The Honeymoon That Wasn't

by Debbi Rawlins

  “Would you hand me my skirt, please?” she asked, pulling away and avoiding his gaze.

  Her tone came out formal and polite, which she totally hadn’t meant. He apparently noticed, judging by the wariness in his eyes. He delivered the carefully folded skirt and stockings, and then kept his hands to himself as she searched the floor for her panties and then pulled them on.

  Still sitting, she stepped into her skirt and pulled it up as far as it would go before she stood and finished the job. After she was zipped up, her blouse neatly tucked in and her stockings securely fastened by the garters, she looked over at him.

  “Not even gonna stay for a cigarette?” Despite the wry smile and the teasing words, he knew. She saw it in his eyes.

  She cleared her throat, and then lowered herself back to the sofa but kept close to the edge. “This is going to be a little awkward.”

  He sat patiently, waiting, totally expressionless, not giving her a bit of help.

  “I didn’t plan tonight to go like this.” She briefly looked away to maintain her composure. “I wanted to have a nice quiet dinner and to talk.”

  “About?” His lips curved in a slow smile and she couldn’t tell whether it was sad or strained from anger.

  “Us. About how often we see each other.” She paused, but he didn’t react, just sat there. Annoying, but she had only herself to blame. “I’m under a lot of pressure at work, Tony, with this case I’m working on. What’s making it more difficult is that I’m distracted.”

  He said flatly. “You don’t want to see me anymore.”

  “No, it’s not that. I do. I just can’t. For now.”

  He nodded slowly. “I see.”

  “You don’t. I can tell.” She started to reach for his hand but stopped. “You should be flattered,” she said with a small laugh. “I want to be with you. Hence, the distraction.”

  “I don’t wanna be flattered.” He held her gaze. “I want you.”

  Abruptly, she stood. “I can’t afford a relationship right now.”

  “With me.” His expression tightened.

  “With anyone.”

  She moved away from the sofa, and he got up and went to the closet for her coat and jacket.

  “Tony, please try to understand,” she said as he helped her on with them.

  Gently he fixed her collar. “I do.” He smiled. “Don’t let the bastards win again, Dakota.” He kissed her on the cheek and then opened the door.

  16

  BRUCE WALKED INTO her office, his coat hooked on his thumb and slung over his shoulder. “A bunch of us are going over to Sargenttis if you want to—”

  She briefly looked up. “No, thanks.”

  “If you change your mind, we’ll be—”

  “Have fun.” She rudely cut him off, this time not looking up from the brief she was working on.

  Damn it.

  Sargenttis reminded her of Tony. She shoved the image of him from her mind. Two days since she’d seen him and she could still taste the finality of his last kiss. She couldn’t think about it.

  “See you tomorrow,” Bruce muttered irritably and left.

  She glanced at her watch. Six-forty-five. She’d be lucky if she made it home by midnight.

  SARA KNOCKED and then entered Dakota’s office before she was invited. Normally Dakota wouldn’t mind. Today she gritted her teeth.

  “I brought you a salad from that new—”

  “I told you not to bring me any lunch.” Dakota put down her pen and rubbed her right temple. The headache that had started at seven this morning wouldn’t quit. Not even after six aspirins.

  “I know, but there’s this new Italian deli that just opened and it’s after two and you haven’t eaten. In fact, you haven’t been—”

  “Sara?”

  “Yes.” She shrunk back a step, alarm in her blue eyes.

  Italian deli. Hell, was everyone purposely trying to torture her? Four days since she’d seen Tony. He was probably making lasagna for someone else by now. The idea burned a hole in her stomach.

  “I know you’re well-intentioned,” she told Sara as calmly as she could. “But don’t you have some filing to do?”

  Sara nodded and backed out of the office.

  Dakota sighed, annoyed with herself. Sara was the last person she should be annoyed with. She was a great assistant, and a nice, caring person.

  Damn that Tony.

  “DO YOU HAVE A MINUTE?”

