Immortal Suffering

by Shana J Caldwell

  Why couldn’t she just trust me? I would have tried to understand, if it was her in that camp I’d do anything to get her out again. Anything. I pull my training leathers on and square my shoulders, now wasn’t the time to be a love sick man, it was time to be King.

  Chapter 19

  Allison

  I find the camp easily enough, it takes me two days and one wrong turn but I finally reach it. Only to come face to face with a large chained grobbler. I hide in the shrubs as I watch it pace back and forth in front of the entrance, chains are latched around its ankle and belly; only having a small worn down dirt area to wander.

  When did they decide to use grobblers?

  I keep my mental guard up so the grobbler can’t invade my thoughts or detect me. The camp had expanded since I’d last been here, but they still use the wooden fence with large spikes on the top. I also had to be careful for the silver bombs hidden in the ground.

  I extend my senses, inside the camp life flourishes but no one is close to the entrance. How was I meant to get in? Did I just shout out to them? I take a deep breath and step out of the shrubs, this could only go two ways.

  As soon as I’m in the open I have the grobbler’s full attention, it immediately begins to scream out; alerting the humans. In seconds the wooden entrance gate slides open, revealing Xavier and two other male members I’d never seen.

  His eyes widen as he takes me in, I can’t imagine what he’d be thinking looking at me. Red eyes, different hair, lean body. I adjust the straps on my bag nervously.

  “Uh, hi,” I say, attempting a smile. The other two raise their guns at me; I frown as I look at Xavier. He hadn’t changed much, his hair seemed longer but I couldn’t tell from the bun it was in. His stubble had taken over a majority of the bottom of his jaw.

  “What are you doing here?” he asks, his voice deeper than I remember. The grobbler stills as he holds his hand up to it. I can see his skin is tinged green. I cringe inwardly, this couldn’t be good.

  “I’ve come back,” I say, unsure if I could trust myself to speak the truth. He wouldn’t let me waltz in and run the show. I wasn’t sure how I was going to be able to worm my way back in.

  “Why? To spy again? Destroy us and kill the innocent humans here?” he spits, I don’t look away from him. I know what I’ve done wrong. I was here trying to change that.

  “No, it has nothing to do with that. I’m not working for the vampires and I am so sorry for how that entire thing went down. I didn’t want anyone to die, vampire or human. How could you sit back and let Luke torture them? Rip their fangs out and starve them?” I ask, my temper beginning to rise. I leave my hands at my side, I couldn’t come off as a threat.

  “Sorry means nothing. It still happened. We lost children, Allison! Children!” he yells, the veins in his neck strain. The two other men look at each other and back to me, adjusting their guns.

  “And I’m sorry! I wasn’t here! I didn’t kill them! If I was here I would have made sure there were no casualties on either side!” My voice begins to rise, and I have to take a deep breath to calm myself. Shouting at each other isn’t going to get me anywhere.

  “Well it still happened. You still hold responsibility for their lives and you always will. Tell me truthfully why you’re here or I will set the grobbler onto you.” he says, calming himself. I can vaguely feel the grobbler trying to break down my mental ward.

  “I came to protect a certain member.” I say, not wanting to mention her name.

  “You really think I’m just going to let you come back in like nothing happened? I’m not as naïve as Luke, I’m the leader of the Order now. I have to think of the safety of others. You are a danger.”

  “Please, I just need a week,” I plead. A week and I’d get her and the others out if they’d come with me. The second week would be spent getting to Penrith and setting them up in my old home.

  “A week? That’s all you want?” he asks, eyeing me. I sigh.

  “Yes a week. I just need to make sure they’re safe.”

  “How do I know you’re not here to get Intel? We’re not after peace Allison, we’re out for blood.” My blood chills in my veins, how was I meat to talk sense into him? He isn’t the same Xavier I left behind.

  “Because as much as you may think I’m running back to the vampires, I’m not. Have you forgotten I let you go that day by the river? I protected you. I could have let them have you, but I didn’t. That has to count for something,” I say. He thinks about this for a few minutes.

