Brutal

by K. S. Adkins

  I’m her pumpkin and her tree. That’s the last thing I remember falling asleep and the first thing I think of when I wake up. I’ve never been anyone’s anything when it counted. I’m her fucking pumpkin and her fucking tree. Jesus, I’m overwhelmed, and for once it’s a good feeling. Scratch that: a fucking great feeling.

  I look over and frown.

  I get up and look for her, but she isn’t inside, either. I see she left me a cup, but until I know where she is, I ain’t drinking it.

  I grab my phone to check the tracker, and I’m confused initially, until I realize she’s out in the hall. Whatever she’s doing, she wants privacy. So I won’t go out there, but I’m still gonna listen.

  It doesn’t take me long to piece in the conversation; once I catch up I’m pissed. Fucking Tony. Figures.

  “This is serious, baby,” he says.

  “I have a name, Tony,” she says. “Start using it, or we stop talking”

  “Fine,” he says. “The guy ring any bells for you?”

  “No,” she says. “But last night was kind of a blur for me, so I really can’t say”

  “Max told me,” he says. “Taking out local law enforcement? I approve.”

  “You would,” she says, laughing. “How far did he follow me?”

  “Back to the loft,” he says. “When your guard got out and took you up, he waited for a few then left. He knows where you live, baby. My source tells me he didn’t look happy.”

  “Your source, huh?” she says. “So I have a guard, but you have a source watching the guard?”

  “No, I have a source watching you,” he says. “The guard is temporary. You are not.”

  “What about the girls?”

  “Nothing yet,” he says. “You’ll know when I know,”

  “Macy?”

  “She has a cop tailing her,” he says. “Same cop you fucked up. I haven’t noticed anyone else yet.”

  “I know about the cop,” she says. “The Captain?”

  “Believe it or not, he’s actually leaving you alone as promised, from what I see.”

  “I don’t trust it. It’s too easy.”

  “Maybe. But so far, no surveillance, outside of the cops at the club.”

  “Okay. Thanks for the heads up, Tony. I’ll see you tonight.”

  “Venessa,” he says. “I’m hearing your name in places I shouldn’t be. Whatever it is, you’re getting close.”

  “Are you telling me to back off?”

  “No,” he says “I know you. What I am saying is, be careful. I need you in—“

  “Bye, Tony.”

  Now, I have several choices here.

  Kill Tony. Kill whoever is following her first. Or, kill Tony.

  Blowing my cover is a real possibility right now. Gallo knows too much, way too fucking much.

  She comes back in, not even bothering to look guilty for taking a call in the hallway. Yeah, that pisses me off. Even pissed, I notice she put joggers on to go out in the hall. At least I won’t have to kill any neighbors today.

  “You’re up,” she says, coming over to kiss me.

  “I’m up,” I say. “Where’d you go?”

  “Tony called,” she explains handing me a cup. “Apparently he’s been hearing my name around which doesn’t surprise me, given my recent snits. What does surprise me is that we were followed last night, and didn’t know it, but Tony did.”

  “You had to go out in the hall to talk to him?”

  “You were sleeping,” she says. “I didn’t want to wake you, and I grabbed my mail.”

  “Right,” I say, fucking livid for various reasons. Mainly that she was followed and I didn’t pick up on it, oh, but fucking Tony knew. What I want to know is, how he knew and why the fuck am I even here if he has someone watching her? Hiring me was I’m told, his idea. This prick is playing games and I’m too busy chasing after her to figure out the rules.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Oh, come on,” she says. “Don’t hold back on me, what did I do now?”

  “You hid from me,” I growl. “To talk to him.”

  “I wasn’t hiding.”

  “I disagree.”

  “Fine, disagree,” she says. “Put your anger aside for a second, and tell me what doesn’t jive here.”

  “None of it fucking jives, Venessa!”

  “Oh, so it’s Venessa now is it?” she says, voice rising. “You’re pissed that Tony called, I apparently hid from you to take the call, and Tony got the drop on you. How’d I do?”