  Dakota looked up at her brother standing at the door of her office. “No,” she said, and went back to reviewing the new motion she’d received an hour ago. One week and counting since she’d seen Tony. Withdrawal was hell.

  “Dakota?”

  “I’m busy, Cody. Later.”

  Sara showed up alongside him, her eyes worried. Probably thinking Dakota would get fired talking to one of her bosses that way. “May I get you anything? Coffee? Lunch?”

  “Yes, as a matter of fact.” She smiled sweetly, and looked at Cody. “His head on a platter if he doesn’t get out of here in two seconds.” Dismissively, she looked down at the motion. “And close the door behind you.”

  He ignored her, waved for Sara to leave and entered the lion’s den. “What’s going on, Dakota?”

  “Nothing.” God, she wished he’d leave. If he didn’t she feared she’d say something she’d regret. Like quit being a damn coward and using pretend visits to her in order to see Sara. But she was hardly the person to call anyone else a coward.

  “This isn’t like you. You’ve been snapping at everyone who crosses your path for the past week. Poor Sara’s even afraid to come in here.”

  Oh, God, but he was tempting her….

  “I think maybe the pressure of this case is getting to you. Maybe I was wrong in naming you cocounsel.”

  She brought her head up. “Don’t you dare.”

  His eyes were full of concern. “I didn’t say I was going to pull you off the case.” But he’d thought about doing so. It was written all over his face. “I’m thinking you could use more help.”

  “No.” She shook her head. She knew how that went. Another attorney would be assigned to help her. After a couple of weeks, it would be simple to ease her out. But she’d given up too much already. She’s sacrificed a chance with Tony. She couldn’t let Cody take this opportunity away from her. “I know I’ve been irritable. I apologize. Something personal came up. But I’ve taken care of it.”

  He stayed where he was, silently assessing her. She wanted him to speak or leave, but now wasn’t the time to bite his head off. So she waited.

  “Tony?” he finally asked.

  “How would that concern you?”

  “I know you haven’t been seeing him. You’re always the first here, and the last to leave.”

  “This is so not like you to get personal. Don’t start now.”

  He smiled. “You’ve been putting in too many hours. It’s taking its toll. Take a rest, Dakota.”

  She stared in disbelief. He looked like her brother. Must be an illusion.

  He got to the door, paused and hit his palm against the door frame. “For God’s sake, go see him,” Cody said and then left without a glance.

  Dakota sank back in her chair. Was Mercury in retrograde? Was everyone going crazy? She stared at her phone. It wouldn’t hurt to at least call him. Would it?

  TONY HAD TO GET to the market soon. One more peanut butter and jelly sandwich and he’d croak. Even Chinese food had gotten old. He’d have to start getting to know the neighborhood and pick up a few takeout menus. Better yet, find the places that delivered.

  He didn’t like going out if he could help it. Commuting to the coffeepot was as far as he’d gone the past week. Maybe this weekend he’d take his mother up on dinner. She always made a ton of food, which meant she’d send him home with a care package that would keep him fed for three days.

  She’d called and asked him to come over twice, and both times he’d made an excuse. Then his sister had called and start
ed bugging him. It was as if they had some kind of radar that told them when he was in a rotten mood and wanted to hide. Could they respect that? Of course not. They had to nag. He loved his family but…

  His cell rang again and he pulled it off his belt, prepared to turn the thing off and let voice mail pick up the message. But he saw that it was Dallas and hesitated. He wasn’t sure he even wanted to talk to her—the subject of Dakota would come up.

  It rang the final time before she would be sent to voice mail.

  Shit.

  He gave in. “Hi.”

  “Hey, Tony. It’s me. Busy?”

  “I just finished a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. What does that tell you?”

  “That if you keep eating those you’re going to end up weighing a ton.”

  “That’ll be the day.” He wiped the counter and put the peanut butter away as he talked.

  “How’s the house coming?”

  “Ahead of schedule. Sylvia already has a buyer.”

  “Oh.” Dallas sighed. “I was hoping you’d keep that one. It’s nice having you live in Manhattan.”

