Immortal Suffering

by Shana J Caldwell

  His hands hover over my hips, I ache for him to touch me.

  “You’re not very good at defending.” I whisper as I undo his hair. Running my hands through the length of it, his eyes don’t leave my face as I smooth out his hair. I’m amazed at how silky it is. I return my hands to the back of his neck, clasping them together against his cold skin.

  All of me is on fire and is thirsting to be put out.

  “I wouldn’t call this attacking; I was more thinking this…” In a flash he has me on the table, his glass of blood tips over. He pushes himself between my legs as I sit there hanging onto him. I wrap my legs around his waist, relishing in the hardness of him.

  “Now who’s the attacker?” He asks, his voice a purr. It rumbles through my entire body. I pull him closer to me, our faces mere centimetres apart. His eyes are wild and untamed as he takes me in. I bite my bottom lip.

  “If you do that again, I will be biting it for you,” he growls, his eyes latch on my lip. I take a deep breath. It was time to leave my comfort zone.

  “I dare you,” I say, breathless. I take my bottom lip in my teeth, biting gently. A noise deep in his chest catches in his throat as his lips meet mine.

  I kiss him hungrily and savagely, his lips are velvet against mine; moving in perfect sync. I pull myself closer to him, wanting to feel all of him.

  Kal. Kal. Kal. His name a mantra in my mind.

  He bites my bottom lip gently, the feeling ecstasy. I moan as he lets my lip go, his lips are upon mine again; hungrier this time. He pushes me gently down onto the table. My back dampens with the spilt blood, all my common sense flies out the window as he climbs onto the table with me, holding his weight above me.

  I claw at his back as the kiss deepens, our tongues intertwine. I welcome the taste of blood, wanting more of it. I grind my hips against his, pulling him down to me.

  He moans against me, causing my body to arch into his.

  “Oh Kal…” I whisper against his lips. He pulls back a fraction; his eyes wild as he watches me. I whimper at the distance. He smiles at me.

  “You’re beautiful Ali, so beautiful.” he whispers but his eyes flash briefly with sadness. My breath is ragged in my chest as I watch him; my body is wound up tight. His lips meet mine again, gentle this time.

  We kiss slowly; I wrap my arms around his neck and lose myself in his touch. He tugs at my lip gently as he pulls back again. I frown at the distance.

  Someone clears their throat. I widen my eyes in horror as I watch Kal. He smiles lazily at me before looking up. He doesn’t get up, his erection still hard and pressing against me.

  “Yes?” He asks, casually. I close my eyes and try to hide my mortification. Oh god. All of the warmth leaves my body.

  “Zuriel has gathered important information about the incident, we need to speak privately.” Cassidy’s voice is tight and I groan internally. If this wasn’t more of a reason to hate me I don’t know what would be.

  “No worries. I’ll meet you in my study shortly. You’re dismissed.” I wait for the footsteps to leave before I open my eyes, only to see him peering down at me; trying to supress his smile.

  “Oh god,” I groan, letting a hand fall to my face.

  “If you could only see how red your face is right now. It almost matches the tips of your hair,” he says; his voice playful. I look at him between the cracks in my finger.

  “Can you blame me?” I ask. I pull my hand away and rest it against his chest.

  “Well, important business calls. I will have to ask for a rain check,” he says, bringing his lips to my neck. I roll my head to the side as he peppers the skin with gentle kisses. My body begins to heat up again.

  “If you’re lucky enough,” I smirk as he pulls back. He climbs off the table, helping me sit up. The back of my shirt clings to me from the blood. I’d need another shower regardless.

  He pushes himself against me as he stands there. I wrap my legs around his waist. I cup his face in mine and bring it closer.

  “Your luck won’t run out anytime soon,” I whisper. I press a gentle kiss to his lips. I pull back and let my legs fall. I push against his chest gently.

  “Go, before you give her more of a reason to hate me.” I smile up at him.