  “This fucker is always interfering,” I say. “And you let him.”

  “Are you fucking for real right now?” she yells, and she rarely yells, so I know this won’t end well. “If you could have heard the conversation, which I will point out you could not because you were fucking asleep! The only person I let do anything is you. Fuck you for throwing him in my face, again.”

  “You didn’t come to me.”

  “The fuck I didn’t!” she yells. “I walked in here, saw you, handed you a cup, and just relayed the conversation! You should remember that you and the Cap thought it was a fucktabulous idea to go under to get the info, yeah? I keep giving you the fucking info; you keep throwing it in my fucking face! What do I get? Shit on.”

  “I’m not—“

  “You are,” she says. “You do, but I get it. You don’t like Tony. The fact is he is a friend of mine. Do I want him? No. Is he in my life? Yes. Is he a player in this fucked up situation? I guaranfuckingtee it. So pay attention. You don’t get to tell me you love me, then do this. You don’t get to be my pumpkin and my tree, and then do this!”

  “Angel,” I say. “Wait.” She turns to look at me, and I see resignation in her eyes. Instantly I feel cold and afraid of what happens next because she’s so unpredictable. She’s upset because I’m upset, this reaction was due to my reaction. It’s funny that right until this second I didn’t realize that my moods dictate her moods. I’m too far gone to stop myself from allowing this to blow, because I can feel it. She’s ready to lose her shit.

  “Listen Rogan, I work where I work for a reason. Tony has his hands in this, I can feel it, okay? This partner thing isn’t really working out for either of us. Problem is, without me, you don’t have a case. You don’t want a partner. You want to handle everything, and tuck me in a corner. You’re a protector, I understand that. This is personal for me, I know these women. Tony isn’t stealing girls, I know that for a fact. However, to protect me, he has info he isn’t sharing. I’ve been in the trenches for years, and I’m not looking for a way out. Quit trying to save someone who doesn’t want or need saving. Tony and Max may have known all along what it is I do after hours, but they never once tried to stop me. I suggest that you take a play from their book and not try it, either. What I do in my spare time is my decision, not yours. You’re here because you need me for this case. The Captain has no problem using me, and neither did you until we started this,” she says, waving her hands around.

  “Fuck that,” I say. “What you do in your spare time affects both of us, Angel. I’m supposed to step back and hope you don’t get hurt or killed? Is that it? You think I’m that guy? If those assholes cared about you so much, they wouldn’t support the shit you pull. You do their dirty work. The fact that you’re fucking standing here is a miracle. So if there’s a chance to save you, I’m not supposed to take it?”

  “What part of 'I don’t need saving' don’t you get?”

  “What part of 'I can’t lose you' don’t you get?” I ask. “What happens when whoever is pulling the strings comes after you? Am I allowed to save you then?”

  “Dammit, Rogan,” she says. “I know they’re coming after me, alright? That’s the point!”

  “Wait,” I say, taking it all in. “You fucking knew? You fucking knew and didn’t tell me!” Stalking toward her, I don’t know if I want to hold onto her or shake sense into her, I’m so fucking pissed.

  “You weren’t supposed to
fucking exist!” she screams. “I wasn’t supposed to have a pumpkin or a tree! I kept to myself for a reason! No one was supposed to miss me!”

  “Fuck,” I whisper, feeling destroyed. “You want to die, is that it?”

  “No one wants to die, but we do, I accept that. I get to choose how I die, there’s honor in that.”

  “There’s no fucking honor in setting yourself up to be murdered!” I yell, getting in her face. “There’s no fucking honor in leaving behind the one that fucking worships you. God dammit, I just fucking found you, and you’d do this to me? Who the fuck are you?” With that, I have to get the hell out of there.

  I turn to storm out, and I hear her heart breaking parting words. “This is me. Now you see me, now you get it. I don’t deserve my pumpkin or my tree, never did.”

  That’s where she’s wrong.

