Finally (Mature Men, #3)

by Marilyn Lee

  Mature Men 3: Finally

  ©2014 Marilyn Lee

  All rights reserved

  Marilyn Lee Unleashed

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. All service marks, registered trademarks, and registered service marks are the property of their respective owners and are used herein for identification purposes only.

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  Table of Contents

  Copyright Page

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Loving Large 2—Yours, Now and Forever Excerpt | © 2011 Marilyn Lee | All rights reserved

  Falling For Sharde Excerpt | ©2010 Marilyn Lee | All rights reserved

  In Blood and Worth Loving Excerpt | © 2009 Marilyn Lee | All rights reserved

  Marilyn’s booklist:

  Marilyn’s Bio:

  Further Reading: Living for the Moment

  Chapter One

  Thomas Darkwater

  I'd just climbed out of the pool and reached for a towel when my cellphone rang. After announcing my brother Michael's name and number, it said: answer ignore. I glanced towards one of the patio tables where my phone lay. I wasn't in the mood to talk but I knew if I didn't answer Michael or one of my three other brothers would drive over and let himself in. And since I didn't want company any more than I wanted to talk, I walked across the tiles and said, "Answer." I heard a tone and then spoke again. "Hello, Michael."

  "Hey, Darkwater. Where are you?"

  I could hear music in the background and remembered he'd invited me to his place for a party. "I'm home," I said, wrapping the towel around my waist and sat in one of the chairs at the table.

  "Come join us."

  "Thanks, but I'm really not in the mood."

  "Are you alone?"

  The question annoyed me. "Why do you ask?"

  "Because if you're sitting home alone on another Friday night, it's time you reevaluated your situation and faced facts."

  I frowned. I knew what he meant by facing facts. "I'm alone by choice, Michael," I told him.

  "I know that, but since when have you chosen to spend so many Friday nights alone when there are countless women eager to spend time with you?"

  "Look—"

  "You don't need to be alone or to do this alone, Darkwater. You know we're all here for you."

  By "this," he meant getting over having been dumped by a woman who I'd foolishly expected to love me forever. "Yeah, I do know that, Michael, but I'm okay."

  "Not if you're sitting home alone again."

  "I'm alone tonight but I've been out four times in the last week."

  "If you like, I'll go talk to her and try to pave the way and—" he said, totally ignoring my reminder.

  I shook my head. "You know, I'm really not in the mood for you to tell me again how you think I feel about Sherlyn and what I should do about it. And how many times do I have to remind you that I've had plenty of dates since things ended with her?"

  "I know you've had dates, but I also know none of those women made a dent in your feelings for her or in how much you're hurting."

  How much I was hurting? One of the downsides to having brothers who knew you so well was the fact that they did know you well and didn't mind calling you out when you were being less than truthful. "Michael—"

  "I know you don't want to hear this, Darkwater, but if I don't attempt to make you see sense about just letting her walk away from you, who will?"

  If not him, then one of my three other brothers, all of whom were convinced I was in love with Sherlyn—no matter how many times or how fervently I denied it. I sighed, closed my eyes, and leaned my head back against the chair. "Will you stop beating that damned dead horse? It's over."

  "Only because you didn't do anything to change her mind."

  "What the fuck would you have had me do, Michael? Beg her to take me back?"

  "Given how you feel, yes. Why not?"

  "I'll tell you why not; because I'm not going to allow her or any other woman to strip me of my pride."

  He inhaled slowly and I knew he was deciding how to respond before he finally spoke again. "You know Dad always said pride and a happy relationship couldn't coexist together. He always said one had to give way for the other."

  Our father had been lucky enough to marry the only two women he really wanted. I'd never learned the secret of his success. Granted, I'd never lacked willing women to warm my bed and satisfy my lust, but had dismally failed with the only woman I'd really wanted.

  Despite my best efforts, Sherlyn had brutally kicked my ass to the curb without a single care. Although Dad had struggled to make financial ends meet, his romantic and emotional life had been happy. In contrast, I had no financial worries but had never managed to find and hold onto the emotional happiness he'd enjoyed. "I loved Dad as much as you did, but just maybe he wasn't always right."

  "He was right about that, Darkwater. He never allowed his pride to stand in the way of making peace with the women he loved. And his reward? He was happily married to the only two women he ever loved. I'm thinking he considered not religiously clinging to his pride worth the trade off."

  "I'm sure he did, but—"

  "What good is your pride if holding onto it keeps the two of you apart? I know you were happy with her and she sure as hell looked happy with you."

  Agitated, I snatched the phone off the table and stalked along the pool tiles. "She was so damned happy with me, in fact, that she kept her ex-fiancé's picture on her nightstand. I had to look at him every time we...and to make matters worse, she started to call out his damned name during sex."

  "She did that? Damn, Darkwater!"

  "Yeah! Damn! Having what you think is your woman calling out another man's name when she comes leaves you in deep shit...especially when you can't hope to compete with him because he's dead and will be forever perfect in her mind and memories." Whereas I'd hurt her more than once, as she'd frequently pointed out.