  “Have a good night, Ali. Don’t worry about the mess, just clean yourself up.” He kisses my forehead gently before forcing himself to step back. He pulls his hair up and corrects his shirt and his pants. To my fascination, the large bulge and length of him has me heating up all over again. His lips are swollen, as I can feel mine are.

  He smirks before he strides out of the room. I let out a deep breath and lay back down in the blood. My body shakes as I lay there looking up at the ceiling. I either just made a huge mistake, or the best decision of my life. Something has changed between us, and I can only hope it is for the better.

  Chapter 12

  Allison

  I finally decide to give in to my needs and go to the sitting room. I look at it with new eyes, hundreds of books line the back wall. I skim my hand over the bookcase shelf, drawing my hand back and rubbing my fingers together, not a single trace of dust covers the books.

  I run my eyes over the multiple titles, nothing in particular stands out to me. Finally I settle on a dark red leather bound book. Reaching up to pull the small volume down, I rub my hand over the front cover, it was a diary.

  Cassidar Lonthropy.

  Interesting. I go over to the couch and get comfortable, pulling a blanket over my bare legs. Crackles from the fire hearth are the only noise to be heard apart from my breathing. I have no idea when Kal will be back or even where he’s gone.

  I open the book to see a rough sketch of a female vampire, who I can only assume is Cassidar. The thin dark yellow pages are fragile, worn over the years from people constantly reading it. The thin black cursive words are hard to decipher at first, but I find myself getting lost in it.

  All stories start somewhere, so mine shall too. For when I pass on and leave this earth, there needs to be some recollection of how we came to be. A retelling of sorts, by yours truly.

  The first vampire to roam this earth was Edgar Polan, created from the darkest shards of magic and carved from the sharpest blade by a human hand. He emerged bloodthirsty and a new line of creature. A new evolution for humans to follow. Other vampires began to emerge, joining Edgar. Once, this world was dominated by humans. Vampires came in the late 1600’s. Their traits were noticeable, speed, strength, pale skin, fangs, black eyes. Vampires hid for centuries until Edgar had decided to finally emerge and take what was rightfully his. In the early 1700’s vampire hunters came to light, to hunt the dead and protect the humans.

  Hundreds were lost, hunted and killed for simply being the creature humans had created them to be. For the humans had lost their grasp on controlling the vampires and the easiest option for them was to eradicate the entire existence of them, wipe them from the history books.

  Riots began, vampire sympathisers rose and fought alongside the vampires. The minority won and the vampire population thrived. Slowly they began to overtake the continent, infecting each country they could get too. The only problem they faced was the dwindling numbers of humans. For their own gain, the vampires went underground once again and let the human numbers thrive once more.

  Finally the vampires came to an agreement with the humans, for peace. To try and co-exist without the blood shed from either side, a council was created and I was on that council, with my dear old friend Kalabhiti.

  I stop reading, my heart pounding. This was personal. Did Kal know she had her diary here? Was he really comfortable with letting just anyone read it?

  Should I?

  I mean, I know she’s my ancestor so technically I have a right to, but it feels wrong. Like I am invading her personal space. A larger curious part of me wants to know everything I can about her and Kal. I find the sections about him.

  It is the turning day for Kalabhiti and I’m deeply saddened. I sit in my
chamber writing this while the sun rises outside my window. A sun I can’t stand to be in anymore.

  Will Kal realise what he’s sacrificing? Only time will be able to tell, although I do not wish this burden upon him. He is too sweet, yet troubled. I fear the darkness will like him far more than it does the others it takes.

  He doesn’t know I had influence in choosing the sacrifice and he must not know for, I chose the most pure and innocent girl I could find. I will not corrupt him with more evil. Ah, there we are. The bells are chiming, in a matter of hours he will be bitten and in a matter of days he will be changed.

  Changed for what purpose?

  Cassidar knew the girl, found her. I had so many questions and no one I could retrieve the answers from, I highly doubt Kal would have known what she was up to and how much she was looking out for him.

