The 'N' Word, Book 1

by Tiana Laveen

  “Daddy, that’s not always true. Sometimes things happen to us, bad or good, and force us to learn a lesson with or without our permission. I know how this sounds. Don’t you think I know? If I were my friend or loved one, I’d be saying the exact same things you are, but I can’t explain it, I know in my heart that Aaron is the exception, not the rule. We might not be open to a lesson when it first starts, but afterward, things may change. I just found out that he was a white supremacist, by the way, this isn’t something I knew going in. Honestly, had I known in advance, it more than likely would have ensured I didn’t write him at all… but now, I’m glad I did. Daddy, you told me I had good judgment… You told me that I was smart, and had a good head on my shoulders.”

  The older man lowered his head, seemingly regretting those kind compliments now…

  “I know it sounds crazy, I know it is a little scary even, but please trust me when I tell you that God laid it on my heart to keep talking to this man, to not close him out!” Her voice trembled. “When this man told me his beliefs, for a second I told myself that was it.” She threw up her hands. “But then, I felt peace come over me, Daddy. I was put in Aaron’s life for a reason. He may not get the lesson right now, but he will eventually. Why should I give up on him this early in the game?”

  “So, here is what confuses me, Mia. Why is he even talkin’ to you? Does he want to change? I guess he does if you two are conversing,” Trudy stated as she tossed her disbelief and judgment in her direction, but seemed partially interested in the answer nevertheless.

  “I believe he is thirsty for information, Trudy, but…he… doesn’t know I’m Black.”

  “Mia!” her parents screamed out at the same time.

  “Girl, you tryna get killed! Just when I think you can’t get no crazier, you go and say somethin’ else that makes no sense! How the hell does he not know you’re Black? So you just leave that out the conversation, huh? You think he’d be okay with that? I doubt it! You got a death sentence ya damn self, that’s what you got!” Trudy jumped up from the couch, shaking her finger in her direction. “You talkin’ to a man, romantically I might add,” she shot her aunt and uncle a satisfied look before setting her eyes back upon Mia, “and his Aryan ass don’t know he hammin’ it up with a Black woman! You ain’t white, you ain’t Chinese, you black, through and through!”

  “Mia, you must stop this relationship at once!” her father blurted as he set his tea down on the table with a shaky hand. “I was under the impression that all of this was disclosed, but you’ve put yourself in terrible jeopardy! Do you know what these people do to us?! DO YOU KNOW THE HISTORY?!” he screamed at the top of his lungs.

  “Yes, Daddy!” Mia’s entire body shook like a damn earthquake had run straight through the house. “I know our history and what we all did, have done, and continue to do! I know that men kill each other over money, skin color, and religion! I know people hate one another over sexual orientations, education levels, complexions, and status! I know that this world is sick and somebody has to give out medicine instead of condemning all the ones that are filled with illness and disease! You don’t just look at a dying person and say, ‘the hell with you!’ That’s part of the problem! You don’t step over them and keep it movin’; no, you tell them they are sick, and then you serve him. They ain’t got to take it, but you try! You have to TRY!”

  “Mia, your job is not to save the damn world!” She rarely heard her father curse and it took her completely off guard as his voice rumbled through out the room.

  “Why not? It’s your job to help save souls. Why isn’t my calling to save souls, too, just differently?! Explain it to me, Daddy!” She got to her feet, hot and bothered, angry and sad, all at once. “Why is it alright for you to stand behind a pulpit and tell everyone a thing or two, whether they want to hear it or not, because that is what you trust you were called to do – but it’s not okay for me to help children that the world gave up on?!”

  “He ain’t no child. That’s a grown ass man full of evil!” Trudy yelled.