  "Damn, Darkwater. What happened between you two sucked, but I'm sure that's a sin you've committed yourself at some point."

  Yes. I'd occasionally called out the wrong woman's name in the heat of passion, but not with anyone who mattered. I'd never done it with her. Even with my eyes closed and in the grip of orgasm, I'd never once mistaken her for or even thought of another woman while with her.

  "I know that must have sucked, but it really doesn't change how you feel about her."

  "That's for me to decide, Michael and clearly I've decided it does change everything."

  "Darkwater—"

  "Now if you're finished preaching to me, I'm going for another swim."

  "Why didn't you ask her to move his picture if it bothered you?"

  "If it bothered me? Of course it bothered me looking at it and knowing she was still in love with him."

  "Why didn't you ask her to move it?"

  "I should have, but..."

  "But what?"

  "But I wanted her to care enough about what I thought and felt to move it on her own," I admitted.

 
"And when she didn't?"

  "I decided asking her would have made me feel even more vulnerable than I was already feeling..." I paused and took a deep breath, realizing I felt an incredible measure of relief finally almost admitting to someone Sherlyn was and always had been far more than a fling.

  "I know you don't want advice, Thomas, but I think you should tell her how you feel."

  "Why? It's over."

  "I watched her closely when I went to see her, she didn't look any happier about the end of your relationship than you are. Am and I have talked about it more than once and we're both sure you can rekindle the relationship with a little effort."

  "Michael—"

  "Come on, Thomas. I understand that what I'm suggesting would be very difficult because I'd have a hard time doing it. Hell, in the face of all reason and logic, we're all in the same emotional desert."

  That explained why none of us had ever been in a satisfying, long-term relationship. We didn't "do" emotions. "But we shouldn't be."

  Michael sighed. "I know. Mom and Dad were so open with their feelings...surrounding us with joy and affection and always making us feel loved. And we knew they loved each other and yet every blasted one of us has issues when it comes to expressing our emotions in our personal relationships."

  I nodded. "Small wonder none of us ever got it right like they did or like Dad did with Am's mom."

  "You're the oldest, Thomas. You could change that. You could put yourself out there...admit and expose your emotions to Sherlyn and show us how to let go by winning her back."

  Or I could have my heart shattered into pieces too small to ever put back together again. The thought held very little appeal. I shook my head. "What would be the point when she's still in love with him?"

  "Am doesn't think she is."

  "Am doesn't know nearly as much as she think she does."

  "Maybe not, but I'm betting after fifteen plus years of friendship that she knows Sherlyn far better than you do, Thomas. And she thinks you can win her back."

  "She's not in love with me anymore and has insisted I stay away from her." I paused and took a deep breath. Even after four weeks of sleeping around, the knowledge of how little I meant to her still stung the hell out of me. "How does that translate into her just waiting for me to make an effort to win her back?"

  "She loved you for years and for all your show of indifference, we always expected you two to end up together."

  His words stunned me. "What?"

  "The guys and I always knew...or thought we did that once you'd had enough of the good life, you'd settle down with Sherlyn."

  "What? I never said or did anything that would lead any of you to that conclusion."

  "We're not best friends for nothing, Thomas. We knew how you felt about her even when you were in deep denial." He sighed, took a deep breath, and I could hear the pain in his voice when he continued speaking. "And we ached for you when she fell for Don. Frankly, we were surprised you didn't make your move once her grieving was over."

  "But it's not over and she still loves him."

  "Am seems to think she's still in love with you."

  "Am is wrong. She told me countless times that she was no longer in love with me."

  "And it never occurred to you that she just might be protesting too much?"

  "Actually it did, until she started calling out his name instead of mine. That's when I got a nasty reality check."

  "That must have stung like hell, but—"

  "It did more than sting." I took a deep breath, realizing it was time to admit the obvious—at least to Michael. "It hurt like hell."

  "That's all the more reason to give your relationship another chance. Even if she still has feelings for him, he's dead. You're alive and capable of winning her back. Given how you feel, isn't she worth the effort and worth taking a risk for?"

  That was a question I didn't want to answer. "Look, Michael, I know you mean well, but this is something I have to deal with in my own time and in my own way."

  "Thomas—"

  "I don't want to hear anymore, Michael. Do me a favor and go back to your party. I've already admitted the breakup hurt. She hurt me, but it's nothing from which I can't recover. I just need a little more time to come to grips with—"

  "The fact that you love her and you let her get away from you twice?"

  "I never said I loved her."

  "You didn't need to. She managed to hurt you because you love her. So let's cut the shit. I know you love her, but what I don’t understand is why you won't do something about it."

  "I told you she's still in love with him and I'm not going to give her another opportunity to tell me I'm no more than a piece of meat to her. Do you have any idea how it feels to hear that from a woman you...care about?"

  "No, but—"

  "Then leave it alone, Michael!"