  His golden eyes have now been turned a putrid black. He’s sitting at the back of his cage like an animal and I suppose in this moment, he is one.

  I sit outside his cage on a wooden stool, passing time. He’d drained thirty females of my choosing now and he still wasn’t showing any signs of the humanity that he once held. His parents are not pleased, but I assured them it would take him time. He was, in a sense, only human.

  Humans are fragile things, like Kal is. I have a long journey ahead of me but I know he has an even longer one and for that I will stay by his side, it is the least I can do.

  I hear the front door open and quickly push the book under the blanket. I beg my heart to slow as Kal opens the sitting room door. His eyes me warily and I cross my arms over my chest as I watch him from the couch.

  “What?”

  He shakes his head, dragging a hand through his hair, “Nothing, I’m just surprised you’re still up at this hour. It’s late for even I.” I manoeuvre the book between my legs so if he were to come closer he wouldn’t see it.

  “I couldn’t sleep so I thought I’d just sit in here where it’s warm. How was the meeting?” he comes around the couch, I scoot up and quickly put the book behind my back.

  He takes a seat, sprawling very un-kingly beside me. I rest my feet on his thighs as he gets comfortable.

  “Long. Annoying. You know this King thing isn’t all it’s cut out.”

  “Yes I can imagine, it must be so hard.” I tease, nudging a foot against him. It wins me an easy, warm smile. I like this, whatever is happening between us.

  “Should try it some time.” he pulls the hair out of his face and puts it in a loose, low bun. His hair is much nicer than mine and definitely well taken care of.

  “I’d be a pretty hot King, not gonna lie.” I shrug when he looks over at me.

  “Ah yes, I don’t know if I would particularly use that word but it will work. Then you’d just have to grow a beard.” he rubs his jawline and my eyes trail over the faint scar again.

  “What’s the scar from?” I ask softly. After reading the few chapters about Kal I found I wanted to know more about him, but from him. He tenses up and looks at me warily, his guard is down and he’s completely vulnerable to me.

  He opens his mouth to say something but shuts it before he can.

  “It’s hard… for me to talk about.” His voice is thick as he stares into the fire, lost in thought.

  “You don’t have to tell me. Please, if it upsets you just forget about it.”

  “No, I want to talk about it. I just don’t want you thinking differently of me once you know.” he looks back to me worriedly, I rub my foot against his thigh.

  “I could never think differently of you Kal, we both have troubled pasts and you’ve never once held that against me. If you’re comfortable with it, I would like to know. A secret for a secret.”

  “A human girl gave it to me. I was young and had only just found my humanity. I’d taken a page out of Cass’s book and decided to give the humans a chance and what a fool I was for doing that. We’d gotten into an argument, and this is what her silver cross necklace did.” he traces the scar with the memory.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. It was a long time ago, it’s the only scar that kept. Silver cross blessed by god himself, it’s a reminder to myself of where I started and how far I still have left to go.” he rubs my foot absently and I enjoy the gentle massage.

  “You’re very brave.” I whisper. Although there’s more to the story I don’t pry. I’m happy he’s given me this much. He gives me a sad smile as he stands up, comes over and places a kiss on my forehead.

  “Out of all the things I am in this world, brave is not one of them.”

  He walks out of the room before I can even form a coherent sentence or reply. He has no idea how brave he truly is. I pick up the diary again and decide to read a few more chapters, then I would put it away and leave her to rest peacefully.

  Kal and I went to the midnight markets tonight, along the pier where merchants had set up little stalls for their trading goods across the world. He was his usual, annoying and arrogant self and I would not have it any other way.

  I had yet to tell Kal of Tobias. My secret life with him was a burden I hated keeping from Kal. When I tried to tell him I choked up, I was all he had and I still felt like his protector.