  “He is a child!” She stared at Trudy sharply. “In some ways, he is grown, fully developed. His mind is brilliant… he is smart as a whip! But in other ways, he stopped growin’ the day his mother struck him the first time across the face for eatin’ too fast! He stopped growin’ when he was abandoned in the woods by his own father! He stopped growin’ when his Mama put a bunch of roaches in his soup and made him eat it for tellin’ her a lie! He stopped growin’ when he and his brother and sister were hog-tied in a dirty bathtub from his Daddy for laughin’ too loud when they were supposed to be asleep! He stopped growin’ when he was runnin’ around in his own house, afraid of what would happen to him next! He stopped growin’ when people gave up on him, just like you want me to do to him, too! He stopped growin’ when people like us condemned him and we didn’t even know his damn name! He’s a seed that no body bothered to water and give any sunlight. You don’t grow from further abandonment, Trudy! You grow from being embraced by love!”

  Everyone drew quiet, so much you could hear a pin drop.

  “Mia,” her mother said finally. “I have one question for you.”

  “Yes, Mama?”

  “You said… love. Are you… in love with this man?”

  “…Yes, Mama, I am…and I’m stickin’ by him, no matter what any of you say. You taught me how to treat people; you raised me right. Not everybody had that. I can’t raise a grown man, but I can show him a different way, and he just might like it. If Jesus can come back from the dead, Daddy, then that means you believe in miracles…and you know what? I do, too…”

  Chapter Twelve

  “I ONLY GOT five minutes, put ’er on the phone.”

  “You better watch your back,” Sarah warned.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Laura!” she called out, ignoring him. “Your useless father is on the damn phone!”

  “Hi Daddy!” the little girl said gleefully.

  “Hi baby! What’s goin’ on, huh?”

  “I just got back from the store, about to eat ice cream… It’s chocolate.”

  “Oh wow! Chocolate huh? That’s my favorite. Are you having a good day?”

  “Yeah… When are you comin’ home, Daddy?”

  “…As soon as I can, baby.” His mind wandered back to Dr. Owens stating that he’d fallen into his father’s footsteps. The shit kept coming back to him, haunting him as he played it on repeat. “Hey, uh, look, Laura. Daddy isn’t perfect, okay? I want you to know that… I’ve made some mistakes.”

  “I love you anyway, Daddy.”

  “That’s…” A well of tears formed in his eyes. “That’s good, baby… I’m so happy to know that. I’m sorry I’m in here, okay? Away from you. A father is supposed to take care of his children, keep them from harm. I’m gettin’ out as soon as I can!” he assured her once more as he swiped a tear away with the back of his hand.

  “Okay. Don’t cry, Daddy…”

  This only made him cry all the more.

  “I love you, Laura… I love you so much.”

  “I love you too, Daddy.”

  “Go on and eat your ice cream before it melts.”

  “Okay. Bye, Daddy…”

  “Bye, angel… You mean the whole world to me, and don’t you ever forget it…”

  THE SECOND LAYER of Wet N Wild lipstick went over a bit smoother. Mia peered at herself in the mirror from various angles, feeling a tad silly.

  It’s not like I’m going to really see the man…

  She puckered her lips, giving herself another once over before leaving the staff bathroom, her heels clicking against the freshly cleaned floor. She made her way back inside her empty classroom and perused the space as she navigated the small, plastic chairs neatly placed atop the desks. Noticing a couple of colorful hardbound books on the floor, she gathered them in her arms, placed them neatly on the plywood bookshelf, and took her seat at her desk. And then, she simply sat there…
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br />   Taking a deep breath, she stared listlessly down at her desk and let her glossy fingertips dance along the surface, beating a strange tune as her heart pumped harder.

  Did I lock my door?

  She slowly lifted her head and glanced across the room at the thing.

  Yeah, I locked it… pretty sure I locked it.

  On a ragged breath, she drew her phone out of her purse.

  3:58 P.M.

  She ran her thumb ran over the cellphone screen, illuminated by the screensaver depicting a serene, scenic waterfall and glitter-filled rainbow. On the tail of a panic, she rose from her seat and darted back towards the door to tug on the knob. Then she changed her mind just that quick; on a sigh, she turned and hit the light on the wall. The classroom didn’t go black, but became a place of rich, earthy grays and sparkling silver. The black and white streamed and blended as it caught the traces of sunlight filtering through the windows.

  4:00 P.M.