  “And still you left with them.” he says coldly. I can’t blame him for being resentful.

  “You don’t know what I had to go through Xavier, you have no idea. There was so much I didn’t know and questions I needed answered. You’ll never understand the sacrifice I had to make.” My hands begin to shake at my side, talking about the sensitive part of that ordeal.

  “Why are your eyes red?”

  “You won’t like that answer if I tell you, Xavier,” I say wearily. I hold my hands up in innocence. This would make or break him accepting me back for a week. He crosses his arms over his chest.

  “I want the truth.”

  “I’m the descendent of the vampire Queen. I didn’t know. When I helped Nardia she had to bite me and it sped up the process of my eyes changing. I’m mostly human, but I do have vampire and grobbler blood mixed with mine,” I say quietly. His eyes widen as he looks me over with a new perspective.

  “You’re the next in line to be the vampire queen?” he asks. The two gun men begin to look back and forth; I knew they wanted to shoot me.

  “Yes. I don’t want it. That’s why I went with them, so I could get answers. I don’t have to do it, they’ve been without a queen this long and I doubt I would make much difference.” I lower my hands and look towards the ground.

  “I don’t trust you but I will allow you a week. You will be watched; even when you think no one is watching. The moment you pose a threat you will be executed without hesitation.” I look back up at him, shocked more than anything.

  “I know you’re not a bad person Allison, and if you’re here to protect a friend I will believe you. Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness; the beast in me is sleeping. Not dead.” I nod silently; the two men lower their guns as I walk forward.

  “Thank you Xavier, this means a lot to me,” I say weakly, I walk in step with him as we head through the camp.

  Above us in the trees are more makeshift homes as well as on the ground; the small tents are still how I remember them. We receive a few odd glances from others that walk past us, everyone seems to be busy with something.

  We approach an empty fire pit, a fresh set of logs were waiting to be lit. He comes to a stop.

  “You’ll be in the same room, no roommate. The only thing that’s changed is the number of members and homes. You still bathe in the stream, I’m sure you remember everything else.” He avoids looking at me as he says this. A few people whisper as they pass us, I don’t catch what they say but I see the fear in their eyes. I frown. I’m not what they should be afraid of.

  “Thank you. When’s dinner?” I ask, I was already starting to feel hungry again. The apple I’d brought along hadn’t lasted me long.

  “Sundown, we’ve just entered winter so I hope you’ve brought along warm clothes.” He looks at me now, really looks at me. His eyes roam over my face, no doubt noticing the lack of my chubby cheeks I last had when he saw me. I hadn’t changed, I don’t know why he felt the need to examine me.

  “Alright thanks. No I didn’t really but I’m sure I’ll be fine.” I nod and turn, heading towards my old room. It isn’t hard to find. When I enter, there’s only a single mattress on the floor. It’s better than nothing. I sit my bag beside the bed and stretch, it was time to find Yolanda.

  I head back the way I arrived, surveying the tents in the trees. I smile as kids run past me, squealing as they play together. I wonder if Kal had kids, or if he ever wanted them. I roll my eyes at myself, of
course I’d be thinking about him.

  It makes me wonder though… is he thinking of me? I have no idea what we are, but it seems like something that could go somewhere. We click, or at least I think we do. He is going to be so pissed at me when I return; at least Zuriel will be grateful.

  As if the thought of his name draws her out, Yolanda enters the path in front of me with the same kid I saw that day, holding onto her hand.

  “Yolanda. Hey.” I say, stopping in front of her, she looks up abruptly and immediately frowns. She looks around wildly before stepping closer to me, I was happy to see they’d been given new clothes.

  “What on earth are ye’ doin’ ere?” She hisses, talking low enough so others can’t hear. The little boy looks tired, dark circles are under his eyes.