  He has met someone. I’m unsure of her name, but she’s as delicate as a flower and as sharp as a blade. Her blonde hair is something crafted from the gods, bright red lips stain her mouth. She was not afraid for others to know who she was. I feel Kal is the only man she’s ever been delicate for. I must keep an eye on her. Kal is not one for commitment and I know she’s grasping at empty air trying to get him to settle.

  I had caved and told Kal of my Tobias, broken down in tears by the lakes edge as we’d walked along. He’d been busy with his female lately and I barely had the time to see him much anymore, I broke when I saw him.

  He didn’t understand and I do not blame him, I could never blame him. Him and I were crafted for two very different purposes in this world, whether he knew it yet or not. For I am the one who still has the human heart, and although he is soft he can be cruel and unrelenting. The darkness chose him for greater. I will not be in that image when he reaches his true value. I can only hope he finds his human heart and can find it in himself to feel the love he craves and deserves.

  Life with Tobias is good, he is just and does not judge me or criticise me and he truly loves me. I long ago gave in to my human ways, us vampires are far from evil or monsters. We are as human as the rest of them and we deserve the love we all are destined to feel.

  My dear Kal if you are to ever read this you snoopy bastard, I have always loved you and will continue to love and protect you. Though I will not be by your side for this journey and the long road ahead that awaits you, I hope you find your light to guide you and show you the way.

  You will always be in my heart and I will protect you from afar. When your light finds you, you will know. She will challenge you in ways you’ve never been challenged and will make you question your very existence as the creature you are.

  She will show you things I will not.

  Do not fear, for she needs you to be her light as well. Together you will fall apart and be mended. My dear Kal I leave you with this.

  Open your human heart my dear boy, open it and reap the rewards of love, life and the joy it brings. I know you’re scared, I am too. I promise I will be here every step of the way, from heaven to earth and from dust to dust. Goodbye, Kal.

  Tears stream down my face as I reread over her last entry, the last words she’d written. She had loved Kal, and I wish I could hug her. I wish I had known her. I wipe the tears away and put her diary back where I found it. I drop my hand and close the door to the sitting room, was I meant to be the light she mentioned? I wasn’t sure if I could be Kals light or if he was mine, but at this point I knew I wanted to at least try. There’s no harm in trying, although the thought of being so vulnerable to him makes me want to run to the dark.

  I’m not sure, and I can’t dwell on it. I
can only try, and if I fail then I fail.

  For I am human, after all.

  Chapter 13

  Allison

  My dreams are plagued by nightmares, my past actions continuing to haunt me. I wasn’t sure when the nightmares would end but I sure as hell hoped it would be soon. I pull my black tights on and supress a yawn; I’d barely slept a wink last night. I am hoping the training session won’t be as gruelling as yesterday; my entire body still aches from it.

  I pull myself up from my bed, slip on my shoes and leave my room; the castle is silent around me. I reach the garden, Kal nowhere in sight. I pause. Has he forgotten? Last night crashes back into me, causing me to blush as I think about dinner. I had no idea what had overcome me, how was I meant to act around him now? I groan as I head through the garden. My heart also aches for him in my chest, what I’d read about him. I couldn’t shake the feeling Cassidar knew who I was and that I would come. I did not want to make things weird.

  I reach the opening and look into the forest, letting my eyes adjust. No sign of movement or life seemed to be waiting for me in the darkness. I cautiously make my way towards the training room, keeping my senses on high alert.

  The training room comes into sight, I sigh and hurry towards the door. I open and close it behind me, leaning my forehead against the smooth wood. I always felt safer in the light.

  “Lesson one; always take in your surroundings before you let your guard down.” Kal’s breath hits my neck, his words a whisper. I open my eyes, my body rigid. I feel him step back, I turn slowly and look at him. He is dressed in his black leathers again.

  “Do you ever wash those?” I ask, blurting out the question. He grins; his hair is pulled up in a high pony tail. His eyes hold mischief. My heart beat picks up.

  “Only once a year.” I roll my eyes at him and walk towards the middle of the room. I spin in a circle.