  She grasped the phone a bit tighter, and dialed the number…

  DISGUISING HER VOICE just so, Mia leaned forward a bit, and began her spiel…

  “Good afternoon, Holman Correctional Facility.”

  “Hi, I’m calling this number to speak to an inmate – Mr. Aaron Pike…”

  “Ma’am, inmates are not able to be reached in this way. What you need to do is—”

  “Well, no, he is allowed to receive this call. He told me to call this number at 4:00pm because he was given permission.” Suddenly, a knot formed in her gut, and mostly fear of not being able to hear the man’s voice.

  “Hmmm. What’s your name?”

  “Melissa Weber.”

  “Okay, Ms. Weber. Can you give me a minute, please? I’ll check into this.”

  “Of course. Thank you.”

  She waited a moment or two, hearing noises in the background.

  “Someone is on the phone for an Aaron Pike, an inmate. I know it’s not true but she said she has permission to talk to him,” came the muffled voice on the other end.

  “She does, actually,” another person hollered out. “Sorry, June, I forgot to tell you. Patch her through to line 37. I’ll make sure he’s there.”

  “Ma’am?” The lady came back on the line.

  “Yes?”

  “We’re taking care of it. Just hold on, and he should be on in a minute.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  Less than thirty seconds later, her damn stomach flipped and rolled…

  “Hello, Angel…”

  A deep, husky voice, rich and suave like decadent piping hot chocolate pouring dangerously out of some fantastical volcano came on the line.

  Jesus… Lord, help me!

  She clutched her damn shirt in a tense grip, not expecting him to sound as sexy as he looked.

  “Hello… Melissa?”

  “… Yes, I’m here… I’m here.” She swallowed.

  He chuckled, his voice all deep and whiskey smooth, carting her off to somewhere shameful, carnal, lust-bound in an instant.

  “Are you shy?” She could hear the smile in his words. “I hope not, Angel. We only have thirty minutes, I got an extra ten added on at the last second. I’m in a small office that’s not occupied. Dr. Owens is right outside the door talkin’ with someone. So, we can talk about anything… anything you want. You have such a sweet voice, too. You sound just like I thought you would.”

  She grew a bit perturbed, then gave an internal chuckle.

  “I’m not shy. This is just a bit different for me is all.”

  “Hmmm, I’m sure it is.” He sighed and soon a noise followed as if he were leaning back in his seat. She could almost envision the man, sitting there all loose and lazy with his muscular arm behind his head. He probably looked like he didn’t have a damn care in the world. She wanted to hate Aaron, teach him, and hate him some more. The bastard needed to be taught a moral to the damn story, and though she never prized herself as a catfish, he’d deserve just what she wanted to serve up!

  But her emotions danced, and danced some more. She didn’t hate Aaron… Rather, she loved him very much, and felt sorry for him, too. Not in a pitiful sort of way, but in a, ‘I wish I could take your pain away’ kind of way.

  “Aaron.” She sat a bit straighter, ready to get down to business, to the damn nitty gritty of the matter. “I want to discuss with you your affiliations with that group, the White Nationalists.”

  “I figured you would… but will you make a promise?”

  “A promise in regard to what?”

  “That you won’ t hog up the entire conversation with that sort of thing? We don’t have much time; if we did, I’d talk to you about it for as long as you wanted but there are some things I want to say to you, let you know.”

  “…You may not want to say them after I get finished.”

  …And there was that easy, lazy chuckle of his again.

  “Really? You sound so serious… not delicate, light and sweet… You about to hand my ass to me, baby?”

  “…Can’t be sweet all the time, Mr. Pike. After all, the truth ain’t always pretty, isn’t that right?” She smirked as a wave of frenzied rage raced within her once more. She felt damn near out of her mind, jumping from love to animosity and back again, rendering her own self dizzy.

  “I suppose so… Yeah, that’s right, Ms. Weber. So please, I give you the floor. Have at it…”

  The words he said almost sounded like a challenge, even a threat of sorts. She cleared her throat and pounced!