  “I’m here to get you out and take you somewhere that is genuinely safe. I can’t let you stay here,” I whisper. The little boy’s eyes are wide as he watches me, his skin had already started to tinge green.

  “Did he set you up to this?” She whispers, pulling the little boy closer to her.

  “No of course not, he doesn’t even know I’m here. Look, you have to trust me. This place isn’t safe.” I try to emphasise my words, she doesn’t have half a clue what sort of place this is.

  “They feed us, they give us shelter and protection. They gave us clothes. All they ask is for our loyalty to the humans.” I rub a hand through my hair.

  “Yes I know. I’ve joined this camp before. I only joined because Zuriel and Zeke asked me to come here and spy for them to see if they were kidnapping and torturing vampires,” I whisper, not wanting others to overhear.

  “And were they?” She asks, her voice a whisper. I hadn’t had a good chance to pay much attention to her, but under all the dirt and grime she is gorgeous. Her bright green eyes shine against the orange ringlets that hang against her face.

  “Yes they were. They ripped out one of Zuriel’s friends eyes. I had to get her out, and they got as many as they could out. Unfortunately, the humans decided to kill half the vampires they’d starved and tortured.” The more I explain it to her, the more my temper begins to rise. How could they do that? Take away another being’s free will and keep them like an animal. The thought infuriates me.

  “My god,” she mumbles, thinking about what I’d said. I stand back and wrap my arms around myself, the sun was beginning to set and a cool breeze had begun to pick up.

  “Come with me, I’ll give you a jumper.” she turns with the little boy and I follow her into the trees. At the base of a large one, she pulls against a wooden rope ladder. She helps the little boy climb up before she does. I step forward as she climbs onto a wooden platform.

  “Come on, climb up.” her head disappears from sight as I begin to climb. Once I reach the top I stand warily, although the platform is sturdy under my feet, I’d never been one for heights.

  “It’s only about five metres off the ground,” she calls from the tent. She pulls back a flap to reveal a bedroom the same size as mine. I enter. The little boy is lying on the mattress under a thick blanket; a small gas light sits on an old upturned basket. She sits down at the end of the bed and pulls a jumper out from under the mattress.

  “Here, have it. I figure you didn’t realise it was going to be winter.” she chuckles as she passes me a dark green jumper, I pull it over my head and immediately begin to warm up. I sit down on the wooden floor.

  “Thank you. No, I didn’t. It’s hard to keep up with anything while I’m living in the vampire city. There’s no sun there so I get a bit lost,” I admit. I pick at a hole in my black tights.

  “Tis’ alright. I can imagine how confusing it would be in there. I know I couldn’t do it.” She moves to lie beside the boy, he was already asleep.

  “How has he been? He looks a lot better, so do you.”

  “He’s okay, seems a bit shaken but I’m sure he’ll be back to normal in no time. We’ve already started injections. They make me feel funny but after about an hour I go back to feeling normal. Were you injected?” she asks, studying me.

  “Yes, I was. The liquid has grobbler blood in it, which explains the vampiric like powers you gain from it after you take it long enough.” I think back to the fight with Cassius, how it had turned him.

  “Oh. I didn’t know that.” she frowns as she looks down at the boy, running a pale hand through his black hair.

  “I don’t imagine any of you do. Do any of them know about you and Zuriel?” I whisper, in case anyone had the hide to eavesdrop on us. She looks back at me with wide eyes.

  “No. They can’t. I won’t be able to stay if they do.” her voice shakes.

  “I could take you to Penrith, my old home town. You could live in my old house. It has two bedrooms; and there’s a stream that runs right behind it for baths. You’d just have to look into trying to get a small job or learning to trade, but the attic is full of goodies you could trade.” I feel a pang of home sickness at the mention of my old home, my room. I’d spent a majority of my life in that house.

  “I don’t know…we just arrived here and got settled in. It’s so easy here,” she admits.

  “I know, easy isn’t always better though. I could help you get settled and stock up on food at the trade and show you the tricks. You’d have your own house to yourself; you can take the others with you. Zuriel would be able to visit you.”

