One Candlelit Christmas

by Julia Justiss

  ‘If Sinjin and Nicholas can co-exist amicably under the same roof, I imagine I can make sure everyone is adequately fed and housed.’

  Sarah laughed. ‘Don’t be silly. You know they made amends long ago. As Clare and I knew from the start, they both realised that Nicholas was better for me and Clare was better for Sinjin.’

  Spurred by a sudden, unexpected ache of longing, Meredyth found herself blurting, ‘Did you never repine over losing your first love?’

  Sarah turned to study her, her look so insightful that Meredyth felt compelled to turn away.

  ‘It was dreadful at first, of course. So compelling and unprecedented a feeling is burned into the soul. But, driven by necessity to make a match before the mortgage came due on Wellingford, everything happened so quickly. I hadn’t much time to repine. Certainly not long years, as you have had.’ Reaching over, she squeezed Meredyth’s hand. ‘Both Nicholas and I found that second love can be an even better love. You could too, sweet sister, if you’d only open your heart and mind to the prospect.’

  Meredyth blinked back the sudden burn of tears. ‘I doubt it would be that easy. I’m seven and twenty now! What passably attractive and eligible man would seriously consider a spinster like me?’

  Looking her up and down critically, Sarah said, ‘I see an accomplished lady with an elegant figure, lovely golden hair, striking silver eyes—and nary a wrinkle,’ she added with a grin. ‘True, you are not a chit making her first bow, but I think you would be surprised to discover how many attractive, eligible men would seriously consider you.’

  Unbidden, the image of Allen Mansfell’s handsome face invaded Meredyth’s mind. Before she could thrust it away, Twilling entered with the tea tray.

  After he had served them, Sarah sat cautiously sipping tea while Meredyth nibbled a sweet biscuit. ‘You are going to accompany Faith to Town next spring, aren’t you?’ Sarah asked.

  ‘Of course. Faith has talked of nothing since we got home last summer—and is already practising her wiles on Thomas Mansfell, as yet to no visible effect! I’ve not set my face against matrimony, so I suppose since I shall be in London anyway that I may look about.’

  ‘Good,’ Sarah said. ‘I do hope you will try to find a suitable gentleman. I hate to think of you denied all the joys of matrimony and motherhood.’

  As she reached for another biscuit, Sarah’s face suddenly took on a greenish cast. Putting the hand over her stomach instead, she took a quick sip of tea.

  Pointing at her nauseated sister, Meredyth grinned. ‘Indeed, I’d hate to miss that.’

  Sarah made a face at her. ‘The instant you hold your first babe in your arms you’ll realise it was worth all the times you felt sickly or peevish or huge as a cow. It’s worth everything.’

  At that moment Twilling appeared at the door. ‘Miss Clare and Miss Elizabeth are here,’ he announced.

  ‘No, keep your seat,’ Meredyth urged Sarah, and she went to the door to greet the newcomers, accepting a kiss from her sister’s best friend Clare, a hug from her husband and their neighbour, Sarah’s first love Sinjin, then a fond embrace from her younger sister Elizabeth. With only a bit of hesitation she exchanged a handshake with Elizabeth’s beaming husband, Hal Waterman—Nicky’s best friend and Uncle Hal to all their offspring.

  ‘We sent the children up to the nursery with their maids,’ Clare announced. ‘After being cooped up for hours in a lurching carriage with a chattering child, we ladies need calm. Ah, I see there is tea. Bless you, Merry!’

  ‘Would you prefer spiced wine?’ Meredyth asked.

  Elizabeth and Claire winced, Claire putting a hand to her mouth.

  Her eyes widening, Sarah said, ‘You are both…?’

  ‘Increasing? I am,’ Clare said, and looked over at Elizabeth, who nodded.

  ‘And you too, Sarah?’ Clare asked, turning her keen gaze to her friend. When Sarah nodded too, Clare laughed. ‘I would say something about the effects of Italian air, but the malady seems to have afflicted Elizabeth as well, and she never left England.’

  Meredyth’s beautiful younger sister was gazing at her husband Hal. The rapturous joy of being newlyweds shone in their eyes. ‘Cupid is not bound by geography,’ Elizabeth said.