  I can’t think about what just went down. Shit. We’re both right, and I know it. The problem is, as much as I want and need his love, I have to finish what I started. If he chooses to walk away, I’ll know that I was loved once and that, while I won’t live long, he will. This way, he’ll be safe. It took me a moment to realize my pocket was buzzing, and I look to see a text from Tony. ‘need to talk to you’ was all it said. I reply with ‘give me 30’ and hit send. My phone rings, and its Macy. Before I answer, I take a deep breath and remind myself that Rogan wouldn’t be the only one to miss me, my best friend would, too.

  “Hey Macy.”

  “I have a problem,” she says. “That dick detective just approached me at Eastern Market.”

  “Which dick?”

  “I don’t know his name,” she says. “The one from the club I accidently tazed on purpose,”

  “Rafe,”

  “What kind of name is Rafe? Do you want to know what he offered to do to me with a cucumber and a cantaloupe?”

  “Not really.”

  “I’m sparing you, believe me.”

  “What did he want?”

  “Aside from seducing me with produce, I don’t really know.”

  “I’ll take care of it,” I say. “He won’t bother you again.”

  “Thanks. I don’t need another cop sniffing around me.”

  “No, you don’t. I’ll break his nose, how’s that?”

  “Sounds heavenly. What are you doing tonight?”

  “I’m meeting Tony in a few, then chilling at home,” I say. “Why? What’s up?”

  “Um,” she starts. “It’s just that I think he’s following me, too.”

  “Shit, Macy that’s my fault. I asked him to, but he wasn’t supposed to approach you. I’ll handle it. Any trouble getting time off work?”

  “No, I had time saved up,” she says. “So it’s all good for a week or so. We’ll discuss him following me behind my back, later.”

  “Keep your phone handy, stay in, and I’ll call you later.”

  “Okay, be careful,” she says. “Love you.”

  “Love you, too,” I say. “I will.”

  “V—?”

  “I’ll be okay, Macy.”

  “The Detective?”

  “No, it’s not him,” I say. “It’s me. He finally figured out who I really am, is all.”

  “You’re a prize, nothing less.”

  “Thanks,” I say. “But I’m really not, and now he knows it.”

  “Then he’s an idiot.”

  “He’s smart,” I say. “I gotta go.”

  “Venessa,” she says. “Wait…Don’t give up on him, yeah?”

  “I gave up on myself, Macy. There’s a difference.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means that I’ve accepted myself for who and what I am, and he hasn’t. To be honest, he shouldn’t have to.”

  “Venessa, come on,” she pleads. “He wants to take care of you, is that so bad?”

  “He wants to fix me, there’s a difference.”

  “He wants to help you,” she says. “You’re supposed to be helping each other right?”

  “He wants me to leave the heavy lifting to him, while I sit in a corner and knit, and that isn’t me. It’s not just the shit at the club, now it’s about you, too, and I want answers. I told you I’d handle it, Macy and I will.”

  “But you shouldn’t have to do it alone,” she says. “You love him, don’t give up on him, or your relationship.”

  “I do love him.” I sigh. “But I love him enough to let him go, if that means saving him from me. Because, let’s be honest here, all my shit will ruin him, it is ruining him and that’s just not fucking fair.” And with that, I disconnect, not able to justify myself any longer. I’m tired. I just want to crawl into a hole and be left alone.

  But, disappearing isn’t a possibility right now, so I head to the club on my fucking day off to meet Tony. He better have answers, or I’m going to get hostile. I use my key to let myself in the back, and I see the bar's been ransacked. Tables, chairs, liquor and oh, fuck! My platform! I immediately mourn the loss of my equipment, and then I hear yelling so I take my 9mm out of my back holster, following the voices. I duck around the corner and hear Tony giving orders, but since I’m technically early, I hang back to listen.

  “You can’t fucking tell her,” says Max.

  “We can’t keep this from her,” says Tony.

  “She wouldn’t like it.” This from Blu.

  “Nope,” says Cory.

  “She’s already in danger, Tony,” says Max. “We can’t protect her if she goes crazy.”

  “She won’t go crazy,” assures Tony. “We’ll tell her what happened here, but not who we suspect caused the damage to the bar and your face.”