  He snorted to himself. He’d thought so once. “Are you back at work?”

  “Oh, yeah. In fact, I only have a minute, but I wanted to see if you and Dakota want to come over for dinner and look at our honeymoon pictures this weekend?”

  He sat down. “Have you talked to her?”

  “Not for the past week. I left a message yesterday but she hasn’t called me back yet.”

  “She has a bar association dinner on Saturday.” He didn’t want to get into it with Dallas about her sister. At least he hadn’t lied.

  “Oh yeah, I forgot that was coming up this weekend. Are you going with her?”

  “No. Look I have another call I’ve been expecting. I’ve gotta go.”

  “Me, too. Call me later.”

  He disconnected, feeling so miserable and confused he wanted to punch a wall. He missed Dakota, but he couldn’t abide by her terms. He couldn’t see her exhausted, and be stretched every which way.

  And truthfully, he didn’t know where he stood with her. He didn’t have a comparable education and he didn’t wear a suit to work every day. Was that a problem for her? Did she feel that he reflected negatively on her and her career? Is that why she hadn’t asked him to go to the dinner? He wasn’t sure. But if that was true, he sure as hell wouldn’t roll over for that kind of thing. She had a lot to figure out.

  The phone rang again, and when he checked, he was surprised to see that it was Dakota. Smiling sadly, he turned it off.

  DAKOTA SIPPED her first cup of morning coffee, wondering if she should try calling Tony again. He always had his phone on him, and it wasn’t like him to not answer. Unless he was avoiding her. The thought stabbed at her but what did she expect? She was the one who’d told him she didn’t have time for a relationship. Maybe it was for the best that he hadn’t returned either of her calls. What did she really have to say to him that would change things?

  Like every other morning this week, she’d arrived at the office first. Not to get a head start, but to catch up from the day before. Yes, admittedly she’d been distracted by Tony, but that wasn’t the only thing hindering her productivity. She hated the case she was working on. She despised the client and thought the smug bastard was as guilty as the devil himself.

  Cody had warned her about letting her bias show. Reminded her she wasn’t a judge yet. That had royally ticked her off. But her brother had a habit of doing that, anyway. To think she’d agreed to go with him to the bar association dinner.

  Just thinking about Saturday night knotted her stomach. The dinner itself wasn’t the problem. But it reminded her of the look on Tony’s face when she’d brought it up. He’d obviously expected her to ask him to go, but she hadn’t, and he’d done the math.

  But he had part of the equation wrong. He didn’t embarrass her. In the beginning she’d feared judgment and talk because he didn’t fit in with her circle of friends and colleagues. What a joke. What friends? Her two law school pals were just as busy as she was and their plans to see one another never happened. If anything, she embarrassed herself, for the kind of person she’d become. So like the peers she privately criticized.

  And now she was about to blow one of the best things that had ever happened to her. Sadly, she didn’t even know what to do about it. Her workload wouldn’t change. She didn’t have time to spare. How could she ask him to accept crumbs? How could she go back to her drab life?

  She needed to talk to someone before she went crazy. Dallas. Dakota owed her a call anyway. She checked her watch. Only seven-ten. If she called this early, Dallas would bite her head off.

  There was always the Eve’s Apple gang. Someone might be online, or have posted a bit of wisdom for her to hang on to. Like a junkie looking for a fix, she couldn’t get her laptop on her desk and operational fast enough. As she signed on she realized how important the group had become to her. Most of the time she dismissed the advice, often laughed at some of their theatrics, but once in a while, just at the right time, she’d read a thought-provoking post that hit so close to home it lingered for days.

  She decided to read first and then possibly post, for cathartic reasons if nothing else. The anonymity of the group allowed her to speak freely and she hadn’t appreciated the opportunity as much as she did right now.

  A lot of new activity had popped up since she’d last checked in and she scanned the older posts first, some chatty, some more serious stuff, the camaraderie already making her feel better. She read a general posting from Color Me Happy about a reunion with a high school boyfriend after being apart for eight years. Then she found one in response to one of her earlier posts.