  “Would he?” She whispers, leaning forward with a glimpse of hope in her eyes.

  “Yes he would, there’s a sewer system that navigates under the town. A sewer drain is directly outside my house and at the wall.” I stretch a leg out and stretch my arms above my head, I supress a yawn.

  “I still don’t know. I don’t think a lot of us are strong enough to make that journey again. But what about the injections? What if they’re going to be a benefit?” I twist my mouth as I think about her words.

  “I don’t know what it turns you into and I’m honestly afraid to find out. I want peace for both humans and vampires; I’m still figuring how to go about it though.” I sigh as I stand up, she follows me with her eyes.

  “I’d rather find out over being vulnerable. I have to think of the kids, if I can’t protect them who will?” I look down to the boy sleeping, feeling a pang of loneliness.

  “I’d do whatever it took to protect my kids if I had them, but losing me wouldn’t help them. I doubt the formula is even stable. But please, just think about it. I’m only here for the week and then I’m going back home. I’ll find you in a few days and we’ll talk again.” I pull back the flap. The sun is setting, lighting the sky up in an array of blue and pink and orange. I missed this so much.

  “Thank you. I’ll think about what you’ve told me. I never caught your name?” I look back over my shoulder.

  “Call me Ali.” I smile, earning a smile back.

  “Have a good night, Ali.”

  “You too.” I climb back down the ladder and head to my tent, wanting more than anything to rest my bones.

  Chapter 20

  Allison

  A cool breeze jostles me from my thoughts. I blink slowly as I take in my surroundings; yet again forgetting why I’m here. My purpose of being here. Shadows from the fire dance around me, I step out of the safety of my tent and head towards the warmth. The winters were cruel and unrelenting, each one being worse than the last. My thin sweater does nothing to keep the constant chill out. Everyone has gone to bed, except Xavier. I cautiously approach him, his eyes stay trained on the fire. I take a seat beside him, pressing my hands between my thighs. We both watch the fire as minutes turn to hours; I’m unsure how much time passes. It warms me to my core, heating my face up.

  “So, how are you settling in?” he asks. I blink slowly at his words.

  “It feels... different. But I’m getting there. I’m only here for another few days so I don’t want to get familiar with it,” I say quietly. I had one goal of being here. Exactly how I had one goal the last time I was here.

  “
Different how?” There’s an edge to his voice. He hasn’t forgotten.

  “Luke isn’t here; things don’t seem as bad as they were...” my voice trails off; I push away the conjuring images of the tortured vampires. I couldn’t think about them now or I’d think about him.

  “It was a lot to handle, you know. Coming back and being leader, I don’t know how Luke did it as long as he did.” I look towards him, his beard has grown out and his hair was in a wild, messy bun. We’d both changed in the months apart; we weren’t the same people we once were.

  “I could imagine it wouldn’t be easy, especially with the camp expanding as much as it has been lately.” and expanding is putting it lightly, the camp now stretched into the forest around us, makeshift homes were built high in the trees. They no longer manipulated vampires or tortured them, which I was relieved to find out but that doesn’t stop them from hunting them. He shrugs like it’s nothing.

  “Why go to such lengths, what’s the point of it all?” I ask. I turn away and look back into the fire. The gold and orange glow is a comfort in the darkness that seems to suffocate the place.

  “I’m starting to think there might not be one. I once thought humans would come out on top, but now... I’m not so sure.” I can feel his eyes on me, roaming over my body.

  “Who said coming out on top would be the victory?” I whisper, wanting him to understand my reasoning. Vampire and humans could coexist, I knew they could. I’d seen it with my own eyes, hell I’d been happily living with vampires in the last few months.

  “Anything less would be a failure Ali, you know in the end it would never work.” I look at him and catch his eyes, the emerald green is bright. The soft tinge of green on his skin reminds me that he’s as less of a human as I am.