  While the husbands offered each other hearty congratulations, Meredyth looked away and sipped her tea. How fortunate the happy news had captured everyone’s attention, making it unlikely anyone would sense the discomfort she felt, meeting Hal Waterman again for the first time since his marriage to her sister.

  Meredyth had known and admired the tall, quietly-spoken Hal since Sarah’s marriage to his best friend. She’d even, after the rawness of her grief at losing James had eased, once thought she might try to fix his interest.

  Thank heavens she’d never put a word in Nicky’s ear about it! she thought, her face burning anew.

  Observing the hungry gaze the couple shared, Meredyth could understand why Society’s disapproval had not been sufficient to dissuade Elizabeth, whose elderly first husband had died last summer while they were all abroad, from wedding before the end of her year’s mourning. A bolt of envy and longing shot through her.

  ‘Best sit,’ Hal was telling Elizabeth. ‘Not feeling too well,’ he explained to the group.

  ‘Have you tried ginger tea?’ Sarah asked.

  ‘Are you always ill in the morning?’ Clare interposed.

  Meredyth looked up to see Sinjin winking at Hal. ‘Megrims and vapours! We’d better go and find Nicky. Being only recently wed, you’re new to this, Hal, but trust me—the conversation is about to disintegrate into woman talk.’

  Clare sniffed. ‘Since you men are the cause of our megrims and vapours, perhaps you should take yourselves off.’

  ‘Virago,’ Sinjin said fondly. ‘Her temper’s been uneven ever since she realised she was with child—and now that long carriage ride…Ladies, we’ll rejoin you after you’ve refreshed yourself with tea and sage advice.’

  Clare stared after her departing husband. ‘My temper has been unsteady. I never suffered a day with Bella, but this child has sickened me from the first.’ She sighed and patted her stomach. ‘It must be a boy. Only a man could cause this much trouble!’

  While Elizabeth, already fond mother to a son, exclaimed in protest, Sarah said, ‘Have you tried dry soda crackers and weak tea before rising in the morning?’

  ‘A peppermint leaf tisane may help,’ Elizabeth added.

  ‘I’ll just go check on the children,’ Meredyth murmured, and walked out, leaving the other ladies to exchange recipes and advice.

  Thrilled as she was to have all of them at Wellingford, and as genuinely as she rejoiced at the news of babes to come, the twist of bitter sadness squeezing her chest compelled her to distance herself. She loved them all dearly…but she could not quell a deep, searing sense of envy.

  Envy for the children they’d already borne and these new babes, for the obvious love expressed by their husbands in teasing words and fond glances.

  Had she been wrong to turn aside the proposal of their neighbour and deflect the suit of the family friend?

  It was too late to regret decisions already long since made. Besides, sickening with the child of a man she didn’t love would be no bargain, for a good part of those ladies’ joy was in the adoring circle of a family they’d created.

  No, she’d made the right choice, the necessary choice, and if she were to live through it all over again would choose no differently. Except, perhaps, being too prudent to lie with James.

  But if she had found joy in his arms and conceived she would never have been able to keep the child of their love. Worse than the appalling shame and scandal, she would have had to give up the babe.

  Which brought her back full circle. She would expire of longing and envy before she let her family suspect how deeply their joy wounded her. She’d have to fix her mind and heart more firmly on being the valued sister, the loving aunt.

  With a house to refurbish to her taste, property of
her own and an independent income, she was far more fortunate than most spinster ladies, who were often shuttled from household to household as family needs dictated—unpaid and dependent servants, who became, once age diminished their usefulness, a burden.

  No, she would visit her siblings, love their children, and assist them as necessary. But as an independent lady of means she would return to her own home when she chose and travel if she wished. And if a small voice murmured that such an existence sounded sterile and empty, she suppressed it as firmly as she had the whispered warning against befriending Allen Mansfell.

  Chapter Three

  As Meredyth crossed the hall on her way up to the schoolroom, a scamper of feet on the landing alerted her to the presence of children an instant before she saw them, skipping down the stairs. Led, as they usually were, by Sarah and Nicky’s son Aubrey, oldest of the cousins, as soon as they spied her they accelerated their pace, tumbling over one another in their haste.

