed his watch and the loose change from his pockets and placed his wallet under the mattress, I wasn’t having his dad take it!

  “Remind him it’s there and why, he’s too drunk to know that fucker could take it!” He laughed.

  “He would too, but he will have a headache in the morning!” I took some paracetamol from my pocket and placed them on the bedside table.

  “Give him three of them in the morning and that flat lemonade, he will be fine!”

  “Umm looking after the boyfriend then?”

  “Damn right I am, he needs it too, and he’s a funny drunk and bloody hard work!” He walked with me home.

  “Michelle what did Janet tell you in the toilet? I know she told you things and well I really need to know before you tell Sam?”

  “Oh I know all about you and her, you Zoë and her, you provide the bitch with a roof over her head, in your house for special parties, and no, I don’t want to know about them, that’s nothing to do with me. You paid her to keep away from Sam. How she used a very gullible Sam to get you away from Zoë. How she used him and abused him, by playing with mind and messing with him.

  He was just a young and pitifully shy nineteen year old boy who was emotionally stumped he was in search of love, he was messed up at home his friends were all doing it and well she offered to rid him of his virginity and to show him things. It’s hard to think he had all that done to him at my age, at that age whether you’re a girl or a boy your emotions are all new and are easily messed with and she did it in the worst possible way, and all to get you and for whatever her own selfish means were, she just seemed to be in it to get you, with no thought to him at all.

  She let her fucking boyfriend watch in the room you had built, please tell me you didn’t watch him be humiliated, I can’t bear to think of you doing that, I don’t think you even with all the dark crap you have going on are that cruel, or you wouldn’t be paying her off if you did? That’s what this did to him, his utter humiliation at the thought of being watched by her fella and his mates. Watching him and her together for a fun fuck, he was so upset when he told me what she did.

  He admitted that’s why he went with all those girls he did. How he did them, I can’t believe he did that stuff for so long and can’t remember who he’s had and how many Thankfully he had himself tested and is praying he was covered, he says he was I have to take it as you were his sparring partner you made sure? We will have to face those problems should they come along.” He oh-ed, was I being too open with him?

  “Michelle he was covered, he doubled up. I’d a near miss once and well he was sure he didn’t want kids with any of the slappers stupid enough to sleep with him. Yes I did go with him he was fun to be with, we shared a hobby for wants of a better word, not a good word, but I had something to share with him, impart what I knew he was desperate to be better, and with my knowledge he learnt, all be it on the fucking market stalls.

  He didn’t want to treat them to anything better than that, he was as you said screwed up big time. Then he just stopped, he said he’d done it to too many and it was enough, he had fallen for someone and she was going to be different, and excuse this but you are fucking unique, not different, he never said who you were and where he met you, just that you were the one, and bugger me you are. Sorry finish your tale I need to know because shit I screwed up too.”

  “She boasted to her fat little piggy friend about how she tossed him aside like a piece of crap. He was a ticking time bomb of pent up rage and if she had have told him about you two sharing him he would never have recovered or have forgiven you, so you were right to pay her off. The bile comi
ng out of her mouth was horrid the names she called him the things he wanted the things she held back, but in the end, he wasn’t that fussed about her, he was finishing it with her when he walked in on her. You know what he found out and how he reacted… Badly…

  He’s so messed up, you are too and much more than Sam is and has ever been. I think you took what was meant for him, I’m not sure Andy, because you’re harder to read than Sam, you hold more back and don’t let anyone in, you deal with your pain in the way you have sex, and no I don’t want details Andy, but that weak drunk frightens you both, and I haven’t sussed why yet, but I will. I know it’s bad and if you want to talk I’m here, but Andy you need help all of you and soon?”

  “Michelle, I have had twenty two years of being fucked up, at Dad’s hands I don’t even go there, please it’s not a pleasant picture and one your too nice to talk to about it, and it would take years of therapy to sort my shit out. Sam and I well, yes we are a mess, that’s why I paid off Janet your right. To keep him safe, it’s what I do. Sam used that way was all because of me, and yes, I feel guilty all the time about it. I managed to get this Simon of hers transferred to a different branch of his bank, a nice new one in France and she went with him, but he messed up.

  That’s why they are back using the house, which is mine and she now pays proper rent to live there and work from there. I bought the house as a shag pad, you were correct quite right Sam didn’t suss I owned the house and still doesn’t know I own it, I’m selling it anyway if she doesn’t start earning money from it soon she won’t be able to pay the rent. She ran it and wants to run it again as a party place for people like us. Well, I’d had sex with her there too, as you know with Zoë and others, my own kind of sex, not what you and him do. Much darker more physical, pain and torture. I can’t tell you what I’m into its above your understanding.