  To: LegallyNuts@EvesApple.com

  From: Colorado Jane@EvesApple.com

  Subject: Check out his wallet

  D,

  Hey, girlfriend, take some advice from a single fellow lawyer also looking to get laid. Make sure the guy has some dough of his own. Yeah, I like the more brawn than brains type, too, who isn’t afraid of getting down and dirty. But I’ve had two different but equally bad experiences with the type. Either they think you’re their meal ticket. You know, sit at home and drink beer while you bust your ass at the office. Or the other scenario is the damn Neanderthal gets it in his thick head that you’ve undermined his manhood because you make more money than him. Either way it sucks. The sex stinks after that and there’s no going back. So, girlfriend, I urge you, make him show you the money.

  Wishing you luck in this crazy singles’ world.

  Jane

  Tony wasn’t like that. He’d never be so petty or sexist. He was far too secure and comfortable in his own skin. That was one of the qualities she liked best about him. Besides, money seemed to be the least of his interests. Jane from Colorado meant well but she was so off base.

  Dakota’s ridiculous annoyance stopped her. She felt like a mother lion protecting her cub. What was she doing taking this stranger’s words as a personal affront to Tony?

  She calmed down, reminding herself that Jane was venting. Her e-mail actually had little to do with Dakota or anything she’d posted. In fact, Dakota hadn’t revealed anything too specific…. She hoped.

  Uneasiness had her thinking back on her e-mails. How much had she mentioned about Tony? She’d been careful, remaining vague, except, admittedly, a couple of nights ago she’d been so down and miserable she never should have gotten on the computer. Had she said too much?

  It didn’t matter. No one knew who she was. She hadn’t even used her name. Just her first initial. She scrolled down and one of the subject lines caught her eye.

  To: The Gang at Eve’s Apple

  From: JustSara@EvesApple.com

  Subject: Lonely and the City

  Hi, y’all,

  Thought I’d check in. It’s Thursday night. Nothing to do, as usual. I’m all alone in my apartment, except for the little lost kitty who showed up at my door. She’s so c
ute and I like the company. Maybe tomorrow night I’ll venture out again and try to meet new people. I’d rather be venturing out with you-know-who from the office but I’m starting to lose faith. Sometimes I think he’s interested and other times, I swear, he treats me like something he picked up on his shoe.

  Anyway, I refuse to fret over him. If he’s not interested enough to get to know me, well then, I guess it’s his big fat loss.

  Boy, I sounded brave, didn’t I? :) I owe it all to y’all. One of these days I’m gonna have Mr. Big Shot Attorney on his knees begging. You wait and see.

  I’ll check in tomorrow. Hope y’all are having a good night.

  Bye for now,

  Sara

  Dakota stared at the screen. Reread the moniker and then the sign-off, her pulse doing double time. It couldn’t be. Oh, God, not her Sara. How awful would that be? Why hadn’t Dakota noticed her posts before now? As if she weren’t too self-absorbed. Getting upset was ridiculous. Sara was a common name, and she hadn’t said anything about living in New York City. But Mr. Big Shot Attorney? The y’alls? Oh, God. It sure sounded like Sara. And if it was, and she’d read any of Dakota’s posts and knew it was her, she’d just die.

  She quickly got offline and turned off the computer as if someone from Eve’s Apple could actually see her. That was it. No more going there. Except to read posts. Maybe figure out if that was the Sara.

  So much for that. She drummed her fingers on the desk and stared at the clock. Dallas wasn’t exactly a morning person, and she normally didn’t go to her office until later. But Eric had to be up by now. Dakota couldn’t stand it. She picked up the receiver and pressed the speed dial number, taking deep breaths while the phone rang.

  “Is it too early?”

  “Dakota?” Dallas sounded as if she might have been asleep. “What’s going on?”

  “I can call back later,” she said reluctantly.

  “No, no, I’m awake. I just haven’t had my first cup of coffee yet. Are you okay?”