  ‘Aunt Merry! Aunt Merry! We’re so glad to be here!’ they cried as they reached her. Aubrey and David halted to make her a bow, while little Bella hugged her skirts. Meredyth drew them all close, savouring the warmth and scent and wonder of them.

  ‘Papa, Uncle Hal and Uncle Sinjin have gone off to hunt with Uncle Colton and Mr Thomas, but I told Papa I would stay here and help you,’ Aubrey said.

  ‘We can help too, Aunt Merry,’ Elizabeth’s son David said.

  ‘Me too,’ Clare’s daughter Bella inserted. ‘Mama says I’m a “strong-willed termagant”, which Papa says means I know how to do lots of things. I am going to be a beauty, you know.’ Turning to Aubrey, she added, ‘Then I shall marry you and be a countess too.’

  ‘You know I’m not going to marry,’ Aubrey said firmly. ‘I shall devote my life to science.’

  Bella narrowed her eyes, her smile fading. ‘I can marry you if I want to,’ she replied.

  Noting the worried crease in David’s brow at this exchange, Aubrey said to him, ‘Bella means no harm. She’s just a bit…difficult sometimes.’

  Bella put her hands on her hips. ‘Am not!’

  ‘Indeed you are,’ Aubrey replied, turning back to her.

  ‘I. Am. Not!’ Bella cried, stamping her foot.

  ‘Children, there’s some lemonade and ginger cookies for you in the kitchen,’ Meredyth inserted hastily. ‘Your favourites, Bella.’ With a sudden flash of inspiration, she added, ‘After that, you can all come with me in the gig to inspect the Yule log.’

  Her aggrieved expression replaced by a blazing smile, Bella said, ‘Can I ride my pony?’

  ‘It will be better if we all go in the trap. Then you can help John, the groom, gather holly and mistletoe for the swags and kissing balls,’ Merry said. And I will have a collection of attention-demanding escorts during my ride with Allen Mansfell, she added silently to herself.

  ‘I love ginger cookies,’ Bella pronounced. ‘And I will marry Aubrey if I want to—you’ll see. Race you to the kitchen!’ In a froth of white petticoats, she suddenly dashed towards the service stairs, the two boys pelting after her.

  Pleased with herself for averting a squabble—and for having cleverly acquired an audience that would make flirtation difficult, should Allen Mansfell have that in mind—Meredyth headed back to resume her work with the housekeeper.

  Frowning at the unwanted tingle of anticipation it produced, she sent Twilling to inform her guest that they would ride out in an hour.

  A half-smile on his face, Allen Mansfell stood beside his horse next to the pony trap, watching Meredyth Wellingford field questions, offer opinions and compliment the diligence of her young relations as they ran about the woodland clearing, dragging the pine and holly John the groom had cut for them back to the carriage.

  The smile deepened as he acknowledged the success of Miss Wellingford’s ploy. When she’d greeted him at the stables two hours ago, he’d hardly needed the fetching blush that had coloured her cheeks while she explained to him the unexpected appearance of a gig full of children to realise she’d decided to provide herself with a group of chaperons.

  The fact that she’d chosen to enlist the children only confirmed what he’d suspected: she was as conscious as he of the sensual attraction that simmered between them. However, rather than using her knowledge of his vulnerability towards her to tease, tantalise and entice him, she’d chosen to retreat from it, like the modest, virtuous maiden she was.

  After Susanna, he found her reticence both quaint and vastly appealing. Her maintaining a proper distance now only whetted his appetite and made him keener to court her.

  Cheerfully allowing her the victory this time, he’d refrained from any attempt at gallantry during the ride—so far. But he wasn’t about to let a gaggle of infants discourage him—not when everything he saw and sensed about her continued to reinforce how attractive he found her and what an excellent wife she would make.

  As her swift countermove in recruiting the children had increased his estimation of her cleverness, so their dawdling ride across Wellingford land had reinforced the high opinion he’d already formed of her excellent management abilities. And though she’d obviously brought along the children to keep him at a distance, she hadn’t neglected him.

  Rather, in between conversing with the youngsters she had provided him an ongoing commentary about the planting plans for the fields they’d passed, the building materials being used to refurbish the cottages, the winter repair of tools and harness, and other such topics which she hoped, she said, might be of interest to a man with his responsibilities.