  “First of all, it is an ugly thing that you’ve done, do you hear me?! I want you to hear my voice loud and clear, Mr. Pike. I need you to listen to every word that comes out of my mouth.

  “You.

  “Hurt.

  “People!”

  “Well, isn’t this something? Melissa, now, I’d applauded you beforehand for keepin’ your wits about yourself, but it seems as if you may have had a change of heart. That’s not uncommon for liberals. Maybe someone got to you, put some crazy, half-cooked ideas in your head, doesn’t matter. I’m not going to argue with you, do you understand me?” His tone grew icy, stone cold to the damn touch. “I hope I make myself perfectly damn clear, Ms. Weber. Now, you get that uppity tone out your throat, say whatever it is you need to say to me, but you just watch how the hell you say it.”

  “Watch how I say it?”

  “You heard me.”

  “Oh, I heard you all right. I had to stop myself from tellin’ you to kiss my ass, Mr. Pike! Oops! I just said it! Don’t try to get off the topic, trying to steer me in another direction. I know where you’re drivin’, and you just passed my stop! You done went too far. I’d like to let you know that it’s people like you that are destroying this country. Is that watchful enough for you, Aaron Pike, huh? Uppity enough, too? I would hate to cut any corners. If you can dish that crap out you better be able to taste your own shit and like it while it’s goin’ down! And you are the one that better watch what YOU say to ME! You might be king in there, but ain’t nothin’ over here!”

  “Hello? Melissa the white, bleeding heart liberal, is that you?” He laughed. “Whhhhew! Hot-blooded woman! Ya got to cussin’ and everything! Probably all red in the damn face, aint you, Angel? My, my, my, my, my…you’re makin’ me lose my hard-on for ya, sweetheart. Now, here is the thing. I warned you once. Don’t make me do it twice. I need—”

  “Shut up! This isn’t about you anymore and what you want and need. It’s about the fact that someone I care about, someone I love, is doing these nasty, hateful, awful things without as much as a thought!”

  “Nasty and hateful? Really?”

  “Yes, really! It’s ugly! It’s evil! I am completely disgusted by this! And I care about you, just like I said. That makes it all the worse, Aaron.”

  “I care about you too, sweetness…”

  She paused, uncertain where all the hostility had come from. Yes, he’d pissed her off with his testosterone driven threats,
but she went in for the kill… She’d spent so much time preparing, telling herself she’d simply talk to him sensibly, keep her cool, and it was all going to Hell in a gasoline soaked hand basket. He’d ruined everything! The dreams she was creating for the two of them, the feelings she was having for the man – all destroyed once he proclaimed a hate group as his very own.

  “You’re not remorseful, are you? Not in the damn least!”

  “Remorseful for what?”

  “For being involved in something like this!”

  “You know, you are awfully passionate about this, Melissa. Is your best friend a ni… a black person?”

  “Mr. Pike, have you ever actually sat down and had a long conversation with a black person before?”

  The man drew quiet. Suddenly, his arrogance could no longer be felt frolicking through the phone call. It had several seats…

  “You haven’t, have you?”

  “No one was timing it… but it didn’t go on for too long. I’ve spent time around them though. I know what they are and how they operate.”

  “Walking around people like some usher at church handin’ out fans and actually sitting down having heart to heart, meaningful conversations with them are two totally different things. I challenge you, Mr. Pike, to talk to a black inmate, there at Holman. I challenge you to have a real conversation, one with some depth…learn something for a change.”

  “You challenge me, huh? Well Melissa, I do love a challenge… What’s my prize if I win?” She couldn’t see the bastard, but she was certain he was wearing a devilish grin.

  “Some damn self-respect. That’s what you win, Mr. Pike! A heart with the capacity to love and see beyond the tiny world you’ve confined yourself to.”

  “You’re a feisty little thing, aren’t you?” He laughed. “Still all amped up. You got a real smart mouth. Don’t worry, I forgive you.”

  “Wasn’t going to lose not one damn wink of sleep over it either way.”

  “I love it!” He cackled. “What are you like in bed, Melissa, huh? Are you feisty in there, too?”