  “No,” says Max. “We don’t tell her, I’m fucking serious.”

  “You think I’d put the woman I crave in danger?” asks Tony. “I’d protect her with my life.”

  “Yeah? Well if this shit keeps up, that’s exactly what’s going to happen, my friend,” says Max. “I’ve known that girl since she was a minor, sneaking in here to listen to the music. I love her, too. It isn’t safe for her here anymore, and you know it. They came here looking for her, how long until they find her? We can’t protect her from everything, and we should have never let this shit continue. Too many people know about her.”

  “She won’t leave,” says Tony. “Not willingly.”

  “Let me and Cory stay with her on stage, and she’ll have us plus the giant, Miguel, and the entire fucking club,” says Blu.

  “Yeah,” says Cory.

  “You boys would kill for her?” asks Tony.

  “Yes,” they say in unison.

  “You think she’d do the same for you?” asks Max.

  “Yes,” they say again.

  “God dammit,” says Max. “I need to jet before she sees my face.”

  “No time,” says Tony. “She’s here. Go let her in, Cory.”

  I walk in to watch Max turn away from me, and I know it’s bad. It must be if he won’t allow me to see his face. He’s right, we are a family, for better or for worse. Whoever dared come into my home and put their hands on my family will pay. I won’t ‘go crazy’ per se, but I will fuck some shit up. Tony is tense, and the boys look primed, too. Instinctively I know how I handle things now will dictate how things go later. I holster my 9mm, ignore Tony, and head straight for Max.

  “Max, look at me.”

  “Venessa, don’t.”

  “Max.”

  When he turns to look at me, I knew on the inside I was screaming, but on the outside I probably looked bored. Max needs medical attention. Someone went to a lot of trouble to bust his face apart in an effort to find me.

  “Venessa, I’m okay.”

  “Who did this?”

  “We need to talk, baby.” This from Tony.

  “Talk,” I say, trying to hold in my anger.

  “We don’t know who, we just know they were looking for you,” he says.

  “How?”

  “The feed shows them paying special attention to your gear.
They didn’t start on the bar until they were done, and only started on Max when he showed up to see what set the alarm off. They specifically asked for you.”

  “Show me,” I say pointing to the monitor.

  “Later,” says Tony.

  “Now,” I say.

  “Where’s—?” Max tries.

  “Not sure,” I say, cutting him off. “Show me, Tony.”

  “Cue it up,” says Tony, pointing to Cory.

  I watch for about two full minutes while three men go to work on my platform. I want to vomit. I want to scream. I want to punch someone. However, I remind myself those things can be replaced. When I see Max walk in and the men turn their attention on him, instantly I’m in a killing rage. I don’t recognize these men. But now I know their faces. Whatever they want has to do with the missing girls and Macy, I’m fucking positive of it. I knew, eventually, someone would come for me. I guess I should find comfort in not having to wait anymore. Now, I can strategize.

  “Get the doc here,” I say. “Get him patched up.”

  Tony catches up with me in the hallway.

  “Where do you think you’re going?”

  “Out.”

  “Here’s the thing, baby,” he says. “Max doesn’t want you in on all the gory details. I, on the other hand, feel like you have a right know. Therefore, you aren’t running out of here half-cocked.”

  “Tony,” I say. “Now is not the time to mark your territory. I’m leaving, now get the fuck outta my way.”

  “No,” he says. “I can’t do that.”

  “I won’t ask again,” I say, easing forward.

  “You want answers, I have them, and I’ll share them with you,” he says, smiling. “For a price.”

  “Name it,” I say, suppressing the need to kill him.

  “Dinner,” he says. “With me…tonight.”

  “You mother f—“

  He shushes me with his finger. “Think of the missing girls. Think of Macy.”

  “Time.”

  “Now works for me,” he says. “And I happen to have my car out back.”

  “Fine.”

  This has clusterfuck stamped all over it. I know I’m going to regret this, but if it saves Macy, I’ll endure dinner.

  For Macy, I’d endure anything.