  He sighed. "Fine. I tried."

  "Yeah." I nodded. "You did and I appreciate it."

  "If you need to talk, you know I'm available anytime."

  "I do and I appreciate that too. I've had better days, but I'm okay. Really. You and the guys don't have to worry about me."

  "Actually, we do, Thomas. You need to admit how you feel and deal with it."

  Damn he didn't give up. "This conversation and discussion is over. Enjoy your party, Michael." I hung up feeling too restless and agitated to do anything but dive back into the pool. I swam until I felt too tired to do anything other than fall into bed.

  Once there, although physically exhausted, I did what I'd done since our breakup, lie awake thinking about Sherlyn. Unfortunately, that was par for the course since our break up. Even with a willing woman sharing my bed, I longed for her and regretted the loss of her love and affection with an ache that seemed never ending.

  * * *

  Sherlyn Drake

  Living for the moment. It has a sexy, daring feel to it. The idea behind it implied that if you tossed caution to the wind and fully embrace it, something wonderful could happen. Especially if you were being reckless with your fantasy lover. Yeah. Maybe for some lucky women such behavior could pay off. Unfortunately, it never had for me—at least not with Darkwater. While in the moment, I had to admit I was deliriously happy and content with him. Of course that made what came next hurt more.

  For me, the worst part about living for the moment happened when the moment ended. That's when you figure out if it was worth it or not when you end up either hurt or happy. In my case, I ended up hurt again. And who was doing the hurting? The man I'd loved for half my life; Thomas fucking Darkwater.

  Darkwater. Lord how I loved that man and how I hurt when our brief, sweet, wonderful moment ended. But end it did, leaving me emotionally battered, bruised, and heartbroken again because I finally had to accept that he would never love me as I loved him.

  Just when my romantic future seemed bleak, I met Shane. The moment I saw him, I knew he was capable of helping me get over Darkwater. But my romantic life has never been easy and that wouldn't change even after I met Shane. In fact, my lust for him only added to my problems as it imperiled a cherished relationship with my longtime friend, Janine.

  "Sher, that's him. The one in the dark blue suit near the other bank of elevators."

  Standing in the crowded lobby of the office building where Janine and I both worked, I casually turned and glanced over to the other side of the huge lobby. I found myself looking straight into the dark, magnetic gaze of one of the sexiest men I'd ever seen in person. I say one of the sexiest because part of me still considered Thomas Darkwater, my best friend's older brother and my first love, to be the sexiest man I'd ever seen. But this guy looked perfectly capable of going toe to toe with Darkwater when it came to raw masculinity.

  He was tall with wide shoulders, a narrow waist, and long legs. I knew enough Native American men to suspect he might be one as well. His short dark brown hair with a tantalizing hint of silver at his temples looked like a haven for the fingers of some woman lucky enough t
o call him hers.

  "Doesn't he look good in blue?" Janine asked in a whisper.

  He would look good in anything. Or, like the damned Darkwater, even better in nothing at all.

  With our gazes locked, a powerful rush of lustful fantasies centering on hot, raw sex assailed my senses and filled me with dismay and shame. I felt a stirring in my pussy and an ache in my heart. I quickly dismissed the ache. I was over Darkwater and my heart was mine to give to whomever I wanted. So was my pussy and with one look I knew I wanted to give it to the man commanding my attention.

  I'm not sure what it said about me, but I had a habit of falling hard at first sight. I'd done it with Darkwater and with Don, my late fiancé, and now with this sexy stranger.

  Almost as if he knew the content of my thoughts, the man's lips curved slightly upward and he arched a brow before turning away as the elevator opened behind him.

  Only when he'd stepped inside, the doors closed and I inhaled quickly, did I realize I'd been holding my breath. My visceral reaction to a man Janine had set her sights on shook me.

  "Well, doesn't he look good in blue?" She asked again.

  I blinked and turned to face Janine as our elevator doors opened and we surged forward to begin our workday. I nodded, my mind still a chaotic sex-filled mess.

  She nudged me in the ribs. "So? What do you think?"

  I frowned. "He looks vaguely familiar."

  "I know."

  "Who is he?" I asked.

  "I don't know. That's what you're going to find out for me," she said. "Then we'll both know."

  Oh great.

  "Will you do it?"

  None of my previous attempts at playing cupid had resulted in any long-term romantic success for her. Each relationship I'd help engineer ended after a few months and frankly I was tired of playing matchmaker. But a promise was a promise. I nodded. "Yes."

  "And you'll do it today?"

  How the hell was I going to casually waltz up to him and get him to ask Janine out without making a fool of myself by drooling once I was close enough to speak to him? From a distance, he forced thoughts of my brief sexual liaison with Darkwater to the surface. Up close, all the angst of the memories of our brief, ill-fated affair might overwhelm me. And I just might find myself spending more sleepless nights longing for what I could never have—a happy ever after with Darkwater. I could not go back to loving him. I couldn't because it hurt too much and I was tired of being hurt by him.