  As the ride had continued, he’d also been able to observe her affection for and skilful handling of her young charges. She’d kept even the restless Bella entertained, pointing out horses in one field, puppies trotting along the fence line in another, even squirrels frolicking in the trees overhead, all while patiently answering the children’s many questions and defusing potential squabbles. She would be as excellent a mother to some lucky gentleman’s children as she would an exemplary helpmate in tending his estate.

  Add that beguiling hint of passion just waiting to be kindled to her other abilities, and Miss Meredyth Wellingford possessed every quality he could wish for. His last-minute decision to accompany Thomas on their journey home was looking more and more fortuitous, Allen concluded, an expansive feeling of well-being settling over him as he walked over to help the groom stack the pile of fir boughs and holly branches into the gig.

  While the two men worked, the children made their final inspection of the Yule log—a huge oak that had been felled at the end of summer to allow it to dry properly and burn well on Christmas Day. While the boys clambered up to sit on it, little Bella remained on the ground, stamping her foot in frustration that her long skirts hampered her from following them.

  ‘Don’t fret, Bella,’ Miss Wellingford consoled her. ‘It’s time to return to the house anyway. Once the log is limbed and ready to bring back you shall ride upon it too. Your mama and papa and all your aunts and uncles will come with us. We’ll have drinks and teacakes and sing carols, and at all the farms we pass, the tenants will come out to wish us good luck and sing a carol or two. When we finally place the log on the hearth you may help light the fire with a taper from the remains of last year’s tree.’

  The little girl’s eyes widened. ‘I can start the fire? You promise?’

  ‘I promise. So back in the gig with all of you, and home we go. I imagine by now Cook will have baked some fresh ginger biscuits for you.’

  As she settled the children back into the carriage, Colton and Thomas rode into the clearing. ‘Excellent work, troops,’ Colton pronounced upon viewing the overflowing greenery. ‘I think you’ve gathered enough for two houses.’

  ‘Was the hunting good?’ Aubrey asked them.

  Thomas shrugged, but Colton proudly held up a haversack. ‘Bagged two pheasants for Christmas dinner—just as I promised, Merry.’

  While the children clamoured to see his prizes, Miss Well
ingford said, ‘If you’re planning to take the birds straight back to Cook, can I ask you to escort the children home? I need to stop at the Dower House.’

  ‘Of course,’ Colton replied.

  ‘Thank you! Children, you can inspect Colton’s birds when you get back,’ Miss Wellingford told them. ‘I’ll see you at the house later.’

  ‘What do you say, infants? Shall we see if this old pony can gallop?’ Colton asked.

  The boys clapped their assent while Bella shrieked, ‘Yes, yes—let’s gallop!’

  Miss Wellingford watched them leave, concern on her face as Colton told the driver to ‘spring it!’ Her teeth clamped down on her lip, as if she had to restrain herself from warning Colton not to be too reckless.

  ‘Mind if I continue to ride with you?’ Allen asked her.

  She started, as if surprised to find him still beside her. Turning to him with a hesitant smile, she said, ‘You’re not yet bored to flinders? Between the children’s antics and me prosing on about farming, I thought you’d be anxious to return to the Hall and a warm glass of wine.’

  ‘Not at all! I enjoyed the children—and your commentary. Besides, I could never be bored in your company.’

  She raised an eyebrow. ‘Gallantry indeed, sir.’

  ‘Merest truth,’ he assured her, turning upon her the full force of his admiring gaze.

  Her silver eyes rose to his face and their gazes locked. Once again he felt that powerful zing of connection. As if scorched, she looked quickly away.

  ‘You can ride along if you wish,’ she allowed, her cheeks going rosy.

  Hardly a heartfelt invitation, but he intended to avail himself of it anyway. In her cautious voice and wary stance he read clearly her hesitance to be alone with him.

  He would never force his company on a truly unwilling maid. But in this instance all his instincts told him Meredyth Wellingford’s reluctance stemmed not from fear or distaste for his company, but rather from its opposite…an attraction she felt as strongly as he did, but for some reason was trying to repress.